Naturals: Does your significant other like your hair?

[thaidreams]

OK Ladies, I need some advise. My husband is not too thrilled about my hair. He only likes it when I wear wash-n-go's with lots of gel applied so that my hair doesn't "nap up". He loves straight hair and 3a-c type hair, but I don't have that. So, my question to you all is do you know of any styles/products that don't require heat that I can try on my hair? I've done braid outs and he likes the way they look except for the roots. Is there a way that I can keep my roots from looking so dry?! Please help!!!

 

[Neith]

OK Ladies, I need some advise. My husband is not too thrilled about my hair. He only likes it when I wear wash-n-go's with lots of gel applied so that my hair doesn't "nap up". He loves straight hair and 3a-c type hair, but I don't have that. So, my question to you all is do you know of any styles/products that don't require heat that I can try on my hair? I've done braid outs and he likes the way they look except for the roots. Is there a way that I can keep my roots from looking so dry?! Please help!!!

Why does he not like type 4 hair? Have you ever asked?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but if it was me, I wouldn't try and jump through hoops to make him happy.

He knew that you have type 4 hair when he married you. How horrible it is to be expected to change a God given feature by your husband?

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

Why does he not like type 4 hair? Have you ever asked?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but if it was me, I wouldn't try and jump through hoops to make him happy.

He knew that you have type 4 hair when he married you. How horrible it is to be expected to change a God given feature by your husband?

yeah...what she said!

 

[natural2008]

I am going to have to agree with Neith on this one. My boyfriend and I got into it about the word "Nappy" and I told him that he was ignorant for saying that word and for only liking straight hair or hair that is like your husband likes wash and go. Men irritate me with this thinking and are extremely ignorant for thinking this way. African American women do not have hair like those that are non Afro American. I think that it is the media and society and puts this type of ignorance in the heads of our men. What can we do to change this? As a matter of fact my boyfriend and I go into a really big argument about hair last week becaue I wear protective styles that he doesn't like. I told him off and we have been together for 5 years. He liked when I wore braids becasue the braiding hair was straight and the minute I tried the curly braiding hair, he did not like it so I told him where to go. I informed my boyfriend that hair doesn't make a person, what would happen if I got sick and lost all of my hair what the????? He had to sit and think about that one. But I wish you the best of luck.

 

[natural2008]

I forgot something . i also told my boyfriend that he was a shallow you know what for focusing on appearance all the time.

 

[Forever in Bloom]

What does his hair look like?

 

[thaidreams]

Thanks for the advise ladies!

Here's what my texture looks like. I love it just the negative comments have been getting to me.

 

[natural2008]

giiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl there is absolutely nothing wrong with your hair texture. Your hair texture is beautiful .

 

[Forever in Bloom]

Thanks for the advise ladies!

Here's what my texture looks like. I love it just the negative comments have been getting to me.

From what I can see you hair is gorgeous. Seems like men are really focused on hair more than ever.

I seriously should have grown up in the 60's when men were turned on by seeing afros and hairy legs slicked down with lotion - from what my mom (who's in her 50's) told me.

Now they want you clean shaven in other areas, and sprouting stick straight Rapunzel tresses from your head Last time I looked like that, I had just come out of a uterus

 

[Rapunzel*]

he needs a :hardslap:

your texture is so beautiful

dont let him discourage you please.

but you can always moisturize with shea butter or coconut oil
dnt worry we are here for you

 

[kblc06]

Thanks for the advise ladies!

Here's what my texture looks like. I love it just the negative comments have been getting to me.

I'm going to have to go with Neith. Your curls are absolutly fabulous. Why marry a BLACK woman in hopes that she would have "NON-BLACK" hair erplexed?

 

[delray712000]

i am with everyone else. you have a wonderful texture. i would not know if my husband dislikes my hair or not because he would not dare say a word. your husband should not say these things because then you will begin to feel as though he does not love the real you. i apologize if i am wrong

 

[delray712000]

I'm going to have to go with Neith. Your curls are absolutly fabulous. Why marry a BLACK woman in hopes that she would have "NON-BLACK" hair erplexed?

YEAH WHY MARRY A BLACK WOMEN AND WANT HER TO HAVE HAIR LIKE A NON BLACK WOMEN HMMM

 

[hopeful]

OP, Your hair is very pretty.

 

[Neith]

OP, Your hair is very pretty.

I agree. It looks thick and so pretty! The texture is adorable

Maybe you should try having a heart to heart with hubby. Maybe he doesn't understand how it really makes you feel.

 

[R4L]

maybe you just need to experiment with different products, to see what gives you results that you like.....there were some ROUGH days when I first went natural, until I found the products that worked best.

