***Online Dating Support Thread***

RIP to this thread. Looks like online dating has taken a decline in usage or people still do it, but the conversation is repetitive, so there's no talk anymore.
 
I mix this thread and the single ladies thread up which is why my posts are diverted, lol.

I came in here to say that I was ready to set up my profile today, but got disgusted at the online dating process all over again. I'm going to focus on being more social.
 
Last edited:
JustifiablyMe said:
^^A guy on POF told me he's "orally bi". :look:
Click to expand...

im super annoyed by this. i cant even get out of the first stage of vetting without hitting these dealbreakers :rolleyes:

im also beginning to wonder just how common is this? this is not the first time ive done a pre-meet screening and found this out. how many dudes are doing this but then decide they didnt like it so they dont have to tell? this one gradually came out with it in steps, once he saw i wasnt going to act nasty about it. first he says he was with a friend of his and her boyfriend, and he kissed the guy. of course i waited it out a good 15 minutes and they both blew each other. like duh, why would this even be worth telling if you didnt hook up with the guy?

i was trying to think of a way to turn him down in case it came to that (if not i am fine letting him take a hint from the fade out. unfortunately we were texting so its not going to help if i just unmatch him). i bet if i had some prostitution in my past and i told a guy about it hoping he would be understanding, he would flip out about the concerns to his health and the inherent dangers involved - even if i personally had not been dangerous about it. same scenario. even if you were allegedly safe or whatever the scenario, it is a reasonable reaction for someone to be uncomfortable with a person that has a risky sexual past.
 
BlackMasterPiece said:
What does your vetting process entail @CaraWalker ? It seems pretty effective lol
Click to expand...
nonjudgment.

im guessing a lot of people cant pull this off because theyre too damn self righteous. but heres the thing - while i am judging the hell out of you in my head, i absolutely do not have the unavoidable urge to tell you about yourself, because then youre not going to be honest with me. self righteous people cut off their noses to spite their face. they just HAVE to let you know what they think about you.

basically i wait for an appropriate subject to be introduced (which is often sex or past relationships, but not always) and start subtly digging. i ask questions, but ones that are easy for him to answer - not open ended, not leading, not accusatory. just questions as if i really want to know - he's interesting and i'm curious. like it's not really a big deal or there is no ulterior motive for me asking. this guy asked if i really wanted to know or if i was just teasing him. i was like hahaha how would i be teasing you? im curious! once they start talking i usually ask a further series of "i just want to understand your perspective" questions... usually you can get away with "how was it?" if you're not that creative. and they talk, because they don't feel like they're walking into a trap.

in my case i might often play it off by being encouraging - that there's nothing weird or strange about this :look: as if its not a problem :look: but i dont know if thats necessary :lol: you could probably just as simply be done with it once you heard what you wanted to hear. but the other reason why i dont do that is because i dont want to discourage these men to be dishonest about their behavior. i want to them to keep thinking its ok to have these conversations with women, and even if they have had negative reactions before, my encouraging one (even if its fake and even if they do eventually realize that when things "somehow" just end up not working out) might be enough for them to keep in line with the idea that theyre doing the right thing and the right girl will understand.
 
tumblr_nc08exJtd71qe8gjjo1_540.jpg


How many of y'all would match him :lachen:
 
CaraWalker said:
nonjudgment.

im guessing a lot of people cant pull this off because theyre too damn self righteous. but heres the thing - while i am judging the hell out of you in my head, i absolutely do not have the unavoidable urge to tell you about yourself, because then youre not going to be honest with me. self righteous people cut off their noses to spite their face. they just HAVE to let you know what they think about you.

basically i wait for an appropriate subject to be introduced (which is often sex or past relationships, but not always) and start subtly digging. i ask questions, but ones that are easy for him to answer - not open ended, not leading, not accusatory. just questions as if i really want to know - he's interesting and i'm curious. like it's not really a big deal or there is no ulterior motive for me asking. this guy asked if i really wanted to know or if i was just teasing him. i was like hahaha how would i be teasing you? im curious! once they start talking i usually ask a further series of "i just want to understand your perspective" questions... usually you can get away with "how was it?" if you're not that creative. and they talk, because they don't feel like they're walking into a trap.

