Need your advice ladies :(

[longhairlover]

So some of you may know my husband and I have been out of work for a year, he was laid off by aig and I tried to switch into a career of taxation but it has been a fail ever since. my job search sucks I apply and apply but no interviews nothing!

Also i'm sick with hyperthyroid disease some days i'm fine other days I don't feel well and i'm going through the motions. We don't have benefits don't qualify for cheap benefits because our unemployment is too much . I'm also paying for meds out of pocket which is not cheap. He was able to get free meds through the med suppliers as a wonderful member on here advised. But of course for my meds the pharmaceutical companies offer no such program .

So after my husband has been interviewing for a yr and the white man telling him no! He finally today received a perm job offer w/benefits that start on day one.

here's the issue:

He also received an offer for a temp job with another huge fortune 500, TEMP JOB that allegedly goes perm but no guarantee, paying the same as the perm job but NO BENEFITS and did I mention temp and no guarantee.

He wants to do the temp job because in his mind he thinks it will lead him to a career change but what he does not understand is that white corporate america has not been great to him, he was the first laid off at aig and all the whites kept their job and ummm all the interviews have been with whites and they have constantly told him NO!

The perm job offer dept is mainly black, imo he has a problem being around his own, because that's what he keeps mentioning. Mind ya'll he's black.

He said the perm job seemed people uninterested during the interview and he doesn't like the hr persons attitude and the people at the temp job are nice yts.

Ladies am I crazy for wanting to officially pack my bags and move with my mom? Because he is on some b.s. I tried to do a career change myself and again white corporate america did not want to give me the jobs I rightfully deserved. I worked for the irs temp learned as much as I could about federal taxes and tried to get the real tax jobs afterwards, guess what i'm still unemployed.

during interviews people would give me little trivias about taxes i'd answer the questions and throw in extras and it's like they didn't like I knew my ish ummmm that's why I was applying for tax work.


I'm mad also because I feel like "why won't God send me the job offers instead?" I am very appreciative and would jump on the opportunity for a perm job but he gets the job offer instead and he's @!#@!#!@# retarded!

Please ladies what's your advice, i'm sitting here in tears right now in anger!

AND I told him talk with your mom get her opinion. Shes a manager of a postal branch so I'd think she is a good person to consult, instead he goes and consults with this white man he worked with yeeeeeeeeeears ago!!!!

My other issue talking to a white person about a career change is different than talking with your own. I have a yt friend that is "special" he doesn't know computers nothing! yet and still he keeps getting temp jobs while I get nothing and I have skills it's obvious this is race related. My yt friend keeps getting opportunities but once they get him on the job they cancel his temp assignment once they realize he's "special" with no skills.

My point is yt's can take risks and end up in a better career, we can do it too but it can be a struggle, so why take the struggle right now when i'm not working? Why take a risk? WHYYYYY?

He won't talk to his mom about it and I think she would offer better advice his yt friend is saying "take the risk" of course he would say that if this world were not filled with racism i'd tell him "go for it" as well. But back to reality he's been interviewing for jobs he should get but the job with the "shady" black folks is the one that made him an dang offer

He is really starting to remind me of the girl in the old movie "change of life".

 

[hopeful]

Love him, support him, believe in him. Leave your mama and his mama out of it. Y'all two grown folks who love each other, right? Y'all both educated, right? The two of you can figure things out if you're young and able-bodied. And you need to quit talking and thinking so negatively about "the man". You are too young to be talking like that IMO. Think positively and partner up with your dh so y'all can grow and progress together.

 

[Sasha299]

I totally understand your frustration. Instead of talking to/at him about it can you ask him to detail the pros and cons about each job. Ask him to take a piece of paper and both you and him leave out the white/black and evaluate each job for what it is.

Little different on my side but sometimes DH will say no and appear totally unreasonable but if I just let it slide, give him a little time to figure out why he will be able to verbalize some very good reasons for saying no.

