Overly Attentive Men

[BronzyBella]

Last week, I met a guy at a cultural event. We had a lot in common (went to the same college, have parents of the same background, etc.) and we exchanged numbers. A couple days later, he texted me then we spoke for about an hour and I told him that I was sometimes free on the weekend if he wanted to get together, thinking he would only call/text regarding that.

Since then, he's been texting me almost everyday, asking the questions a BF would ask, "What do you have planned today/What are you doing?" "Where are you now?" "How's your day going?" etc.

I'm 29, he's 26. I'm not interested in a relationship right now, just getting to know new people - casually date and met new friends. I don't date much, but the men I dated last were between 33 and 38, and were much more laidback.

From what I know about him so far, he works part-time, lives on his own, and has no kids. He's attractive and well spoken. My intuition isn't sending me any signals right now... should I be keeping an eye out for signs of emotional instability/undisclosed baggage/a con, etc?

Has anyone had any (negative) experiences with overly attentive men? What were the warning signs that something was off?

 

[janiebaby]

You should always keep an eye out on these things...some guys just move extremely fast and since this is the summertime....they tryna get boo'd up if they aren't already

ETA: O to the second part, yes I have definitely had problems with attentive men being needy, possessive, controlling, craaaazzzaaaay, and emotionally unstable. I've also had problems with less attentive men, being less attentive, selfish, all about the bootay, did I mention selfish?, manipulative, stupid....

 

[PPGbubbles]

I dont see the issue? He is educated, employed, attractive and attentive.

He seems to be taking a genuine interest in you which some women would kill for. Perhaps you should let him go since you want a laid back less attentive man.

 

[kandake]

I don't think he's overly attentive. But that's for me. It seems as if you like a little less contact. I would express that. But, I wouldn't write him off as being a weirdo because he wants to make small talk through out the week.

 

[qchelle]

You're asking if you should be on the look-out in case he's a CON because he's texting you about your day? OMG well I sure hope not!

I think he's just interested in you. Nothing seems weird about this to me. Tell him to back off a bit if it's making you uncomfy though (I mean in a nicer way...not "back off!" lol).

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I don't see nothing wrong. Hope you don't be posting another thread later on talking about the lack of attention you are receiving. lol

 

[Windsy]

I think he's being genuine; I really don't think he's being overly attentive.

If you are that concerned simply ask him "what are your intentions?"

 

[ambergirl]

I tend to give men who are immediately overly attentive the side eye too. Sometimes it is a warning sign of being possessive and controlling. Also some dudes know you aren't going to sleep with them until you all have had so many dates and conversations so they work overtime to get all those dates done as soon as possible! I had one dude who tried to schedule me every day for 2 weeks because he sensed I wasn't giving up the cookie until we had spent some serious time together!

Personally I wouldn't rule him out, but I would be looking for corraborating evidence of his awesomeness or on the other hand his loopiness.

 

[Syrah]

He's not overly attentive. You're just not that into him.

If the same effort were coming from someone you were into, you wouldn't find it annoying, off-putting or too much.

 

[janiebaby]

Also some dudes know you aren't going to sleep with them until you all have had so many dates and conversations so they work overtime to get all those dates done as soon as possible! I had one dude who tried to schedule me every day for 2 weeks because he sensed I wasn't giving up the cookie until we had spent some serious time together!

This all day!!! They really think they slick

 

[PopLife]

He's not overly attentive. You're just not that into him.

If the same effort were coming from someone you were into, you wouldn't find it annoying, off-putting or too much.

I agree with this...we are never satisfied, lol.

 

[kandake]

I agree with this...we are never satisfied, lol.

ITA.

Bronzy, don't mess it up for the rest of us that like contact. LOL

 

[LushLox]

Lawd girl, so many women would be begging for that kinda attention!

 

[BronzyBella]

Thanks for the input, everyone.

I'm glad to hear this is common behaviour. I will keep my eyes open though.

I guess it's a combination of being distrusting of people in general... and being out of the dating loop that's making me a little anxious. Perhaps I should just relax a little bit.

 

[BronzyBella]

Attentiveness is actually on my personal wishlist when it comes to men but it feels so alien coming from someone I don't really know and who I haven't spent much face-to-face time with...

I'm trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth, considering I've been in situations where the guy was too cold/unavailable.

 

[janiebaby]

Attentiveness is actually on my personal wishlist when it comes to men but it feels so alien coming from someone I don't really know and who I haven't spent much face-to-face time with...

I'm trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth, considering I've been in situations where the guy was too cold/unavailable.

I think people get what you're saying...it's just too much too soon....he's giving you something you haven't earned...sound familiar?

 

[RoseTintedCheeks]

Attentiveness is actually on my personal wishlist when it comes to men but it feels so alien coming from someone I don't really know and who I haven't spent much face-to-face time with...

I'm trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth, considering I've been in situations where the guy was too cold/unavailable.

Let's be honest. We all want a little of what we can't have. If you are texting right back, then he thinks what he is doing is cool. Try going longer intervals between text and see if he gets the hint to ease up a bit.

Or he might just be thirsty for the kitty..lol...

