Naturals: Does your significant other like your hair?

[Nonie]

This was an awesome post Nonie, and the spiders? that was too cute and funny

I KNOW my man would LOVE it if I wore my hair straight all the time, but nah I aint doin all that, I found out early the bun was a no go, he prefers the pony tail (for the hanging i guess)

but he actually asked me one day if I could wear less oil in my hair

pshh! NOT

BAHAHHAHA@ HIM FOR ASKIN THAT SILLY ISH!

The bold is too funny. You remind me of a friend of mine who loves it that her hair is full of products so folks will keep their hands out of it and not mess her do.

LOL @ your response to that.

 

[frankie]

My ex, was pissed when I chopped off my hair because he likes it long and wanted me to wear it down all the time...and was vocal about his preference. He didn't hate on my texture though. He actually gave me some tips because he had grown his own hair out at different times.

The guy I'm currently dating met me before my chop. He flipped with delight when I wore it in a twa for the first time. He loves my natural hair. He likes to touch it, and play with it.

 

[IrisDaVirus]

Fortunately my husband loves my natural hair. But even if he didn't it wouldn't matter because I'm too much of an a$$hole to give a damn. I don't get up everyday to do my hair to please a man. I enjoy my natural hair too much to care what anyone else thinks about it.

 

[napbella]

Thanks for the advise ladies!

Here's what my texture looks like. I love it just the negative comments have been getting to me.

You have beautiful hair!!

 

[TexturedTresses]

Threads like this make me want to go natural. Op, your hair is way beautiful. Please don't let this get you down.

 

[thaidreams]

Thanks again ladies for all your support! This forum is really a blessing!

 

[Transformer]

DH sees my natural hair as a perfect match/reflection of my personality....he loves the curly wash-n-gos.

I love the picture in your avatar. I have a co-worker that loves women with natural hair...just in case you want to switch companions!

 

[Shimmie]

You know what? Our hair is what it is and it's not worth any drama or stress just to please someone's unrealistic concept of what beautiful hair is.

To the men who have issue with hair types; has anyone ever pressed them about their hair? Meaning the woman in his life who loves him.

Hair is not the key element to love and relationships. It's the heart of the person beneath the hair. Hair flys and drys, but the heart will keep one warm when life gives a cold wind upon ones dreams.

Men need to 'man up' and see the true beauty of hair is not hair, but the one who wears it no matter what the texture it is. For in the end, that's all that matters. Hair sheds, love doesn't.

 

[Cassandra1975]

My heart goes out to you on this OP but your hair really is beautiful. When I went natural by shaving all my hair off I was concerned how my husband would feel but I felt SO incredible and sexy that I had to sit down with him and tell him how I felt about my hair and that of COURSE I care about his feelings but the decision I made wasn't about him! I don't think he's EVER been more attracted to me but I'm sure it has to do with the confidence I exude. Don't let it get you down, remember what you love about your hair and let those feelings shine through and he'll start to see something different about you. He won't be sure WHAT it is, but he'll like it! TRUST ME! Good luck!

I had to have that talk with an ex-bf (this was reason number 2 of 248 why his *** is an ex but anywho...). This right here is just not about him, it's about YOU and how YOU feel comfortable. Ex bf liked twist outs but not the time I had to take to do my hair to get it that way. Fool, how do you think it's going to get that way? It doesn't grow out of my head like that. He stopped asking about my hair after we had a 'come to Jesus' meeting about how things were going to go down regarding it.

I like Neith's idea of sitting down to really discuss everything. Don't be militant like me...lol

 

[Cheleigh]

Initially I think my SO was disappointed I cut my hair. I found out a year or more after my BC that he was first attracted to my (long, straight) hair when he'd met me. Well, too late for that. I wear my hair the way I like it, and I get compliments all the time by happenstance. My SO knows how important my natural hair is to me (now) and he knows I'll probably never go back to the relaxer. My SO gets tired of the bun (he like the change up) and loves it whenever I do anything besides the bun, but he declared months ago that he loves my hair whether it's "curly or straight." So, sometimes I try to switch up the hairstyle for a little variety, but most of the time it's in a curly bun. For example, I wore it in a quickly pulled together curly ponypuff earlier this week, and he flipped for it, and that's my variety for the foreseeable future .

