People with overly high/unrealistic expectations in dating

[SincerelyJane]

Do you know any? I always hear these anecdotes of people like this but I don't think I know of any in real life. Or at least not that my friends have shared with me.

Do you know people with unrealistic expectations for a spouse? Why do you feel like their expectations are unrealistic? How is this working out for them?

 

[lesedi]

I was told that I was one of those people lol. But if your dude is in jail or unemployed; you really have no room to talk to me about my 'high expectations'. I'm good.

 

[Southernbella.]

I don't know any women with unreasonably high expectations because the ones I know seem to do fine in the romance department.

Men? Yeah I know a couple who are perpetually single. And bitter. From their vents, it seems they want women who are submissive but also working as much as they do and bringing in enough money to satisfy them.

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[LaBelleLL]

I don't think the women around me have unreasonable expectations. They are bringing what they expect and more to the table. It makes sense.

I probably have expectations that people would consider high (based on the examples people have used in other threads). I bring a lot of good to the table. My parents too, lol. I have held on and stayed true to myself and my desires. I'm doing just fine right now.

If you are bringing comparable qualities to the table, I don't see the problem.

ETA: I've read about the incredible expectations here on LHCF. Like a poster who knows a woman with a high school education who wants someone who went to Ivy League schools and the like.

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[natura87]

I don't think the women around me have unreasonable expectations. They are bringing what they expect and more to the table. It makes sense.

I probably have expectations that people would consider high (based on the examples people have used in other threads). I bring a lot of good to the table. My parents too, lol. I have held on and stayed true to myself and my desires. I'm doing just fine right now.

If you are bringing comparable qualities to the table, I don't see the problem.

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And that is where the problem lies. People are expecting the best when they dont measure up to it. If you are a 2 dont go expecting a 10. If you have a GED your minimum should not be a Master's degree. Unrealistic expectations and standards will give you nothing but an empy bed and a lonely heart.

 

[SincerelyJane]

And that is where the problem lies. People are expecting the best when they dont measure up to it. If you are a 2 dont go expecting a 10. If you have a GED your minimum should not be a Master's degree. Unrealistic expectations and standards will give you nothing but an empy bed and a lonely heart.

This makes sense. But I don't know anyone like this

Hence my question. Do you have friends who do this?

 

[PopLife]

I don't know any women with unreasonably high expectations because the ones I know seem to do fine in the romance department.

Men? Yeah I know a couple who are perpetually single. And bitter. From their vents, it seems they want women who are submissive but also working as much as they do and bringing in enough money to satisfy them.

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Yep, if anything I've noticed men getting more picky...

 

[SincerelyJane]

I don't think the women around me have unreasonable expectations. They are bringing what they expect and more to the table. It makes sense.

I probably have expectations that people would consider high (based on the examples people have used in other threads). I bring a lot of good to the table. My parents too, lol. I have held on and stayed true to myself and my desires. I'm doing just fine right now.

If you are bringing comparable qualities to the table, I don't see the problem.

ETA: I've read about the incredible expectations here on LHCF. Like a poster who knows a woman with a high school education who wants someone who went to Ivy League schools and the like.

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this is a little tangential but your comment made me think of it. how does one know if they are comparable though? Like for the ladies who are only checking for millionaires, most aren't millionaires I'm assuming. What would you view as an appropriately "comparable" level of achievement or status in life that would make someone's search for a millionaire husband reasonable?

 

[natura87]

This makes sense. But I don't know anyone like this

Hence my question. Do you have friends who do this?

No. I couldnt be friends with someone like this. Know your worth, and know what you can actually get. Makeup and weightloss can help but you cant fix genetic ugly, if you have kids your secret will be revealed.

 

[SincerelyJane]

I don't know any women with unreasonably high expectations because the ones I know seem to do fine in the romance department.

Men? Yeah I know a couple who are perpetually single. And bitter. From their vents, it seems they want women who are submissive but also working as much as they do and bringing in enough money to satisfy them.

