Why are only old men interested in me?

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I will say this with advances in medicine and longer life spans.

The term "old" needs to be thrown out. I perfer to deal with older men I am in my early 30's and I will not date a man over 45 is my limit. As well I will not date any man younger than myself, he has to be older than me. Older men take care of themselves and are more prepared in life. Guys 30 and younger are not ready and still in party mode. However, you do have men in their 40's who still want to party and that's is just =/. However, overall the older men I dealt with were true gentle-men. They def. know how to treat a lady. Not all I said the ones I dealt with, which is one! JMHO

I find this to be true

Most, not all, older men have been through it all with dating with women and they are at an age where they know what they really want.

I think being in your 30's and having a man in their early 40's is very appropriate. You'd be surprised at the energy and stamina a man in his 40's has, trust me, most of them are no where near needing viagra, or having one foot in the grave. You might have a hard time keeping up with him

Ladies, don't sleep on the slightly older men. Who doesn't love the look of a distinguished man?

 

[Allandra]

I find this to be true

Most, not all, older men have been through it all with dating with women and they are at an age where they know what they really want.

I think being in your 30's and having a man in their early 40's is very appropriate. You'd be surprised at the energy and stamina a man in his 40's has, trust me, most of them are no where near needing viagra, or having one foot in the grave. You might have a hard time keeping up with him

Ladies, don't sleep on the slightly older men. Who doesn't love the look of a distinguished man?

VERY well said.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I find this to be true

Most, not all, older men have been through it all with dating with women and they are at an age where they know what they really want.

I think being in your 30's and having a man in their early 40's is very appropriate. You'd be surprised at the energy and stamina a man in his 40's has, trust me, most of them are no where near needing viagra, or having one foot in the grave. You might have a hard time keeping up with him

Ladies, don't sleep on the slightly older men. Who doesn't love the look of a distinguished man?

Yes, I am speaking to one at this moment. He can pass for 35 though!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Yes, I am speaking to one at this moment. He can pass for 35 though!

That's what I'm saying. My DH is 47 and no one believes he is older than 40, late 30's at the most.

 

[topnotch1010]

I hate to say this but as you get older OP, those older guys wont pay you the time of day either. They will still be looking for that young tenderoni and at 45, it wont be you. It wont matter that you look 30 when your 45, they know, they can smell the moth balls a mile away.

This is true. No matter how good someone looks for their age, I can usually guess within 3 years of their true age.

I know you desire someone a little closer to your age, but maybe you could give an older guy a chance. They may surprise you.

 

[Bunny77]

I find this to be true

Most, not all, older men have been through it all with dating with women and they are at an age where they know what they really want.

I think being in your 30's and having a man in their early 40's is very appropriate. You'd be surprised at the energy and stamina a man in his 40's has, trust me, most of them are no where near needing viagra, or having one foot in the grave. You might have a hard time keeping up with him

Ladies, don't sleep on the slightly older men. Who doesn't love the look of a distinguished man?

Despite what I said earlier, I agree with you on this!

When I think of "old" men (for me), I think of the dudes in their 50s on dating sites who write me... or ones in their late 40s who look broken down and have 7 million demands in their profiles about what they want in a woman... plus, I find that most men on these sites disregard what you say you want in terms of age range, lifestyle, etc., and write anyway. In fact, I don't even think they read the profile!

But I agree that a 45-year-old man and a 36-year-old woman is really a good match... once you start getting above a 12-year difference, it can get a little iffy, although a few still might make the cut.

My rule is that if you're old enough to be my father under reasonable circumstances, then you're too old.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Despite what I said earlier, I agree with you on this!

When I think of "old" men (for me), I think of the dudes in their 50s on dating sites who write me... or ones in their late 40s who look broken down and have 7 million demands in their profiles about what they want in a woman... plus, I find that most men on these sites disregard what you say you want in terms of age range, lifestyle, etc., and write anyway. In fact, I don't even think they read the profile!