 

[longhairlover]

I have my reasons for being negative, from both of our experiences, education doesn't even matter. I know it's a tough job market there's competition but he's been treated differently on his interviews as have I when I have them.



I can't support something that in the end may cause us to be in a worse situation. Just because people are nice during an interview does not mean anything.



And it's a temp job where the guarantee is 10x's less than a permanent job. I think anyone else that has been out of work for a yr would grab the perm job so we can go back to normal.



I'm involving the parents, his mom has yrs and yrs of mgmt experience and she normally lends clear headed advice with situations like these.



If this were a different job market i'd say take the risk, this is not that market perm jobs are not a dime a dozen they are scarce.

And it's pretty unappreciative not to even want to consider accepting a perm position over a temp job. I know myself and other people wish they could get a stable offer.

 

[brownelovely]

I thought my other post went through....

Anyhow, you need to think more positively and support your husband. Why would you just pack up and leave just because he won't do what YOU want him to do?

I understand you weighing the pros and cons but there may have been things he noticed during the interviews that lead him to believe that he may have a better chance with the temp job. Calm down and talk to him to see what he truly feels about his decision.

In all honesty, the "yt man" theory is not going to cut it. I know things are hard right now but keep positive thoughts as much as possible

 

[spelmanlocks]

I know its irritating. Job and Financial problems can bring a marriage down. However,all you can do is talk to him, but ultimately let him do what he wants in this situation. Some people have to learn things on their own. Plus you don't want him faulting you for not letting him follow his 'dream'. He'll always bring it up and fault you if things don't work out at the permanent job.

 

[longhairlover]

He is very stubborn,
Before they offered him the position they started doing the background check which was obvious they were going to offer him this job.

He had an attitude about it, and said of course this is the job that I get offered. He's acting like it's a job in the mailroom or handing out flyers, it's a big insurance company as well. And it's someting to get him back stable. But he's not getting it, I try to talk to him about it, but he wants to take the perm job because he feels that job will lead him to an even higher paying job.

Thing is the work he's trying to transition into employers want 5yrs experience in it, and working temp for who knows how long will still not get him where he wants because he needs yrs of experience showing that kind of work on is resume.

I just think after this yr of him getting doors slammed in his face, he said all he wanted was a perm position so we could move etc.

But then he gets the perm offer he says no.

I know folks black and white that would snatch this perm job up.

I advised him to apply for the federal jobs, he was going to get hired for one but he's like "I don't want to work around those kind of ppl" and i'm like i've worked for gov't so what kind of ppl are you talking about?

I think besides this bad decision he is going to make, he also has some internal race issues he needs to address. He tries to steer clear of AA's be it friendship, work he always clings to the other.

I don't think i'm advising him wrong on taking the perm job. His friend was laid off and took a secretary type job, but he has a wife and a house to pay for so he did what he had to do, i'm sure his friend is upset about being a male secretary when he was working in a totally different industry.

I'm just getting to the end of my patience with this marriage and not getting through to my husband with logical reasoning, facts and proof on almost everything. Almost every issue he wants to debate and it's just exhausting me.

I totally understand your frustration. Instead of talking to/at him about it can you ask him to detail the pros and cons about each job. Ask him to take a piece of paper and both you and him leave out the white/black and evaluate each job for what it is.

Little different on my side but sometimes DH will say no and appear totally unreasonable but if I just let it slide, give him a little time to figure out why he will be able to verbalize some very good reasons for saying no.

 

[CarolinaGal]

OP, I hope things get better for you quickly. Since you are getting interviews, you must have a great resume so that's check mark number 1. Check mark number 2 is rapport and number 3 is competency. And yes, in that order.

So, let's focus on your interview skills. I don't mean to sound rude, and maybe your frustration is coming across in your post causing the tone to come across as a bit entitled and angry. Do you think these frustrations and feelings comes across in your interviews as well? The interview should feel like a nice conversation where you build a relationship with the interviewer while showcasing your knowledge, value, and winning personality. It's great that you can answer the questions, but will they want to work with you? That's why interviewing is really behavioral now. How you interact is even more important that what you know. I can teach an intelligent, willing person with a good attitude but my teams can not do much with a difficult know it all. I'm not saying that you are difficult or that you are a know it all, but try to look at the situation objectively and assess the tone of your interview sessions. How you are perceived will make or break you in the final decision. Think back on your recent interviews and think about what opportunities you have to step up your sparkle on the next interview.

