scarcity21
Well-Known Member
Question: u meet someone online, talk on the phone for about 30 mins, the basics and go out but there's no chemistry/sparks, how do u break it down to them? lol
Online dating
- Thread starter scarcity21
- Start date
Bunny77
New Member
Was he that bad of a date though?
Chemistry and sparks can be overrated... did you at least enjoy talking to him and his company?
^^ I was kinda thinking that too
IMO the sparks and chemistry thing is a bunch of Hallmark commerical stuff. Do you have shared interests? What is your dating/relationship goal? Serious or casual? Do you know what his is? My point is, I'd get to the substance of the guy before I dismissed him immediately.
~VicTorIAn~
New Member
I've read that too. Women usually develop stronger feelings as we get to know the person more. You should give it some more time.
Bunny77
New Member
^^ I was kinda thinking that too
IMO the sparks and chemistry thing is a bunch of Hallmark commerical stuff. Do you have shared interests? What is your dating/relationship goal? Serious or casual? Do you know what his is? My point is, I'd get to the substance of the guy before I dismissed him immediately.
(Thinking back on some good men I might have passed up because of no immediate chemistry and sparks... sigh...
)
Xerxes
Well-Known Member
Are you sure you even need to do anything?
Has he expressed interest in seeing you again? Usually guys setup the next date during the previous date, so if he didn't ask you out during your last date, he may not be that into you.
However, if he did express interest in you then just tell him you're not the best match for him and thanks for the date.
Xerxes
Well-Known Member
^^ I was kinda thinking that too
IMO the sparks and chemistry thing is a bunch of Hallmark commerical stuff. Do you have shared interests? What is your dating/relationship goal? Serious or casual? Do you know what his is? My point is, I'd get to the substance of the guy before I dismissed him immediately.
Hold up, at what point do you two finally let a brother go from whence he came?! LOL
I mean, this girl said dude was as interesting as watching C-SPAN and you'll are chiming in with give the brother another chance to bore you to death.
I know that there's a man shortage, but she found this guy online and another one is just a click and an email away.
I'm glad it only took her one date to tire of him, now she can stop wasting time with him and move on to better prospects. Also, what's wrong with sparks and chemistry?
I love the endorphin rush I get when I fall for a new guy. I'll admit it clouds judgment a bit, but my hormones along with my sixth sense tell me instantly if I am physically compatible with my dates. The two times I have dated someone who I felt no chemistry with, I was staring at other men the whole time. If a man can't keep your attention, then don't give him your time, you're just punishing yourself.
Bunny77
New Member
Where did she say that? In another thread? All she said now was that there were no sparks and chemistry. So I asked her was it that bad and she hasn't responded yet.
I know that there's a man shortage, but she found this guy online and another one is just a click and an email away.
I'm glad it only took her one date to tire of him, now she can stop wasting time with him and move on to better prospects. Also, what's wrong with sparks and chemistry?
I love the endorphin rush I get when I fall for a new guy. I'll admit it clouds judgment a bit, but my hormones along with my sixth sense tell me instantly if I am physically compatible with my dates. The two times I have dated someone who I felt no chemistry with, I was staring at other men the whole time. If a man can't keep your attention, then don't give him your time, you're just punishing yourself.
Actually, I don't think there's a man shortage at all. But just because there's quantity doesn't mean that all are quality. I'm not saying this man is quality either, but I asked her for more information as to why he gets kicked to the curb.
As for your endorphin rush, that's great, but those things do not a strong, solid relationship make, and as you admit, your judgment is clouded by physical attraction. A whole lot of divorced people can tell you how much all those endorphins and sparks and chemistry mattered in the long run...
Yes, you need chemistry and sparks, but they are not instantly required for a good, long-lasting relationship to happen. Many of our married ladies here were not instantly attracted to their husbands.
For me, if a guy is decent and we have a nice first date, he gets a second one if he asks for it.
Xerxes
Well-Known Member
Where did she say that? In another thread? All she said now was that there were no sparks and chemistry. So I asked her was it that bad and she hasn't responded yet.
Actually, I don't think there's a man shortage at all. But just because there's quantity doesn't mean that all are quality. I'm not saying this man is quality either, but I asked her for more information as to why he gets kicked to the curb.
