Never been in love

[CaraWalker]

how old are you anyway? im gonna stop... id feel bad if you were over 40

 

[NGraceO]

Lolol my goodness at this thread!! Please let's all get along. Yeah I just ended relationship a few months ago where my heart wasn't in it like it should have been, like I wanted it to be. That's part of the reason why I want to be with someone who at least makes me want to give my whole heart. Be like screw this - let's see what happens. That will actually be a very liberating feeling for me bc I am actually very restrained and controlled. It has allowed me to succeed in other areas of my life but not as much in my romantic life. I just need to find the right man. A man who is worthy and is able to progressively give his heart as well.

Yes!! I am VERY guarded and self-aware in all relationships, but a recent experience taught me that the RIGHT man can make my walls collapse just like that.

So crazy. Love it.

 

[NGraceO]

I used to be in love I couldnt eat sleep go crazy. Fortunately a few life events have caused me to be conscious possibly enlightened I have not been in love since. What I mean is yes I can be in a relationship but I will never be in love.

Never say never *winks* lol

 

[lovely_locks]

I am not sure about anyone else, but it takes me a long time to figure out that I am in love. And I'm not talking just a few months.

 

[RocStar]

People in glass houses



Anyway, love is a risk, but it is a risk that I think is worth it.

 

[CaraWalker]

what does the house you and ambergirl live in look like?

ok, ok, ok, i quit

let me log off

 

[ambergirl]

how old are you anyway? im gonna stop... id feel bad if you were over 40

You know bunny, I'm going to stop because I truly in my heart think not all is right in your world. The picture I get of you with every post is a very sad, angry, lonely person. I'm surprised you haven't started swearing yet since that seems to be what you do when you get frustrated. No one is fooled by the so called humor and smileys. At least I'm not. I hope you resolve whatever you're dealing with. We all have our challenges, but acting out on the internet is not a good look.

 

[CaraWalker]

the "im so concerned for your sad life" last resort is a favorite around here, isnt it?

i actually really did have a laugh with each reply i made.

but, by all means, make me into whatever you need me to be in order to keep avoiding the truth in the things i said. i dont mind, honestly.

real recognise real, they say i dont mind if you dont see me

stop it! im going to log off!

 

[ambergirl]

Yes!! I am VERY guarded and self-aware in all relationships, but a recent experience taught me that the RIGHT man can make my walls collapse just like that.

So crazy. Love it.

THIS! When you've got the right man the walls just fall down. I recently met a man just like this, and while I don't see it evolving into anything romantic my walls are completely down with him...and his with me. I've had some of the most heartfelt, conversation with him about love and life (at one point we both were tearing up) and think whom ever he ends with will be one lucky woman.

 

[Duchesse]

To respond to the OP....I'm 31 and still trying to figure out what love is and if I've truly been(or still in love) with a particular person. I know when I broke things off, I most definitely experienced heartbreak..and it was emotional as well as physical.. I felt crazy. But to "me", true love requires reciprocal/mutual actions of love..and isn't just a feeling if that makes sense.

 

[tru4reele]

To respond to the OP....I'm 31 and still trying to figure out what love is and if I've truly been(or still in love) with a particular person. I know when I broke things off, I most definitely experienced heartbreak..and it was emotional as well as physical.. I felt crazy. But to "me", true love requires reciprocal/mutual actions of love..and isn't just a feeling if that makes sense.

Hmmmm you don't know if you were actually "IN love" because he may not have loved you back. Great point! You loved him though so you could say that you have loved someone but really can't determine if you were in love. Let me ponder on that for a minute. Okay so at time you were together did you feel like he loved you back or did you just come to the conclusion that he didn't live you after it was over? Because if you felt that he loved you as well during the relationship it qualifies as you being in love. I say that because I think many of us have been in love with someone and then after the heartbreak you look back and say "that fool never loved me."