But I agree that a 45-year-old man and a 36-year-old woman is really a good match... once you start getting above a 12-year difference, it can get a little iffy, although a few still might make the cut.

My rule is that if you're old enough to be my father under reasonable circumstances, then you're too old.

I've seen the ones you are talking about and they have a lot of nerve, thinking they are going to get with a nice younger woman and they look a hot mess. Most women don't necessarily want a man that looks like a super model, but at least look like you bath and brush your teeth, appearances matter to us too. I do however know lots of men in their 40's that take extreme pride in their appearance, they have not let themselves go.

And the ones that know they are old enough to be your father, they really need to sit down somewhere, and they need to be more realistic themselves.

 

[DragonPearl]

Just hold out for what you like.

Guys in the age group you're looking for might want someone youngererplexed.

I can understand, though, how you would want someone closer to your age. There's nothing wrong with that.

Yep. Men are conditioned to go for younger women, and also for many men in the age group you're interested in, a 36 year old woman is too old, that is if they're interested in having children. They feel that by the time you get to know each other and enjoy each other, get married, you'll be about 38 which is dangerously close to the dreaded 40, and you'll have a hard time getting pregnant, and you will be spending a lot of money in those fertility treatments with no guarantee of results.

That does not mean you have to settle for someone you really feel is too old for you. My husband is younger than me. Not all men think like that. In your ad, you must specify the age group you're interested in.

 

[inthepink]

Did you state your age in the personal ad? In that case it's not very wrong for a 45 year old to want to date a 36 year old IMO.
And most men our age want a woman under 30

Not all 45 year olds look old, either
My SO/ex is 42 and very young looking

Old men can be...great

I know...it's my point. But why? Ok, I know why. But still. It hurts. I won't accept it.

 

[inthepink]

I will say this with advances in medicine and longer life spans.

The term "old" needs to be thrown out. I perfer to deal with older men I am in my early 30's and I will not date a man over 45 is my limit. As well I will not date any man younger than myself, he has to be older than me. Older men take care of themselves and are more prepared in life. Guys 30 and younger are not ready and still in party mode. However, you do have men in their 40's who still want to party and that's is just =/. However, overall the older men I dealt with were true gentle-men. They def. know how to treat a lady. Not all I said the ones I dealt with, which is one! JMHO

I agree. I used "old" tongue in cheek. I just mean 10+ years older than me.

I just won't settle for that. I don't care that that's just the way it is. It is not what I want.

 

[inthepink]

I find this to be true

Most, not all, older men have been through it all with dating with women and they are at an age where they know what they really want.

I think being in your 30's and having a man in their early 40's is very appropriate. You'd be surprised at the energy and stamina a man in his 40's has, trust me, most of them are no where near needing viagra, or having one foot in the grave. You might have a hard time keeping up with him

Ladies, don't sleep on the slightly older men. Who doesn't love the look of a distinguished man?

I'm fine if he's 42/43 ish as long as he looks young. I'm talking 10 years older or more are the ones who want my attention. Late 40s, 50s and 60s ya'll.

Also, I just don't feel it's fair to have to take someone that much older especially since my lifetime relationship status has been single for 99.99999% of the time and then the first thing I take has to be upper 40s? It's just not fair. I know life isn't fair but I'm telling you, it just isn't fair.

 

[inthepink]

I've seen the ones you are talking about and they have a lot of nerve, thinking they are going to get with a nice younger woman and they look a hot mess. Most women don't necessarily want a man that looks like a super model, but at least look like you bath and brush your teeth, appearances matter to us too. I do however know lots of men in their 40's that take extreme pride in their appearance, they have not let themselves go.

And the ones that know they are old enough to be your father, they really need to sit down somewhere, and they need to be more realistic themselves.

This is what I'm talking about. Most of these men KNOW better!

I see them and I just cannot see myself with them in any way, shape, or form b/c they just look too old.

