My SO Really Put HIs Foot in His Mouth !

[doll-baby]

Last night my SO and I were watching the T.O. show (which I rarely watch) and started talking about interracial dating and the state of black families today.

Well long story short he started talking about when he was at the barber shop with his friends and they were talking about black women. The men in the shop were defending black women and my SO was defending the reasons not to date black women.
(Here's where he really messed up) So he continues to talk about their conversation and say's that he told them that if he was to ever "settle down" he would settle down with a latin girl !(I'm 100% black)

Soon as he said that I shut down completely, I asked him how could he make that statement when we have been together for almost 7 years ? And I know that I have been a good woman to him.

So he back peddles and says that he was just trying to "stir the pot" . I didn't buy it. I told him that since he knew he had a good black woman at home he should have been talking about that and not how he wants to settle down with some latin chick!
A latin chick has'nt been there for you for 7 years, helping pay the bills, raise our children, and cooking every night !

I was very hurt and embarrassed by his statement especially since his barber knows me.

He thinks that I am over reacting, but he just doesn't understand I tried to use the analogy of me telling my friends that I would want to settle down with a white man (even though I have a perfectly good black man at home) and it totally flew over his head.

I'm giving him the silent treatment right now because I don't know what to say, am I being too sensitive here ?

 

[firecracker]

Dat boi don lost his damn mind! He really messed up now and opened up a can of worms. So I gather he is the one that doesn't want to tie the knot in all these years since he is waiting on the Latin Lover. Please don't open a can of whoop arse on him when he is asleep. 7 years, kids, helping pay the bills **** stirring up the pot alright!

 

[envybeauty]

Nope. U right.

So seven years, a couple of kids, and having a woman at home every night is not settling down to him? Not on that path?

Ummm hmmmm.

What's worse is not that he said it but that he felt the need to tell you what he said.

 

[antisocial]

What really bothers me about this whole thing is not only that he said some stupid ish like that but that he came home and repeated it to YOU. WTF??? Men are so stupid sometimes. If it was me he would never hear the end of that one...Every time he asked me to do something (cook, clean, pay a bill) I would be like "call you up a latin chick".... ....It would be a while before he got another hot meal from me

 

[♥Lamaravilla♥]

I don't even know how I would react in this situation. I would be beyond hurt though. Don't allow him to dismiss your feelings, you being upset by his comments is completely valid.

 

[Ladybug33]

Nope, I don't think you're being too sensitive.


Silliness like that just makes you wanna....:hardslap:somebody.


Men......

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Uhm... I think it's a sign that you MAY just want to move on.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Last night my SO and I were watching the T.O. show (which I rarely watch) and started talking about interracial dating and the state of black families today.

Well long story short he started talking about when he was at the barber shop with his friends and they were talking about black women. The men in the shop were defending black women and my SO was defending the reasons not to date black women.
(Here's where he really messed up) So he continues to talk about their conversation and say's that he told them that if he was to ever "settle down" he would settle down with a latin girl !(I'm 100% black)

Soon as he said that I shut down completely, I asked him how could he make that statement when we have been together for almost 7 years ? And I know that I have been a good woman to him.

So he back peddles and says that he was just trying to "stir the pot" . I didn't buy it. I told him that since he knew he had a good black woman at home he should have been talking about that and not how he wants to settle down with some latin chick!
A latin chick has'nt been there for you for 7 years, helping pay the bills, raise our children, and cooking every night !

I was very hurt and embarrassed by his statement especially since his barber knows me.

He thinks that I am over reacting, but he just doesn't understand I tried to use the analogy of me telling my friends that I would want to settle down with a white man (even though I have a perfectly good black man at home) and it totally flew over his head.

I'm giving him the silent treatment right now because I don't know what to say, am I being too sensitive here ?

erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed erplexed

No you're not being to sensitive. I would have gone upside his head with my shoe. I would definitely take this situation seriously.

 

[Irresistible]

Last night my SO and I were watching the T.O. show (which I rarely watch) and started talking about interracial dating and the state of black families today.

Well long story short he started talking about when he was at the barber shop with his friends and they were talking about black women. The men in the shop were defending black women and my SO was defending the reasons not to date black women.
(Here's where he really messed up) So he continues to talk about their conversation and say's that he told them that if he was to ever "settle down" he would settle down with a latin girl !(I'm 100% black)

Soon as he said that I shut down completely, I asked him how could he make that statement when we have been together for almost 7 years ? And I know that I have been a good woman to him.