 

[sylver2]

Hmmmm you don't know if you were actually "IN love" because he may not have loved you back. Great point! You loved him though so you could say that you have loved someone but really can't determine if you were in love. Let me ponder on that for a minute. Okay so at time you were together did you feel like he loved you back or did you just come to the conclusion that he didn't live you after it was over? Because if you felt that he loved you as well during the relationship it qualifies as you being in love. I say that because I think many of us have been in love with someone and then after the heartbreak you look back and say "that fool never loved me."

unrequited love can be just as painful

 

[tru4reele]

unrequited love can be just as painful

Correct. I was just trying to answer her question about her being in love. I mean if you love someone and they don't love you back then you can say "I love that person". But can you say "I'm IN LOVE with that person" it's hard for me to explain.

 

[Fine 4s]

THIS! When you've got the right man the walls just fall down. I recently met a man just like this, and while I don't see it evolving into anything romantic my walls are completely down with him...and his with me. I've had some of the most heartfelt, conversation with him about love and life (at one point we both were tearing up) and think whom ever he ends with will be one lucky woman.

Going through something similar.
I don't see the relationship progressing for various reasons but wow, talk about a connection and passion?! The way he shows me physical affection is amaaaazing. I'd like that kind of love when I get into another long term relationship.

 

[Lucie]

I've been in love twice. I thought it was 3 times but that was just a lot of love but NOT in love.

 

[NGraceO]

Going through something similar. I don't see the relationship progressing for various reasons but wow, talk about a connection and passion?! The way he shows me physical affection is amaaaazing. I'd like that kind of love when I get into another long term relationship.

Those kind of connections, romantic or not, are SO rare and beautiful. I find them magical in nature and valuable.

 

[Duchesse]

True4reele You made some good points. With this guy, he was the first to say that he loves me/is in love with me. But I think we have different ideas of what "to be in love" means..which kind of connects to what was stated up-thread (the heart versus head love). For him, I think love is all the emotion, passion, etc... but no action. So in his reality, love is strictly a feeling. To me, love is all of that, plus concrete action to show that you love someone. If I say I love someone, my actions towards that person will show it...otrherwise IMO, it's all just fantasy.

Also wanted to add, the whole "love language" thing is very real. We give and receive love based on what we perceive love to be. So for all of us, it can/will be very different.

Some people may simply just need to say or hear the words "I love you" and it's true. Others need more concrete things from themselves and from others.

 

[tinkat]

To me there's a big difference between giving your whole heart and giving yourself away. If you're giving your self away that's not love, that's dependency or lack of identity or self. Wholehearted loving to me is being open, honest, authentic, and expressive in your love for your partner (not sacrificial!) I get why a lot of women don't love wholeheartedly...because frankly a lot of men don't value it and take advantage of it. But how sad to have to live your life consciously withholding a piece of your heart.

Agree . My SO said this past weekend that he knew I loved myself bc of how open , authentic, and expressive I am towards him. I was surprised he said that. He said i am able to give freely bc I'm filled with love within and he can see it. I appreciated the feedback. I think it's important to save a piece of yourself which has already been mentioned.

Eta: save a piece of yourself unless someone shows that they value you. I have been guilty of giving myself to someone who wasn't deserving bc he didn't see my worth. But I attracted him and looking back I don't think I saw my own worth.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[ambergirl]

Agree . My SO said this past weekend that he knew I loved myself bc of how open , authentic, and expressive I am towards him. I was surprised he said that. He said i am able to give freely bc I'm filled with love within and he can see it. I appreciated the feedback. I think it's important to save a piece of yourself which has already been mentioned. Eta: save a piece of yourself unless someone shows that they value you. I have been guilty of giving myself to someone who wasn't deserving bc he didn't see my worth. But I attracted him and looking back I don't think I saw my own worth. Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Yes to all of this.

I think the real problem is that we give our whole hearts away to the wrong men thinking that will draw them closer when in fact it often does the opposite because they know they haven't demonstrated their love and commitment to you and so it reads like desperation or manipulation.

But with the right man it's just a natural progression in the relationship.