Also, it is not "just" looks but also what's in the looks. The level of maturity. How much life have you experienced in terms of relationships? Some of these men look like they've lived several lives in terms of relationships while I've lived none. (i.e. I can see the divorce and 3 kids in their look.) I "feel" too young for them and can't see myself with them.

 

[Allandra]

hairlove,

Are you getting these responses from older men on Christian dating websites?

 

[inthepink]

hairlove,

Are you getting these responses from older men on Christian dating websites?

Allandra,

I've gotten them on ALL dating sites and believe me, I've been on a lot the past 8 years!

 

[Bunny77]

I've seen the ones you are talking about and they have a lot of nerve, thinking they are going to get with a nice younger woman and they look a hot mess. Most women don't necessarily want a man that looks like a super model, but at least look like you bath and brush your teeth

I remember getting one message from a guy who actually wasn't all that "old" -- he was 39 -- but he said he was recently divorced and his ex took all his money, so he was looking for a woman who was independent and could take care of herself because he wasn't shelling out anything for a woman anymore!

Now WHY the heck would I or any woman want to respond to that? Oh, and he had two kids, looked like he stepped right out of the trailer park and looked much older than 39. Fool, please! I have seen men in their late 40s that look MUCH better than that guy!

Also, I just don't feel it's fair to have to take someone that much older especially since my lifetime relationship status has been single for 99.99999% of the time and then the first thing I take has to be upper 40s? It's just not fair. I know life isn't fair but I'm telling you, it just isn't fair.

Also, it is not "just" looks but also what's in the looks. The level of maturity. How much life have you experienced in terms of relationships? Some of these men look like they've lived several lives in terms of relationships while I've lived none. (i.e. I can see the divorce and 3 kids in their look.) I "feel" too young for them and can't see myself with them.

You know what? I feel that. I really do. There is a big disconnect when they are talking about ex-wives and kids and finding schools for their kids when I'm thinking about how I just recently stopped wearing baby t-shirts with silly sayings on them.

I do feel uneasy when a man has that much life experience in the marriage/children area, and I have none. That's a LOT to suddenly take on, and plus I feel cheated that I got the Version 2.0 of them -- jaded, burdened, bitter -- instead of the version of them that married their now ex-wives many years ago when they were happy and full of hope and optimism.

My only response would be that if this is a big concern for you -- and I understand why it is -- you've gotta work harder to find more men that would fit your standards. And I know what you're gonna say next about dating difficulties lol)... but it's true... if you (general you) have certain standards and it's hard to find men that meet those standards, you have to work harder to find more men in the categories you want.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I remember getting one message from a guy who actually wasn't all that "old" -- he was 39 -- but he said he was recently divorced and his ex took all his money, so he was looking for a woman who was independent and could take care of herself because he wasn't shelling out anything for a woman anymore!

Now WHY the heck would I or any woman want to respond to that? Oh, and he had two kids, looked like he stepped right out of the trailer park and looked much older than 39. Fool, please! I have seen men in their late 40s that look MUCH better than that guy!

The nerve!!SMDH

 

[inthepink]

You know what? I feel that. I really do. There is a big disconnect when they are talking about ex-wives and kids and finding schools for their kids when I'm thinking about how I just recently stopped wearing baby t-shirts with silly sayings on them.

I do feel uneasy when a man has that much life experience in the marriage/children area, and I have none. That's a LOT to suddenly take on, and plus I feel cheated that I got the Version 2.0 of them -- jaded, burdened, bitter -- instead of the version of them that married their now ex-wives many years ago when they were happy and full of hope and optimism.

My only response would be that if this is a big concern for you -- and I understand why it is -- you've gotta work harder to find more men that would fit your standards. And I know what you're gonna say next about dating difficulties lol)... but it's true... if you (general you) have certain standards and it's hard to find men that meet those standards, you have to work harder to find more men in the categories you want.