As for your endorphin rush, that's great, but those things do not a strong, solid relationship make, and as you admit, your judgment is clouded by physical attraction. A whole lot of divorced people can tell you how much all those endorphins and sparks and chemistry mattered in the long run...
Yes, you need chemistry and sparks, but they are not instantly required for a good, long-lasting relationship to happen. Many of our married ladies here were not instantly attracted to their husbands.
For me, if a guy is decent and we have a nice first date, he gets a second one if he asks for it.
"No chemistry or sparks" = "boring, I feel no connection to him, I wish he would just go away, Why did I say yes to this date, If he fell over and died, I could care less" to me.
And I guess I need more than "decent" from a guy before I'm willing to entertain the idea anything longterm. I'm just different-- a little more passionate than average.
So has "decent" always been enough for you to continue dating a guy?
Hold up, at what point do you two finally let a brother go from whence he came?! LOL
I mean, this girl said dude was as interesting as watching C-SPAN and you'll are chiming in with give the brother another chance to bore you to death.
I know that there's a man shortage, but she found this guy online and another one is just a click and an email away.
I'm glad it only took her one date to tire of him, now she can stop wasting time with him and move on to better prospects. Also, what's wrong with sparks and chemistry?
I love the endorphin rush I get when I fall for a new guy. I'll admit it clouds judgment a bit, but my hormones along with my sixth sense tell me instantly if I am physically compatible with my dates. The two times I have dated someone who I felt no chemistry with, I was staring at other men the whole time. If a man can't keep your attention, then don't give him your time, you're just punishing yourself.
Oh wait, did she said that because I missed it
@ the second bolded--I think that can be a good and a bad thing though.
Bunny77
New Member
"No chemistry or sparks" = "boring, I feel no connection to him, I wish he would just go away, Why did I say yes to this date, If he fell over and died, I could care less" to me.
And I guess I need more than "decent" from a guy before I'm willing to entertain the idea anything longterm. I'm just different-- a little more passionate than average.
So has "decent" always been enough for you to continue dating a guy?
Okay, your first paragraph is a little more extreme than what I mean. If a dude is boring and I'd rather be at home watching The Simpsons, yeah, no more dates.
But I have had quite a few dates in which the conversation was good and flowed well, and the guy was decent looking, but nothing "stirred" in me that certain way. Those are the guys I'd go out with again, and yes, absolutely, that has been enough to make me continue dating a guy because in strong relationships, a woman's attraction typically grows over time versus a passionate start that then fizzles. Too many women get in trouble with that, seriously.
In fact the guy I've been seeing for the last month or so fits what I mentioned above, and I am really looking forward now to spending more time with him. I kick myself at the thought of possibly X-ing him out because there were no major sparks on the first date. All that instant chemistry stuff is mostly lust and infatuation anyway... which is fine to have, but that is seriously fleeting if there's nothing else to stand on.
Again though, I think the OP needs to clarify what she means by no sparks and chemistry because that can mean different things to her versus me.
Bunny77
New Member
Oh wait, did she said that because I missed it
@ the second bolded--I think that can be a good and a bad thing though.
Unless it's in another thread somewhere, the C-SPAN statement sounds like Xerxes' interpretation of no sparks and chemistry, not the OP's.
Xerxes
Well-Known Member
Oh wait, did she said that because I missed it
@ the second bolded--I think that can be a good and a bad thing though.
LOL
"No chemistry or sparks"= "boring, I feel no connection whatsoever to you, I could care less about you, You are wasting my time, please go away" to me.
Usually we say we don't feel chemistry when we feel disconnected from an individual and if you are not interested in (or connected to) the person, you are/become bored with them. So I just made a joke about it.
Xerxes
Well-Known Member
Firstly, LMAO!! Secondly, I don't like your comments, not one bit! LOL
All you've proven is that you are lightyears ahead of me in patience. I guess, I'm afraid of settling because you will invariably end up with what you settle for. I do need some spark just to keep me interested, but I'll consider being less dismissive with men in the future.
