Need your advice ladies :(

[MissJ]

The crazy thing is when someone finally calls me for an interview I get excited and feel like ok this is a sign from God. But then I turn out to be wrong

With the hubby i'm so fed up I don't know what to do.
He does not know what marriage is about, he's never supportive of me this is just another situation showing me where I stand and what I don't mean to him.

When he was working and on top he would make comments about me not working just a whole bunch of crap ladies. Just made me feel like s&&t until he was in the same position and unemployed for a yr. Racism or not maybe he didn't find a job quick because he was bad to me when I was down. But some people don't ever get it, if you are bad to someone especially a spouse it will come back to you. At aig he was the only one laid off last yr I warned him the treatment you give to me you will get yours in the end.

I just think the only resolution in the end is going to be me leaving him. I have tried for 5 yrs being with him to tolerate him. He has been nothing but a problem. My other friends husbands are real men they make the right decisions. Like I was saying even his guy friend took a secretary job just to keep from being unemployed.

I don't even feel bad for thinking about moving back with my mom, sometimes I even feel like he's bad luck. I had jobs (even if it was sexual harrassment) and good salaries. Get with him I have to quit jobs can't find another one in a darn yr+! I'm even applying for lower jobs and can't get called for those.

Sometimes certain people come into your life and destroy it!

I have not been doing well since being with him, my health everything has just fallen apart.

And i'm speaking from the heart ladies, I don't mind to dish my dirty laundry just a warning for those if you see a man has certain traits run in the opposite direction.

It's like his arrogance has come right back with these offers, before he was like "now I know how you feel, and i'm sorry for saying mean things to you while you were unemployed" but now the attitude is back.

Wow, that is crazy! He sounds like my ex-boyfriend. Women should steer clear from those types.

 

[spelmanlocks]

Go to a counselor, church based if need be. Ya'll are going to need to help to make it through this.

 

[longhairlover]

I can't even look at him Spelmanlocks. So I don't know about actually taking the time to do counseling, he's very disagreeable all he would try to do is challenge the counselor.

 

[longhairlover]

oh yeah I have a bible of threads about my sucky marriage.

the free sales jobs remember that? he wanted to work for free w/his friend, but now he won't take a permanent job but he was considering working for free.

erplexed i'm very confused with his decisions.

I wasn't going to reply to this thread, because I am not married and therefore can't really give marriage advice. I remember you posting about your husband wanting to take some kind of sales job with his friend. Now, this, and you've revealed that you are sick, and your husband doesn't take your illness into consideration. I'm sorry, but your husband is just plain selfish!

 

[longhairlover]

were not evenly yoked spiritually alot of times I feel that is the issue, i'm not even as spiritual as I was before being with him, I made a huge mistake and I see it in neon colors. And actually I feel quite stupid for getting married.....to him.

honestly i've given him alot of chances he's done alot of things said alot of things (hurtful) since we have been together and i've lost count.

I don't think he can change and i'm not trying to change anyone, through all the talks, tears, anger he still doesn't get it.

I have thought about if we had kids, and I think that is why that hasn't happened because it would be a HUGE mistake.

I use to be able to depend on him, but I don't know what's going on with him. All he has in his mind "this is the job to take me to new heights" but he doesn't get it that those new heights will take more than a few months experience.

Your not being snarky at all, i'm thinking the same thing.

For your own health care look to NJ Family care for assistance. You may still have to pay a monthly premium but it may give you access to better health care. http://www.njfamilycare.org/pages/whatItCosts.html

While you are with him, He can pay it out of his income once he has it.

I think that you both need counseling individually and separately.

I don't mean to be snarky but what is he giving to you in this relationship that makes it worth while staying in it? There has to be a line - can you depend on him when you need him? If you were to have children with him would you want your children to grow up like him? Do you believe that he can/will ever change?

I am very spiritual but usually leave it out of my online convos/assvice but I have one thing for you. Do you believe that Christians must be evenly yoked? Are you?

 

[longhairlover]

she knows there are good men out there, she's not the type to believe there aren't.

but i've seen her experience and mine and they are similar a person stomping on you when your down. I know other people that have good husbands and they are both on the same page. Actually my moms experience should've been an example for me to know what not to marry. But some men can be all the things you said below and then in a split second turn.

my husband use to be very loving and caring in this marriage and when we were dating. he use to stick his neck out for me, now it's like f....u.....@#$#%$$%!!! me, me, me me, me me, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine.

Your mother is wrong. There are God-fearing, loving, dependable, respectful, compassionate, honest, supportive, loyal, caring men in this world. Do not allow this situation or your mom's situation color your view on all men.

