okange76
Well-Known Member
Even in the US, there are not enough of them to go around. When you factor in the ones we wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole due to character issues etc, their numbers are greatly reduced even further.
People with overly high/unrealistic expectations in dating
- Thread starter SincerelyJane
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Even in the US, there are not enough of them to go around. When you factor in the ones we wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole due to character issues etc, their numbers are greatly reduced even further.
SincerelyJane
New Member
Well its true there are a lot of lawyers these days. But I don't know about doctors or engineers. I don't know that many engineers, but I still think it's a pretty select group of people even though most of them don't have graduate degrees.
I feel like most of the lawyers and doctors I know don't necessarily limit their dating pool in that sense though they could.
SincerelyJane
New Member
What do the men expect?
SincerelyJane
New Member
^^^ lol that's true. But I feel like you always hear about these phantom women and men who do nothing but expect everything. I don't know anyone that delusional in real life so I wanted to hear some stories. But nobody seems to have any 
It might be the wrong place for that sort of discussion
It might be the wrong place for that sort of discussion
Holla
Well-Known Member
Some BLACK men I know are unrealistic. They expect the woman to have the 1950s standard and the 2013 standards: be a good and pretty homemaker while being a powerhouse to be part of a power couple. That's all well and good but how many women do all that..... They want a model beauty, good in the kitchen, good in bed with the demanding job that commands a high salary in a position of power.
Meanwhile these dudes can pull six figures but can barely change a tire or fix a leaky faucet. They can outsource the 1950s standards for men but let a woman claim to eat out more than she cooks at home bc she works ......
^^^ lol that's true. But I feel like you always hear about these phantom women and men who do nothing but expect everything. I don't know anyone that delusional in real life so I wanted to hear some stories. But nobody seems to have any
It might be the wrong place for that sort of discussion
I think people exaggerate this high standard thing. Once a woman mentions having a standard, it is automatically labeled as having 'high standards'.
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
I know 2 sistahs in real life with unrealistic expectations:
#1: is a mid-40s, 4'10 and 300+lbs clerk w/a teenager who just dumped her 3-yr black bf just knowing she can find someone better. Part of her criteria is colorism (latte or lighter
, but preferably white and six-figured) and he must be able to support her, her teenager and her pets, own his home and be well-degreed. She doesnt even have a BA/BS.
#2: lifelong single, mid 40s, 6'1, 280lbs, Masters deg, no kids. Dude must be a six-figured, at a least 6'5 carmel complected or lighter brutha only, uber religious, uber fit, good standing church family and no kids, owns his home.
Uh... yea.... they gone be single all the way through the menopause...
and then into the old folks home.
#1: is a mid-40s, 4'10 and 300+lbs clerk w/a teenager who just dumped her 3-yr black bf just knowing she can find someone better. Part of her criteria is colorism (latte or lighter
, but preferably white and six-figured) and he must be able to support her, her teenager and her pets, own his home and be well-degreed. She doesnt even have a BA/BS. #2: lifelong single, mid 40s, 6'1, 280lbs, Masters deg, no kids. Dude must be a six-figured, at a least 6'5 carmel complected or lighter brutha only
, uber religious, uber fit, good standing church family and no kids, owns his home.Uh... yea.... they gone be single all the way through the menopause...
and then into the old folks home.
HoneyCurlz
New Member
Personally, I think people's standards can be as high as they want them to be.
If your standards are too high for your particular reality..guess what? You'll know it. lol
If your standards are too high for your particular reality..guess what? You'll know it. lol
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
I have a friend like this. Her expectations aren't necessarily unrealistic but they are very high and the men who would most likely meet these expectations either got snatched up many years ago or have baggage that she wouldn't want to deal with.
And to be fair, she possesses all of the traits that she is seeking in these men. I think she just waited too late in life to start seriously looking for a mate.
And to be fair, she possesses all of the traits that she is seeking in these men. I think she just waited too late in life to start seriously looking for a mate.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
It is unrealistic for the majority. Of course you will have your anomalies and LHCF unicorns but the vast majority will not marry doctors, engineers, lawyers, unicorns and millionaires. I am all for people beleiving in themselves, striving to do better and LOA and what not...but what you are describing is well...out of the ordinary.Most marry at their level, slightly above or below.
Maybe she has other redeeming qualities that he just couldnt pass up.
If someone believes that this applies to them then it will apply to them. On the contrary if you truly believe that you can get who you want then you will. It's not much of an anomaly as you think. I used that example because the guy grew up right next to me and the wedding was last month so it's still fresh
. I can give other examples as well of people I know personally.Another example is a girl who I went to school with. This year she married a guy who lives in my neighbourhood who completed his MBA in an Ivy League University (I don't live in the US so yes he went abroad) last year while she went to work right after leaving high school. No other formal education etc. after. Honestly when I found out that they were dating I was a little angry at myself that I didn't discover him first (I am happy for them). He lives so close to me yet I didn't know he even existed
However, they're a good looking couple and are equals in the looks department. She's pretty and what LHCF would consider to be "that girl" & he's handsome.