 

[Mis007]

wow this is something, I had always assumed that guys loved the natural curly look. My hair is always the topic of conversation when I have met someone, they tell me it's my hair that has attracted them to me (they love it)even in its wild state I get attention, just goes to show .​

 

[Jetblackhair]

From what I can see you hair is gorgeous. Seems like men are really focused on hair more than ever.

I seriously should have grown up in the 60's when men were turned on by seeing afros and hairy legs slicked down with lotion - from what my mom (who's in her 50's) told me.

Now they want you clean shaven in other areas, and sprouting stick straight Rapunzel tresses from your head Last time I looked like that, I had just come out of a uterus

Ok, that statement really gave me a laugh and tickled my side.

OP, your hair is beautiful. I just don't get it. My dh has been really supportive of my natural hair and is quite fascinated by the pin coils. I've only been fully natural for 2 years.

 

[mamauv2]

My heart goes out to you on this OP but your hair really is beautiful. When I went natural by shaving all my hair off I was concerned how my husband would feel but I felt SO incredible and sexy that I had to sit down with him and tell him how I felt about my hair and that of COURSE I care about his feelings but the decision I made wasn't about him! I don't think he's EVER been more attracted to me but I'm sure it has to do with the confidence I exude. Don't let it get you down, remember what you love about your hair and let those feelings shine through and he'll start to see something different about you. He won't be sure WHAT it is, but he'll like it! TRUST ME! Good luck!

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

OP, your hair is beautiful.

I am in the same situation as you, except I have completely given up on trying to make my DH happy. He will never be happy with my hair as long as it is not stick straight, so I wear it however the heck I like.

My DH doesn't really say anything anymore about it. We had the big talk before I BC'd about why this was important to me and he said he supported me, though he preferred straight long hair. Since then he's given me strange looks and made faces, but only made a negative comment a few times. Lately I haven't heard anything.

I was like you at first, trying to cater to him, trying not to do a fro. But I've yet to hear a compliment from him, so dammit, I'll wear my hair how I like. Does it hurt? Yes, it does. But I can't make him like my hair. The only thing I can do is take good care of it and show him just how beautiful it can be.

My advice is to wear your hair how you like, because believe me, you will be jumping through hoops trying to make your hair do something it isnt supposed to do and then it will just end in frustration.

 

[discodumpling]

My husband goes thorugh phases with my hair...I don't go through it with him. I will not compromise the health of my hair or scalp for ANYBODY...he's clear about that. Everytime he says something negative about my hair I stare blankly at him and ask simply..."watchu gonna do about it?"
To date he is THE ONLY MAN that has had anything negative to say about my hair...he betta watch out...LOL!

 

[langston]

Hey ladies,

My husband only likes my hair when it is curly, especially after a braidout. He always says ooh you look so sexy. My husband has always liked my natural hair and I am like a 3c/4a mixed. Maybe because he met me with a braidout. Now he wants my 2 year old to have the same hair as me. I guess I am lucky that my hubby lets me be me.

 

[Crown]

Why does he not like type 4 hair? Have you ever asked?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but if it was me, I wouldn't try and jump through hoops to make him happy.

He knew that you have type 4 hair when he married you. How horrible it is to be expected to change a God given feature by your husband?

I don't think so! He knew her relaxed hair, that's it!

OK Ladies, I need some advise. My husband is not too thrilled about my hair. He only likes it when I wear wash-n-go's with lots of gel applied so that my hair doesn't "nap up". He loves straight hair and 3a-c type hair, but I don't have that. So, my question to you all is do you know of any styles/products that don't require heat that I can try on my hair? I've done braid outs and he likes the way they look except for the roots. Is there a way that I can keep my roots from looking so dry?! Please help!!!

Your roots look dry? Maybe you need to change your products. Have you tried shea butter?
Try to roller set your braids for your braid out.
Give him time! Brain washed is a serious problem. In the eyes of my husband, it took me 4 years to be really rehabilitated. Be confident and patient.

 

[Nonie]

OP, when I met my hubby, I had bone straight relaxed hair. Then I decided to transition in braids due to damage just so I'd have a fresh head of hair to relax again. I never did go back to relax because I achieved my lifelong dream of having long hair (Well, it was longer than it ever had been and I was happy.) I seem to recall a convo that wasn't that pleasant w/ my then BF (now hubby) when I heard him refer to someone as having "good hair like [his] cousin". So I asked what the heck "good hair" was. He was all thumbs, trying to explain himself coz I guess the tone in my voice I guess made it clear how ignant I found that phrase when used to refer to texture. I don't remember what exactly I said to him, but it wasn't threatening or some warning. But I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I didn't appreciate it. It's funny but it wasn't until that time (a few months after I'd fully gone natchal) that I realized for the first time that he really didn't care for Type 4 hair. Anyway, I have this thing where I have never let anyone/anything--except when a uniform calls for it--determine how I dress or look. So I never sought his opinion on how I looked. One day he got the courage to tell me that a previous do I had worn--which happened to be one of the creations I am most proud of--bothered the heck out of him and reminded him of spiders (pic). I was so tickled and almost felt sorry for him coz you couldn't tell me nuffin. Plus folks had stopped me to ask me how I did it near my job. So I know I was sizzling with that do. I still do. I guess it was at that point that he realized that nothing can come between me and my hair, and probably decided he had to learn to love it.