 

[ambergirl]

Going through something similar. I don't see the relationship progressing for various reasons but wow, talk about a connection and passion?! The way he shows me physical affection is amaaaazing. I'd like that kind of love when I get into another long term relationship.

Yeah, mine is quite unusual. No sexual energy at all (for good reason) but the heart energy is just...wow! And it was almost instantaneous. We just completely vibed...to the point where we've talked for hours upon hours about everything imaginable. Just dropped him off at the airport and there is a chance I may not see him again for a long time, maybe ever and it made me so teary. But what a great experience to spend time with a man where I felt we were completely emotionally open and unguarded.

 

[NGraceO]

Yeah, mine is quite unusual. No sexual energy at all (for good reason) but the heart energy is just...wow! And it was almost instantaneous. We just completely vibed...to the point where we've talked for hours upon hours about everything imaginable. Just dropped him off at the airport and there is a chance I may not see him again for a long time, maybe ever and it made me so teary. But what a great experience to spend time with a man where I felt we were completely emotionally open and unguarded.

Yes!!! So glad to see that this can still exist.

 

[hopeful]

Those kind of connections, romantic or not, are SO rare and beautiful. I find them magical in nature and valuable.

I agree that you can have that "magical" connection with a close friend, a romantic partner, or a complete stranger. It's a rare and unique experience. And very beautiful.

 

[ambergirl]

Those kind of connections, romantic or not, are SO rare and beautiful. I find them magical in nature and valuable.

Yeah my experience was definitely magical but in thinking about it, what made it possible is that since we weren't going to be romantically involved, there were no expectations on either side. So he could say whatever and I could say whatever and there was no fear of judgement or no energy of judging/sizing up the other. Personally I find retaining that sense of neutrality hard when romance is on the table. In fact divulging too much too soon can be a romance killer. Still I feel blessed to have had the experience. If only as a reminder that men like this exist our there!

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I've never been in love. I thought I was when I was 19 but nope. Everything happens for a reason. I know how I am when I have feelings for someone and for the past few years I've been working on me. So I don't see it as a bad thing that I haven't been in love yet in my 26 years lol.

 

[RegaLady]

Yeah my experience was definitely magical but in thinking about it, what made it possible is that since we weren't going to be romantically involved, there were no expectations on either side. So he could say whatever and I could say whatever and there was no fear of judgement or no energy of judging/sizing up the other. Personally I find retaining that sense of neutrality hard when romance is on the table. In fact divulging too much too soon can be a romance killer. Still I feel blessed to have had the experience. If only as a reminder that men like this exist our there!

I have had male friendships like this. I can see why some women relate to men better than others because of the bolded. It is a wonderful thing.

 

[ckisland]

I'm 26, and I've only been in one relationship. I thought I had fallen in love again with a best friend of mine (he felt the same way), and I immediately realized that I was in friendship love with him . But the one boyfriend I had, I was in loooooove with that boy . I know that the idea of true love and soul mates is completely arguably, but it's something that I believe in and that relationship solidified that belief.

We were both new to the high school and the area, which was weird because we both showed up the second day of the spring semester. I was late to my first classes, so I missed him initially. My mom picked me up, and as we were driving back home, this feeling rolled over my entire body. I was suddenly hot, could barely breathe, and it was like every sensor in my body was firing at once. It felt terrible . I looked out the window and I see this random kid a bit away walking down the sidewalk. Low and behold, the next day when I'm in class, guess who comes over, sits down next to me and introduces himself ? I was like meeting my other half, and I felt so tranquil. We dated for 3 years, were engaged, and I had the final say in our break up. I was good the first few months afterward, but then I realized that I would never say his name. I had the strangest moments were I felt a part of me was missing, and I would just start bawling .

Funny thing was, we didn't speak for 6 years and he suddenly sent me a message on Facebook and was across the country. When I got back to this side, we met up and it was like only a few days had passed between us . We fell back into the groove a little too hard . We were at totally different points of our lives, and for various reasons, we decided to part ways again. It was good though, because it healed those years of heartbreak.

