***Online Dating Support Thread***

[runwaydream]

Match is one that you have to pay to use, right? If you use Match or another paid dating service, why? What do you like about, what are the positives and negatives? This question is for everyone, what is the good thing about paying for an online dating service?

im actually not on any paid sites. but i think i will be soon as my finances are better. i just think that ppl who pay for these sites tend to be more serious than those who are on the free ones. half of them are just looking to hook up.

 

[Daeuiel]

I googled something entirely different (are there married people on dating services, lol) and google gave me this instead. It's written by the creator of Ok Cupid, I found it to be an interesting article, he admits his bias and keeps on going. I'm going to read his other articles too. I don't lean either way personally (paid vs free dating services), but in my opinion it doesn't matter what site you're on, you could meet the right person anywhere
Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating � OkTrends
this one is also good
Online Dating Advice: Optimum Message Length � OkTrends

 

[LovelyNaps26]

im actually not on any paid sites. but i think i will be soon as my finances are better. i just think that ppl who pay for these sites tend to be more serious than those who are on the free ones. half of them are just looking to hook up.

ITA. This is why I was willing to pay and go with one of the more expensive sites (eharmony). Mind you i'm a student so this was a financial sacrifice. I figure if a guy is willing to pay for a 3 month sub to eharmony he:
1. has a job that allows him to invest money on such a luxury
2. he is more than likely serious about settling down, since eharmony is geared to such a population
3. he was willing to fill out a loooong questionnairre, which eharmony requires, so he's looking for more than just a cute girl

I think the quality of person is different. I have yet to see the ubiquitous shirt off, muscles showing cell phone bathroom self photo shot that i see on other sites. people project themselves a future husbands not as a hunky hook up. while you may not be compatible with anyone to the point of wanting to seriously date them, you will likely think "wow, there are some good quality men out there. all is not lost". when i joined 2 years ago this was my take away even though i didn't meet anyone for me. it actually made me feel more optimistic. this time around i met someone who had the basic qualities i saw in other guys but our chemistry just clicked.

another thing-- because eharmony matches you with people (you don't scroll through hundreds of profiles) there are probably basic things that you have in common. so for example, i knew that the guys i was matched with weren't down with pre-marital sex, loved God, was financially responsible and wanted children. of course people could lie but the incentive to do so is low since you could find someone who shared your views if you told the truth.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

I googled something entirely different (are there married people on dating services, lol) and google gave me this instead. It's written by the creator of Ok Cupid, I found it to be an interesting article, he admits his bias and keeps on going. I'm going to read his other articles too. I don't lean either way personally (paid vs free dating services), but in my opinion it doesn't matter what site you're on, you could meet the right person anywhere
Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating � OkTrends
this one is also good
Online Dating Advice: Optimum Message Length � OkTrends

FYI, I read the first article and this is one of the guys said. I didn't think of it before but i guess guys who want a certain kind of woman go to paid sites. BTW, I don't necessarily agree with his perspective but I think that FOR WOMEN, it can be beneficial to try a paid site at least once.

Jason says:
August 31, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Bullcrap. Hotter chicks flock to paid sites because they know the men are serious. Also, POF is a cheater’s paradise without any statement on the man’s CC. Most people on POF are of the lower classes of society as well. Just read the spelling on profiles. Compare it to lavalife or eHarmony especially. eHarmony has a higher percentage of educated and hot chicks.

Another thing pay dating sites do, they show women immediately that the man at least has his **** together enough for a credit card.

This article COMPLETELY IGNORES the fact that some sites have MUCH HIGHER CLASS people on them. I wouldn’t bother looking on Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid because the chances are they aren’t very hot or educated.

 

[Daeuiel]

FYI, I read the first article and this is one of the guys said. I didn't think of it before but i guess guys who want a certain kind of woman go to paid sites. BTW, I don't necessarily agree with his perspective but I think that FOR WOMEN, it can be beneficial to try a paid site at least once.

Jason says:
August 31, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Bullcrap. 1.Hotter chicks flock to paid sites because they know the men are serious. 2.Also, POF is a cheater’s paradise without any statement on the man’s CC. 3.Most people on POF are of the lower classes of society as well. Just read the spelling on profiles. Compare it to lavalife or eHarmony especially. 4.eHarmony has a higher percentage of educated and hot chicks.

5.Another thing pay dating sites do, they show women immediately that the man at least has his **** together enough for a credit card.

