Nice guy ... Not attractive

LadyBugsy

LadyBugsy

Well-Known Member
I have met a really nice guy but I don't find him that physically attractive. I'd give him a 6.5 out of 10.

He is tall, funny, educated, has 2 jobs, child free and likes my cooking! (I can cook, btw) we have a nice time together but I haven't had even a twinge of physical or sexual attraction.

What should I do? Keep hanging out ... Or keep looking?
 
You have to be honest with yourself, if you are not attracted to him, it will not work, you can get nice attractive men, who are child free and have all the characteristics, you want. Write about your list, start thanking God for your husband, he is this and that and keep looking until you get you want, don't settle.
 
If you are not feeling him, let him go so that he can find a woman who is feeling him. Remember looks sometimes go.
 
Thanks so much for the responses!

We have been on 4 dates/outings in the past 2 weeks. We spent ALL day (1-10 pm) together on Saturday.

I am not trying to call the guy ugly. He is attractive...just not so much to me. I have been single for almost 3 years and the pickings out here are slim! I mean, a black man in the American South with no kids??!! The last couple of dudes I dated were convinced that "something must be wrong with you if you don't have any kids by now". Huh? I am not looking to marry this guy and I have gone out on other dates in the past 3 weeks. So I am not pressed but I would like some suggestions on how to proceed.
 
Stop Misleading him. It's not fair. Just move on and if he is all that u said he is, some other woman will scoop him up in no time. In addition, looks fade eventually, so try not to focus too much on how your other future dates look. Instead focus on their souls or u might allow a lot of great guys to slip away and end up with a handsome womanizing bum! :-)
 
Try to focus on falling in love with who a man is on the inside, how he treats you, and how he makes you feel (respected, safe, happy, etc., vs. how he looks). Go on a couple more dates with a different focus and you may find yourself falling for him or not. If not, KIM and leave him alone. When I was in college I went out with the absolutely nicest guy in the world. He would always say to me "penny for your thoughts," and he really cared about me. But I could not get past his looks :nono:. I am happily married to someone else but if I wasn't I would be filled with regret and wishing I'd given that guy more of a chance. A girlfriend of mine was caught up on looks and that's about all she ended up with: a good looking guy lacking in most of the qualities she really needs in a husband.
 
Depends on how ugly he is and how much it bothers you. Is he procreate-able? :look:

6.5 isn't too bad IMO, but only you can make this decision. Good luck!
 
It doesn't sound to me like OP is hung up on his looks...she's just not attracted to him. I don't find concern about that to be particularly shallow, but that's just me.

I agree that you should give it a couple more dates but if the thought of kissing him makes you cringe, don't hesitate to walk away. It's not fair to either one of you to stick around.
 
^^^I would agree except for the fact that she called him not attractive in the title of the thread and gave him a 6.5 rating. But you may be right. OP please clarify.
 
I've tried forcing myself to be attracted to two guys who were super nice. I stayed dating them as long as I could to see if my attraction would change but it didn't. It sucked cuz they had things I looked for but when they leaned in for a kiss I would literally run. The other posters are righr. If u find urself not not being able to stand it leave him alone and don't string him on. If Ur looking for a friend then all if this doesn't matter. But if he is looking for a gf...and Ur looking for a bf then u gotta be real. But I do agree to wait a few more dates

Sent from my ADR6350 using ADR6350
 
He isn't ugly! And I think it's the teeth .... He still has some PROMINENT baby teeth and I think ... Idk it weirded me out.

And he is kinda squishy. Like Ice Cube squishy. I know some girls would be all " that's why you're alone because you're too picky". Right now, I like the personality and I am not feeling temple. Womp womp

ETA: I am a slender girl and I haven't dated a heavier man before. When I say heavier, I mean someone who is not athletic or plain old skinny. I am not trying to be mean or put somebody down. I am being honest.
 
Everyone has their taste, you know. I like squishy men lol, idk why, maybe because I'm not slender like you. So girl, trust your gut. He's got two things irritating you: weird teeth and too heavy for your taste so maybe he just isn't the one for you. Hopefully there is a better match out there for you. Teeth can be fixed but weight IMO kind of is what it is and it would be wrong to date him hoping he would lose weight.
 
hopeful said:
Teeth can be fixed but weight IMO kind of is what it is and it would be wrong to date him hoping he would lose weight.
Click to expand...


True. I had to let a guy who was interested in me go because he was too quirky to me and was really overweight. I had to be honest with myself, and it got to the point where I cringed when he walked into the room:nono: at that point, NO. Going into a relationship, you take the guy as is. If it gets better and he drops 50 lbs, great, but if not..you have to be settled.:rolleyes:

eta: It wasn't just the weight, but his persona. our personalities clashed:look:
 
I would not describe him as overweight. He is just soft. And I would not date him and expect him to change - that is a disaster waiting to happen! But I do like his personality and I like hanging with him. Maybe we should just be friends
 
I'd let him go. If you're not feeling him after another date or so, you prob won't in that way. Attraction can't be forced and it's not only looks based. It doesn't sound like you're attracted to him all. You could let him go for someone that's really feeling him. I know it's hard and you prob feel like your being nit picky, but if the attraction doesn't grow (doesn't sound like it will) then let him go.
 
LadyBugsy said:
I would not describe him as overweight. He is just soft. And I would not date him and expect him to change - that is a disaster waiting to happen! But I do like his personality and I like hanging with him. Maybe we should just be friends
Click to expand...

