Need opinion on safe sex within relationship debate :)

[JewelleNY]

I seem to be the only naysayer in my group. We talked about a woman in the group who is currently in a relationship, about 3 months. They recently started having sex and her man tried to go in unprotected (no condom). She stated she had to put down her foot and then he did. Other than that he seems to be a really great guy, according to her. He has one son that was born within his previous marriage and spent most of his early years married. He is divorced.

People here seem to think he just really trusts her and thinks highly of her to not feel the need to wear one and think it's no big deal. I think it is cause for concern, especially as they are both older, not young at all. Couldn't be me

What do you ladies think?

 

[CaraWalker]

People here seem to think he just really trusts her and thinks highly of her to not feel the need to wear one and think it's no big deal.

girl please... this is a real basic chick thought process. dudes will try to go raw in anyone.

i have dated a few guys that offered to have a vasectomy because i didnt want to be on birth control. THAT was a big deal not trying to slide in raw. i actually think guys in new relationships who try to force not using a condom are extremely disrespectful.

 

[TCatt86]

girl please... this is a real basic chick thought process. dudes will try to go raw in anyone.

i have dated a few guys that offered to have a vasectomy because i didnt want to be on birth control. THAT was a big deal not trying to slide in raw. i actually think guys in new relationships who try to force not using a condom are extremely disrespectful.

Lol I mean pretty much.

Three months and dude is trying it. I personally find that really early to forego condoms. Doesn't seem like they discussed STD results either. He's just trying to get in raw.

 

[JewelleNY]

Lol I mean pretty much.

Three months and dude is trying it. I personally find that really early to forego condoms. Doesn't seem like they discussed STD results either. He's just trying to get in raw.

Yea, I agree with you both which is why I came here, sometimes there seems to be a disconnect between "real world" and LHCF. I was concerned I was acting too unicornish

I do often wonder if we say the ideal here because it sounds good while people do otherwise? :scratchch I was the only naysayer in a group of 5. Work peers.

 

[CaraWalker]

Yea, I agree with you both which is why I came here, sometimes there seems to be a disconnect between "real world" and LHCF. I was concerned I was acting too unicornish

I do often wonder if we say the ideal here because it sounds good while people do otherwise? :scratchch I was the only naysayer in a group of 5. Work peers.

for one thing i would never encourage anyone to have unprotected sex with someone theyd only been dating for a few months, regardless of what i do in my personal life. either way i would publicly tell people not to do that. its one thing to actually do something privately and its another to encourage an act in general, or condone it. idk why your friends would encourage something like that.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

So these are grown women thinking that dude is trying to go raw because he "really trusts her"? That is disconcerting in and of itself. Most dudes will do that if the option is available and it don't have a damn thing to do with trust LOL!

 

[JewelleNY]

So these are grown women thinking that dude is trying to go raw because he "really trusts her"? That is disconcerting in and of itself. Most dudes will do that if the option is available and it don't have a damn thing to do with trust LOL!

Yea, that was funny but only one lady said that. A couple others felt that him being married so long meant that he was not used to condoms and it was no big deal. I just figured he wanted the pleasure of sex without a condom

 

[mzpurp]

You would think these were teens lol! C'mon now! They both need to do a better job at protecting themselves!

 

[TayMac]

I would not see it as a compliment. A one night stand would try it if they can get away with it.

Often people in LTR don't use condoms but I wouldn't promote nor suggest it. 3 months is still new.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

That sounds like some high school stuff. "He really trusts you" naw he wants to go raw. After they've been to the doctor And shared their status then if she wants to risk getting pregnant or getting some latent std then sure.

 

[Fine 4s]

Wait, is the assumption that men don't care about their sexual health as women do?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

*** his trust! Does SHE trust HIM to have his babies or nurture his STDs? Ain't that a beotch.

 

[Fine 4s]

*** his trust! Does SHE trust HIM to have his babies or nurture his STDs? Ain't that a beotch.

Lmao! Nurture his STDs *dead*

 

[PrissiSippi]

I was just talking about this with friends. To be honest I have only met one guy since I first had sex that was adamant without me saying something about putting a condom on. All of the others including my fiancé now would have raw dogged it if I let them. Elmo. You gotta protect yourself. Wrap it up.

 

[JewelleNY]

Wait, is the assumption that men don't care about their sexual health as women do?

I often wonder about this since you generally hear more stories about men trying to go raw :scratchch

 

[Natty_Virgo]

Prostitutes get pregnant everyday. Going raw means nothing.

 

[JewelleNY]

I was just talking about this with friends. To be honest I have only met one guy since I first had sex that was adamant without me saying something about putting a condom on. All of the others including my fiancé now would have raw dogged it if I let them. Elmo. You gotta protect yourself. Wrap it up.

That's interesting. I wonder if most men would go this route if they knew the woman would not object.

