No fish in this murkey pond! Where are they? Help me find them!

[Aisling~Siahbon]

Hello ladies. I am 24 and I live SC. Since moving back home I have not had a nice no.. A DATE in over 2 years. I am not looking for anything serious just a nice Date! And, it is not happening. I know I am not un-attractive. But, I look very young but, I am extremly mature for my age. (b/c of the age difference i tend to like men who are not AA, to avoid the daddy vibes ew!erplexed. But, it is not a must , especially if he is well rounded. So, I really want to date men who are at least 6 years my senior. In my line of work I meet a lot of men but due to the nature of my job they are all unemployed.. and for me that is a no, no .

Lately I have been thinking of online dating but, to be honost I'm scared I'm going to me a crazy person who will find my addres and come and try to kill me (yes I can be a lil dramatic)

But, I'm begining to think there are no eligible mature bachelors in the Carolinas. If there are.. where are they.. how do I meet them?
Oh! and I can be shy too so, I think the men that I like don't really think tPlease!hat I would be interested in them.

I'm sick of spending so much time alone. Someone help me find a date!

 

[Bunny77]

Well, I'll say one thing about the online dating concern...

Actually, a few.

-Most of the stories I hear about crazy people killing women involve men these women met at bars, clubs, school, work, the grocery store... in other words, crazy people are everywhere. Obviously, all you're meeting now are unemployed men, so it's not like you're finding the cream of the crop men offline either.

-If what you're doing right now (nothing) isn't working, then what's the point of saying what you DON'T want to do? Either do the same thing and get no results, or try something different. You have an idea (online dating), so either do it and see what happens, or don't do it and possibly go another year or more without having a date.

It's really that simple.

 

[fmnnity]

Insanity is trying the same thing over again and expecting a different outcome. Put some safety measures in place and go for it. There are plenty of ladies here that date online and or have met their significant others and even husbands online. Query them on how they kept themselves safe during the process. I too am in the Carolinas and understand where you are coming from.

 

[TayMac]

I live in SC too OP. There are some eligible bachelors out there of all races. Now how to meet them and let them know you are interested..that's the more difficult part.

As for online dating...I've met some nice guys from online when I was unattached.

My number one suggestion once you get past the phone calls and chatting via email is meeting in a very public place during a busy time and keeping it short..then go from there.

Good luck!

 

[Aisling~Siahbon]

Well, I'll say one thing about the online dating concern...

Actually, a few.

-Most of the stories I hear about crazy people killing women involve men these women met at bars, clubs, school, work, the grocery store... in other words, crazy people are everywhere. Obviously, all you're meeting now are unemployed men, so it's not like you're finding the cream of the crop men offline either.

-If what you're doing right now (nothing) isn't working, then what's the point of saying what you DON'T want to do? Either do the same thing and get no results, or try something different. You have an idea (online dating), so either do it and see what happens, or don't do it and possibly go another year or more without having a date.

It's really that simple.

This is true. You can't do the same thing and expect somthing different. But, my only idea of somthing different is thet net...and it's still an option.. I'm just not 100% comfortable with it yet.

So, I guess a better question would be is
"Does anyone have a better idea of how to meet the type of guys I like?"

And this is just a question out of curiosity.
"What gives the idea that I'm doing nothing?"

 

[Aisling~Siahbon]

Insanity is trying the same thing over again and expecting a different outcome. Put some safety measures in place and go for it. There are plenty of ladies here that date online and or have met their significant others and even husbands online. Query them on how they kept themselves safe during the process. I too am in the Carolinas and understand where you are coming from.

I know I have to get out of this little rut! Do you know any of the ladies who online date safely? I think I know some of the basics like: no real name, no adress, no telephone #. But, I do have other Q like "are some sites better than others? "are some safer?"

 

[Aisling~Siahbon]

I live in SC too OP. There are some eligible bachelors out there of all races. Now how to meet them and let them know you are interested..that's the more difficult part.

