***Online Dating Support Thread***

[MuziqizLyfe]

i actually really dont care all that much what he looks like. i was seeking attractive partners because i was more interested in being seen and what other people would think when they saw us together have to let that go.

It seems like the best idea for long term relationship success... leaving off looks or at least decreasing their priority. I know tons of very happy women with average dudes. I think online dating makes that a bit harder though because you only have looks to go on initially.

ETA: not saying being attracted to your partner isn't important ...I think you can easily be attracted to someone with average looks if their personality is bomb and they have other things going for them

 

[CaraWalker]

okcupid date tonight

and **** my life

hes super attractive

i wasnt even trying to do that anymore.

damn. i was planning on not caring how this date worked out. im wearing an off the shoulder tee an leggings

and hes like movie star attractive

wtf

 

[DarkJoy]

okcupid date tonight

and **** my life

hes super attractive

i wasnt even trying to do that anymore.

damn. i was planning on not caring how this date worked out. im wearing an off the shoulder tee an leggings

and hes like movie star attractive

wtf

Get it girl. This one last time with a fine arse man wont hurt

 

[Ipanema]

My so-called date didn't even show up. I am so angry my time was wasted like that. That ugly f***** No explanation, no call. He will not ever get a second chance. He is blocked and deleted.

So this marks the end of my online dating. Ugh. It was fun for 5 minutes and disgusting for the rest.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

My so-called date didn't even show up. I am so angry my time was wasted like that. That ugly f***** No explanation, no call. He will not ever get a second chance. He is blocked and deleted. So this marks the end of my online dating. Ugh. It was fun for 5 minutes and disgusting for the rest.

That is exactly why I do the whole "let me know when you're on the way." If I don't hear from you then I'm going to assume you're not showing up.

 

[Ipanema]

That is exactly why I do the whole "let me know when you're on the way." If I don't hear from you then I'm going to assume you're not showing up.

I didn't even think it had to be like that since he set the whole thing up. It's so embarrassing too because I told a family member about this date for safety reasons.

 

[CaraWalker]

Get it girl. This one last time with a fine arse man wont hurt

it was a good one. at the first spot, the longer we talked, we sat with our legs together, which is usually a good sign to me. the guy im halfway not over yet, the first time we had that spark we were sitting together and his legs pressed against mine made me feel :blondboob so now i take it as a sign if my legs are touching a guy's and i don't notice or feel anything

then we went to a beercade (which was ridiculously crowded) and he held my hand and put his arm around my back, etc. im torn on being seen when im out with REALLY good looking guys. it feels... smug or something, idk makes me feel uncomfortable like "IM NOT SHOWING OFF! *nervous laugh*" but we started kissing while we were there it was nice.

i feel super vulnerable right now though idk. it caught me off guard and i wasnt expecting to like him. didnt want to be in a place where i had to worry about whether or not another guy will like me and whether it might go anywhere unfortunately i left my phone in his car (we were going to go to karoake and got sidetracked parked outside it; ended up watching some mtv unplugged from the 90s because id never heard any music from that massively popular band, the talking and sharing thing) so we'll have to see each other again. i hate stuff like that because it always seems vaguely like someone left something behind on purpose.

 

[aviddiva77]

...I think I'm finally ready to actively date. Between POF and OK Cupid I wonder which one is less...fetishy? I'll try both and hopefully get good results.

 

[CaraWalker]

Hey what's up I really like your profile and I love your pictures you look gorgeous and sweet like cheesecake factory cake

 

[CaraWalker]

so cutie from the other night came back to bring me my phone. we go to the same gym (even though he lives in the suburbs) and had joked the other night about negotiating a lower gym plan. i teased him about it and he's like let's go do it right now went into the gym and asked for a manager and spent like 30 minutes trying to negotiate me a new gym plan

then he went for a run while i was at the gym and when he came back i hung around while he lifted. my ex and i used to go to the gym together and id do the same thing just sort of sit around and watch and joke and chat. after he asked if i wanted to grab a sandwich, so we had some lunch then just walked around for awhile cause its a nice day.

i hate this like, just put me out of my misery and reject me already these stupid relationship things never actually WORK. it would be so much easier to go "welp there goes another one" instead of this stupid "is he gonna call again?" ****

 

[CurlyMoo]

so cutie from the other night came back to bring me my phone. we go to the same gym (even though he lives in the suburbs) and had joked the other night about negotiating a lower gym plan. i teased him about it and he's like let's go do it right now went into the gym and asked for a manager and spent like 30 minutes trying to negotiate me a new gym plan

then he went for a run while i was at the gym and when he came back i hung around while he lifted. my ex and i used to go to the gym together and id do the same thing just sort of sit around and watch and joke and chat. after he asked if i wanted to grab a sandwich, so we had some lunch then just walked around for awhile cause its a nice day.

i hate this like, just put me out of my misery and reject me already these stupid relationship things never actually WORK. it would be so much easier to go "welp there goes another one" instead of this stupid "is he gonna call again?" ****

Go with it.
Why are you fighting it?
Don't you want a great relationship with a great guy?