in my case i might often play it off by being encouraging - that there's nothing weird or strange about this :look: as if its not a problem :look: but i dont know if thats necessary :lol: you could probably just as simply be done with it once you heard what you wanted to hear. but the other reason why i dont do that is because i dont want to discourage these men to be dishonest about their behavior. i want to them to keep thinking its ok to have these conversations with women, and even if they have had negative reactions before, my encouraging one (even if its fake and even if they do eventually realize that when things "somehow" just end up not working out) might be enough for them to keep in line with the idea that theyre doing the right thing and the right girl will understand.
Click to expand...
I love your stealthy approach, great points, it all ties into basic human psychology and what it takes for folks to open up:up::up:
 
I'm thinking of going on a break from Okc. I have 3 guys that I've been on just one date with a new first date next week. I'm exhausted.

All 3 guys were pretty good dates too and all have asked me on a 2nd date. One definitely sticks out though. I guess I'm the most attracted to him but check this out. He texts me a days after our date (he'd already texted me that he had a great time, wants to hangout again, blah blah) and he tells me that he went to the doc's the day after our date and they'd just called to let him know that he has strep. He wanted to let me know in case I start feeling sick and that he's sorry for having potentially exposed me. o_O

So we kissed on that date, like tongue action for 3 or so minutes before we parted ways. Initiated by him. So I'm like you knew you were sick and you still put your streppy tongue in my mouth!? I'm kind of pissed but man he's damn fine. I've been giving him grief about it and he's been super apologetic (after the fact!). He just checked in again today to see if I'm still feeling ok. Should I just chop it up as he was really attracted to me and wanted to kiss me or is he gross and crazy?
 
Trending on FB.

http://m.cosmopolitan.com.au/health-lifestyle/lifestyle/2015/11/online-dating-photo-secrets/


Cosmopolitan > Health & Lifestyle > Lifestyle >4 online dating photo secrets from the most-messaged woman on OkCupid
4 online dating photo secrets from the most-messaged woman on OkCupid
11:59AM, Nov 25, 2015

What if every photo you posted to your online dating profile led to a match? Here's how Lauren Urasek does it.

holdfeaturesinstWEB-(1).jpg

Lauren Urasek was just minding her own business when New York Magazine contacted her one day last year and told her that, according to some serious math, she was the most-messaged girl in New York City on OkCupid.

That's when her life kind of blew up — strangers would bombard Urasek with questions about her crazy dating stories. She had enough tales of meeting pervy and bizarro men that she just wrote a book about it, called Popular.

But Urasek, a makeup artist by day, also gets a tonne of questions about how she looks as good as she does in her online dating pics. Here are a few of her tips:


1. Post a Realistic Yet Flattering Full-Body Photo

1WEBins.jpg


This shot was taken at a networking event. A girl asked me to take a snap of her, and then offered to return the favour. (Note: If you're shy about asking people to take pics, this is a great way to get one without having to be the first one to ask). I like to pose with my stomach in, chest up, butt out, and arm not directly pressed against me.

The lighting in the room was great — it was at eye level and not overhead, which creates weird shadows. I was wearing a new dress, so I was feeling good. I vignetted the border to take the focus away from the other people sitting around me, but I didn't crop them out entirely because it helps to show that I have a life and I'm out in the world doing things (i.e., not just a full body mirror pic).

2. Make 1 Picture a Conversation Starter

2WEBins.jpg


A snap of doing something interesting (like this pic of me hiking at Antelope Canyon) is an instant icebreaker. People who have been there are always excited to share their experience. People who haven't ask me if this is real, where it is, if I edited the background (I only upped the contrast, but for its 99.99999 percent real).

Side note: I think it's good to have at least one shot with minimal makeup on so everyone can see the real you.

3. Step Up Your Selfie Game

3WEBins-(1).jpg


One day, I was at a MAC store visiting my friend and I noticed that the lighting was amazing in there. Ever since, I can't pop in to see him without taking a few pics. When I was ready to snap this, there was a girl behind me who kept getting into my shot, so I (very politely, of course) asked her to move out of my selfie zone. I used this image as my profile pic for a while because it's a pretty good representation of what I look like every day (not super glammed up).