As for online dating...I've met some nice guys from online when I was unattached.

My number one suggestion once you get past the phone calls and chatting via email is meeting in a very public place during a busy time and keeping it short..then go from there.

Good luck!

Good advice!
Why keep it short?
oh, and I'm slackin on the acronyms..what is OP

 

[awhyley]

So, I guess a better question would be is
"Does anyone have a better idea of how to meet the type of guys I like?"

What clubs are you apart of? (Clubs, not clubbing) Do you go on outings? Do your friends know that you're looking for someone? Are they trying to help you? If not, you're gonna need to work a little harder.

And this is just a question out of curiosity.
"What gives the idea that I'm doing nothing?"

So, what are you doing to help your cause?

what is OP

Original Poster (or post)

 

[Aisling~Siahbon]

I belong to professional organization but, I am not very active because of my location their eventts usually are held in other states.. but, I I'm not afraid to travel alone... so that is somthing I have not considered.

My single friends that I have here are into clubbin, partying, ect. They go out a lot! And, that's fine but, I never find a guy I'm the least bit interested in when I hang out with them...Most of the time I'm not even having fun. (they drink a lot and I rarely ever drink at all)

I usually befriend people who are older than me and try to work my way around that way.. but, it has not turned into a date yet.. (I'm meeting lots of married people) I have a gurl friend who is trying to help and we are going to CIAA events in Charlotte next weekend the plan is to try spots diffrent than the ones we usually go to.

Many of my good firends taht I am more similar to I met in college, we graduated and then we all moved. we hang out from time to time but, many of them are focusing on planing weddings and having babys.. I'm not into all that yet!

AwhyleyYou have me thinking of different things to do so thanx! And, thanks for the info (OP)

 

[VelvetRain]

CIAA in Charlotte is a good spot to start to meet and mingle. I know because I am right in Charlotte and plan on hitting up a few of the events myself. I am just finally understanding that it often a matter of just getting out of more and being where people are. Instead of frequenting the same spots all the time go somewhere different out of the mix of of your normal routine when you do go out.

 

[Bunny77]

OP, I think the reason I got the impression that you weren't "doing" anything is because you didn't specifically mention anything that you were doing. Also, when someone says they haven't gone on one date in two years, it gives me the impression that they aren't doing anything besides school/work/church/home.

Anyway, I'm like you in that I do NOT like clubs and I never have. The club is the LAST place I would suggest for meeting a man. If you like clubs just for fun, then go for that, but to meet good men? Nuh uh.

I think you should expand your involvement more in the clubs you're already in and seek out activity groups as well.

As for online dating, I do understand being a little concerned about it. I just think it's silly to be OVERLY concerned... Or not do it at all. I was just talking to a never-married woman over 40 who was asking me about where she could meet good men. I suggested online dating, among other things, and she said, "Oh, I don't do that." I told her that a lot of married women have met their husbands that way and she said, "Good for them, but it's not for me."

Fair enough, but she better not complain to me one mo' gain about not having a man and not meeting men... especially considering all of the losers she met in real life who she wasted time on. And she only wants to date Italian men (she's Italian) but wants to be super picky about how she meets them. Good luck with that lady.

Finally, there isn't a "safe" or "unsafe" online site. All have their share of normal people and weirdos like real life.

 

[Aisling~Siahbon]

I started doing some research for on line dating looking at some old post. I was blown away at how many people met their DH and SO of several years on line..I've also found some good advice. I am going to give it a good (safe) try.

Also, I usually work out with a relative. We go to the local HS b\c it's free but we only meet HS kids of course and married people. And, it's small town b/c we know everyone we meet anyway. Lately I had been looking for a gym to join hoping for a better more intense workout. I think instead of joining in my community I'm going to look for one in a community thats about 30 mins. away and see if I meet more dateable people there... I'm trying

 

[BrooklynSouth]

No need to be afraid of online date sites, just be cautious about revealing personal information. The dating sites I've used have had many men from the south making contact..crazy because long distance 'romance' is not for me ever again!!