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That's interesting. Most of my guy friends will say that they know lots of awesome women, even if they're not ready to settle down with any of them. But that's just due to where they are in life right now, definitely not related to the quality of women

 

[TopShelf]

I used to believe that some people were unrealistic but I have grown to believe that if you have a GED and want a billionaire Ivy League man/woman then you are more than entitled to have him. You may not be well educated but you can have other great qualities like being a great mother, cook, home maker, etc, that make up for you not having a college education.

 

[CarLiTa]

Yes, I do. Men and women.

Dude I just left seems to be looking for a particular nationality and/or language fluency (though he doesn't speak it himself and shows no interest in learning the language), who is comfortable with being neglected, maybe someone who's kind of a doormat? who's up for doing the things he wants and is comfortable not getting that in return? Maybe? Yes, maybe someone with a heart of steel who is okay with him not being there emotionally from time to time (more often than not). Yet he's gotten left/dumped by the women he's tried to date, and he got dumped by me too. I said in another thread... his generosity is not enough (I'm still annoyed).

 

[LaBelleLL]

^^^

great education. great network. a woman with a commendable job. Go read the wedding section of the NYTimes. They're fairly elitist with who they pick. They like certain couples. But time and time again you will see a well educated woman from a good-on-paper two parent household but humble background who marries a wealthy man (millionaire) with his own great education. her comparable education alone is a pretty big plus.

Or there are women who really creative and successful in their own way who snagged the same kinds of men. They are great homemakers, etc.

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[ScorpioBeauty09]

I used to be told I have unrealistic expectations in dating... but the people who told me this had SOs who cheated on them so there you go.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I have been told this, but I Belive there is a man in my age group with no children. I Belive this is right for me and I don't care how many kids your daughters husband has that life's not for me!

 

[SincerelyJane]

^^^

great education. great network. a woman with a commendable job. Go read the wedding section of the NYTimes. They're fairly elitist with who they pick. They like certain couples. But time and time again you will see a well educated woman from a good-on-paper two parent household but humble background who marries a wealthy man (millionaire) with his own great education.

Or there are women who really creative and successful in their own way who snagged the same kinds of men. They are great homemakers, etc.

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Lol I know some people who were featured there. I didn't realize it was a big deal, I think I assumed it was a lottery sort of thing lol. Now I'm going to try to get featured .

But I do get the sense that people just decide they want/deserve a millionaire and set about getting one. I really don't see how there are any real specific and consistent criteria except for maybe a certain sense of entitlement. I think it's highly self-selected population.

 

[LiftedUp]

Yes, I know people with high expectations and are in relationships with men who meet those high expectations.

I have high expectations and I've been in relationships with men who met and exceeded those expectations so I know it is not far fetched.

I don't know though why persons are bothered with others high expectations in men. Oftentimes, they're the ones in relationships with men who are barely scraping the barrel.

 

[SincerelyJane]

I have been told this, but I Belive there is a man in my age group with no children. I Belive this is right for me and I don't care how many kids your daughters husband has that life's not for me!

Oh dear.

A consistent theme seems to be that people with seemingly low expectations for their partners are going around policing other women's expectations. I wonder what makes them feel they have the right to do that?

Would you take the same advice better if it came from a woman who seemed to have an all around great husband/dating life?

 

[LaBelleLL]

Lol I know some people who were featured there. I didn't realize it was a big deal, I think I assumed it was a lottery sort of thing lol. Now I'm going to try to get featured .

But I do get the sense that people just decide they want/deserve a millionaire and set about getting one. I really don't see how there are any real specific and consistent criteria except for maybe a certain sense of entitlement. I think it's highly self-selected population.

I know several couples as well. I will definitely enter bc I'm from NY. And for posterity. Idk why they list non-NYers but thats a separate thread. yeah, no it's not a lottery. You submit and there is a review process.