6.This article COMPLETELY IGNORES the fact that some sites have MUCH HIGHER CLASS people on them. I wouldn’t bother looking on Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid because the chances are they aren’t very hot or educated.

at what Jason said. Every sentence has a pot of gold! *wipes tear*
1. Is he really saying that?? Does he mean more wary or cautious women use paid sites, when he says 'hotter', or does he really think that there are better looking women on paid sites? Does anybody know?
2. This presumes that every married woman combs her husband's credit card statements, or that a cheater wouldn't use a prepaid card with no statement!
3. 'Low class' people are the only ones who can't spell??
4. Can I see his data on this one??
5. Fool, ANYBODY can get a credit card and charge something online! My 11 year cousin has one! He bought it at rite aid!
6. Here he goes with the class systems again. smh. He has issues. Maybe he got dumped by a 'lower class' woman.

I tried eharmony. They couldn't find a match for me, in 3 years. Total waste in my experience. I met my SO on craigslist, of all places. His ad said he wanted a LTR that would lead to marriage, with the headline 'any real women who are ready?' 6' 4", Italian/German American with brown hair and hazel eyes. Loves to read.

 

[runwaydream]

I googled something entirely different (are there married people on dating services, lol) and google gave me this instead. It's written by the creator of Ok Cupid, I found it to be an interesting article, he admits his bias and keeps on going. I'm going to read his other articles too. I don't lean either way personally (paid vs free dating services), but in my opinion it doesn't matter what site you're on, you could meet the right person anywhere
Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating � OkTrends
this one is also good
Online Dating Advice: Optimum Message Length � OkTrends

wow. great article! i never thought of it that way. ok, sooo basically..after reading that theres no way in hell im signing up for a paid site. they really broke it down. oh well, guess ill stick to the free sites.

 

[runwaydream]

FYI, I read the first article and this is one of the guys said. I didn't think of it before but i guess guys who want a certain kind of woman go to paid sites. BTW, I don't necessarily agree with his perspective but I think that FOR WOMEN, it can be beneficial to try a paid site at least once.

Jason says:
August 31, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Bullcrap. Hotter chicks flock to paid sites because they know the men are serious. Also, POF is a cheater’s paradise without any statement on the man’s CC. Most people on POF are of the lower classes of society as well. Just read the spelling on profiles. Compare it to lavalife or eHarmony especially. eHarmony has a higher percentage of educated and hot chicks.

Another thing pay dating sites do, they show women immediately that the man at least has his **** together enough for a credit card.

This article COMPLETELY IGNORES the fact that some sites have MUCH HIGHER CLASS people on them. I wouldn’t bother looking on Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid because the chances are they aren’t very hot or educated.

hmm...:scratchch:

 

[BLESSED1]

Match is one that you have to pay to use, right? If you use Match or another paid dating service, why? What do you like about, what are the positives and negatives? This question is for everyone, what is the good thing about paying for an online dating service?

I think more serious dudes tend to be on paid sites but there are some crazies there as well, they unfortunately had a credit card I guess *shrug*

I'm on match and ive been on blackpeoplemeet too. I like how it helps me meet a lot of guys, cuz when my schedule gets crazy i don't get to go out to places where I could meet my potential future husband. Also on match (& i'm sure other sites) you can get a summary in their profile of what they say they want in life/a partner.

And even though Im not engaged or married yet I have learned at least one good life lesson from each online guy i dated, even the scammers/crazies.

 

[lushcoils]

Right now, I use OkC and POF.
I agree with that one guy about POF. POF has the worst quality profiles I've seen in my life. And the only mesages I ever get on there are the "hey Babyz how iz youz todai hunNi, u lookin goode. can i get 2 kno u ma" erplexed

What in my profile is suggesting that I would even respond to this type of message?

OkC is a little better. I don't get the above as much. In fact, I don't really get anything. Most of the guys just look at your profile, wink, may give you a high rating, but refuse to send you a message.

 

[AstroQueen77]

First day with the online dating at OkCupid. Getting a lot of duds...one guy was 36 and asked me to drive right this minute to his house because he had no car..another one had a black fetish...another one seemed ok, but not attracted to him...and the rest were hillbilly looking guys.

 

[Spiffy]

At the risk of sounding odd, do you ladies ever read the 'competition's' profiles? I don't particularly view them as competition but I've had quite a few chuckles reading some of the things other ladies place on their profiles. Everything from arrests to long drawn out reasons for divorce. I always wonder if those women get serious inquiries.

 

[Daeuiel]

At the risk of sounding odd, do you ladies ever read the 'competition's' profiles? I don't particularly view them as competition but I've had quite a few chuckles reading some of the things other ladies place on their profiles. Everything from arrests to long drawn out reasons for divorce. I always wonder if those women get serious inquiries.

I doubt they get any serious messages, It's one thing to be upfront in a relationship, but no matter how cute she is, who can see her through all that baggage? Lawd....