Also, please do not feel as though there is a conspiracy against you for your gender or race. It's tough out there for everyone in this job market and unless all your interviews know each other I think it's highly probable that they are not all plotting against you. Please keep praying about it and be patient. God has not forgotten you. I'm very confident that He's working on your situation right now. Just hang in there.

 

[hopeful]

OP, I understand it's a tough job market and that you are under a lot of pressure, but I've read your posts about your dh before and it sounds like he has big dreams. The two of you need to talk. He should not make the decision without consulting you, his life partner. Your opinion is very important. I'm just encouraging you to be more supportive and loving because then he will be more likely to listen to you I believe. You should listen to each other. You don't want him to feel you don't trust him or believe in him.

 

[longhairlover]

but what do I do if things turn sour with this temp job? and it takes another yr or more for him to find perm work?

and I have been emphasizing to him that we NEED benefits. I'm still looking for work because I can obviously only depend on myself to make a good decision. But he's the one that got the perm offer.

I know ppl that have taken jobs paying less nowadays and jobs they didn't want because they need benefits for their family and stability of a perm job vs temp.

With his thinking process, I just wonder if we had kids they would be suffering, everyone needs medical benefits. I haven't been able to go to my endo doc since last yr and i'm supposed to go every 3 months for bloodwork, and the clinic I can go to dr.s don't specialize in auto immune issues. i'm starting to get the symptoms I first got when I was diagnosed last yr, fast heart rate severe fatigue, and i'm on meds, but I most likely need to up my dosage.

he has asthma and hasn't gone to the dr in a yr as well, I had gotten really sick w/the flu a few months back with a consistent fever but couldn't afford to go to the dr. so I stayed at home with a fever for a week +, I notice with this thyroid issue when I get sick now I end up sick for so long.

He's not thinking about these things. He's thinking selfishly.

He says he won't forgive me if he has to take this perm job, but wtf! there are no perm jobs ppl are barely getting offers and all he can think of is "i'll hate you if I take a perm job?" I don't get it, my other friend took a job she hates but again she needed a perm job and stability. She was temping forever with no stability and finally got a perm job offer she didn't want the job but she took it just because.

I'm just so tired of this.

I know its irritating. Job and Financial problems can bring a marriage down. However,all you can do is talk to him, but ultimately let him do what he wants in this situation. Some people have to learn things on their own. Plus you don't want him faulting you for not letting him follow his 'dream'. He'll always bring it up and fault you if things don't work out at the permanent job.

 

[brownelovely]

I have my reasons for being negative, from both of our experiences, education doesn't even matter. I know it's a tough job market there's competition but he's been treated differently on his interviews as have I when I have them.



I can't support something that in the end may cause us to be in a worse situation. Just because people are nice during an interview does not mean anything.



And it's a temp job where the guarantee is 10x's less than a permanent job. I think anyone else that has been out of work for a yr would grab the perm job so we can go back to normal.



I'm involving the parents, his mom has yrs and yrs of mgmt experience and she normally lends clear headed advice with situations like these.



If this were a different job market i'd say take the risk, this is not that market perm jobs are not a dime a dozen they are scarce.

And it's pretty unappreciative not to even want to consider accepting a perm position over a temp job. I know myself and other people wish they could get a stable offer.

I have to say that I haven't experienced being out of work like that so your point of view is definitely valid because you are living the situation. Sorry to hear about the struggles ya'll are having but keep faith that this storm will pass.

 

[longhairlover]

The jobs he has gotten in the past have been because I stood by him and pushed him, but they were perm positions. And he gained new skills but those jobs with the skills he attained this time around did not make him any job offers. And he has been on interviews every week since last yr.