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
I know 2 sistahs in real life with unrealistic expectations:
#1: is a mid-40s, 4'10 and 300+lbs clerk w/a teenager who just dumped her 3-yr black bf just knowing she can find someone better. Part of her criteria is colorism (latte or lighter
#2: lifelong single, mid 40s, 6'1, 280lbs, Masters deg, no kids. Dude must be a six-figured, at a least 6'5 carmel complected or lighter brutha only
Uh... yea.... they gone be single all the way through the menopause...
and then into the old folks home.
I'm convinced that some people keep their "standards" ridiculously high because they actually don't really want to be with anyone for various reasons. Could be fear, insecurity, whatever. There is usually something deeper going on when you will ONLY entertain men who meet uber strict criteria. Especially when that criteria affords him the luxury of being able to choose just about any woman he wants.
You know the chance of someone like that choosing you is slim to none so you get to remain single and blame it on no one being able to meet your "standards".
A 10 when they themselves are a 4-5.
Glamorous_chic
Well-Known Member
i keep noticing a trend, i've noticed multiple posts mentioning a woman wanting a doctor or a man with an ivy league education, but she only has a high school education. when will we learn, men are not women, they don't care about your education. some men care, b/c they want to be a power couple, these men are usually in new york or dc, and care about their "on paper" wife. otherwise, they dont care. you can be a struggling flutist, artist, poet, ect with no formal education, as long as you are pretty, can possibly cook, and are funny and or fun to be around you meet their expectations in dating.
back on topic i dont really know anyone irl who has unrealistic expectations. i have a friend who i feel will sabotage or won't give a guy a chance b/c of fear, like someone else stated they dont really want a relationship so they build a wall. i think she subconciouslly picks losers and sticks with these losers through thick and thin all while complaining about how men aren't s$#t, to further prove her point, although she could've easily dated someone who was sane, but says, i dont date light skin guys, oh he's a leo, we aren't compatable. and i'm steady thinking, but you will date ole boy who blatantly told you he lied to have sex with you, and wants to continue seeing his other pseudo girlfriend? okay /end rant. but anyways, other than that, most of the women i know irl, would be equally yoked with what they are seeing. i guess they would be unicorns, they are beautiful, fit, fun, great personalities, educated professionals, who cook and clean, but are in cities where these type of women are a dime a dozen however, so its all a numbers game. also, consider your social circle. my previous social circle was filled with doctors, lawyers, pharmacist, engineers, ect so it was no problem finding these type of men. the problem, was again, a numbers game. finding a man who was handsome, educated, and interested in being in a monogamous relationship. thats the real issue.
back on topic i dont really know anyone irl who has unrealistic expectations. i have a friend who i feel will sabotage or won't give a guy a chance b/c of fear, like someone else stated they dont really want a relationship so they build a wall. i think she subconciouslly picks losers and sticks with these losers through thick and thin all while complaining about how men aren't s$#t, to further prove her point, although she could've easily dated someone who was sane, but says, i dont date light skin guys, oh he's a leo, we aren't compatable. and i'm steady thinking, but you will date ole boy who blatantly told you he lied to have sex with you, and wants to continue seeing his other pseudo girlfriend? okay /end rant. but anyways, other than that, most of the women i know irl, would be equally yoked with what they are seeing. i guess they would be unicorns, they are beautiful, fit, fun, great personalities, educated professionals, who cook and clean, but are in cities where these type of women are a dime a dozen however, so its all a numbers game. also, consider your social circle. my previous social circle was filled with doctors, lawyers, pharmacist, engineers, ect so it was no problem finding these type of men. the problem, was again, a numbers game. finding a man who was handsome, educated, and interested in being in a monogamous relationship. thats the real issue.
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Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
This. I think people forget that beauty can be brought to the table just as well as a degree or high powered job. If you are a TRULY beautiful woman with a good grasp of her feminine charms, the "rules" don't necessarily apply to you.
Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
Why u mad?
Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
StLucianSweetie
Well-Known Member
Bump. And subscribing.
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
I don't know if I subscribe to that thought process. Not my place to say they are unrealistic.
Renewed1
Well-Known Member
I see nothing wrong with women having high expectations. We should have them, considering we are so "forgiving" with the various flaws of men.
But with those high expectations, women should have a general understanding of the type of women "their ideal guy" date.
For example, if you want a guy with all these degrees and you yourself only have a GED. TRY to become more educated, it's not hard to pick up a book, be a part of organizations, take a few classes. Better yourself to be more marketable to the type of guy you want.