 

[Windsy]

Attentiveness is actually on my personal wishlist when it comes to men but it feels so alien coming from someone I don't really know and who I haven't spent much face-to-face time with...

I'm trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth, considering I've been in situations where the guy was too cold/unavailable.

I think the problem is that you may be looking at it from a relationship standpoint when he may just be doing it casually so it seems weird.

Men and women should be able to have casual interactions so certain things don't feel weird or taken out of context.

I honestly felt like he was being cordial.....but that's just me.

 

[*5+5]

I only take men seriously that are overly attentive. If you're giving me lukewarm responses and treating me 'aight' then I'll pass. But to each their own if you like em' more laid back...laid back can be quite confusing to me. Have fun!

 

[NaijaTroll]

He's not overly attentive. You're just not that into him.

If the same effort were coming from someone you were into, you wouldn't find it annoying, off-putting or too much.

hat's exactly it cos Im the same way.

Guy I dont like all up in my business = stalker, loser, weirdo erplexed

Guy Im really into all into my business = yay! woohoo!

Sucks really

 

[hothair]

He sounds pretty normal to me. That is, a pretty normal guy that fancies a girl. I would worry if he called you 5-10 times a day or you kept bumping into him at the grocery store or something.

I believe you're just not into him

 

[calmsensual1]

It's hard to really gauge the situation because I'm not the one in it. But typically whenever I've (or my friends) dated a guy who was too attentive, it always turned out bad. At the time I was like well let me try something new, a guy who actually seems like he cares. They always do something really offensive or borderline offensive. For example, he put a keystroke logger on my computer. Another guy who was too attentive told me he loved me after like 3 dates.

Just recently, an overly attentive guy who my friend was talking to ended up going through her phone, memorized her password and everything. I just...I wouldn't do it.

 

[ladylibra_30]

I dont see the issue? He is educated, employed, attractive and attentive.

He seems to be taking a genuine interest in you which some women would kill for. Perhaps you should let him go since you want a laid back less attentive man.

There you have it .

Now if he were being overly familiar, that would be an issue.

 

[*CherryPie*]

"Laid back" guys do that mess too. That's something controlling guys do.

"Laid back" guys can be even more trouble.

It's hard to really gauge the situation because I'm not the one in it. But typically whenever I've (or my friends) dated a guy who was too attentive, it always turned out bad. At the time I was like well let me try something new, a guy who actually seems like he cares. They always do something really offensive or borderline offensive. For example, he put a keystroke logger on my computer. Another guy who was too attentive told me he loved me after like 3 dates.

Just recently, an overly attentive guy who my friend was talking to ended up going through her phone, memorized her password and everything. I just...I wouldn't do it.

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

Last week, I met a guy at a cultural event. We had a lot in common (went to the same college, have parents of the same background, etc.) and we exchanged numbers. A couple days later, he texted me then we spoke for about an hour and I told him that I was sometimes free on the weekend if he wanted to get together, thinking he would only call/text regarding that.

Since then, he's been texting me almost everyday, asking the questions a BF would ask, "What do you have planned today/What are you doing?" "Where are you now?" "How's your day going?" etc.

I'm 29, he's 26. I'm not interested in a relationship right now, just getting to know new people - casually date and met new friends. I don't date much, but the men I dated last were between 33 and 38, and were much more laidback.

From what I know about him so far, he works part-time, lives on his own, and has no kids. He's attractive and well spoken. My intuition isn't sending me any signals right now... should I be keeping an eye out for signs of emotional instability/undisclosed baggage/a con, etc?

Has anyone had any (negative) experiences with overly attentive men? What were the warning signs that something was off?

Isn't it strange?

We attract people when we really don't want to be bothered with anyone.

Ofcourse, take your time with him...with ANYBODY!!!

Have fun.

 

[Bubblingbrownshuga]

Thanks for the input, everyone.

I'm glad to hear this is common behaviour. I will keep my eyes open though.

I guess it's a combination of being distrusting of people in general... and being out of the dating loop that's making me a little anxious. Perhaps I should just relax a little bit.

I think you should go with your gut and take your time. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you are just feeling uncomfortable. Don't base how you are dealing with this on what other women wish they were receiving.

 

[**SaSSy**]

You're just not that into him, which is fine. If it was a guy you were into this kind of attention wouldn't be an issue.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Maybe you're just not that into him.

If I had a man that was 'overly' attentive but I was into him, I wouldn't complain. I'd just enjoy and see where it goes.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Sometimes I feel claustrophobic and think that I prefer a less attentive and laid back man but I NEVER get that. At the same time, that's probably a good thing. Everything you want/like isn't good for you. I'd rather someone chase after me than vice versa....

Majority of people I've ever dated like me a WHOLE LOT more than I like them--with the the exception of two, one during my teen years and the other during college. That said, honestly, if I dated the less-attentive potentionals/SO's, I'd probably have less of an enjoyable dating experience and a whole lot more baggage lot a lot of women my age seem to have.....

 

[VelvetRain]

I don't see nothing wrong. Hope you don't be posting another thread later on talking about the lack of attention you are receiving. lol

Exactly. I don't get it and will never get the line of reasoning on this forum. Some women will be eternally unsatisfied. Damned if you do and dammned if you don't.