***Online Dating Support Thread***

[MuziqizLyfe]

Omg I'm cracking up. My friend made a similar point about the middle school students I teach being able to cough up the money for a movie lol.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to write him off because he's the type that's in church every Sunday, bible study on Wednesdays, devotion every morning etc. And I've never dated anyone who was that serious about their relationship with God.

But I just can't get past not having money for the movies. Not dinner and a movie. Just a movie. That's just going to keep bothering me.

I really wish I had found this thread sooner because these pof atlanta men really leave me with stories to share lol

Go back and read your post....the movie ticket issue was not the only red flag. You were doing ALL of the pursuing....initiating contact,planning dates, trying to meet him at the mall,etc. That is not your role Only deal with men that are proactive in communicating with you... let them plan dates within their budget and actually ask you out. That's nice that he *seems* religious (unless you see it in practice take what they say with a grain of salt) if that's what you prefer but he needs to bring more to the table and show genuine interest in you.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

Go back and read your post....the movie ticket issue was not the only red flag. You were doing ALL of the pursuing....initiating contact,planning dates, trying to meet him at the mall,etc. That is not your role Only deal with men that are proactive in communicating with you... let them plan dates within their budget and actually ask you out. That's nice that he *seems* religious (unless you see it in practice take what they say with a grain of salt) if that's what you prefer but he needs to bring more to the table and show genuine interest in you.

Ain't that the truth! And I caught myself doing that with another pof dude and just ended up deleting his number.

 

[hopeful]

My dd, 20-something, college grad, decided to try her hand at online dating. She wasn't having much success. I asked her if she would let me help her. I used some of the advice in here and things began to look up for her quickly, like in just 10 days. She has two dates on Sunday, two. Thanks for all of the nuggets of wisdom.

 

[CaraWalker]

can you share what was helpful?

 

[FelaShrine]

Omg I'm cracking up. My friend made a similar point about the middle school students I teach being able to cough up the money for a movie lol.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to write him off because he's the type that's in church every Sunday, bible study on Wednesdays, devotion every morning etc. And I've never dated anyone who was that serious about their relationship with God.

But I just can't get past not having money for the movies. Not dinner and a movie. Just a movie. That's just going to keep bothering me.

I really wish I had found this thread sooner because these pof atlanta men really leave me with stories to share lol

why are you so sure of his relationship with God? Have yall even met up? I mean since he doesnt have money for anything

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

why are you so sure of his relationship with God? Have yall even met up? I mean since he doesnt have money for anything

Lol!! No unfortunately because he didn't have any money or a working vehicle we never met up.

I was just basing it off of what he would share with me on the phone or texting. But then again that's something that I never would've truly known about him until I started spending time with him..

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

Ain't that the truth! And I caught myself doing that with another pof dude and just ended up deleting his number.

Good! You are the prize Men like that deserve to stay single and kittyless if they don't want to man up and act right

 

[hopeful]

can you share what was helpful?

We went through her pics and I helped her pic ones I thought would be appealing to guys. Some of the pics she had up were cute and quirky but not necessarily appealing to a guy.

I helped her redo her profile write up so that it was more fun and light. She was only on one free site. I had her also sign up for a paid site.

Told her to be very open-mind and less picky up front, then be picky as she got to know them. She was being picky up front (not cute enough/ not my type, etc.) then being patient with the guys. I encouraged her to give guys a chance if they had the basics (seemed like a decent human being/finished college/not weird/ seemed nice/ have common interests/ someone you might want to get to know better or possibly be friends with). I encouraged her to talk to several guys at once, instead of one at a time.

She also has no racial preference, which is her choice. That's the one area where I would have been more picky. But good for her. Interestingly more black guys like her though.

I told her to let go of the whole my type thing and to not put too much stock in cute pics. Everyone doesn't take cute pics. Some cute guys are jerks. Some people have presence and kindness, etc. that makes up for looks.

I think everyone should have someone they trust and has good judgement to check out their profile and give advice. Sometimes things that sound cute to you may really come off as weird, negative, or snarky. Some pics are cute but don't appeal to guys or appeal to the wrong guys. Also we included one full body shot. I told her girls worry guys will be short in person and boys worry that girls will be fat lol. So I told to let let them see that she is a nice size. HTH.

ETA: She also opened up her age range. Guys about 5 years older than her seem more interested than those closer to her age.

 

[CaraWalker]

i was just wondering. ive said a lot of things on those issues in this thread... ie "interesting" or "cool" pics, that guys tend to choose unflattering photos for themselves, etc. glad to hear that stuff works.

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

Guys my age (39) really do take terrible pictures. Theu did not grow up in the age of social media and smart phones so some of them have no clue how to take decent pictures. If they smile in them, sometimes it looks weird, forced or has a gay vibe. Their serious faces look like serial killer faces, their poses are wrong, they are zoomed in too close etc....just a mess sometimes

 

[DarkJoy]

Guys my age (39) really do take terrible pictures. Theu did not grow up in the age of social media and smart phones so some of them have no clue how to take decent pictures. If they smile in them, sometimes it looks weird, forced or has a gay vibe. Their serious faces look like serial killer faces, their poses are wrong, they are zoomed in too close etc....just a mess sometimes

Or they do the old school type pose where they're squatting in front and throwing up signs .