 

[Bunny77]

I started doing some research for on line dating looking at some old post. I was blown away at how many people met their DH and SO of several years on line..I've also found some good advice. I am going to give it a good (safe) try.

Also, I usually work out with a relative. We go to the local HS b\c it's free but we only meet HS kids of course and married people. And, it's small town b/c we know everyone we meet anyway. Lately I had been looking for a gym to join hoping for a better more intense workout. I think instead of joining in my community I'm going to look for one in a community thats about 30 mins. away and see if I meet more dateable people there... I'm trying

I think you've got some good plans in mind! I'm glad that you're trying to do something to improve your dating life, and I support you 100%!

 

[TRUKARISMA]

SO what do you do if you live in the wrong country to find good men?

 

[Aisling~Siahbon]

SO what do you do if you live in the wrong country to find good men?

Good question.. but the net is world wide

 

[Aisling~Siahbon]

So now my friend's boo is involved! She said he asked her invite me and my boyfriend over for dinner one night (like a double date thing) And, he wanted to thank me for somthing I had done for them. She told him I was single and he was surprised.. He said they need to fix that lol.. ( I thought it was funny , he felt the need to do that). He is a military man and travels a lot! I have a feeling I want be dateless much longer

 

[TRUKARISMA]

Good question.. but the net is world wide

I am actually on match. com. nothing yet though

 

[ladylibra_30]

Hello ladies. I am 24 and I live SC. Since moving back home I have not had a nice no.. A DATE in over 2 years. I am not looking for anything serious just a nice Date! And, it is not happening. I know I am not un-attractive. But, I look very young but, I am extremly mature for my age. (b/c of the age difference i tend to like men who are not AA, to avoid the daddy vibes ew!erplexed. But, it is not a must , especially if he is well rounded. So, I really want to date men who are at least 6 years my senior. In my line of work I meet a lot of men but due to the nature of my job they are all unemployed.. and for me that is a no, no .

Lately I have been thinking of online dating but, to be honost I'm scared I'm going to me a crazy person who will find my addres and come and try to kill me (yes I can be a lil dramatic)

But, I'm begining to think there are no eligible mature bachelors in the Carolinas. If there are.. where are they.. how do I meet them?
Oh! and I can be shy too so, I think the men that I like don't really think tPlease!hat I would be interested in them.

I'm sick of spending so much time alone. Someone help me find a date!

I'm curious at the bolded - (We all have preferences, cool.) But I don't grasp what you mean when you state you don't like AA men b/c of daddy vibes...ANY OLDER MAN OF ANY RACE can give off "daddy vibes"...no?

 

[Aisling~Siahbon]

I'm curious at the bolded - (We all have preferences, cool.) But I don't grasp what you mean when you state you don't like AA men b/c of daddy vibes...ANY OLDER MAN OF ANY RACE can give off "daddy vibes"...no?

Yes, you can get that vibe with any older man. It just tends to happen more often I think with African Amrerican men because my father and all father figures in my life are African American.IMO men of the same race are likely to have the some of the same character and dameanor. Them also being the same age (genration) makes it more likely for them to have alike qualities that will cause me to constantly compare the two.(thus killing all physical attraction)
And, I do like some older AA men but they are extremly different from the fatherly figures in my life.

My step father has a bald head and I prefer NOT to date men with bald heads.. It's hard for me to get past (especially if they are AA) ... no matter how good looking, even young the guy is.. I won't completly rule out someone b/c of that I just would prefer hair.

I can go on and on about this.. because I don't want t give the impression that I am racist in some way. If a 40 somthing black man with a ball head was treating me like a queen and putting a big fat smile on face daily then honey "I DO!"

But, right now I simply want to go out on dates and I want a nice ideal selection so maybe my preferences are little picky. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.