Yes, I agree. I am always trying to find new ways. I have not given up...it's just hard out here for a single...

 

[Carrie A]

I know...it's my point. But why? Ok, I know why. But still. It hurts. I won't accept it.

Girl, it's a natural phase of life of the modern day woman. We can't be those bubbly college girls anymore no matter how "young we look". It's just the way you carry yourself. Still I believe there are guys our age (or even a few years younger) still checkin'.

 

[Bunny77]

Yes, I agree. I am always trying to find new ways. I have not given up...it's just hard out here for a single...

I find that people don't really understand/empathize when a never-married woman in her 30s really desires to find someone similar... especially if said woman happens to have been raised to believe that God will send her someone "in His time," and that if she just trusts in Him, "waits," etc., etc., she will receive the desires of her heart.

Or taking religion out of it, there are those who will tell single women to just love themselves, spend their single time traveling, living, building their careers, etc., etc.... and the man will just naturally "arrive."

So when it's finally time to marry, your reward is a divorced guy with two kids who's finances, time and attention are stretched multiple ways.

Seriously, God wanted me to wait for THIS? THIS was God's plan? This was the dude I prepared for???

This is why I'm so adamant that women who want to marry not "wait" for unnecessary periods of time to start pursuing it. The choices are simply better when you're younger... and yes, there are always options, but the older options are usually men back on the market.

Now, don't get depressed... Just be glad that you know what you want and then really focus on finding that. Read the New York Times wedding section for inspiration... there are tons of never-married women in their late 30s marrying never-married men of the same age group marrying all the time!

They're out there!

 

[flowinlocks]

I'm 41, but ppl tell me I look 35, I have always gotten hit on by the guys older than me, 50 & up or guys way younger. The guys my age are chasing after girls 20 something. Must of the guys I have dated or had as bf/so have been around 4 yrs. younger than me. I have several guy friends that I have never dated, but we have actually yapped on the phone for hours about the things that most guys won't tell a girl,and vice versa. One of them even told me of several conversations they have had with older men who schooled them on the subject of age difference. The phrase (and I quote) was don't no old man want no old woman.
I know this isn't always the case but the numbers are astounding, almost like if two ppl. in their forty's (and I am in no way calling 40 old) got married, it's because they finally gave up on the young girls & settled for someone their age.

 

[inthepink]

Thanks again Bunny - you hit the nail on the head!!

All throughout my twenties, I pretended to be happy and happily waiting and then I hit 28/29 and was like "Oh, God, it really didn't happen. My backup even got married."

I freaked out. Got online and haven't left.

As much as I am spending my time learning to be a godly woman, I know I won't meet a man on my doorstop so I have to be out there somehow!

But you're right - do nothing and get rewarded with someone who's already done everything? It's just not the experience that I want. Maybe when I am older I'll change my mind but right now, no.

Bunny - you described that better than anyone I have heard before!!

You have a way with words! Thank you!!

 

[inthepink]

I know this isn't alway the case but the numbers are astounding, almost like if two ppl. in their forty's (and I am in no way calling 40 old) got married, it's because they finally gave up on the young girls & settled for someone their age.

I believe ya. erplexed

 

[FlowerHair]

This is what I'm talking about. Most of these men KNOW better!

I see them and I just cannot see myself with them in any way, shape, or form b/c they just look too old.

Also, it is not "just" looks but also what's in the looks. The level of maturity. How much life have you experienced in terms of relationships? Some of these men look like they've lived several lives in terms of relationships while I've lived none. (i.e. I can see the divorce and 3 kids in their look.) I "feel" too young for them and can't see myself with them.

I completely understand and there's nothing wrong with wanting what you want...not at all

It's just that it's really difficult to find a man who is 38-39 and hasn't been married etc. You might have to go younger to find that. Maybe someone around 28-30?

The right man for you won't be difficult to date regardless of his relationship history. His experience will make your relationship smooth sailing!