Remember these selfie tips the next time you're posing for your phone:

1. Never zoom in. This will dilute the quality of the photo.

2. Don't be afraid to shoot your "bad side." Otherwise, you may end up with all your pics looking exactly the same.

3. Hold you arm just above eye level. Any higher and you get the MySpace look.

4. Do not use Instagram filters! They over- or underexpose your photos and make you look washed out. Use apps if you want to tweak things; my faves are VSCO Cam and Enlight.



4. Make Your Mirror Pics Count


I'm not usually pro-mirror selfies, but there are a few exceptions: When they're clean (no laundry or unmade bed in the background), when you look into the camera, not the mirror (which creates eye contact instead of that weird wandering eye look), and when they show you out doing something that reveals a hobby or piece of your personality. I get so many messages about hockey because of this pic!

One last thing: I you still need help deciding which pics might lead you down lovers lane, download The Grade. It's an app that rates photos to show which will get the best response.

4WEBBONNEinst.jpg


RELATED: Insta-stalkers rejoice! This app eliminates the fear of the accidental double tap
 
She's a pretty girl. Reminds me of vintage type...matter of fact that's who she looks like the chick who models vintage corsets and such.

I always used to get the most likes on anything showing my legs or if I post a plate of food I cooked, especially desert. And oh if I have any pics of me close up in readers...that always seems to get a lot of interest. I guess deep down men really do like the nerdy look.
 
So has anyone else been getting some spooky men?
Once I think I was talking to pimp.
Another time I think I was talking to a sadist because he kept trying to insult my race. If you don't like black people WTH are you doing trying to talk to me? Weird.
Another guy I think just has abusive tendencies because he asked me on a date, never told me the time or place and then just texts me and asks if I am ready to go. I say of course not and he goes off on me. I apologize and tell him I really actually wanted to meet him. He says maybe next year. I block him. Now he is calling and texting my phone saying he was just playing and he wants to fulfill his promise to me. Too much damn work and we haven't even met.
Another guy wanted to take me to a damn chinese buffet. I didn't even respond to his dumb butt
 
No spooky men. Just bottom of the barrell types right now.

I've softened up a bit and decided to give some guys a chance. It's not easy though. I'm probably going to drop them anyway.
 
So I'm getting some messages in my inbox on okc right before I was about to delete my account. One guy managed to get my phone number. He has potential. I missed our first call last night because I went to bed early. He's giving me dry toast vibes, but I will give him a chance because I am expending too much energy on my other dude.

Another guy got desperate and msged me his phone number since I was taking too long to respond to his messages. I was taking long with everyone simply because I didn't have the energy to be on the site this week. He assumed I was leaving him hanging. Anyway, he then begged me to call him. I'm not sure if I should just ignore or block. I think he's gonna end up getting blocked.

I'm going to explain to him where he went wrong though. These guys really need someone to be real with them sometimes.
 
fitchick said:
I'm thinking of going on a break from Okc. I have 3 guys that I've been on just one date with a new first date next week. I'm exhausted.

All 3 guys were pretty good dates too and all have asked me on a 2nd date. One definitely sticks out though. I guess I'm the most attracted to him but check this out. He texts me a days after our date (he'd already texted me that he had a great time, wants to hangout again, blah blah) and he tells me that he went to the doc's the day after our date and they'd just called to let him know that he has strep. He wanted to let me know in case I start feeling sick and that he's sorry for having potentially exposed me. o_O

So we kissed on that date, like tongue action for 3 or so minutes before we parted ways. Initiated by him. So I'm like you knew you were sick and you still put your streppy tongue in my mouth!? I'm kind of pissed but man he's damn fine. I've been giving him grief about it and he's been super apologetic (after the fact!). He just checked in again today to see if I'm still feeling ok. Should I just chop it up as he was really attracted to me and wanted to kiss me or is he gross and crazy?
Click to expand...

Gross.

If I had strep and I was at the end of a good date I would've said, "I have a cold" and pecked the guy on the cheek. He's a dummy for revealing that he knew he had alladat going on. Smh.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

P
Online Dating and Background Checks
Replies
6
Views
201
StLucianSweetie
StLucianSweetie
K
What's the best online dating site?
Replies
0
Views
65
Katrice
K
L
Online Dating 101
Replies
1
Views
83
MummysGirl
MummysGirl
L
Online Dating: Give me the Scoop
Replies
3
Views
161
Etherealsmile
Etherealsmile
lipyt
online dating precautions!
Replies
6
Views
167
caltron
caltron
Back
Top