So he back peddles and says that he was just trying to "stir the pot" . I didn't buy it. I told him that since he knew he had a good black woman at home he should have been talking about that and not how he wants to settle down with some latin chick!
A latin chick has'nt been there for you for 7 years, helping pay the bills, raise our children, and cooking every night !

I was very hurt and embarrassed by his statement especially since his barber knows me.

He thinks that I am over reacting, but he just doesn't understand I tried to use the analogy of me telling my friends that I would want to settle down with a white man (even though I have a perfectly good black man at home) and it totally flew over his head.

I'm giving him the silent treatment right now because I don't know what to say, am I being too sensitive here ?

I would be Immensely hurt wounded and confused and re thinking everything

wonder how can he fix that one?

Ive learned that when we dont listen to what they are saying straight out to us , and their excuses we buy, we only regret it later

I would take this very seriously

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights up a newport one hunnit for dis one hea*

he stuck on stoopit n broke down on dumb.

you've been auditioning for the role of wifey for seven years, and as per your statement, he says that if he were to "settle down", then it would be with a latina chick. see, that raises a hair on my wig cuz if yall been t'getha for seven years, he doesn't feel as if he's settled down? well, no cuz yall not married.

i think it's time to re-evaluate da situation, your relationship, and your future for you and those chirren... the writing is on the walls, as you should stop and take the rosey colored glasses off. your mad at the fact that he said a latina chick, but fa real, u should be mad that he doesn't feel as if he's settled down, and afta 7 years, he didn't make you his wife yet, he just parked you on promise street sitting idle.

silence is golden, as i wouldn't say anything to him either, rather, i would re-evaluation my life and make a decision from there, and decide whether i want to "settle" or not with this idiot.... i think you deserve more.

 

[doll-baby]

Thank you ladies for responding, he still doesn't get why I'm upset. That makes me even angrier. And yeah since last night whenever he asks me to do something I'll say why don't you get a latin chick to do it !
And I still can't believe he had the nerve to say that to me, it would be better if at least he understood where he was wrong and apologized but he wants to chalk it up to me overreacting. He thinks because he is with me that should be testament enough that he wants to be with me, but now I kind of feel like he's just wasting time with me until he finds some latin chick, IDK

 

[Irresistible]

Thank you ladies for responding, he still doesn't get why I'm upset. That makes me even angrier. And yeah since last night whenever he asks me to do something I'll say why don't you get a latin chick to do it !
And I still can't believe he had the nerve to say that to me, it would be better if at least he understood where he was wrong and apologized but he wants to chalk it up to me overreacting. He thinks because he is with me that should be testament enough that he wants to be with me, but now I kind of feel like he's just wasting time with me until he finds some latin chick, IDK

understandable you feel that way since thats basically what he said

I dont even have any advice, and thats what men do, make it out to be you as the problem, dont fall for the okie doke, thats a real serious statement he made and you need and deserve to figure out what you want/need to do about it and find out where his heart and head really is-even though he pretty much already put it out there ....

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

OP, have you and your SO ever discussed marriage? Is this something that you desire? 7 years is a long time to be with someone and I like other ladies have posted, do not buy his excuse of trying to "stir the pot." My ? for you is what is your gut telling you?

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

Also...I agree with EVERYTHING Irresistible said...

 

[firecracker]

Uhm... I think it's a sign that you MAY just want to move on.

Move on to what with them babies and this late into the game? MARRIAGE with a mexican sombero & poncho if anything.

OP make that boi some tacos with spoiled sour cream and tell him all the rest of the meal afterwards will be prepared by Marta.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I don't want to come off as insensitive but....
If after 7 years AND kids AND paying bills he still hasn't married you. I doubt you will be the one that he "settles" down with. Your man is telling you the truth, so LISTEN.

 

[Miamori]

Oh, no. Go ahead and be mad. Too sensitive, my behind.

 

[firecracker]

*lights up a newport one hunnit for dis one hea*

he stuck on stoopit n broke down on dumb.

you've been auditioning for the role of wifey for seven years, and as per your statement, he says that if he were to "settle down", then it would be with a latina chick. see, that raises a hair on my wig cuz if yall been t'getha for seven years, he doesn't feel as if he's settled down? well, no cuz yall not married.

i think it's time to re-evaluate da situation, your relationship, and your future for you and those chirren... the writing is on the walls, as you should stop and take the rosey colored glasses off. your mad at the fact that he said a latina chick, but fa real, u should be mad that he doesn't feel as if he's settled down, and afta 7 years, he didn't make you his wife yet, he just parked you on promise street sitting idle.

silence is golden, as i wouldn't say anything to him either, rather, i would re-evaluation my life and make a decision from there, and decide whether i want to "settle" or not with this idiot.... i think you deserve more.