Bunny77
New Member
Firstly, LMAO!! Secondly, I don't like your comments, not one bit! LOL
All you've proven is that you are lightyears ahead of me in patience. I guess, I'm afraid of settling because you will invariably end up with what you settle for. I do need some spark just to keep me interested, but I'll consider being less dismissive with men in the future.
LOL... glad you have a good sense of humor!
Look at it like this... patience now will prevent you from having to be frustrated jumping from man to man in the future!!!
Oh, and I'm with you on not settling... believe me, I will not be settling when I make my decision... but my priorities are just different... and after years of crushing on hot boys and dismissing "decent" dudes who are cute with good conversation, I'm soooo over sparks!
(Plus, I want those long-lasting sparks... the ones that come after you watch your hubby come in from mowing the lawn and fixing stuff around the house and lookin' all manly and stuff...
Now THAT'S the spark I'm talkin' about, not this first date mess! )Come back OP!!!
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
ok...ladies...sorry i wasnt specific....the question posed was somewhat hypothetical bcos the date hasnt even happened yet. Weve exchange a couple notes on the site and only spoke twice on the phone...the 1st time was to set up the date that was supposed to happen yesterday and the 2nd was me calling yesterday to take a raincheck bcos I was worn out from work.
I guess the reason i was asking is because it has happened b4, different guy, didnt talk much but went on to a sports bar...1st thing i noticed, he lied about his height, dont wanna sound superficial but y post on ur profile, ur 5'11 when ur more like 5'4 with the intention of meeting IRL? he looked diffrent from his pics and he had a weird affect....i didnt know how to break it down to him so I just ignored his calls (childish , I know) thats why i posed the above question just in case the same happens with this man
I guess the reason i was asking is because it has happened b4, different guy, didnt talk much but went on to a sports bar...1st thing i noticed, he lied about his height, dont wanna sound superficial but y post on ur profile, ur 5'11 when ur more like 5'4 with the intention of meeting IRL? he looked diffrent from his pics and he had a weird affect....i didnt know how to break it down to him so I just ignored his calls (childish , I know) thats why i posed the above question just in case the same happens with this man
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
I'd send them an email telling them that I had a nice time but I didn't sense a future for the two of us. Then wish him luck! Something along those lines has always worked for me.
Thanks!!!!!
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
Bunny i havent gone out with him yet.
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
^^ I was kinda thinking that too
IMO the sparks and chemistry thing is a bunch of Hallmark commerical stuff. Do you have shared interests? What is your dating/relationship goal? Serious or casual? Do you know what his is? My point is, I'd get to the substance of the guy before I dismissed him immediately.
Thank you
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
Are you sure you even need to do anything?
Has he expressed interest in seeing you again? Usually guys setup the next date during the previous date, so if he didn't ask you out during your last date, he may not be that into you.
However, if he did express interest in you then just tell him you're not the best match for him and thanks for the date.
the date has yet to occur but thanks
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
Hold up, at what point do you two finally let a brother go from whence he came?! LOL
I mean, this girl said dude was as interesting as watching C-SPAN and you'll are chiming in with give the brother another chance to bore you to death.
I know that there's a man shortage, but she found this guy online and another one is just a click and an email away.
I'm glad it only took her one date to tire of him, now she can stop wasting time with him and move on to better prospects. Also, what's wrong with sparks and chemistry?
I love the endorphin rush I get when I fall for a new guy. I'll admit it clouds judgment a bit, but my hormones along with my sixth sense tell me instantly if I am physically compatible with my dates. The two times I have dated someone who I felt no chemistry with, I was staring at other men the whole time. If a man can't keep your attention, then don't give him your time, you're just punishing yourself.
Ummm i didnt say that but lololololol at ur interpretation
I agree^^^
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
Where did she say that? In another thread? All she said now was that there were no sparks and chemistry. So I asked her was it that bad and she hasn't responded yet.
Actually, I don't think there's a man shortage at all. But just because there's quantity doesn't mean that all are quality. I'm not saying this man is quality either, but I asked her for more information as to why he gets kicked to the curb.
As for your endorphin rush, that's great, but those things do not a strong, solid relationship make, and as you admit, your judgment is clouded by physical attraction. A whole lot of divorced people can tell you how much all those endorphins and sparks and chemistry mattered in the long run...