 

[Ms. Alainious]

Hi Ladies,

I've been lurking in this thread for a bit while talking myself into giving this online dating thing another try. I've been on Match for about 6 weeks, and so far...

I tried POF and OKC in the past, but I guess I had higher expectations for a pay site.

Specifically, I see a HUGE discrepancy between the kind of guys I'm interested in and the kind that actually reach out. Namely in education and employment. I'd like to be with someone who can match me or at least come close in those areas. I left my career in engineering to pursue degree #2 and only the cable installers and grocery truck drivers are showing interest

Has anyone effectively put language in their profile to say what kind of men they want without sounding snobbish?

 

[aviddiva77]

so cutie from the other night came back to bring me my phone. we go to the same gym (even though he lives in the suburbs) and had joked the other night about negotiating a lower gym plan. i teased him about it and he's like let's go do it right now went into the gym and asked for a manager and spent like 30 minutes trying to negotiate me a new gym plan

then he went for a run while i was at the gym and when he came back i hung around while he lifted. my ex and i used to go to the gym together and id do the same thing just sort of sit around and watch and joke and chat. after he asked if i wanted to grab a sandwich, so we had some lunch then just walked around for awhile cause its a nice day.

i hate this like, just put me out of my misery and reject me already these stupid relationship things never actually WORK. it would be so much easier to go "welp there goes another one" instead of this stupid "is he gonna call again?" ****

Stop it CaraWalker! Get out of your own way. Let it happen.

 

[CaraWalker]

blah. whenever you think "this could be something" you always WANT it to turn into something, right? i dont want to get my hopes up just easier to prepare to be disappointed.

im just going to keep living as if this is not on the table. i wont get my hopes up and i wont hope for the worst. regularly scheduled program.

 

[ivyness]

Sri Lankan dude wants a third date. Is it wrong of me to dodge on the basis of I'm scared he has a small penis? I'm seriously too old for small penis. I just can't!

 

[pearlific1]

Is it wrong of me to dodge on the basis of I'm scared he has a small penis? I'm seriously too old for small penis

This is absolutely hilarious! Yes, you are wrong to dodge. You could be pleasantly surprised.

 

[BGT]

So I decided to give OKC another try. Been conversing with a 26 year old recent Portland transplant named Jake. White. Seems nice. He just asked me to dinner Saturday at a REALLY nice restaurant. Like, reservations and dress code type nice. I never had such a fancy first date before. Good thing I was planning on getting a new weave the same day

 

[MizzKutieQ]

This guy on Tinder, I've been conversing with for a couple weeks just asked me how many matches I have matched with. Is this normal? None of your dayum business!!! I haven't responded to him yet because that just threw me off. I don't know what to say. My first reaction was something like. Who really sits and count how many matches they have, and why do people expect others to know this?

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

This guy on Tinder, I've been conversing with for a couple weeks just asked me how many matches I have matched with. Is this normal? None of your dayum business!!! I haven't responded to him yet because that just threw me off. I don't know what to say. My first reaction was something like. Who really sits and count how many matches they have, and why do people expect others to know this?

I don't do Tinder , what are matches?

 

[MizzKutieQ]

I don't do Tinder , what are matches?

The way Tinder works, its like a Swipe left to pass or swipe right to like.

When two people mutually swipe right and like one another they're considered matches. The only way to communicate with someone is if they mutually swiped right on you.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

Deleted my Tinder. Didn't find it useful.

My pof and okcupid inboxes are dry right now. Might need to update my profile to bump me up to the top in searches or something

 

[CaraWalker]

how are you doing. ..??? I would like to know you.. please when you have a free time just text me... and if you don't want... just let me know and I don't bother you again...see you

you didnt even leave a phone number you dumb***

 

[CaraWalker]

Hi there. How's yourself today? I am 28 too. I thinkr you cute. I hope you think iam as well. I'm really into science and math. We could collaborate and teach each other cool elite skills.

asians

 

[BGT]

Me: I really wanna get my MBA. My current gmat score will get me into UNO but I don't wanna go there. It's not a bad school but i'm aiming higher.

