OP, when I met my hubby, I had bone straight relaxed hair. Then I decided to transition in braids due to damage just so I'd have a fresh head of hair to relax again. I never did go back to relax because I achieved my lifelong dream of having long hair (Well, it was longer than it ever had been and I was happy.) I seem to recall a convo that wasn't that pleasant w/ my then BF (now hubby) when I heard him refer to someone as having "good hair like [his] cousin". So I asked what the heck "good hair" was. He was all thumbs, trying to explain himself coz I guess the tone in my voice I guess made it clear how
ignant I found that phrase when used to refer to texture. I don't remember what exactly I said to him, but it wasn't threatening or some warning. But I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I didn't appreciate it. It's funny but it wasn't until that time (a few months after I'd fully gone
natchal) that I realized for the first time that he really didn't care for Type 4 hair. Anyway, I have this thing where I have never let anyone/anything--except when a uniform calls for it--determine how I dress or look. So I never sought his opinion on how I looked. One day he got the courage to tell me that a previous do I had worn--which happened to be one of the creations I am most proud of--bothered the heck out of him and reminded him of spiders (
pic).
I was so tickled and almost felt sorry for him coz you couldn't tell me nuffin. Plus folks had stopped me to ask me how I did it near my job. So I know I was sizzling with that do. I still do. I guess it was at that point that he realized that nothing can come between me and my hair, and probably decided he had to learn to love it.
A few months later, when I could wear shoulder-length twists, he actually complimented me on them. (I now wonder if his problem with 4B natural hair was just that he never believed it could be long--something he loves to see in a woman--since the only other time we were at loggerheads over my hair was when I got an unasked-for BC. I was mad too, so we were on the same page there. He was angry with me for letting someone cut my hair when "we had come so far!" <---He really said that coz indeed, as I reached milestones, I'd call him to see my progress, so I guess he was part of the journey.
) He's had such a turn around that even one day when a twist-out backfired and I wanted to tie a wrap, he told me I looked OK and actually went places with me like that. Now Chiccas, I DID NOT look OK. I looked like they don't make combs where I come from, but hubby didn't have a problem with it at all.
His next problem was headwraps. He hated to see me with "WTH?" on my head, as he used to cry out any time I wore some headdress. Now I don't know how to do a normal neat wrap so I always makeup my own crazy froufrou do as I go along like
this one. I would just tell him that I'm sorry he doesn't like it coz I swear I'm sizzling. And I wasn't just saying it. I really dress up for me, so if I like it, I truly don't get affected by what anyone else thinks. He eventually stopped his crazy exclamations. And you know what the latest shock was? I love to wear hats and was getting ready to wear one--which is what he preferred to wraps. I asked him, do you agree there's something "off" about this hat. He said yes. So at a loss on what other hat would match my dress, I asked, "Do you think I should wear the wrap instead?" He exclaimed, "Hell yeah!" And when I was done with my froufrou tie, he actually said, "That's so much better!" I'm still reeling with shock that my wraps have got his blessings.
So OP, I assure you, confidence can take you a long way. I've shared how I'd go to work with a do that would be a total disappointment to me, but would wear it with an air of self-assurance and have everyone actually appreciate it, even people who initially tried to tease me about it start to doubt their tastes and actually seem to accept it. So I think the first step is to continue to cultivate that love you have for your hair till it's overflowing. Then find ways to celebrated your curls by learning dos that bring out the best in them and in you. In time, your hubby will start to see how your hair complements the total package and not want to change a thing about you.
I really think that people fear/dread what they are not familiar with and it's easier to shun it than try to find beauty in it. But people do learn to appreciate the unknown the more they get to understand it. So give him the opportunity to experience your hair in all it's glory, not just in his more "familiar pattern", and he'll probably be blown away by just how versatile/cool your hair is. And on days you want to wear curls w/o heat, use Curlformers and wear a headband to cover the roots at the hairline if brushing doesn't do the trick of smoothing the roots out.
Men tend to follow the rule "If you can't beat them, join them." So be you!
that was too cute and funny
pshh! NOT
but your hair really is beautiful. When I went natural by shaving all my hair off I was concerned how my husband would feel but I felt SO incredible and sexy that I had to sit down with him and tell him how I felt about my hair and that of COURSE I care about his feelings but the decision I made wasn't about him! I don't think he's EVER been more attracted to me but I'm sure it has to do with the confidence I exude. Don't let it get you down, remember what you love about your hair and let those feelings shine through and he'll start to see something different about you. He won't be sure WHAT it is, but he'll like it! TRUST ME!
...LOL!
Great post Nonie!