A few months later, when I could wear shoulder-length twists, he actually complimented me on them. (I now wonder if his problem with 4B natural hair was just that he never believed it could be long--something he loves to see in a woman--since the only other time we were at loggerheads over my hair was when I got an unasked-for BC. I was mad too, so we were on the same page there. He was angry with me for letting someone cut my hair when "we had come so far!" <---He really said that coz indeed, as I reached milestones, I'd call him to see my progress, so I guess he was part of the journey. ) He's had such a turn around that even one day when a twist-out backfired and I wanted to tie a wrap, he told me I looked OK and actually went places with me like that. Now Chiccas, I DID NOT look OK. I looked like they don't make combs where I come from, but hubby didn't have a problem with it at all.

His next problem was headwraps. He hated to see me with "WTH?" on my head, as he used to cry out any time I wore some headdress. Now I don't know how to do a normal neat wrap so I always makeup my own crazy froufrou do as I go along like this one. I would just tell him that I'm sorry he doesn't like it coz I swear I'm sizzling. And I wasn't just saying it. I really dress up for me, so if I like it, I truly don't get affected by what anyone else thinks. He eventually stopped his crazy exclamations. And you know what the latest shock was? I love to wear hats and was getting ready to wear one--which is what he preferred to wraps. I asked him, do you agree there's something "off" about this hat. He said yes. So at a loss on what other hat would match my dress, I asked, "Do you think I should wear the wrap instead?" He exclaimed, "Hell yeah!" And when I was done with my froufrou tie, he actually said, "That's so much better!" I'm still reeling with shock that my wraps have got his blessings.

So OP, I assure you, confidence can take you a long way. I've shared how I'd go to work with a do that would be a total disappointment to me, but would wear it with an air of self-assurance and have everyone actually appreciate it, even people who initially tried to tease me about it start to doubt their tastes and actually seem to accept it. So I think the first step is to continue to cultivate that love you have for your hair till it's overflowing. Then find ways to celebrated your curls by learning dos that bring out the best in them and in you. In time, your hubby will start to see how your hair complements the total package and not want to change a thing about you.

I really think that people fear/dread what they are not familiar with and it's easier to shun it than try to find beauty in it. But people do learn to appreciate the unknown the more they get to understand it. So give him the opportunity to experience your hair in all it's glory, not just in his more "familiar pattern", and he'll probably be blown away by just how versatile/cool your hair is. And on days you want to wear curls w/o heat, use Curlformers and wear a headband to cover the roots at the hairline if brushing doesn't do the trick of smoothing the roots out.

Men tend to follow the rule "If you can't beat them, join them." So be you!

 

[xxBlackBerryxx?]

All i can say is i am not at all impressed with your husbands comment - he should love you for you...not some fake straight looking wanna be.

 

[gloomgeisha]

I'm sorry your husband is being like this, sometimes men don't realize how hurtful they can be when stating their "preferences."

My SO loves my hair, he just hates the fact that right now it's in twists that get put into a bun everyday. He loves it when my hair is all "fro'd out" as he says, but that involves a lot more combing and maintenance than I feel like doing.

 

[200AndOne]

giiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl there is absolutely nothing wrong with your hair texture. Your hair texture is beautiful .

EXACTLY what she said!

 

[yuriko]

Black men can still be very ignorant especially when it comes to hair. A friend of mine was talking about some girl, about how she looks like a tree hugger, and she probably recycles everything. Mind you, this girl was really pretty and dressed real nice, the only thing was that her hair was natural, in a nice big fro. So I guess natural hair means you are a tree hugger. I laughed at him, and said "well you must be a tree hugger too coz your hair aint relaxed either"
And his girlfriend has bone straight relaxed APL hair, and he marvels about how pretty her hair is, I just wanted him to understand that our natural texture is very pretty

 

[Irresistible]

