My mistake as a single woman

[lux10023]

OPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP--i totally understand what you mean..i absolutely love my dh to death---but my single hey daysssssssssssssss were legendaryyyyyyyyyyyy and i miss them from time to time just the freedom and not being acccountable to anyone or etc


its been a bigggggggggg adjustment for me in regard to my entire crew growing up--kids..hubbys and etc--all of my diva friends and are all grown up now and have responsibilites that dont allow the jet-set lifestyle we use to live
i now live that life style with dh but it is different ya know lol---still have a ball w/ dh but its def not my single hey days

so im here withcha in regard to that aspect of missing that--i miss those days a lil less every day--but huntyyyyyyyyyyyy my hey days were grand lol

signed
Mrs. perfect28 vs Ms. perfect28

 

[gabulldawg]

I agree with you ladies. I just wish I had enjoyed my single life more instead of spending half of that time looking for a man. Being single wasn't as bad as I thought it was at the time.

This is the only thought I can relate to. I wish I was more happy in the moment of being single. Once I got my stride and started enjoying single-dom dh came along and the rest was history. I agree that you and your dh need to maybe add some spontaneity to your marriage. Dh and I go out regularly and enjoy each other as much as we can.

 

[gabulldawg]

What women fail to understand is that the happily married women they see are not really happy because they are married but because of who they married. Marrying the right guy makes all the difference. Otherwise, it's really best to stay single.

Preach!!!! So true!

 

[Layluh]

I can't go to Vegas without my husband. For one, he's never been so I'm sure he wants to go. Second, he will give me the third degree when I get back because he thinks if a married woman hangs with single women they are going to convince her to cheat. Plus we have a baby now so my jet setting days are over.

I think the bolded is the problem and perhaps some other things. Is he jealous? I was in a relationship like that a few years ago and felt like I was in a cage, I'm pretty sure it was way worse than yours. One time I told him I wanted to go out with my friends, and he ended up punching a mirror, breaking it and having to get stitches. I couldn't even talk on the phone around him because he would take offense to what I said.

I hope everything works out OP.

 

[FelaShrine]

I can't go to Vegas without my husband. For one, he's never been so I'm sure he wants to go. Second, he will give me the third degree when I get back because he thinks if a married woman hangs with single women they are going to convince her to cheat. Plus we have a baby now so my jet setting days are over.

Sorry for calling you out Zaynab but please tell this woman that marriage doesnt have to be draining.

Your husband has never been, so you cant go with him? Im confused.

 

[ambergirl]

hopeful hits the nail on the head again! Marriage does not equal happy. Marriage equals married. Whether or not that makes you happy is about the quality of your choice in partner and your willingness to let go of what was or your fantasies about life (whether single or married) and to embrace what is.

Your life is different and with a child, will forever be different and you just need to accept that. Doesn't mean you need to give up on the things you love but you'll need to find ways to negotiate with DH and work it into your life.

 

[Zaynab]

OP I think you're venting and it's good to just get it all out. I don't think you're unhappy, I just think you miss some of your independence and you and your DH have a different idea of what independence and marriage mean.

I guess I'm different in that I don't think married means not happy, that it just means married. That's not being happy. I don't think being married means you have to give away your entire identity and personality. You can be married to anyone but it is important to be married to someone who supports the person you are. I very much need to maintain myself, my interests, hobbies and my social life, I could go into a deep depression without it. DH and I had very active lives before marriage and children and I wanted to maintain that. Luckily we are both on the same page and I do travel w/o him, he travels w/o me, we travel together and then we travel with the kids. He supports me doing things because if I'm NOT HAPPY, trust he won't be and these kids won't be. I go to concerts, dinners, etc with friends and then we have a whole life together. Our independent hobbies and interests keep us motivated and together and honestly very happy-it makes us appreciate each other more I guess. I don't want to spend 1000% of my time with DH and my kids to have my identity taken away completely. I don't believe you have to be married and just stop living. I do not think it's wise to give of yourself until you're drained for 18 years and then there' s nothing left for oneself.

Re friends: Most of my friends are married but when I got married, I was pretty young so most were not. I never stopped doing this with my single friends, I just used good judgement obviously but single women IMO are not like single men with married friends

I hope you two can find a happy medium. It's a hard adjustment to being newly married, having a baby and then trying to sort out where you are in life! Been there, done that!

 

[thatscuteright]

I can't go to Vegas without my husband. For one, he's never been so I'm sure he wants to go. Second, he will give me the third degree when I get back because he thinks if a married woman hangs with single women they are going to convince her to cheat. Plus we have a baby now so my jet setting days are over.

What kind of single friends are these? Being single=not respecting someone's marriage ?

 

[DarkJoy]

Actually, I've lost quite a few married friends because their husbands think like this. Single friend encourage married women to cheat, "go 'head girl. he's lookin at you, go talk to him! I won't tell!" wink-wink

These are insecure men that think we will suddenly turn their wives into sirens and get them to hoe themselves out.