Him: I have an MBA from UNO

Me: Eaux

Moral of the story: before you diss a school, make sure it isn't your date's alma mater

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

If one more dude suggests that we meet for the first time at the club...

Maybe I just need to start talking to guys 30 and up because these guys my age aren't cutting it

 

[PretteePlease]

I just made an OKC profile trollin like a mug

 

[JollyGal]

for the women who are online dating non-black men
what do you put in your profiles to let them know you are interested without saying "black white asian i dont care im interested"?

Are you bold with it or subtle?

I want to tweak my profile to show im interested in all men.

I used to write (in a jokingly way) "bonus points for you if you look like (white actor) or (asian actor)" or "im interested in men from all backgrounds"
I think Ive tried everything to show i date men from all racial backgrounds.

It never made much difference. If anything I would get messages saying im too high maintenance.

TIA

 

[ivyness]

for the women who are online dating non-black men what do you put in your profiles to let them know you are interested without saying "black white asian i dont care im interested"? Are you bold with it or subtle? I want to tweak my profile to show im interested in all men. I used to write (in a jokingly way) "bonus points for you if you look like (white actor) or (asian actor)" or "im interested in men from all backgrounds" I think Ive tried everything to show i date men from all racial backgrounds. It never made much difference. If anything I would get messages saying im too high maintenance. TIA

I don't do any of that. I make my hobbies/interests my focus if they share the same regardless of race, they message me.

 

[CaraWalker]

I don't do any of that. I make my hobbies/interests my focus if they share the same regardless of race, they message me.

i think if you overtly reference race youre going to turn people off. in my experience there isnt anything necessary to encourage men of a certain race to message. if they like your profile they are going to message. if you put in a certain race thats just asking for the users and aholes of that race to message you imo.

i also think on a site like okcupid, white men are the default user base, and if they arent messaging you there, something's up. in my city, the okcupid users tend to be very highly educated, atheist, live in a certain part of town etc. if you only have a high school education, need a heavily religious partner, have photos that dont speak to common interests or lifestyles etc people will figure you dont have things in common or arent interested in the same things. basically you are going to get messages from people that see their lives in your profile and think you will be similar to them.

 

[JollyGal]

I don't do any of that. I make my hobbies/interests my focus if they share the same regardless of race, they message me.

Thank you for responding. My hobbies and interests are quite...girly to put it lightly. Sewing, dancing even the music I mention on my profile (romantic ballads) is for women I don't want to attract a woman so I need to tweak my profile to more gender neutral hobbies.

i think if you overtly reference race youre going to turn people off. in my experience there isnt anything necessary to encourage men of a certain race to message. if they like your profile they are going to message. if you put in a certain race thats just asking for the users and aholes of that race to message you imo.

i also think on a site like okcupid, white men are the default user base, and if they arent messaging you there, something's up. in my city, the okcupid users tend to be very highly educated, atheist, live in a certain part of town etc. if you only have a high school education, need a heavily religious partner, have photos that dont speak to common interests or lifestyles etc people will figure you dont have things in common or arent interested in the same things. basically you are going to get messages from people that see their lives in your profile and think you will be similar to them.

Thank you for responding. In the past my online dating success was with okcupid and match. POF frightened me.

IA overt references to race is a turn off. As soon as I come across a profile that says "this race of woman only" or "anything but black" I get turned off.
You're right. Something is up. Every month I tweak my profile. It includes either a subtle reference to race "men from all backgrounds can contact me" or no reference to race.

Photos showing my hobbies and interests is a good tip. I have three photos. One face shot, one full body shot, one photo of me dining with friends (their faces are blocked out). I need to get some photos of gender neutral hobbies

I now live in a multi-cultural area of the UK but im having little luck meeting men of all races online. Offline i'm doing ok. I did highlight my education but after consulting a online dating "expert" she said men will be intimidated by this.
I guess I need to get a good balance between highlighting my education without it looking like my resume/cv/linkedin. There are dating sites for IVY graduates. Has anyone on LHCF tried those sites?

Religion is one thing I do mention in my profile. I just put in the Religion option "Christian". That is one thing I do not want to leave off of my profile.
I tried the Christian dating sites but there are too many timewasters and IMO it is not worth the investment. Eharmony seems to be a better alternative.

Im going to try your advice and follow The Rules for online dating.

Thank you once again