Also, if you're just dating or chatting online - go up to 45 at least. It's not that serious anyway at that stage...

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I find that people don't really understand/empathize when a never-married woman in her 30s really desires to find someone similar... especially if said woman happens to have been raised to believe that God will send her someone "in His time," and that if she just trusts in Him, "waits," etc., etc., she will receive the desires of her heart.

Or taking religion out of it, there are those who will tell single women to just love themselves, spend their single time traveling, living, building their careers, etc., etc.... and the man will just naturally "arrive."

So when it's finally time to marry, your reward is a divorced guy with two kids who's finances, time and attention are stretched multiple ways.

Seriously, God wanted me to wait for THIS? THIS was God's plan? This was the dude I prepared for???

This is why I'm so adamant that women who want to marry not "wait" for unnecessary periods of time to start pursuing it. The choices are simply better when you're younger... and yes, there are always options, but the older options are usually men back on the market.

Now, don't get depressed... Just be glad that you know what you want and then really focus on finding that. Read the New York Times wedding section for inspiration... there are tons of never-married women in their late 30s marrying never-married men of the same age group marrying all the time!

They're out there!

I agree, had I not been married, I'd want exactly what you want in a man, and feel I deserved it too.

And, you're right there are men still out there that are in your age-group, never been married, ready to settle down with someone like them.

My neice who has never been married is getting married for the first time @ age 36 to a man who is her age and never been married, in October.

It's a little harder to find them, but not impossible.

 

[Carrie A]

Also you may want to put an age limit on your search. You only want to match age 32-45. Non -smoking. The forty -three year old guy who takes care of himself may look pretty good. You might luck up and snag a 38 y/o and maybe a 33 y/o who is intrigued with dating an "older" woman. LOL

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[inthepink]

I completely understand and there's nothing wrong with wanting what you want...not at all

It's just that it's really difficult to find a man who is 38-39 and hasn't been married etc. You might have to go younger to find that. Maybe someone around 28-30?

The right man for you won't be difficult to date regardless of his relationship history. His experience will make your relationship smooth sailing!

Also, if you're just dating or chatting online - go up to 45 at least. It's not that serious anyway at that stage...

I am totally open to someone younger!

 

[inthepink]

I agree, had I not been married, I'd want exactly what you want in a man, and feel I deserved it too.

And, you're right there are men still out there that are in your age-group, never been married, ready to settle down with someone like them.

My neice who has never been married is getting married for the first time @ age 36 to a man who is her age and never been married, in October.

It's a little harder to find them, but not impossible.

Ahhhh...hope finally comes. Thank you for sharing!

 

[inthepink]

Also you may want to put an age limit on your search. You only want to match age 32-45. Non -smoking. The forty -three year old guy who takes care of himself may look pretty good. You might luck up and snag a 38 y/o and maybe a 33 y/o who is intrigued with dating an "older" woman. LOL

I do - they just don't care. They respond no matter what your preferences are.

 

[MissYocairis]

I'm fine if he's 42/43 ish as long as he looks young. I'm talking 10 years older or more are the ones who want my attention. Late 40s, 50s and 60s ya'll.

Also, I just don't feel it's fair to have to take someone that much older especially since my lifetime relationship status has been single for 99.99999% of the time and then the first thing I take has to be upper 40s? It's just not fair. I know life isn't fair but I'm telling you, it just isn't fair.

I hear you on this. And, I don't think you're wrong in the way you feel. Time to call in the LOA. Have you intentioned your ideal mate? And, did you include age, vitality and looks on the list? I believe your ideal mate is out there and was made just for you. He's on his way to you. Open your heart to receive him so you'll recognize him when he shows up. You don't have to date a man that is 47, had a myriad of relationship experiences when that isn't what you want for your life.

You can focus in on what you want, believe you deserve that and see it show up. You've put in the faithful patience and caution. You've done what you were supposed to do so you deserve this. I know it will happen.