We both have big dreams, skills, education the whole shabang. But this time around the job offers have not come through for neither one of us. I stand by him with everything and try to keep him inspired. I'm just trying to explain to him the job market and instability of a temp job, he's never worked temp I have and it can be very unstable especially during these times. If I were working i'd tell him go ahead and do it and if it doesn't work then i'll be right. But we have nothing to fall back on.

I feel in my heart it is a mistake to pass up on a job. I feel like God is blessing us with something we have both been complaining we can't find, and asking for one of us to get, and if he says no he won't have this opportunity for a long time again.

OP, I understand it's a tough job market and that you are under a lot of pressure, but I've read your posts about your dh before and it sounds like he has big dreams. The two of you need to talk. He should not make the decision without consulting you, his life partner. Your opinion is very important. I'm just encouraging you to be more supportive and loving because then he will be more likely to listen to you I believe. You should listen to each other. You don't want him to feel you don't trust him or believe in him.

 

[Sasha299]

This may appear off topic but have you both sat down and done a 1yr, 5 yr, 10 yr plan with milestones along the way? Until you both do this you will both be frustrated. Its only by getting with the plan that you can both move in one accord. When there is a long term goal you often don't have to fight and argue about the next step. You just check your plan and the right decision becomes clear.

If you have the plan out you can go over it with him and have him decide himself to do the right thing.

That said I do believe that maybe he should take the perm job unless he knows something that he is not discussing - company instability, etc.

 

[longhairlover]

I am angry at this point to be honest but I know how to turn it off for interviews right now i'm venting on here. I don't feel entitled I would take any job and thank God for the blessing. I have really good jobs on my resume, can pass the computer tests since that was my thing.

I'm never arrogant on interviews, loud or obnoxious that's not my personality. I'm very easy going but i'm just fed up I think anyone would be at this point.

I don't get many interviews and this is a first it's ever been like this for me, in the past I have been employable even if it's a crappy job i've always been able to find something.

On interviews i'm very professional, positive upbeat but it's not working, so i'm out of options for what character to play. I go on interviews people already pass judgement, i've had ppl stare at my hair, eye my designer handbags, stare at my wedding and engagement rings, things that should not be involved in the interview process. So now I only wear my band.

My aunt in the past advised me to tone it down with what I wear, bags I carry, don't wear my hair out. But I don't have anything other than designer bags I don't know what else to carry, I now wear my hair in a bun, no makeup, regular suit, regular shoes to try to get the focus on my resume and skills. But still not working. I should've went to school for fashion or something artsy related where those things are appreciated. I sometimes interview for top jobs so I try to dress the part.

Then i'm not working because the last perm job I had the manager was interested in me in a more non professional way and that's why I got the job (ppl on the job even noticed and it was embarassing because that's not what i'm about) I quit when I should've sued. Once I got married while working there things went downhill. I had the same thing happen on several other jobs.

I know your not saying i'm difficult, i'm not at all, I like to learn new things, there's always something new to learn, but when I worked my last temp job I was insulted when the manager said she had a special project but i'd have to use excel she gave a don't know if you can do that face..........even though during the interview I explained to her my computer sci degree and what I can do in excel and other software. I just smiled at her and told her "I can use excel". I've personally gone through alot of unprofessional things on jobs that should not go down. At that same job this woman there that had it in for me would make comments about my looks, one time she made a comment about my hair (non compliment) and I know she was the reason I wasn't considered for another temp job with the firm because she was friends w/the manager. The manager even told me she would get such great feedback from the corporate clients but it's like it annoyed her.

I'm sure alot of women on here have had these issues as well. I know if you look a certain way you don't let anyone stop you but how do you get ppl to see you for the intelligent person you are and not looks or whatever issues.

OP, I hope things get better for you quickly. Since you are getting interviews, you must have a great resume so that's check mark number 1. Check mark number 2 is rapport and number 3 is competency. And yes, in that order.