OP, when I met my hubby, I had bone straight relaxed hair. Then I decided to transition in braids due to damage just so I'd have a fresh head of hair to relax again. I never did go back to relax because I achieved my lifelong dream of having long hair (Well, it was longer than it ever had been and I was happy.) I seem to recall a convo that wasn't that pleasant w/ my then BF (now hubby) when I heard him refer to someone as having "good hair like [his] cousin". So I asked what the heck "good hair" was. He was all thumbs, trying to explain himself coz I guess the tone in my voice I guess made it clear how ignant I found that phrase when used to refer to texture. I don't remember what exactly I said to him, but it wasn't threatening or some warning. But I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I didn't appreciate it. It's funny but it wasn't until that time (a few months after I'd fully gone natchal) that I realized for the first time that he really didn't care for Type 4 hair. Anyway, I have this thing where I have never let anyone/anything--except when a uniform calls for it--determine how I dress or look. So I never sought his opinion on how I looked. One day he got the courage to tell me that a previous do I had worn--which happened to be one of the creations I am most proud of--bothered the heck out of him and reminded him of spiders (pic). I was so tickled and almost felt sorry for him coz you couldn't tell me nuffin. Plus folks had stopped me to ask me how I did it near my job. So I know I was sizzling with that do. I still do. I guess it was at that point that he realized that nothing can come between me and my hair, and probably decided he had to learn to love it.

A few months later, when I could wear shoulder-length twists, he actually complimented me on them. (I now wonder if his problem with 4B natural hair was just that he never believed it could be long--something he loves to see in a woman--since the only other time we were at loggerheads over my hair was when I got an unasked-for BC. I was mad too, so we were on the same page there. He was angry with me for letting someone cut my hair when "we had come so far!" <---He really said that coz indeed, as I reached milestones, I'd call him to see my progress, so I guess he was part of the journey. ) He's had such a turn around that even one day when a twist-out backfired and I wanted to tie a wrap, he told me I looked OK and actually went places with me like that. Now Chiccas, I DID NOT look OK. I looked like they don't make combs where I come from, but hubby didn't have a problem with it at all.

His next problem was headwraps. He hated to see me with "WTH?" on my head, as he used to cry out any time I wore some headdress. Now I don't know how to do a normal neat wrap so I always makeup my own crazy froufrou do as I go along like this one. I would just tell him that I'm sorry he doesn't like it coz I swear I'm sizzling. And I wasn't just saying it. I really dress up for me, so if I like it, I truly don't get affected by what anyone else thinks. He eventually stopped his crazy exclamations. And you know what the latest shock was? I love to wear hats and was getting ready to wear one--which is what he preferred to wraps. I asked him, do you agree there's something "off" about this hat. He said yes. So at a loss on what other hat would match my dress, I asked, "Do you think I should wear the wrap instead?" He exclaimed, "Hell yeah!" And when I was done with my froufrou tie, he actually said, "That's so much better!" I'm still reeling with shock that my wraps have got his blessings.

So OP, I assure you, confidence can take you a long way. I've shared how I'd go to work with a do that would be a total disappointment to me, but would wear it with an air of self-assurance and have everyone actually appreciate it, even people who initially tried to tease me about it start to doubt their tastes and actually seem to accept it. So I think the first step is to continue to cultivate that love you have for your hair till it's overflowing. Then find ways to celebrated your curls by learning dos that bring out the best in them and in you. In time, your hubby will start to see how your hair complements the total package and not want to change a thing about you.

I really think that people fear/dread what they are not familiar with and it's easier to shun it than try to find beauty in it. But people do learn to appreciate the unknown the more they get to understand it. So give him the opportunity to experience your hair in all it's glory, not just in his more "familiar pattern", and he'll probably be blown away by just how versatile/cool your hair is. And on days you want to wear curls w/o heat, use Curlformers and wear a headband to cover the roots at the hairline if brushing doesn't do the trick of smoothing the roots out.

Men tend to follow the rule "If you can't beat them, join them." So be you!

This was an awesome post Nonie, and the spiders? that was too cute and funny

I KNOW my man would LOVE it if I wore my hair straight all the time, but nah I aint doin all that, I found out early the bun was a no go, he prefers the pony tail (for the hanging i guess)

but he actually asked me one day if I could wear less oil in my hair

pshh! NOT

BAHAHHAHA@ HIM FOR ASKIN THAT SILLY ISH!

 

[Eclass215]

I have to agree with the ladies on here. You cannot let him dictate how you wear your hair. Of course you should want to be attractive to him and all that, but he should also love you regardless.

I had that problem with my fiance, and I would let it bother me when he would say that he didn't like my natural hair and make jokes and smart comments. He still says stuff about me fighting with my hair and my hair is winning. But you know what, once I stood firm and stopped listening to his comments and letting it upset me, he realized I am going to wear my hair however I like and if HE doesn't like it - he knows what he can do and where he can take those comments. Of course I love for him to compliment me and say how much he loves this or that, but the truth is, if I don't love it first and foremost, it doesn't matter what anybody else says. Your confidence shouldn't have to come from a hairstyle - it should come from within no matter what you're wearing. It's easier said than done, but it's so true.