 

[runwaydream]

At the risk of sounding odd, do you ladies ever read the 'competition's' profiles? I don't particularly view them as competition but I've had quite a few chuckles reading some of the things other ladies place on their profiles. Everything from arrests to long drawn out reasons for divorce. I always wonder if those women get serious inquiries.

i have on a few occasions. it is interesting to see what other girls are saying on their profile. but sometimes it leaves me either more confident in my appeal on the site, or it makes me wanna step my game up.

 

[JollyGal]

At the risk of sounding odd, do you ladies ever read the 'competition's' profiles? I don't particularly view them as competition but I've had quite a few chuckles reading some of the things other ladies place on their profiles. Everything from arrests to long drawn out reasons for divorce. I always wonder if those women get serious inquiries.

I was going to mention looking at the profiles of popular women just to get an idea of what is being thrown out there... I'm sure I did mention it but anyway I digress...

There are some classics on lovestruck. It's really sad :-( I'm all for being romantic but to post a 1000 word poem on your personal profile is pushing the boat out a bit lol. It's sweet but not something I would do. I'm sure those ladies get responses..good and bad.

 

[lushcoils]

I look at other's ladies profiles to compare theirs to mine, trying to figure out why I'm not getting responses. No luck yet.

 

[Jazala]

I signed up for match. This is my first time joining a dating site so I'm unsure what is expected. Just in the first two days I have a lot of winks and emails. What do you guys say to the ones you are not interested in?

 

[runwaydream]

I signed up for match. This is my first time joining a dating site so I'm unsure what is expected. Just in the first two days I have a lot of winks and emails. What do you guys say to the ones you are not interested in?

i usually just dont respond. you'll always see guys complaining that girls are ignoring them and that the least they can do is w.b. and say they're not interested. but when you respond and say ur not interested they try to figure out why and try to convince you otherwise. or sometimes they'll get angry w. you and insult you. so i found it best to not say anything at all.

 

[Daeuiel]

I signed up for match. This is my first time joining a dating site so I'm unsure what is expected. Just in the first two days I have a lot of winks and emails. What do you guys say to the ones you are not interested in?

I usually just say, thanks for your message/interest, (if they emailed me or whatever, I do not reply to winks-unless the guy's profile is insanely witty and well written, as well as him being VERY attractive) but I don't think you're my type/am not interested in dating you. I'm very honest about that. No one can say I didn't reply. And then I block them. Because if you don't want to date a guy and you know it and he knows it, what more is there to say?? Nothing wrong with replying to every message whether it's a positive or negative reply, but if you shoot a guy down, no matter how nicely, I recommend blocking him right after to spare yourself some rude replies.

i usually just dont respond. you'll always see guys complaining that girls are ignoring them and that the least they can do is w.b. and say they're not interested. but when you respond and say ur not interested they try to figure out why and try to convince you otherwise. or sometimes they'll get angry w. you and insult you. so i found it best to not say anything at all.

I totally understand your POV. No one is obligated to reply to a message if they're not interested in the guy. I feel like replying says something about me, and I do it just so the guy isn't sitting there waiting. (and then I block them to avoid the vitriol.)I wish guys would reply more often, even if it's just a 'thanks, but no'. All my girlfriends who send messages out earnestly and are sitting there waiting...

 

[BLESSED1]

I look at other's ladies profiles to compare theirs to mine, trying to figure out why I'm not getting responses. No luck yet.

there are articles in Yahoo relationships and match & I'm sure other sites that offer suggestions on how to create a good profile. I'm sure you'll be getting alot of responses soon though don't give up

 

[BLESSED1]

I signed up for match. This is my first time joining a dating site so I'm unsure what is expected. Just in the first two days I have a lot of winks and emails. What do you guys say to the ones you are not interested in?

match has a "Not interested? Click here to let him know" link that I click on when that happens, they send out some message that drives the point across I guess

 

[Jazala]

Thanks for the help ladies. Here's another question: Did any of you have success by searching profiles and sending out winks or emails or did you wait and just select from the guys that contact you first?

I dont like the idea of "chasing" the guy but at the same time I want be sure that the right guys will at least see my profile... guys that I am interested in.

 

[Daeuiel]

Thanks for the help ladies. Here's another question: Did any of you have success by searching profiles and sending out winks or emails or did you wait and just select from the guys that contact you first?

I dont like the idea of "chasing" the guy but at the same time I want be sure that the right guys will at least see my profile... guys that I am interested in.

I had fun with sending messages to guys whose profiles I liked, by not taking it terribly seriously. I'd always say something zany and funny to see if they actually read the whole message. I got a lot of quality replies from that. I would say I did have success by looking at men's profiles and ads, rather than waiting for a guy to send me a message, because I met my SO by replying to his ad. I understand not wanting to 'chase' the guy though. It's up to you, there's no right or wrong way.