No there isn't a certain set of criteria for getting a millionaire. If anything it's a kind of person.

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[CoilyFields]

There is definately the double standard that women can marry "up" in a way that men can't (and it be considered ok).

It's ok to have high expectations but you should be equally yoked. When I say that (in the secular sense) I don't mean degree for degree and dollar for dollar. I mean that you should have complimentary assets. Bring something to the table.

 

[LiftedUp]

And that is where the problem lies. People are expecting the best when they dont measure up to it. If you are a 2 dont go expecting a 10. If you have a GED your minimum should not be a Master's degree. Unrealistic expectations and standards will give you nothing but an empy bed and a lonely heart.

It's not unrealistic at all. It's unrealistic if you believe for yourself that you are unworthy.

One example, my neighbour, an engineer, married a girl who firstly doesn't have a job and secondly have a slight disability. She's no stunner either. My neighbour is well educated, comes from a "good family" and yes he is tall and good looking. His parents were fuming over the nuptials and they barely attended the wedding but at the end of the day he married her

 

[LaBelleLL]

There is definately the double standard that women can marry "up" in a way that men can't (and it be considered ok).

It's ok to have high expectations but you should be equally yoked. When I say that (in the secular sense) I don't mean degree for degree and dollar for dollar. I mean that you should have complimentary assets. Bring something to the table.

Pretty much. I'm ok with the double standard though lol.

ETA: I do wonder though how things work out for women who focus solely on money in terms of who they date or marry. Like they only date millionaires. Like what does that look like in the long term? Was jt worth it? I'm just super curious about that.

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[SincerelyJane]

There is definately the double standard that women can marry "up" in a way that men can't (and it be considered ok).

It's ok to have high expectations but you should be equally yoked. When I say that (in the secular sense) I don't mean degree for degree and dollar for dollar. I mean that you should have complimentary assets. Bring something to the table.

Hmm I do agree with that. I sometimes feel like women have it easier in this regard, I never felt like men really ask for or expect a lot.

 

[natura87]

It's not unrealistic at all. It's unrealistic if you believe for yourself that you are unworthy.

One example, my neighbour, an engineer, married a girl who firstly doesn't have a job and secondly have a slight disability. She's no stunner either. My neighbour is well educated, comes from a "good family" and yes he is tall and good looking. His parents were fuming over the nuptials and they barely attended the wedding but at the end of the day he married her

It is unrealistic for the majority. Of course you will have your anomalies and LHCF unicorns but the vast majority will not marry doctors, engineers, lawyers, unicorns and millionaires. I am all for people beleiving in themselves, striving to do better and LOA and what not...but what you are describing is well...out of the ordinary.Most marry at their level, slightly above or below.

Maybe she has other redeeming qualities that he just couldnt pass up. Or a beautiful spirit. Or she is a fantastical crayon sharpener..I dunno.

 

[LaBelleLL]

^^ but why not? There are a lot of lawyers, doctors and engineers out there.

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[Holla]

^^ but why not? There are a lot of lawyers, doctors and engineers out there.

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Not really. Not compared to the overall population. In my world, most are doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. but those professionals make up a small minority of the overall population.

 

[LaBelleLL]

Not really. Not compared to the overall population. In my world, most are doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. but those professionals make up a small minority of the overall population.

Oh you're comparing this to the world? I mean in the United States.

Or have I misunderstood your post? Lol

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[FemmeFatale]

^^ but why not? There are a lot of lawyers, doctors and engineers out there.

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Right. They're a dime a dozen to me. Especially lawyers and engineers.

 

[Holla]

Oh you're comparing this to the world? I mean in the United States.

Or have I misunderstood your post? Lol

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Both could apply. Lawyers, doctors, and engineers make up a small percentage of working professionals in the United States and in the world.

 

[LaBelleLL]

^^^
Ok wow I never thought of it like that. I guess I never really thought about it. But yeah, when you and Holla say that - it makes sense.

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