People with overly high/unrealistic expectations in dating

[Menina Preta]

I know a chick like this. I posted about her in the Rich Man thread. Her entire focus has always been to be a trophy wife since the first time I met her. Being a pampered kept wife is literally her mission in life. She actually attracts and gets the men she prefers. However I've seen her go through rich man after rich man for almost a decade and hasnt even been engaged yet. The reason for this is all her. Not only is she's nitpicky, her requirements defy logic and cancel each other out. She wants a GQ swaggtastic millionaire that's sexy, chiseld young (mid-30s is too old for her even though she's 30) and ready to settle down to make her a trophy wife. Helllooooo-----guys that fit that profile usually dont settle down until they are in their mid-late thirties to early forties. Next, she can find anything wrong with any man. literally anything. one eyebrow might be higher than the other or one of his fingernails might be cracked or some foolishness. On top of all if that, she's also a notorious self-sabotager. The last guy she dated was extremely successful and wanted to marry her but dis b*sh decided his appearance wasnt good enough so cheated on him with another guy who left her arse high n dry shortly after.

I'm glad she's not my close friend (we attended college together, she's a friend of friend). Every week she has a new man issue like clockwork. She doesnt seem to want or take advice, she prefers complaining and whining instead.

LOL, she's crazy. She probably doesn't really want to settle down like another poster said upthread and does this to avoid a true commitment.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

One woman comes to mind and she is 45 or so, single and never had kids. Her requirements in addition to height, athletic body type, attractive, certain level in bank accounts, location of home, certain salary, type of car, education, no kids etc. plus the size of the engagement ring because she feels that she has big hands.

She did relax on the no kids thing as she got older. One guy who was her type physically had a nice house upstate and a luxury car but he also had a kid. A really nice investment banker tried to date her for a short while but she ended it because he was too short (her same height but shorter when she was in heels).

Nobody has ever offered her an engagement ring that I recall, although she did find one hidden in some guys drawer. It turned out to be the ring of his ex fiance. I told her not to mention that she snooped but ....... oh well.

Funny enough, the one night stand dude that she took home had none of the qualities she looks for in men. He wasn't even single as she learned the next day when his girlfriend called and cursed her out after playing the voicemail she left.

 

[CoilyFields]

Some people can get too nitpicky...there is not a factory taking orders and spitting out men.

Make a list of your good and bad qualities as if you are advertising for a mate. Look that over and see who would be checking for you? Right? ok. So cut the guys some slack too.

Its ok to have preferences but please seperate them from necessities. And even then, if you're not having success its time to rethink what you consider a "necessity". Expectations, like people, change over time.

 

[Kanky]

One woman comes to mind and she is 45 or so, single and never had kids. Her requirements in addition to height, athletic body type, attractive, certain level in bank accounts, location of home, certain salary, type of car, education, no kids etc. plus the size of the engagement ring because she feels that she has big hands.

She did relax on the no kids thing as she got older. One guy who was her type physically had a nice house upstate and a luxury car but he also had a kid. A really nice investment banker tried to date her for a short while but she ended it because he was too short (her same height but shorter when she was in heels).

Nobody has ever offered her an engagement ring that I recall, although she did find one hidden in some guys drawer. It turned out to be the ring of his ex fiance. I told her not to mention that she snooped but ....... oh well.

Funny enough, the one night stand dude that she took home had none of the qualities she looks for in men. He wasn't even single as she learned the next day when his girlfriend called and cursed her out after playing the voicemail she left.

I've noticed that the older some women get the higher their standards get. I understand why this is, but they are increasing their standards at the same time that there are fewer single men available and fewer men are checking for them. IMO women should have high standards from the beginning (when they have more options) instead of waiting until they are old to have high standards.

 

[WhoIAm]

Some BLACK men I know are unrealistic. They expect the woman to have the 1950s standard and the 2013 standards: be a good and pretty homemaker while being a powerhouse to be part of a power couple. That's all well and good but how many women do all that..... They want a model beauty, good in the kitchen, good in bed with the demanding job that commands a high salary in a position of power.

Meanwhile these dudes can pull six figures but can barely change a tire or fix a leaky faucet. They can outsource the 1950s standards for men but let a woman claim to eat out more than she cooks at home bc she works ......

I soooo love you for this post.

 

[DarkJoy]

Too many people live in a fantasy land, probably fueled by too much TV and internet time.

They also don't know the difference between a want vs a need. They've got the two completely confused or think they are one and the same.

There is also a huge sense of undeserved entitlement which is rampant in the two generations now living this world. That entitlement extends to people not just money and frilly things.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*

 

[Gryphyn]

I have a friend like this. Her expectations aren't necessarily unrealistic but they are very high and the men who would most likely meet these expectations either got snatched up many years ago or have baggage that she wouldn't want to deal with.

And to be fair, she possesses all of the traits that she is seeking in these men. I think she just waited too late in life to start seriously looking for a mate.

I'm convinced that some people keep their "standards" ridiculously high because they actually don't really want to be with anyone for various reasons. Could be fear, insecurity, whatever. There is usually something deeper going on when you will ONLY entertain men who meet uber strict criteria. Especially when that criteria affords him the luxury of being able to choose just about any woman he wants.

You know the chance of someone like that choosing you is slim to none so you get to remain single and blame it on no one being able to meet your standards

I have a friend exactly as described here. she'll meet a decent guy and find everything wrong with him. Yet she'll meet married guys and get into "long term " relationships with them that obviously go nowhere. Then guess who's sitting on my phone for an hour complaining how she just wants a good man with a,b,c,d,e,f and g from her checklist like she's putting in an order at Starbucks

Deep down I don't think she actually wants to give up her life as it is, or she's scared to get into a good relationship and have to give up a lot of herself emotionally.

 

[lilanie]

Some of these women have standards that are barely off the ground.

I have a friend that doesn't care their education level as long as they have owned/own property. However, she is a property owner so she can expect as much.

Apparently, I have an unrealistic expectation: a date shouldn't be late on the first date