Is dat you Katt Williams? LOL Church


Hell I say if she/OP has more than two kids she better sit her *** down and try a belated shotgun wedding tactic. I'd probably dump the kids on him and disappear w/o no contact for a few days to teach him a lesson.

 

[firecracker]

I don't want to come off as insensitive but....
If after 7 years AND kids AND paying bills he still hasn't married you. I doubt you will be the one that he "settles" down with. Your man is telling you the truth, so LISTEN.

Listen and do what enquiring mind wants to know?

 

[FlowerHair]

I would be hurt beyond words...

I think I would have to leave for a few weeks and let him take care of the kids and the house while I was sipping on drinks somewhere in the sun...

Disrespectful and hurtful

 

[doll-baby]

OP, have you and your SO ever discussed marriage? Is this something that you desire? 7 years is a long time to be with someone and I like other ladies have posted, do not buy his excuse of trying to "stir the pot." My ? for you is what is your gut telling you?

We have talked about marriage, and he says that he is not ready to get married. I have never really pushed the issue because I wanted finish school, and start my career first.

 

[mscocoface]

Sistah girl he put more than his FOOT in his mouth.

That deserves some serious pause time from you so you can decide how you should respond and react knowing that is how he feels.

Since when did 7 years not equal settling down? Does settling down to him mean when he marries someone?

Too much smoke coming from this.

I have to ask what part of all of what you two are doing is not a relationship. All of this is like a marriage without the wedding. I am confused.

He doesn't want to get married and you don't either until school and career is started but you both have been together for 7 years, share a household and have children. I really am not trying to be dense but all of what you both are doing is what is in a marriage.

I hope nothing of what I am saying is offending you, I just am not understanding. I truly wish you the best regarding this situation, that had to hurt on so many levels.

 

[poookie]

How hurtful

Anyone you've been with for a significant period of time that brings up the subject of settling down & doesn't include you in the picture is a certified JERK.

i say spend a few days away from him. a hotel, a family member's house. don't answer his calls, don't attempt to contact him... NOTHING! he'll see what he's missing out on

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

We have talked about marriage, and he says that he is not ready to get married. I have never really pushed the issue because I wanted finish school, and start my career first.

Not to be rude, I'm just curious. What's the difference between marriage and the current arrangement between you and your SO for 7 years?

 

[doll-baby]

Move on to what with them babies and this late into the game? MARRIAGE with a mexican sombero & poncho if anything.

OP make that boi some tacos with spoiled sour cream and tell him all the rest of the meal afterwards will be prepared by Marta.

You made me laugh, I do make some good enchiladas, and arroz con pollo ! But seriously we need to have a long talk about the future of our relationship and where we go from here

 

[kandake]

I have no words.

Well actually I do. Doll-baby, this is a tough one. Your SO didn't put his foot in his mouth. In my opinion, he wanted you to have that info. He put the cards on the table as plain as day. Now its up to you to decide what to do next; whether its to stay or go.

I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[Ramya]

I would be mad at this more than anything:

if he was to ever "settle down" he would settle down

It's been 7 years... with some kids... and he hasn't decided to settle down? hmm OK

 

[doll-baby]

Not to be rude, I'm just curious. What's the difference between marriage and your current arrangement between you and your SO for 7 years?

I think that is kind of the way he views it, us being together so long it's kind of like marriage, but I would have no legal rights regarding him because our being together is not recognized by law. And I think that it is really special when you make an official commitment in front of God, family and friends that you want to form a union, and make it legal.

 

[firecracker]

We have talked about marriage, and he says that he is not ready to get married. I have never really pushed the issue because I wanted finish school, and start my career first.

Please finish your personal plans before you decide when enough is enough.

 

[♥Lamaravilla♥]

I think that is kind of the way he views it, us being together so long it's kind of like marriage, but I would have no legal rights regarding him because our being together is not recognized by law. And I think that it is really special when you make an official commitment in front of God, family and friends that you want to form a union, and make it legal.

Does Illinois not recognize a common-law union?
Nevermind...

Not if you were living in Illinois. Common law marriages are not valid in Illinois, so you need a license to be legally married in this state. Unless you entered into a common law marriage in another state that allows them—or allowed them while you were living together—you aren’t married.