But with those high expectations, women should have a general understanding of the type of women "their ideal guy" date.
For example, if you want a guy with all these degrees and you yourself only have a GED. TRY to become more educated, it's not hard to pick up a book, be a part of organizations, take a few classes. Better yourself to be more marketable to the type of guy you want.
SandCastles
Well-Known Member
Some BLACK men I know are unrealistic. They expect the woman to have the 1950s standard and the 2013 standards: be a good and pretty homemaker while being a powerhouse to be part of a power couple. That's all well and good but how many women do all that..... They want a model beauty, good in the kitchen, good in bed with the demanding job that commands a high salary in a position of power.
Meanwhile these dudes can pull six figures but can barely change a tire or fix a leaky faucet. They can outsource the 1950s standards for men but let a woman claim to eat out more than she cooks at home bc she works ......
I know MANY men like this!
Beekay305
Well-Known Member
I know men and women with unrealistic expectations. One of the women I know is almost 40 years old and refuses to date men over 34 years old. He must be black, highly educated, wealthy, have washboard abs, very athletic, have nice teeth, over 5'11", have traveled extensively, be able to cook well.....blah, blah, blah.
The list goes on and on. She seriously needs some clay to create her own man.
The list goes on and on. She seriously needs some clay to create her own man.
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silverbuttons
Not Impressed
I think most people know if their standards are high. I know my standards are high, but I have a hierarchy of my standards, and I got everything I wanted on my list minus two things. But I have to admit that I have a unicorn in my possession.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
This thread reminds me of this episode Iyanla Fix My Love Life
Some of those women were nuts. A few deserved to be single. want gilded prince charming while being the bare minimum (personality and/or looks). then had the nerve to sit boo-hooing having a nervous breakdowns like they were on the brink of despair and devastation. Of course they couldnt find anyone or found options limited. those silly lists eliminated damn near 90% of the world's population of men. They werent crying bc of some man, they were crying because of their ridiculous expectations. 
Those women dont need or want a man. What they want is a disney prince. And what they need is a exorcist to cast out whatever delusional demon possession that's holding them hostage from reality.
too many romantic comedies for some folks. I tell ya......
Some of those women were nuts.
A few deserved to be single. want gilded prince charming while being the bare minimum (personality and/or looks). then had the nerve to sit boo-hooing having a nervous breakdowns like they were on the brink of despair and devastation. Of course they couldnt find anyone or found options limited. those silly lists eliminated damn near 90% of the world's population of men. They werent crying bc of some man, they were crying because of their ridiculous expectations. Those women dont need or want a man. What they want is a disney prince. And what they need is a exorcist to cast out whatever delusional demon possession that's holding them hostage from reality.
too many romantic comedies for some folks. I tell ya......
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
ALL OF THIS.
Men don't care. They are easy to please. Be feminine, friendly, look good and appeal to the his masculinity and ego. That's it. Rich, poor, kang, ivy doctorate, homeless, fat, skinny. Men are men. Most men don't care. They take any woman thats willing to put up with them. They'll date anyone. That's why most men have random diverse track records of women.
Menina Preta
Well-Known Member
I know plenty. LOL.
One friend of a friend only wants 6 ft and above, GQ looks, salary of at least 80 K (preferably 6 figs, preferably nearing 200K with projected higher earnings), only certain Black ethnicities or other races, etc.
Basically, this person stays single. When she does meet a man that she's attracted to, he usually comes nowhere close to the criteria strangely enough. I think the criteria keeps her from being more open minded to meeting a man and letting him win her over with personality and style.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
I know a chick like this. I posted about her in the Rich Man thread. Her entire focus has always been to be a trophy wife since the first time I met her. Being a pampered kept wife is literally her mission in life. She actually attracts and gets the men she prefers. However I've seen her go through rich man after rich man for almost a decade and hasnt even been engaged yet. The reason for this is all her. Not only is she's nitpicky, her requirements defy logic and cancel each other out. She wants a GQ swaggtastic millionaire that's sexy, chiseld young (mid-30s is too old for her even though she's 30) and ready to settle down to make her a trophy wife.
Helllooooo-----guys that fit that profile usually dont settle down until they are in their mid-late thirties to early forties. Next, she can find anything wrong with any man. literally anything. one eyebrow might be higher than the other or one of his fingernails might be cracked or some foolishness. On top of all if that, she's also a notorious self-sabotager. The last guy she dated was extremely successful and wanted to marry her but dis b*sh decided his appearance wasnt good enough so cheated on him with another guy who left her arse high n dry shortly after. I'm glad she's not my close friend (we attended college together, she's a friend of friend). Every week she has a new man issue like clockwork. She doesnt seem to want or take advice, she prefers complaining and whining instead.
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