 

[hopeful]

Maybe you have already responded to this question and I missed it, but what exactly is he saying how you two should address your health issues? Is he saying he doesn't care or it's your responsibility? Does he think he'll make enough $$ to cover you? When you say we need insurance because I am sick, what is his response? I'm not seeing where he is addressing the issue which seems to be the most important issue to you.

 

[longhairlover]

benefits are the most important to me, if I was 100% healthy I wouldn't mind what job he took. we both need benefits to be honest, he has asthma and allergies and needs to keep his cholesterol checked regularly. but also his health is stable, with my thyroid it can be normalized one moment and crazy the next it's just unstable and needs to be monitored.

I asked him what am I supposed to do about my biopsy because i've put that on hold for a yr already and he's like "i'll pay for it" but he doesn't get that those tests are very expensive out of pocket.

for the thyroid he can pay my dr. for the visits every 3 months it's not toooooooo costly, and he will have to pay for my bloodwork every 3 months,

the temp job pays the same as the perm job starting off if he goes perm then yes it pays well.

but in all honestly he's not really concerned about what i'm going to do health wise, his reponse "i'll pay for everything medical" is a moot point when some of the things are expensive the he couldnt afford, my moms biopsy was around 3grand+ and she has excellent benefits and still had to come out of pocket.

by him saying "i'm going to do what i'm going to do job decision wise" is already telling me i don't care.

Maybe you have already responded to this question and I missed it, but what exactly is he saying how you two should address your health issues? Is he saying he doesn't care or it's your responsibility? Does he think he'll make enough $$ to cover you? When you say we need insurance because I am sick, what is his response? I'm not seeing where he is addressing the issue which seems to be the most important issue to you.

 

[longhairlover]

and i'm getting tired of him saying "I don't want him to have a certain job" when i'm the reason he has moved up because I have pushed him to do so.

and a better job for him benefits both of us, I just don't get it.

 

[hopeful]

Longhairlover, if I were you I wouldn't make any major decisions just yet. If he takes the temp job you don't have to pretend to be happy, but don't complain either. Give it a little time. With your health issues and the stress of looking for a job, I don't think it's time to move out.

First, I would focus on making sure my health was fine. Find a doctor and figure out the costs of everything and see what your husband can and is willing to do. See if a doctor will work out a payment plan that your husband can pay off monthly. Make it concrete and see what happens. He says he'll pay for it so see if he can figure out how to make good on what he says. Do not put your health on hold. As he moves forward with his new job you move forward with your healing. I think you will do better with your job search once you are feeling better.

For now if I were you I'd put leaving him on the back burner until say the first of 2011. By then hopefully you will be better, his job situation will have stabilized, and you should have a job. Try to hold on a bit, okay? Don't leave just yet. If you still feel the same way six months from now then leave. Also, over the next six months work on your spiritual well-being as well. You said that has slipped lately so work on that as well. I will pray for you tonight.

 

[longhairlover]

thank you Hopeful,

we are always back and forth fussing, I know couples fuss but it's too much too often, my thyroid probably ended up overactive from this relationship and stress, I had been fine all these yrs with no thyroid issues, well besides heat intolerance but I felt fine before marriage.

your right i'm going to work on my health and i'm looking for work anything that's enough to pay a car note monthly, I want to continue to work on my savings and add more money to it, its my just in case of a real emergency money.

I will make sure to keep up on my health and make sure he transfers me money monthly for such, and yes I miss my bible studies and such, some men are very reluctant to have God into their lives, but with or without him I will get back on track.

I feel like since being with him I have changed the person I was am lost, guess i'm more miserable. He's all about himself now out of nowhere, i'm going to take on the same mentality me me me.




QUOTE=hopeful;11293610]Longhairlover, if I were you I wouldn't make any major decisions just yet. If he takes the temp job you don't have to pretend to be happy, but don't complain either. Give it a little time. With your health issues and the stress of looking for a job, I don't think it's time to move out.

First, I would focus on making sure my health was fine. Find a doctor and figure out the costs of everything and see what your husband can and is willing to do. See if a doctor will work out a payment plan that your husband can pay off monthly. Make it concrete and see what happens. He says he'll pay for it so see if he can figure out how to make good on what he says. Do not put your health on hold. As he moves forward with his new job you move forward with your healing. I think you will do better with your job search once you are feeling better.

For now if I were you I'd put leaving him on the back burner until say the first of 2011. By then hopefully you will be better, his job situation will have stabilized, and you should have a job. Try to hold on a bit, okay? Don't leave just yet. If you still feel the same way six months from now then leave. Also, over the next six months work on your spiritual well-being as well. You said that has slipped lately so work on that as well. I will pray for you tonight.[/QUOTE]