BTW, did you mean to type Elmo? I'm confused

 

[Fine 4s]

That's interesting. I wonder if most men would go this route if they knew the woman would not object. BTW, did you mean to type Elmo? I'm confused

JewelleNY
Elmo goes raw all the time. Lol

 

[CaraWalker]

JewelleNY Elmo goes raw all the time. Lol

what?

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

That's interesting. I wonder if most men would go this route if they knew the woman would not object.

BTW, did you mean to type Elmo? I'm confused

Yea they would. They love raw sex and would take their chances in a known whore's cooch if given the opportunity.

 

[sky_blu]

I was just talking about this with friends. To be honest I have only met one guy since I first had sex that was adamant without me saying something about putting a condom on. All of the others including my fiancé now would have raw dogged it if I let them. Elmo. You gotta protect yourself. Wrap it up.

You're right about that! Which really bugs me out...you have to be adamant and consistent about them wearing one. I think they also should both get tested together then discuss having condom less sex.

 

[CaraWalker]

yeah i have had dudes that i had to be "gatekeeper" on to make sure they wrapped it up. when my ex and i broke up he said some crap about "i was willing to be with you unprotected" like i should have been so flattered he was willing to risk god knows what

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

Wait, is the assumption that men don't care about their sexual health as women do?

Well, it's a fact that men and all their unprotected sex are the reason black women's STD rates are high. Women tend to have a few partners ovwr time and they have countless... Also, for some std's, it's harder for them to contract (our vaginas are designed to contain secretions, can tear, etc) so there is a sense that many men have that they won't catch anything, they will pull out as far as pregnancy goes, etc. They think this way with casual sex so how much more willing would they be to go raw with a woman they are committed to?

 

[Fine 4s]

Well, it's a fact that men and all their unprotected sex are the reason black women's STD rates are high. Women tend to have a few partners ovwr time and they have countless... Also, for some std's, it's harder for them to contract (our vaginas are designed to contain secretions, can tear, etc) so there is a sense that many men have that they won't catch anything, they will pull out as far as pregnancy goes, etc. They think this way with casual sex so how much more willing would they be to go raw with a woman they are committed to?

I see. Never felt that they didn't care *shrug*

ETA- but couldn't it be that women like to go raw just as much and so agree to it? I'm a little cautious to see men are the reason for something when they need a partner to do xyz. Also going raw feels good to both men and women.
Yet another Pro marriage reason lol
Then again....Magic *gulp*

 

[PrissiSippi]

That's interesting. I wonder if most men would go this route if they knew the woman would not object. BTW, did you mean to type Elmo? I'm confused

Lol I started saying that when my nephew was little. I said hayyle no but my baby nephew repeated it so I started saying Elllllllllllmo!! Sounds the same lol. Kinda.

 

[CaraWalker]

I see. Never felt that they didn't care *shrug* ETA- but couldn't it be that women like to go raw just as much and so agree to it? I'm a little cautious to see men are the reason for something when they need a partner to do xyz. Also going raw feels good to both men and women. Yet another Pro marriage reason lol Then again....Magic *gulp*

i think if one person were pushing for unprotected and one person was saying no, nine times out of ten the woman would be the one not wanting to allow it. i think men are extremely indiscriminate about unprotected sex, the consequences are not as severe for them. im not sure ive ever heard of a woman begging to go raw and the dude being like "no".

 

[hopeful]

Yea, that was funny but only one lady said that. A couple others felt that him being married so long meant that he was not used to condoms and it was no big deal. I just figured he wanted the pleasure of sex without a condom

I think it's both of these: the long-term marriage and the pleasure. But the trusting her so much is silly IMO after just three months. She'd be crazy to have unprotected sex with him so soon. He's cray for wanting to as well but I think a lot of men are like this.

 

[Fine 4s]

i think if one person were pushing for unprotected and one person was saying no, nine times out of ten the woman would be the one not wanting to allow it. i think men are extremely indiscriminate about unprotected sex, the consequences are not as severe for them. im not sure ive ever heard of a woman begging to go raw and the dude being like "no".

I wasn't thinking of a woman begging more like NOT saying no. But I'm sure some women have begged too. Someone who doesn't say no is as "guilty" as the behavior discussed in this thread. IMO.

 

[kandake]

I wasn't thinking of a woman begging more like NOT saying no. But I'm sure some women have begged too. Someone who doesn't say no is as "guilty" as the behavior discussed in this thread. IMO.

Plenty of women are "not" saying no. But from my experience and those of friends, even the women in this thread, my assumption is that most men wouldn't wear condoms unless they were required to by the woman. Which leads me to believe they don't care about their sexual health moreso than women.

Men will ruin their lives over some *****

 

[JewelleNY]

JewelleNY
Elmo goes raw all the time. Lol

LOL! And how do we know this??