Never been in love

BlueSage

BlueSage

Well-Known Member
I am sitting here lurking the relationship forum, reading about all of the ups and downs, heart breaks and love stories. Then it hit me....I have never been in love. I am in my late 30's and I've never been in love....WTH?

Please tell me I am not the only one!
 
I have felt strong feelings and had my heart broken deeply.

So you are not the only one and it's getting more difficult by the day. My brother is in town and he just kept harping on the fact that I am still single with no man and he is going to sell me to the highest bidder to receive a dowry (sp). He and my married sister thought it was so funny. NOT! :( It's such a sensitive subject that I constantly fight tears when I either think of it or someone asks me if I have a boyfriend.
 
CurlyMoo said:
I have felt strong feelings and had my heart broken deeply. So you are not the only one and it's getting more difficult by the day. My brother is in town and he just kept harping on the fact that I am still single with no man and he is going to sell me to the highest bidder to receive a dowry (sp). He and my married sister thought it was so funny. NOT! :( It's such a sensitive subject that I constantly fight tears when I either think of it or someone asks me if I have a boyfriend.
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:bighug:

I'm so sorry, that's beyond insensitive. I've resolved myself, that I'm a late bloomer and aside from DD at 19 my life won't have the same timeline as others. There is nothing wrong with the OP's situation. Enjoy your youth and freedom and I promise someone always comes when you least expect it....
 
Simply_elle said:
:bighug:

I'm so sorry, that's beyond insensitive. I've resolved myself, that I'm a late bloomer and aside from DD at 19 my life won't have the same timeline as others. There is nothing wrong with the OP's situation. Enjoy your youth and freedom and I promise someone always comes when you least expect it....
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Thank you Elle I appreciate your hug and thoughtful words.

I like the idea of late bloomer but damn just how late. I don't want to find my love when I am pushing a walker. :perplexed Do you ever find yourself asking, why not me?

I agree, enjoy life because it really makes no sense to spend it sad and worried about when you will meet a guy. Tomorrow I am buying a kite. :grin:
 
CurlyMoo said:
Thank you Elle I appreciate your hug and thoughtful words.

I like the idea of late bloomer but damn just how late. I don't want to find my love when I am pushing a walker. :perplexed Do you ever find yourself asking, why not me?

I agree, enjoy life because it really makes no sense to spend it sad and worried about when you will meet a guy. Tomorrow I am buying a kite. :grin:
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I totally feel you on the late bloomer. We had a single Ladies' Valentine dinner which I was so excited about. My joy died instantly when I found out the main speaker found love and got married for the first time at age 52. She was saying be patient but inside me I was like 10+ more yrs ? :nono: No bueno. I'm having a blast living my life but it really would be nice to have someone to share it with.
 
BlueSage said:
I am sitting here lurking the relationship forum, reading about all of the ups and downs, heart breaks and love stories. Then it hit me....I have never been in love. I am in my late 30's and I've never been in love....WTH?

Please tell me I am not the only one!
Click to expand...

You haven't even been in love with some no good man you should have avoided? How have you eluded that trap?
 
Starting to open up more here, well in regards to my love life, but yea I am in same situation... I recently have been heavily in prayer in some things are coming at me that are slight signs on what I need to do... Someone posted in the singles girls remix thread:

1. Relationship with God
2. Relationship with yourself
3. Relationship with others
Our relationship with God and ourselves, sets the stage for our relationship with others
Click to expand...

Yea its like I have a general sense of what love is, but really no clue.. I have shared my testimony of relationship with parents on more than one occasion, mostly not in a great light, but there has been no love in my life growing up, so I have to start there, especially loving self in so many ways... Being done on self, looking for gratification from outside, et etc and so on... It truly all starts there, not saying that those that are in similar situations don't have love, but if it is missing there, then it will be hard to find...

I find that those who are extremely confident in self, self love, excel in dating...
 
Additionally, I find myself linking up with emotional unavailable men, as in what I want and what they want are not aligned...

I have been infatuated with men, but love, no... Its like I cant bring self to love them for one because I don't know what love looks like, 2. not feeling the interest from the other party, 3. I know they are not what I want, but I stay because my logic was something is better than nothing... :perplexed

My feeling is that thank gosh women are born with intuition, which saves me from loving, or being head over heels over nothing if that makes sense... :ohwell:

I have guys that ask me why still single, smart, pretty, etc etc, blha blah... Which makes it even worse... it slike I am making it out to be rocket science...

I also tend to be the shy and quiet girl... Reading the rules, chnaged up things but nothing changes overnight, so I find myself slipping into those doormat roles...

I am soon to be 33, and this is my time, I have to figure this out... I am extremely hard on self in that realm... :sad:

Sorry for rant/venting here...
 
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Harina said:
Do you mean only never feeling MUTUALLY in love with somebody or even one-sided love as well?
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I think this is a good point... Most people have been in love, they just don't realize what it feels like...

Love can be and feel different for each different person you're with...
And it doesn't always look and feel like the great all encompassing MOVIE love...
 