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Has anyone tried delightful.com? It's owned by match and I guess Steve Harvey has something to do with it. I haven't paid yet because they sent me my matches and...yeah.

 

[pearlific1]

Has anyone tried delightful.com? It's owned by match and I guess Steve Harvey has something to do with it. I haven't paid yet because they sent me my matches and...yeah.

I took a look at it once and it was full of the same profiles from other sites, none of which were in my age demographic, so I deleted my profile.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

It's weird to me how many men put "mixed race" on their profile when they look 100% black. Of course I don't know them to know if they're really mixed or not but I've noticed that a lot on pof.

 

[pearlific1]

It's weird to me how many men put "mixed race" on their profile when they look 100% black. Of course I don't know them to know if they're really mixed or not but I've noticed that a lot on pof.

I noticed one dude's username was "indianinmyblood" now, I don't know anything about his ancestry but if he had Indian anywhere in his family, it was thousands of generations ago

 

[CaraWalker]

It's weird to me how many men put "mixed race" on their profile when they look 100% black. Of course I don't know them to know if they're really mixed or not but I've noticed that a lot on pof.

its not just you. i see it all the time on okcupid. i dont look at girl profiles so i dont know how common it is on the girl side, but black men do it a lot.

 

[SurferBabe]

its not just you. i see it all the time on okcupid. i dont look at girl profiles so i dont know how common it is on the girl side, but black men do it a lot.

A couple of years ago I met an obviously black guy on OKCupid who told me his mother was Arabic/Middle Eastern. I wasn't buying it but didn't want to offend him in case it was true. We went on a few dates, but there was no spark on my end. He told me Keeping up with the Kardashians was his favorite show which was a huge turnoff because I'm not into guys who waste time watching trashy reality shows. My men watch CNBC. Fast forward to some months ago and I find out that my coworker is related to this guy-- small world. His mother and father are blackity black black black, as I suspected. Unlike Trey Songz's nephew, this guy was indeed not mixxxxed.

 

[Ltown]

Has anyone tried delightful.com? It's owned by match and I guess Steve Harvey has something to do with it. I haven't paid yet because they sent me my matches and...yeah.

im enrolled but didnt pay either, the fee is too kuch but i hear you pay for what you want. i dont want any site to have extended acess to my card so if i do pay for any site it will be prepaid so i can cancel when i want.

 

[MzLady78]

It's weird to me how many men put "mixed race" on their profile when they look 100% black. Of course I don't know them to know if they're really mixed or not but I've noticed that a lot on pof.

Yeah, I had quite a few "ninja, you Black" moments when I was into online dating.

 

[kaykari]

So my profile had been so dry, no messages. So I changed my profile to say something like, "Online dating feels like omline shopping..." Then I told a joke like, "what? you dont like me? You igly ANYway. hmph. Lookin like u just asked my 3 year old for a line up."

Then i added another full body shot and changed my profile from 'a few extra lbs' to "average".

woke up today to 16 messages. Men are so irritatingly basic.

 

[fitchick]

^^ are you on OkCupid? It helps to make updates frequently. It pushes you up on the search list which means more views and more messages. Even changing a few words or characters will do this.

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

I think they put mixed race so that they show up in white girls searches

 

[UmSumayyah]

I think they put mixed race so that they show up in white girls searches

........................

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

I think they put mixed race so that they show up in white girls searches

Haha!!! That could very well be true! Makes sense

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

So I've been going back and forth with this dude and finally felt comfortable with giving him my number.





Trap boomin?? What in the world. Then later on down in the conversation he said something else that had me like ???

Him: you'll eventually understand my lingo.

Me: I'm too grown to try to understand the lingo. I don't try to understand it with my students and I'm definitely not trying to understand it with a grown man.

Him: I see I need to talk proper with you. From now on it's yes ma'am and no ma'am.

BLOCKED and DELETED.

And he is college educated. Seriously? Why did he have to pull these shenanigans once he got the number lol.

And how do you know what my inbox is looking like?

 

[CaraWalker]

we stay over here arguing about if ACTUAL biracial women are black and these fools are blackity black lying like whatever

 

[BGT]

The guy I met on OKC in September whom I broke it off it's a few weeks ago who said "he was too broken and damaged to be in a relationship" is still active on OKC. I wish he'd get off so he won't deceive anymore girls like me.

 

[JustifiablyMe]

I'm so glad you guys brought up this "mixed race" nonsense. Once in a while if I'm bored I'll call them out on it. I'll ask, so, what races are you mixed with? 9 times out of ten they'll say they have Indian/Native American somewhere in their family.

I really do hope they are doing this to bait white chicks cuz if not...the self-hatred is real.

 

[CaraWalker]

okeydoke thats about enough of pof. this site is garbage. if i get one more "i like what i see" and "can i get to know you" message im going to

and buh-bye *thud as the pof app lands into an imaginary trash can*

 

[JustifiablyMe]

^^^right behind you