So, let's focus on your interview skills. I don't mean to sound rude, and maybe your frustration is coming across in your post causing the tone to come across as a bit entitled and angry. Do you think these frustrations and feelings comes across in your interviews as well? The interview should feel like a nice conversation where you build a relationship with the interviewer while showcasing your knowledge, value, and winning personality. It's great that you can answer the questions, but will they want to work with you? That's why interviewing is really behavioral now. How you interact is even more important that what you know. I can teach an intelligent, willing person with a good attitude but my teams can not do much with a difficult know it all. I'm not saying that you are difficult or that you are a know it all, but try to look at the situation objectively and assess the tone of your interview sessions. How you are perceived will make or break you in the final decision. Think back on your recent interviews and think about what opportunities you have to step up your sparkle on the next interview.

Also, please do not feel as though there is a conspiracy against you for your gender or race. It's tough out there for everyone in this job market and unless all your interviews know each other I think it's highly probable that they are not all plotting against you. Please keep praying about it and be patient. God has not forgotten you. I'm very confident that He's working on your situation right now. Just hang in there.

 

[longhairlover]

we had plans, by now I should've been in portfolio administration or funding in finance. but then I went in another direction and tried taxation instead. he wanted to do rfp writing but that didn't happen.

We planned to only be in this apt for 1yr and to save for a condo or house since we both equally hate this place but were renting from ppl we know even though they are slum lords. I honestly thought i'd be working in tax or back with the irs. And for my side job I love selling weave hair this has been going ok I just started at it, I was selling hair products a while back but hair is a better market.

5yrs well that would involve kids and even better jobs. Maybe by then I can have a large clientele with the hair business and finally be my own boss.

haven't thought about ten yrs. yet, since our 1-5 yr plans have folded.

The perm job is stable, they are a large insurance firm also but they deal with gov't pension plans so that will keep them afloat, he researched them and they are not in any financial troubles they are actually doing fine. Most of the other financial firms he is interviewing with are unstable and just getting back on their feet, and I guess that's why they are hiring temps.

He acts as if working with the gov't pension plans will be bad his background is insurance anyways. And I have seen federal gov't jobs that pay pretty well asking for a ppl w/pension experience.

You know it's crazy because we spoke about what if's and we had both agreed that if he were to be offered a perm job no matter what it was that he would take it, that opportunity comes and he doesn't want it. I feel betrayed because it's like we spoke about this now your turning on what we agreed.

He's saying the ppl were nasty at the perm job, the ppl were nice during the temp interview but maybe they just know how to act during an interview, that doesn't mean they are better.

This may appear off topic but have you both sat down and done a 1yr, 5 yr, 10 yr plan with milestones along the way? Until you both do this you will both be frustrated. Its only by getting with the plan that you can both move in one accord. When there is a long term goal you often don't have to fight and argue about the next step. You just check your plan and the right decision becomes clear.

If you have the plan out you can go over it with him and have him decide himself to do the right thing.

That said I do believe that maybe he should take the perm job unless he knows something that he is not discussing - company instability, etc.

 

[Farida]

I'm so sorry OP. I don't know what advice to offer you right now, but I know what it is like to deal with unemployment in a marriage. *Hugs*

 

[Dragone]

I can't say I'm experienced in marriage or relationships, but it seems like he wants to put his dreams over your health and that's just not fair. Even if you were to get a position, how can you give it 100% if you are getting sicker and you can't do anything because his job doesn't afford you the opportunity to see a doctor? He should at least compromise and take the permanent job, while quietly looking for better things, imo. Experience is experience.

 

[longhairlover]

I agree Dragone, taking this job doesn't mean it's the end, he can still look I told him this, ppl do it all the time.

With autoimmune dificiencies you have to keep them treated. After all I just got my hair back to normal and my skin cleared, it was causing me hyperpigmentation because of my body generating too many hormones.

I think it's very selfish. He acts like i'm saying "take this job and give up in life" i'm not saying that, I just don't understand what he's thinking. And with him saying the ppl were nasty ummmmm how many ppl keep going to work everyday with nasty folks just to keep a job I think 50% of us do that.

