People Who Hate Their Siblings

[michelle81]

I'm close to my sister who is 5 years younger than me. My parents made a point of making sure were close. They never made differences between us nor allowed arguments to fester or escalate. I would have gotten my teeth knocked out if I ever told my sister I hated her, some things as parents you simply cannot allow, different personalities be damned.

Some of it can be helped. My mom favors my younger sister and even stands up for her when she is attacking one of us. She called me numerous names during a conversation last year and mom just took up for her. There's no way I'd let my children do that to each other, even as adults.

 

[LiftedUp]

My perspective is probably different because me and my sibling weren't forced to be friends. We grew up in a closely knit, loving household, yes. However we are friends by choice and we are close because who are are as individuals. Our personalities click as friends would. If we had to choose each other as friends without being related, we would.

However based on what I've read on this board and on experiences with other people, I could understand why others wouldn't be close with their brothers and sisters. I wouldn't choose them as friends either

 

[winterinatl]

As I mentioned above, I sit with him during homework time.

it's overconfidence in my estimation, he would say that he's just confident because sometimes he does ok without studying

I've met lots of students like your boy. Either they do the work and it never makes it into the teacher, or they forget they ever had the assignment. We try to train them to double check all of their organizational tools to be sure this doesn't happen : agenda-we make them out something in for each class ;teacher websites; and online gradebook to check for missing assignments.

These students are usually very intelligent, but with low executive functioning skills (and/or ADD). Many say they actually lose chunks of time when they think they are working on something. They look out of the window for a second and look up, 15 minutes has gone by. I imagine that is so very frustrating.

If you haven't, you might have a doctor evaluate him for ADD. Then the medical documentation can be used to ask the school to provide section 504 accommodations (since his condition is impacting life functions- his academic progress) under the Americans With Disabilities Act. He might have extended time for tests and assessments, or reduced number of problems in his assignments reduced assignments.

If he needs special instruction around his executive functioning, he may quality for special education services.

If you want to talk more about any of this privately you could pm me. @LeftRightRepeat

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

I've met lots of students like your boy. Either they do the work and it never makes it into the teacher, or they forget they ever had the assignment. We try to train them to double check all of their organizational tools to be sure this doesn't happen : agenda-we make them out something in for each class ;teacher websites; and online gradebook to check for missing assignments.

These students are usually very intelligent, but with low executive functioning skills (and/or ADD). Many say they actually lose chunks of time when they think they are working on something. They look out of the window for a second and look up, 15 minutes has gone by. I imagine that is so very frustrating.

If you haven't, you might have a doctor evaluate him for ADD. Then the medical documentation can be used to ask the school to provide section 504 accommodations (since his condition is impacting life functions- his academic progress) under the Americans With Disabilities Act. He might have extended time for tests and assessments, or reduced number of problems in his assignments reduced assignments.

If he needs special instruction around his executive functioning, he may quality for special education services.

If you want to talk more about any of this privately you could pm me. @LeftRightRepeat

Thank you. He doesn't need extra time on tests and his teachers do not notice any symptoms which may be ADD related. I suspect that it is an organization issue, which is why he is supposed to check the very detailed teachers blog for homework when he gets home

 

[GGsKin]

@LeftRightRepeat I was like your son when I was a child. Sometimes I'd do my homework and sometimes I wouldn't but I'd rarely hand it in. There was a really bad stage where I worked on a school project I loved for weeks, with the help if my mum. Only to not hand in the work. The school escalated it and called my mum in. who couldn't believe what she was being told by my teacher because she'd sat with me and witnessed the work get completed.

I have perfectionist issues and I didn't think it was good enough. I also had other issues at the time- I was generally really unhappy with my life and felt I had no control (now that I think about it).

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

@LeftRightRepeat I was like your son when I was a child. Sometimes I'd do my homework and sometimes I wouldn't but I'd rarely hand it in. There was a really bad stage where I worked on a school project I loved for weeks, with the help if my mum. Only to not hand in the work. The school escalated it and called my mum in. who couldn't believe what she was being told by my teacher because she'd sat with me and witnessed the work get completed.