At the end of the day, I don't ask him to change how he looks, and he doesn't ask me to change how I look and the love still flows. It's a slippery slop IMO--changing how you'd prefer to look based on someone else's dictates or opinions. I acknowledge my SO's likes and preferences and if I agree, I'll try to accommodate him, but I can't always run around implementing every whim--that's not a mutually supportive situation in my book.

 

[Cassandra1975]

OP, your hair is beautiful.

I am in the same situation as you, except I have completely given up on trying to make my DH happy. He will never be happy with my hair as long as it is not stick straight, so I wear it however the heck I like.

My DH doesn't really say anything anymore about it. We had the big talk before I BC'd about why this was important to me and he said he supported me, though he preferred straight long hair. Since then he's given me strange looks and made faces, but only made a negative comment a few times. Lately I haven't heard anything.

I was like you at first, trying to cater to him, trying not to do a fro. But I've yet to hear a compliment from him, so dammit, I'll wear my hair how I like. Does it hurt? Yes, it does. But I can't make him like my hair. The only thing I can do is take good care of it and show him just how beautiful it can be.

My advice is to wear your hair how you like, because believe me, you will be jumping through hoops trying to make your hair do something it isnt supposed to do and then it will just end in frustration.

Um...your hair is freakin' GORGEOUS from what I can see in your siggy!! I don't know how he can't see the beauty in that.

 

[nubiangoddess3]

My husband goes thorugh phases with my hair...I don't go through it with him. I will not compromise the health of my hair or scalp for ANYBODY...he's clear about that. Everytime he says something negative about my hair I stare blankly at him and ask simply..."watchu gonna do about it?"
To date he is THE ONLY MAN that has had anything negative to say about my hair...he betta watch out...LOL!

You tell him

 

[bella gee]

My SO likes my hair...both natural and straightened. He said my natural hair illustrates my free-spirited side.

 

[BklynHeart]

At first dh was concerned because when he met me I had apl relaxed hair. He thought being natural was just short cropped hair. As long as I had enough to make a puff he was fine with it.

 

[glamazon386]

He's not opposed to the fact that my hair is natural he just likes certain styles over others.

 

[classi123]

He is entitled to his own opinion. He doesn't have to love your hair natural or not. He will just have to deal with it. He shouldnt treat you any different because of your hair, but he can be honest and not like it. The same goes for you, if you dont like something that he has you wont act on it just deal with it...

 

[angaliquew]

I have had this problem with my DH and still sometimes have to deal with his jokes. I've just learned to do what's best for the healthy of my hair and ignore his comments.

 

[hopeful]

This was an awesome post Nonie, and the spiders? that was too cute and funny

I KNOW my man would LOVE it if I wore my hair straight all the time, but nah I aint doin all that, I found out early the bun was a no go, he prefers the pony tail (for the hanging i guess)

but he actually asked me one day if I could wear less oil in my hair

pshh! NOT

BAHAHHAHA@ HIM FOR ASKIN THAT SILLY ISH!

ITA, Nonie, that was a really nice post. And Iris, @ the bolded!

 

[Neith]

OP, when I met my hubby, I had bone straight relaxed hair. Then I decided to transition in braids due to damage just so I'd have a fresh head of hair to relax again. I never did go back to relax because I achieved my lifelong dream of having long hair (Well, it was longer than it ever had been and I was happy.) I seem to recall a convo that wasn't that pleasant w/ my then BF (now hubby) when I heard him refer to someone as having "good hair like [his] cousin". So I asked what the heck "good hair" was. He was all thumbs, trying to explain himself coz I guess the tone in my voice I guess made it clear how ignant I found that phrase when used to refer to texture. I don't remember what exactly I said to him, but it wasn't threatening or some warning. But I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I didn't appreciate it. It's funny but it wasn't until that time (a few months after I'd fully gone natchal) that I realized for the first time that he really didn't care for Type 4 hair. Anyway, I have this thing where I have never let anyone/anything--except when a uniform calls for it--determine how I dress or look. So I never sought his opinion on how I looked. One day he got the courage to tell me that a previous do I had worn--which happened to be one of the creations I am most proud of--bothered the heck out of him and reminded him of spiders (pic). I was so tickled and almost felt sorry for him coz you couldn't tell me nuffin. Plus folks had stopped me to ask me how I did it near my job. So I know I was sizzling with that do. I still do. I guess it was at that point that he realized that nothing can come between me and my hair, and probably decided he had to learn to love it.