You're not the only one. I haven't been in love either. I'm sure it will happen one day. I have been in like, I have been in lust, I have been attracted, I have even had the he's just ok for right now feeling :lol: I have heard that love is a choice. So, maybe one day that will be the choice I will make.
 
i can feel like ive loved my boyfriends, and after, recognise that i was in love with them while we dated (?) but when the relationship is over, somehow those feelings no longer matter...
 
The feeling of true love is indescribable but heartbreak is a whole other ball game as well. U actually feel physical pain when it happens. Can't eat, can't sleep, lose weight. Most people who have loved have also felt true heartbreak as well. I have been in love three times and heart broken twice. nothing is worse than the first heartbreak.

But your love will come around soon and maybe God has waited to send you the one so that you will never experience heartbreak.
 
either, actually, but mainly that all consuming heartbreak bit. i broke up with one guy and freaked out about it. but in hindsight, the thing that hurt the most was losing the relationship as it might have existed in the future; having to go reconfigure the upcoming years since they were no longer going to happen in the way i'd been planning. we never spoke again, and it was for the best - that future doesn't make sense to me now.

last ex, our break up was like ho hum i dont care GO AWAY. but i could have married that man. i could see him in my life forever. i could only assume that means i loved him a lot more. and yet, i dont want him back and it was right that we broke up.

in general framing relationships in those movie tropes doesnt work for me... it sets up strange expectations that i personally dont want to seek to fulfill.
 
BlueSage said:
I am sitting here lurking the relationship forum, reading about all of the ups and downs, heart breaks and love stories. Then it hit me....I have never been in love. I am in my late 30's and I've never been in love....WTH?

Please tell me I am not the only one!
Click to expand...

shoot lucky you.:lol: at least u dont have to experience Heartbreak. that right there is almost close to grieving a death. whew. lol
 
bunnycolvin said:
either, actually, but mainly that all consuming heartbreak bit. i broke up with one guy and freaked out about it. but in hindsight, the thing that hurt the most was losing the relationship as it might have existed in the future; having to go reconfigure the upcoming years since they were no longer going to happen in the way i'd been planning. we never spoke again, and it was for the best - that future doesn't make sense to me now. last ex, our break up was like ho hum i dont care GO AWAY. but i could have married that man. i could see him in my life forever. i could only assume that means i loved him a lot more. and yet, i dont want him back and it was right that we broke up. in general framing relationships in those movie tropes doesnt work for me... it sets up strange expectations that i personally dont want to seek to fulfill.
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I love hard I guess. But I know everyone is not the same. I have had relationships in between that were just like "I don't care go away". But not the ones I loved. I was a wreck. Especially the first.
 
yeah, i think its probably just that i tend to 'wreck me". i was so upset with that one breakup mainly because i had been thinking one thing that turned out to be wrong, and the things that happened were my fault, so i felt bad. in the other, i didnt blame myself, so i didnt feel bad about what happened. the love is secondary... idk, im weird :lol:
 
bunnycolvin said:
either, actually, but mainly that all consuming heartbreak bit. i broke up with one guy and freaked out about it. but in hindsight, the thing that hurt the most was losing the relationship as it might have existed in the future; having to go reconfigure the upcoming years since they were no longer going to happen in the way i'd been planning. we never spoke again, and it was for the best - that future doesn't make sense to me now.

last ex, our break up was like ho hum i dont care GO AWAY. but i could have married that man. i could see him in my life forever. i could only assume that means i loved him a lot more. and yet, i dont want him back and it was right that we broke up.

in general framing relationships in those movie tropes doesnt work for me... it sets up strange expectations that i personally dont want to seek to fulfill.
Click to expand...

Do you have a love logically? LOL!

I know some women who have been in love and gave all of themselves into that relationship. They did not hold back. Then there are others who hold a piece of themselves back and when the relationship goes south, they are like:look:. Also these women seem to love with their head, rather than with their heart.
 
RegaLady said:
Do you have a love logically? LOL!

I know some women who have been in love and gave all of themselves into that relationship. They did not hold back. Then there are others who hold a piece of themselves back and when the relationship goes south, they are like:look:. Also these women seem to love with their head, rather than with their heart.
Click to expand...

yeah, i probably love with my head more than my heart. i never really thought of it that way, actually, despite how common that phrase is.
 
bunnycolvin said:
yeah, i probably love with my head more than my heart. i never really thought of it that way, actually, despite how common that phrase is.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I am the same way. Before, Dh, I too had never been in love. The way you described your experiences sounded like me,lol.
 
so are you saying you eventually stopped "loving with your head"?

i dont know... i cant really see it changing for me.
 
RegaLady said:
Do you have a love logically? LOL! I know some women who have been in love and gave all of themselves into that relationship. They did not hold back. Then there are others who hold a piece of themselves back and when the relationship goes south, they are like:look:. Also these women seem to love with their head, rather than with their heart.
Click to expand...

After my first heartbreak my mom always told me to keep a piece of my heart to myself. Don't give him ALL of it. It's a GREAT piece of advice.
 
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