 

[Duchesse]

So I just subscribed with match, with the 1st 3 days free...blinkblink...I was curious to read my mails....let's just say I'm happy that I can delete my acct. and will be doing so tomorrow! The winks and emails that I received...thumbs down...and oddly, mostly white guys. I purposefully highlighted some of my nerdier/cornier aspects...maybe that deterred the brothers!erplexed But there were a few cute black guys, but nothing that interested me that much.

Of course this one guy who seems very witty, cute, funny, somewhat weird, and wrote me a cute mail lives in Saint Paul, MN. I gave him my email . I'm so not interested in anything long distance, but for curiosity sake....I also messaged this other dude, very handsome..reminds me of a chocolate Pres Obama.

I wish eharmony had a free preview so I can see pics. I guess I can't be that cheap and will have to fork over the $.

 

[EllePixie]

I belong to a site that is like, "a dating site that isn't a dating site..." and I didn't even want to date anyone but this guy has been messaging he, and he's really funny. However, he's made it clear that he finds me attractive and doesn't really want to be "just friends" with me. I've never online dated and I kind of don't know what to do???

Also...how long do you wait before messaging guys back? I'm at my computer ALL the time but is that weird to msg back the same day?

 

[AstroQueen77]

I don't know if I can get into this. This just seems like such an unusual way to meet someone.

 

[EllePixie]

I don't know if I can get into this. This just seems like such an unusual way to meet someone.

I kind of agree, but I think as you get older the opportunities you have to meet people decrease, in terms of friends and relationships. I don't like meeting people in the club or randomly on the street, but it's all kind of the same thing. It's sort of annoying b/c once you are out of school the places you can meet new people decline significantly! Sigh.

 

[Daeuiel]

I belong to a site that is like, "a dating site that isn't a dating site..." and I didn't even want to date anyone but this guy has been messaging he, and he's really funny. However, he's made it clear that he finds me attractive and doesn't really want to be "just friends" with me. I've never online dated and I kind of don't know what to do???

Also...how long do you wait before messaging guys back? I'm at my computer ALL the time but is that weird to msg back the same day?

Well on the one hand it's good to see that the guy is confident and upfront about his feelings, but it would be nice if he could be your friend first and get to know you without the other stuff, if it's a site to make friends I would be honest with him, let him know how you're feeling, that you like him but you weren't looking to date when he messaged you. If you want to hang out with him, make sure he's aware of this. If he still wants to get together, it might be fun, if he is mature enough to realize that he only 'knows' you online, and has no 'claim' on you. You might even realize he could be dating material farther down the line. However, if he tries to get handsy with you anyway, . That's my advice.

 

[Daeuiel]

I don't know if I can get into this. This just seems like such an unusual way to meet someone.

It seemed weird to me too at first. And now random guys 'bumping' into me in the street seems weird, (especially when they ask me my name within 30 seconds of 'accidentally' catching my cane with their foot Most normal people apologize, ask if I'm hurt, ask what happened to my legs, etc)
We spend so much of our time online these days, we use the internet for nearly everything else. It's a real timesaver, not to mention for those of us who don't socialize as much as we should, there's definitely a better chance of meeting your guy. My SO lived less than a mile away from me for most of our lives. I have to imagine we crossed paths dozens of times, both with our heads in a book.

 

[Daeuiel]

So I just subscribed with match, with the 1st 3 days free...blinkblink...I was curious to read my mails....let's just say I'm happy that I can delete my acct. and will be doing so tomorrow! The winks and emails that I received...thumbs down...and oddly, mostly white guys. I purposefully highlighted some of my nerdier/cornier aspects...maybe that deterred the brothers!erplexed But there were a few cute black guys, but nothing that interested me that much.

Of course this one guy who seems very witty, cute, funny, somewhat weird, and wrote me a cute mail lives in Saint Paul, MN. I gave him my email . I'm so not interested in anything long distance, but for curiosity sake....I also messaged this other dude, very handsome..reminds me of a chocolate Pres Obama.

I wish eharmony had a free preview so I can see pics. I guess I can't be that cheap and will have to fork over the $.

I would say that if any true aspect of your personality or interests deterred a man, that means you'd have to downplay it or do away with it to be in a 'successful' relationship with him.
Good luck with Eharmony!

 

[Duchesse]

I would say that if any true aspect of your personality or interests deterred a man, that means you'd have to downplay it or do away with it to be in a 'successful' relationship with him.
Good luck with Eharmony!

Very true! I've done that in the past...not a good move.