A few months later, when I could wear shoulder-length twists, he actually complimented me on them. (I now wonder if his problem with 4B natural hair was just that he never believed it could be long--something he loves to see in a woman--since the only other time we were at loggerheads over my hair was when I got an unasked-for BC. I was mad too, so we were on the same page there. He was angry with me for letting someone cut my hair when "we had come so far!" <---He really said that coz indeed, as I reached milestones, I'd call him to see my progress, so I guess he was part of the journey. ) He's had such a turn around that even one day when a twist-out backfired and I wanted to tie a wrap, he told me I looked OK and actually went places with me like that. Now Chiccas, I DID NOT look OK. I looked like they don't make combs where I come from, but hubby didn't have a problem with it at all.

His next problem was headwraps. He hated to see me with "WTH?" on my head, as he used to cry out any time I wore some headdress. Now I don't know how to do a normal neat wrap so I always makeup my own crazy froufrou do as I go along like this one. I would just tell him that I'm sorry he doesn't like it coz I swear I'm sizzling. And I wasn't just saying it. I really dress up for me, so if I like it, I truly don't get affected by what anyone else thinks. He eventually stopped his crazy exclamations. And you know what the latest shock was? I love to wear hats and was getting ready to wear one--which is what he preferred to wraps. I asked him, do you agree there's something "off" about this hat. He said yes. So at a loss on what other hat would match my dress, I asked, "Do you think I should wear the wrap instead?" He exclaimed, "Hell yeah!" And when I was done with my froufrou tie, he actually said, "That's so much better!" I'm still reeling with shock that my wraps have got his blessings.

So OP, I assure you, confidence can take you a long way. I've shared how I'd go to work with a do that would be a total disappointment to me, but would wear it with an air of self-assurance and have everyone actually appreciate it, even people who initially tried to tease me about it start to doubt their tastes and actually seem to accept it. So I think the first step is to continue to cultivate that love you have for your hair till it's overflowing. Then find ways to celebrated your curls by learning dos that bring out the best in them and in you. In time, your hubby will start to see how your hair complements the total package and not want to change a thing about you.

I really think that people fear/dread what they are not familiar with and it's easier to shun it than try to find beauty in it. But people do learn to appreciate the unknown the more they get to understand it. So give him the opportunity to experience your hair in all it's glory, not just in his more "familiar pattern", and he'll probably be blown away by just how versatile/cool your hair is. And on days you want to wear curls w/o heat, use Curlformers and wear a headband to cover the roots at the hairline if brushing doesn't do the trick of smoothing the roots out.

Men tend to follow the rule "If you can't beat them, join them." So be you!

Great post Nonie!

 

[MJ]

OP, what does your texture looks like dry? Wet hair textures tends to look v-e-r-y different than the dried version for many naturals. Also, he is your husband and he's being honest with you. You may not agree with him and that is ok. But whatever you choose to do, wear your hair with confidence. I've seen some natural styles that on there own would be HAM but because the person radiate such confidence I admired them instead.

 

[blaqueprincessa]

What does his hair look like?

LMAO HAHAHHAhA
Your comic is soo funny

 

[JustKiya]

Ya know, I don't know. He'll comment on an outfit that he likes, and he'll tell me that I look 'good/pretty/beautiful/gorgeous' overall, but I don't think he's ever specifically said anything to me about my hair. *think* He does like it down more than up - but I think that goes into the whole 'length' thing. Of course, the fact that when he met me, I had short dreads, that got longer, which I then chopped off to shorter than he's ever seen - I dunno. Maybe he's just used to it. Or, maybe he wisely enough doesn't care, as long as I don't look like I just escaped from the crazy house.
I don't think we've ever actually had the 'texture' discussion, at all.