 

[princessnad]

The whites?

 

[brownelovely]

I agree Dragone, taking this job doesn't mean it's the end, he can still look I told him this, ppl do it all the time.

With autoimmune dificiencies you have to keep them treated. After all I just got my hair back to normal and my skin cleared, it was causing me hyperpigmentation because of my body generating too many hormones.

I think it's very selfish. He acts like i'm saying "take this job and give up in life" i'm not saying that, I just don't understand what he's thinking. And with him saying the ppl were nasty ummmmm how many ppl keep going to work everyday with nasty folks just to keep a job I think 50% of us do that.

I have to come back in and say that I do think it's unfair that you are suffering health wise and he's not considering the position so that you can get the help you need.

Have you tried talking to him again and stressing how badly you need professional medical care?

 

[lux10023]

YOU ARE HIS SICK WIFE AND HE WANTS TO TAKE A JOB WITH NO BENEFITS...

HE NEEDS TO TAKE THE PERM JOB---NO BRAINER....

DO PPL UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE SICK AND NOT AFFORD MEDICATION..OR BE ABLE TO GO GET MEDICAL TREATMENT...

HE NEEDS TO TAKE THE DAMN PERM JOB UNTIL HIS DREAM JOB COMES ALONG....PERIOD!!!


YOUR HEALTH SHOULD BE A PRIORITY VS A DREAM JOB
MY 2 CENTS

 

[hopeful]

What is he saying regarding your health situation? Does he see it as part of his job as your husband to look after your well-being? I hope you two can get on the same page sooner than later.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I thought my other post went through....

Anyhow, you need to think more positively and support your husband. Why would you just pack up and leave just because he won't do what YOU want him to do?

I understand you weighing the pros and cons but there may have been things he noticed during the interviews that lead him to believe that he may have a better chance with the temp job. Calm down and talk to him to see what he truly feels about his decision.

In all honesty, the "yt man" theory is not going to cut it. I know things are hard right now but keep positive thoughts as much as possible

I am conflicted about your post. I do believe that the yt man theory is not going to cut it and it doesn't serve to focus on the obvious that there is racism in this world. There are white counterparts everywhere that aren't as qualified as blacks (and the black counterparts who won't be given a chance for the positions that they get). There are also exceptions to the rule. But I do agree that being negative doesn't solve problems.

However I do understand why she is fed up and ready to walk. I'm not saying she SHOULD walk but there should be a long hard talk. She is sick. So I GET that. I have graves disease and found out I have fibromylagia so I understand that if my FH was so insensitive as to take a job without benefits without even considering would be a PROBLEM. Depending on how hypo she would NEED her medication to live (or risk a heart attack)...not sure what her situation is but that's mine (my docs told me I would have to take medicine for the rest of my life because the radioactive iodine that they gave me destroyed my thyroid completely and if I did not take it I would DIE...so it's not a small thing to run out of medicine). So if my FH were to take that for granted, that means he's taking my life for granted, and that is a deal breaker. THere would be a conversation necessary because it shows that he is selfish.

I hate to say that but it's true. HE needs to be more considerate to his wifes need as I'm sure she would be to his if the shoe was on the other foot. So I do understand OP your frustration and hope that a reasonable result can be had from a heart felt talk with your DH. I do believe that if you state it in a manner (that is not defensive), he will reconsider if he is a considerate man.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

OP, I hope things get better for you quickly. Since you are getting interviews, you must have a great resume so that's check mark number 1. Check mark number 2 is rapport and number 3 is competency. And yes, in that order.

So, let's focus on your interview skills. I don't mean to sound rude, and maybe your frustration is coming across in your post causing the tone to come across as a bit entitled and angry. Do you think these frustrations and feelings comes across in your interviews as well? The interview should feel like a nice conversation where you build a relationship with the interviewer while showcasing your knowledge, value, and winning personality. It's great that you can answer the questions, but will they want to work with you? That's why interviewing is really behavioral now. How you interact is even more important that what you know. I can teach an intelligent, willing person with a good attitude but my teams can not do much with a difficult know it all. I'm not saying that you are difficult or that you are a know it all, but try to look at the situation objectively and assess the tone of your interview sessions. How you are perceived will make or break you in the final decision. Think back on your recent interviews and think about what opportunities you have to step up your sparkle on the next interview.