Yes, you need chemistry and sparks, but they are not instantly required for a good, long-lasting relationship to happen. Many of our married ladies here were not instantly attracted to their husbands.
For me, if a guy is decent and we have a nice first date, he gets a second one if he asks for it.
So true Bunny
but if that attraction is not there initially i dont wanna be bothered does that make me superficial/bad person?
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scarcity21
Well-Known Member
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
Firstly, LMAO!! Secondly, I don't like your comments, not one bit! LOL
All you've proven is that you are lightyears ahead of me in patience. I guess, I'm afraid of settling because you will invariably end up with what you settle for. I do need some spark just to keep me interested, but I'll consider being less dismissive with men in the future.
^^^^^^^^ditto to the above statement.
LOL... glad you have a good sense of humor!
Look at it like this... patience now will prevent you from having to be frustrated jumping from man to man in the future!!!
Oh, and I'm with you on not settling... believe me, I will not be settling when I make my decision... but my priorities are just different... and after years of crushing on hot boys and dismissing "decent" dudes who are cute with good conversation, I'm soooo over sparks!
(Plus, I want those long-lasting sparks... the ones that come after you watch your hubby come in from mowing the lawn and fixing stuff around the house and lookin' all manly and stuff...
Come back OP!!!
U speak nothing but the truth Bunny...
Bunny77
New Member
Thanks for clarifying!
I say go on the date (if it happens), and then you can make a decision from there.
Like I said, if a dude is a total loser (liar, boring, no personality, terrible looks), then yeah, let him go. If he's decent and the conversation is good, then I give him another chance.
But that's just me. Follow your gut!
Good luck!
I say go on the date (if it happens), and then you can make a decision from there.
Like I said, if a dude is a total loser (liar, boring, no personality, terrible looks), then yeah, let him go. If he's decent and the conversation is good, then I give him another chance.
But that's just me. Follow your gut!
Good luck!
kayte
Well-Known Member
you don't~~~
unless you are asked for another date
first date...a coffee date..is a good screener
super casual...you have a time boundary in mind ahead...
and you use it.... .
...oh my look at the time...gotta go...
if he pushes for a future second date during the coffee
you don't have to specific or blunt unless you want to be
{{sorry ..you're real nice,but it's not a match for me }}}
and or
..I'm glad we met..but I'm going to have to say no.....I am seeing other people...
so...I'm sorry..but thank you!
it was nice to meet and good luck with school or work
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Bunny77
New Member
So true Bunny
No, I wouldn't use the word superficial at all.
To me, it's not about being superficial or not. Attraction IS important.
I will say this all day.I just also believe that attraction doesn't have to be instant for a relationship to be fulfilling, and I do think that people are possibly missing out on some great partners because they dismiss them too quickly.
Again, you don't have to wait forever to decide if you're attracted, and there are certain qualities that I NEVER will be attracted to... but lack of immediate attraction as a reason for dismissal might be a hasty move if one is serious in looking for a long-term partner.
deltadreamland
Well-Known Member
Where's the thank you button when you need it? I've read the whole thread and I have to agree with everything Bunny said! At some point, the sparks/chemistry wear off and what are you left with? So I don't care if the sparks aren't there on the first date; if you're decent man, a good conversationalist and can make me laugh, then you will not be dismissed simply because my heart didn't flutter when you entered the room. I don't expect a man to pull all of his tricks out of the bag on the very first date for the sake of stirring up some chemistry.
And a lot of times, chemistry and sparks are based off of lies being told by one or the other, but once the truth comes out it ends in a fizzle.
And a lot of times, chemistry and sparks are based off of lies being told by one or the other, but once the truth comes out it ends in a fizzle.
scarcity21
Well-Known Member
Thanks for clarifying!
I say go on the date (if it happens), and then you can make a decision from there.
Like I said, if a dude is a total loser (liar, boring, no personality, terrible looks), then yeah, let him go. If he's decent and the conversation is good, then I give him another chance.
But that's just me. Follow your gut!
Good luck!
Thanks Bunny...ill keep ya posted.