For me, being in love is different from loving someone, and it has a very specific feeling. I also believe that there are people out there that match up to our souls/ essences/ electrical impulses . I don't believe that it's necessarily just one person though, but we meet the person were suppose to at whatever point of our journey we're at. I don't think soul mates have to be permanent either and that's okay too. Some will meet their last "one" and others won't.
I know this was long, but I really believe that you'll know it. My gut has never lead me wrong when I've listened to it, and I have so much faith in that feeling. That doesn't stop me from loving with my brain first though. I put my ex through a lot and watched before I decided that he had earned my love. I wish I was as smart now as I had been as a teen. I was so self-aware and self-possessed back then .

 

[NGraceO]

I'm 26, and I've only been in one relationship. I thought I had fallen in love again with a best friend of mine (he felt the same way), and I immediately realized that I was in friendship love with him . But the one boyfriend I had, I was in loooooove with that boy . I know that the idea of true love and soul mates is completely arguably, but it's something that I believe in and that relationship solidified that belief. We were both new to the high school and the area, which was weird because we both showed up the second day of the spring semester. I was late to my first classes, so I missed him initially. My mom picked me up, and as we were driving back home, this feeling rolled over my entire body. I was suddenly hot, could barely breathe, and it was like every sensor in my body was firing at once. It felt terrible . I looked out the window and I see this random kid a bit away walking down the sidewalk. Low and behold, the next day when I'm in class, guess who comes over, sits down next to me and introduces himself ? I was like meeting my other half, and I felt so tranquil. We dated for 3 years, were engaged, and I had the final say in our break up. I was good the first few months afterward, but then I realized that I would never say his name. I had the strangest moments were I felt a part of me was missing, and I would just start bawling . Funny thing was, we didn't speak for 6 years and he suddenly sent me a message on Facebook and was across the country. When I got back to this side, we met up and it was like only a few days had passed between us . We fell back into the groove a little too hard . We were at totally different points of our lives, and for various reasons, we decided to part ways again. It was good though, because it healed those years of heartbreak. For me, being in love is different from loving someone, and it has a very specific feeling. I also believe that there are people out there that match up to our souls/ essences/ electrical impulses . I don't believe that it's necessarily just one person though, but we meet the person were suppose to at whatever point of our journey we're at. I don't think soul mates have to be permanent either and that's okay too. Some will meet their last "one" and others won't. I know this was long, but I really believe that you'll know it. My gut has never lead me wrong when I've listened to it, and I have so much faith in that feeling. That doesn't stop me from loving with my brain first though. I put my ex through a lot and watched before I decided that he had earned my love. I wish I was as smart now as I had been as a teen. I was so self-aware and self-possessed back then .

That was great to read

 

[BlueSage]

Have you ever been in a relationship?

Yes, I have been in a handful of relationships.

I dated a man for a little over a year, when I was in my 20's. He finally popped the question and I said no (for several reasons) one being, I knew that I was not in love with him.

And again, not to long ago, I dated a man for about two years before he proposed. This time I accepted, but about 6 months later I ended the relationship for two main reasons; 1 - he still wanted to live the "single life" after we got engaged (phone ringing all times of night, getting missing with no explanation...all of the signs of infidelity were there. 2 - because I was not in love.

Now that I think about it, I was able to end both relationships mentioned above, so easily (kind of) because I was NOT in love with either men. I believe that If I was in love, head over heels, I would have possibly tried harder to make it work, or maybe I would have "put up" with more...IDK.

So fast forward to 2014. I just ended another relationship. One common denominator in all three relationships is that I was not in love with either *sigh*

 

[BlueSage]

Do you mean only never feeling MUTUALLY in love with somebody or even one-sided love as well?

It always ends up that he's in love with me (so he says)...but I cannot reciprocate

You haven't even been in love with some no good man you should have avoided? How have you eluded that trap?

I have dealt with a no good man that I should have avoided but never fell in love with him.