Also, please do not feel as though there is a conspiracy against you for your gender or race. It's tough out there for everyone in this job market and unless all your interviews know each other I think it's highly probable that they are not all plotting against you. Please keep praying about it and be patient. God has not forgotten you. I'm very confident that He's working on your situation right now. Just hang in there.

I agree with the bolded. I'm not saying that there isn't racism or sexism but I do believe that just as OP's anger seeps out in her post it is more than likely seeping out in interviews. I've learned that somethings aren't fair in the world but we have to focus on the positives to rise above them. If you have the skills, and belief that you can win you will win. Do not focus on being handicapped. If you're religious think of it this way, no one can take away God's plan for you, even if you are disheartened. If not, think of it this way no one else can define you. With a positive attitude (and the right credentials), and application (insert resume, ambition, and die hard never give up belief) you CAN and will succeed. Or a quote from one of my favorite movies "all it takes it time and pressure" (er uhm...forgive I do that a lot)

 

[luckiestdestiny]

YOU ARE HIS SICK WIFE AND HE WANTS TO TAKE A JOB WITH NO BENEFITS...

HE NEEDS TO TAKE THE PERM JOB---NO BRAINER....

DO PPL UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE SICK AND NOT AFFORD MEDICATION..OR BE ABLE TO GO GET MEDICAL TREATMENT...

HE NEEDS TO TAKE THE DAMN PERM JOB UNTIL HIS DREAM JOB COMES ALONG....PERIOD!!!


YOUR HEALTH SHOULD BE A PRIORITY VS A DREAM JOB
MY 2 CENTS

AMEN! Just saw this.

 

[longhairlover]

your absolutely right, i've tried to tell this to him in tears, calm voice, yelling but he wants to do what he wants to do, he's a selfish @#%%$^#^!!!!!

i'm actually very tired of the bickering and fighting with him. I am finally at the point where I can accept that I married the wrong man, and it doesn't even hurt to say this. we make mistakes as humans.

I made a bad mistake and choice for a spouse.

He knows that thyroid issues are up and down, one day your ok the next your not, or it can be a few months before stuff starts acting up again especially if you have not been going to the doc every 3 months like you should.

YOU ARE HIS SICK WIFE AND HE WANTS TO TAKE A JOB WITH NO BENEFITS...

HE NEEDS TO TAKE THE PERM JOB---NO BRAINER....

DO PPL UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE SICK AND NOT AFFORD MEDICATION..OR BE ABLE TO GO GET MEDICAL TREATMENT...

HE NEEDS TO TAKE THE DAMN PERM JOB UNTIL HIS DREAM JOB COMES ALONG....PERIOD!!!


YOUR HEALTH SHOULD BE A PRIORITY VS A DREAM JOB
MY 2 CENTS

 

[longhairlover]

he knows what i'm going through, he's been there with me to all the dr appointments, but he's a self centered selfish prick!

he knows i'm back kind of to how I felt last yr, sleeplessness, annoyed, sometimes my heart rate goes back up, the heart rate thing was how I finally found out something was wrong.

I haven't been to the doc in freaking months!!!! so who knows where my levels are, i'm taking my meds but that doesn't mean it's the right levels after all this time has passed.

then he has the nerve to say "i'll hate you if I have to take this job".

my luggage is out of the closet. I should've stayed single.

What is he saying regarding your health situation? Does he see it as part of his job as your husband to look after your well-being? I hope you two can get on the same page sooner than later.