If you want to be friends, make sure that you make this crystal clear so that you're on the same page. Don't allow him to think that you're still dating or that there is potential for a relationship in the future.

I've been there and it really doesn't work. I couldn't stand the thought of him kissing or touching me. What eventually happened is that I made us both miserable because EVERYTHING he did started to annoy me...stuff that I would've let go if it was someone I actually was attracted to. Don't feel guilty. Cut your losses and move on.
 
While I agree that if someone is good to you or if you you find other qualities attractive, then it is possible that they can become more attractive.

I still believe that if you are having a difficult time finding him attractive, then ultimately you will stray or become unhappy if you decided to stay.

I would suggest that you put him in the friend zone, and continue dating.
 
I can't tell you what to do, but my last ex was completely physically unattractive to me at first. I couldn't find one redeeming quality in him, physically, but I really liked his other qualities. I seriously considered dropping him, but I went out with him again from pressure from friends. Anyway, he did something for me that I thought was so incredibly sweet and made me look at him in a totally different light. Long story short, he became the love of my life. We're not together anymore based on things out of my control, but I would've argued anyone down who said that 3 months later I'd be in love with him and would prove to be my best relationship so far.

He became attractive to me and I would just look at him sometimes and try to find the previous unattractiveness that I'd seen, and couldn't see it.

I said all that to say, if there are other qualities you like about him, give it a chance. If not, keep it moving because it won't make a difference.

I went on a couple dates with a guy in the past who I wasn't physically attracted to in the least and I couldn't even kiss him, because I wasn't attracted to him physically or personality-wise. I threw him back for someone else to catch.

I didn't regret either decision.

Sent from my Droid Incredible
 
If you don't find him attractive then you shouldn't go out with him. I'm sorry, but I cannot date somebody I don't find attractive but maybe that's just me. He doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous but I have to find him attractive. I don't want to hear none of that "inside that counts" bull$***. Why is it that a man can reject a woman he doesn't find attractive but when a woman does it, it's a problem?
 
Sooo, I went out on another date with Pharaoh Squishy last night and he is starting to GROW on me a teensy tiny bit. We saw Super 8. And I was a little sick (passed out due to a minor medical issue) and he was really sweet!

Plus, he had on a more fitted shirt and I am starting to rethink how squishy he is ... He came in his work clothes (button down and slacks) and he didn't look squishy at all!


Maybe, maybe ....we shall see...


Thanks ladies for your support with this issue.




Perfect Locks wavy 16-18 for sale!
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
 
IONENABILLION said:
If you don't find him attractive then you shouldn't go out with him. I'm sorry, but I cannot date somebody I don't find attractive but maybe that's just me. He doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous but I have to find him attractive. I don't want to hear none of that "inside that counts" bull$***. Why is it that a man can reject a woman he doesn't find attractive but when a woman does it, it's a problem?
Click to expand...

Totally agree there, we are pressurised to look at the insides, attraction is important.
 
LadyBugsy said:
Sooo, I went out on another date with Pharaoh Squishy last night and he is starting to GROW on me a teensy tiny bit. We saw Super 8. And I was a little sick (passed out due to a minor medical issue) and he was really sweet!

Plus, he had on a more fitted shirt and I am starting to rethink how squishy he is ... He came in his work clothes (button down and slacks) and he didn't look squishy at all!


Maybe, maybe ....we shall see...


Thanks ladies for your support with this issue.




Perfect Locks wavy 16-18 for sale!
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
Click to expand...

Awww, he sounds like a sweetheart.
 
LadyBugsy said:
Sooo, I went out on another date with Pharaoh Squishy last night and he is starting to GROW on me a teensy tiny bit. We saw Super 8. And I was a little sick (passed out due to a minor medical issue) and he was really sweet!

Plus, he had on a more fitted shirt and I am starting to rethink how squishy he is ... He came in his work clothes (button down and slacks) and he didn't look squishy at all!

Maybe, maybe ....we shall see...

Thanks ladies for your support with this issue.

Perfect Locks wavy 16-18 for sale!
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
Click to expand...
But he still is squishy, even though it wasn't as obvious. I don't knock you for taking more time to get to know this man (as long as you're also honest with him about your feelings and intentions), I just hope you aren't trying to force yourself to be attracted to him because you feel you should be, given his other qualities. Some women can over look a lack of physical attraction when presented with other redeeming qualities and some can't. If you're in the group who "can't", that's perfectly fine, but I think both of you will be better off if you accept this about yourself.
 
Update: we went out to a dance club for a friend's birthday and I got my first smooch on the dance floor! :giggle:

He is wearing me down - and getting less unattractive in the process.


Perfect Locks wavy 16-18 for sale!
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
 
LadyBugsy said:
Update: we went out to a dance club for a friend's birthday and I got my first smooch on the dance floor! :giggle:

He is wearing me down - and getting less unattractive in the process.


Perfect Locks wavy 16-18 for sale!
Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF
Click to expand...

Yay girlie!!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

StarScream35
Can you force yourself to be with somebody you aren't attracted to?
2
Replies
35
Views
888
MizAvalon
MizAvalon
TinyBlu
Question for Married / Long Term Relationship Ladies
Replies
29
Views
648
ThatJerseyGirl
ThatJerseyGirl
blessed
The nice guy????
2
Replies
50
Views
1K
jtsupanova
jtsupanova
yardyspice
Help! Dating Advice For Those That Are Not Physically Attractive
10 11 12
Replies
347
Views
14K
Okay
O
asubeauty
How important is physical attraction?
Replies
25
Views
585
Ms Red
M
Back
Top