I have perfectionist issues and I didn't think it was good enough. I also had other issues at the time- I was generally really unhappy with my life and felt I had no control (now that I think about it).

Thanks but that's not what is happening with him. As a teenager there was a solid year when I was supposed to be studying for A level exams and I was just coasting because it was more fun to chat on the phone with my friends. My parents didn't follow my grades or schoolwork very closely. I'm not going to let that happen to him

 

[felic1]

This thread sheds a lot of light on the relationship struggles between we three siblings. Thanks to everyone who posted.

 

[okange76]

My brothers and I are super tight. I don't remember ever being told that we should get along. We just do, except our oldest sibling who causes problems sometimes and it is always over money and property. My biggest fear is that when my parents are gone, the bust up will be epic because of his greed and sense of entitlement. I begged my parents for years to write wills and trusts and they finally did two years ago. With that said, the bust up will still be epic because of him. He's the only one who was purposefully not told everything. He is actually an attorney and will have no problems working the corrupt Kenyan court system to defraud us with a smile on his face. He has swindled my father of some serious cash with no remorse. If he can dupe Pops, then the rest of us are in deep doodoo. The stuff that is solely in my name, has my father's name on it as well, so that no one can ever take it away from me. Be it a sibling or an ex-husband.

 

[FelaShrine]

Dont have them close together. 4 year gap btw siblings esp same gender is best imo

dont have them share rooms.

Things got better when we all moved away

 

[moneychaser]

I'm close to my sister who is 5 years younger than me. My parents made a point of making sure were close. They never made differences between us nor allowed arguments to fester or escalate. I would have gotten my teeth knocked out if I ever told my sister I hated her, some things as parents you simply cannot allow, different personalities be damned.

This is how I am with my 4 and 7 yr old. When my oldest came to the hospital to meet my youngest I presented her with a gift from my youngest lol That pretty much set the tone for their relationship moving forward.She is so protective over him. Its like he has too mothers. If I am out with the youngest and get him a snack he asks me if I am purchasing something for his "older sister" too. It makes my heart just melt.

I think parents play a huge role in cultivating a strong sibling bond.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I'm super close to my big brother and its definitely because of the tone set by my mom from day 1. We're 3yrs apart, when my mom brought me home to the hospital she said "This is your baby sister you're gonna share with her, take care of her, look out for her and you'll always have someone to play with! And my 3yr old brother at the time was thrilled and started offering things like "I can read to her! and We can play trucks!" etc She was mindful of staving off jealousy by involving him in tasks where I would be getting alot of attention, so when she was changing my diaper she would ask him to get a new diaper for her, he would be the one to pass her the wipe and it made him feel like he was involved and wasn't left out.

My mom had a zero tolerance policy for any resentment or bad blood between us, whenever we'd have a disagreement my mom would have us face eachother, air our grievances and she would find a resolution that was fair, we would have to apologize and we always had to finalize it with a hug lol. She was so consistent with her conflict resolution that at one point she caught us expressing our issues to one another, apologizing and ending with a hug with no direction from her lol. My mom was really cognizant to never give off even a hint of favoritism down to our portions of food she'd make sure it was equal. We had to share video games, tv time, everything. We had to share a room until we hit our mid-teens as my parents started from the bottom before we got here lol.

As adults we've always been thick as thieves, he always looks out for me, gives me advice, we cheer eachother on, our opinions of our respective SOs are pivotal, we go to the occasional lounge together and he's about to treat me to an international trip.

I'd prefer an SO that has a healthy loving relationship with his siblings and family as thats what I'm accustomed to.

On the flipside I have a relative that had a mom that thought disagreements btwn her kids was "funny" she made no effort to diffuse the situation and as a result things festered and would regularly blow up, the parents also had no problem playing favorites or even pointing out which sibling was most attractive now that all three siblings are adults none of them are on speaking terms with one another and this has been the case for 5+ yrs, every time I remember it it makes me so sad

 

[Supervixen]

This thread still brings tears to my eyes.