 

[longhairlover]

Hello, my anger is about my situation about my husband, yes racism exists especially when your trying to get certain positions and step yourself up career wise it gets worse. I know alot of us ignore this fact in life but I don't and that's why I mentioned it. When my husband and I were just starting out then yes we would get job offers quick, but now that we are trying to get to the next level where the bigger salaries come in were being faced with obstacles and it is racism.

Before Lehman Bros. folded, I interviewed with them for a top notch program, do you know each person I interviewed with said to me "how'd I get to interview for this opportunity"? with a smug look on their faces all whites, I guess that's not racism oh and I was the only brown face female that was brought in.

I don't come across as angry in interviews so I wish some would stop saying that and quoting because honestly it is nonsense and an inaccurate assessment/assumption. You would have to know me personally, dealt with me in person to know the person that I am and most folks think i'm a pretty cool person unless they are jealous. I have been working for yrs the same person I was when I was getting job offers is the same person I am now in interviews. I know sometimes people like to over analyze things but i'm not a bad interviewer. Sometimes it's not the interviewee but the interviewer, bad interviews do exist why does it have to be on my part?

I've interviewed with people that couldn't answer my simple questions about the job, didn't really know about the job duties and I can go on and on about this. My husband and other friends have all had the same issues.

So it's not just me.

I agree with the bolded. I'm not saying that there isn't racism or sexism but I do believe that just as OP's anger seeps out in her post it is more than likely seeping out in interviews. I've learned that somethings aren't fair in the world but we have to focus on the positives to rise above them. If you have the skills, and belief that you can win you will win. Do not focus on being handicapped. If you're religious think of it this way, no one can take away God's plan for you, even if you are disheartened. If not, think of it this way no one else can define you. With a positive attitude (and the right credentials), and application (insert resume, ambition, and die hard never give up belief) you CAN and will succeed. Or a quote from one of my favorite movies "all it takes it time and pressure" (er uhm...forgive I do that a lot)

 

[longhairlover]

I have dreams as well, but he doesn't see me taking a risk and applying for acting school and getting back into dance.

I'm trying to find a real job, not saying he can't have dreams his aren't as risky as mine, but my point is I put my dreams to the back burner, even though I was a good dancer it's a risky career.

He wants to take a risk on something that requires him to yrs of experience when he'd be starting back at one.

Oh and I forgot my main concern is 'no benefits'.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Hello, my anger is about my situation about my husband, yes racism exists especially when your trying to get certain positions and step yourself up career wise it gets worse. I know alot of us ignore this fact in life but I don't and that's why I mentioned it. When my husband and I were just starting out then yes we would get job offers quick, but now that we are trying to get to the next level where the bigger salaries come in were being faced with obstacles and it is racism.

Before Lehman Bros. folded, I interviewed with them for a top notch program, do you know each person I interviewed with said to me "how'd I get to interview for this opportunity"? with a smug look on their faces all whites, I guess that's not racism oh and I was the only brown face female that was brought in.

I don't come across as angry in interviews so I wish some would stop saying that and quoting because honestly it is nonsense and an inaccurate assessment/assumption. You would have to know me personally, dealt with me in person to know the person that I am and most folks think i'm a pretty cool person unless they are jealous. I have been working for yrs the same person I was when I was getting job offers is the same person I am now in interviews. I know sometimes people like to over analyze things but i'm not a bad interviewer. Sometimes it's not the interviewee but the interviewer, bad interviews do exist why does it have to be on my part?

I've interviewed with people that couldn't answer my simple questions about the job, didn't really know about the job duties and I can go on and on about this. My husband and other friends have all had the same issues.

So it's not just me.

I agree with you and believe you. I was just saying to not let it "seep"into other interviews (the anger towards the injustice. Perhaps I'm wrong in assuming anger seeps out, I just know the intensity (sadness/sorrow/anger)seems hard to cover up. But from what you're saying it hasn't and only you would know that). I'm definitely not naive enough to think racism doesn't exist. If you read my other posts you would see that I believe you are rightly angry. And also I realize your anger is directed at your hubby because he isn't very supportive right now (meaning he SHOULD be picking the job that's right for you BOTH and that's the perm position).