 

[Ms Lala]

My hubby doesn't really say much about my hair. He'll tell me if it looks particularly nice that's about it. I know he doesn't really like my librarian buns too much. OP I would suggest experimenting w/styles that you like and feel confident wearing. CHeck out the fotki's of some naturals around here to get ideas. For a nice twist out/braid out I like IC Fantasia Gel mixed w/a little wax. You also have to be sure not to take the hair loose until the product is completely dry. I do my twist outs on hair that has been stretched out (blowdrying or airdrying and brushing out) if not the results are very inconsistent and the roots look puffy which is what may be going on w/your hair.

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

My SO has a natural hair fetish..lol
Ok, maybe not that extreme but he LOVES natural hair..loves!!!!!!! There has been numerous times when I've gotten frustrated and expressed my desire to relax and he's NOT hearing it. he loves my hair how it is and is one of my biggest supporters. In truth, the night we met he reported that he spotted a sexy natural girl in a room full of straight hair and just had to approach me...aww.

So yes he loves my natural hair

 

[Evolving78]

i cut all of my hair off because of my dh's attitude toward my hair. that is the second man in my life that caused me to be that extreme. do what is best for you and what makes you happy. i love being natural and if a man can't accept what was God-given then he needs to hit the bricks. that is like asking someone to change their eye color with contacts, since they feel that blue or hazel eyes is prettier or wear these butt pads to make you have a bigger booty. whateva!

 

[Neith]

i cut all of my hair off because of my dh's attitude toward my hair. that is the second man in my life that caused me to be that extreme. do what is best for you and what makes you happy. i love being natural and if a man can't accept what was God-given then he needs to hit the bricks. that is like asking someone to change their eye color with contacts, since they feel that blue or hazel eyes is prettier or wear these butt pads to make you have a bigger booty. whateva!

Exactly

 

[Nonie]

My SO has a natural hair fetish..lol
Ok, maybe not that extreme but he LOVES natural hair..loves!!!!!!! There has been numerous times when I've gotten frustrated and expressed my desire to relax and he's NOT hearing it. he loves my hair how it is and is one of my biggest supporters. In truth, the night we met he reported that he spotted a sexy natural girl in a room full of straight hair and just had to approach me...aww.

So yes he loves my natural hair

That's so heartwarming, IIB!

 

[Casarela]

Girl your hair is beautiful...

Maybe you should talk to him and have him understand that what grows out of your scalp is part of you and that he really gets to you with his unecessary comments about your hair.

As for your hair you should not fight it to please your hubby. ( Im not saying you are ...but if you feel youre fighting your hair...just let it be...) Concerning your braidouts...Ive seen wicked braid-outs achieved on some fotkis with that thing called CANTU ..its the one w/ shea butter.

BIG HUG ...keep your head up ..your hair is BEAUTIFUL!

 

[cclark1]

I couldn't have said it better!!! I'm in the same boat. But my advice to you is to just do you. Every few months if you want to press your hair to make him happy, I say do it!! But at his expense. This definitely has worked for me!!!

OP, your hair is beautiful.

I am in the same situation as you, except I have completely given up on trying to make my DH happy. He will never be happy with my hair as long as it is not stick straight, so I wear it however the heck I like.

My DH doesn't really say anything anymore about it. We had the big talk before I BC'd about why this was important to me and he said he supported me, though he preferred straight long hair. Since then he's given me strange looks and made faces, but only made a negative comment a few times. Lately I haven't heard anything.

I was like you at first, trying to cater to him, trying not to do a fro. But I've yet to hear a compliment from him, so dammit, I'll wear my hair how I like. Does it hurt? Yes, it does. But I can't make him like my hair. The only thing I can do is take good care of it and show him just how beautiful it can be.

My advice is to wear your hair how you like, because believe me, you will be jumping through hoops trying to make your hair do something it isnt supposed to do and then it will just end in frustration.

 

[danigurl18]

mine has mixed feelings.. he likes the texture but he doesn't like the length... he is more impatient than i am for it to grow!