My friend wants me to straighten my hair for her wedding!

[naturalgyrl5199]

still reading,but I have a question. so if you're the bride and you request a certain style for the bridesmaids that makes you a bridezilla?

*reading on*

Nope.....

But you should be reasonable because these are supposed to be your friends...As far as OP...I think her friend simply doesn't know any better (regarding the hair).....

Friends don't make friends uncomfortable or do something they are against. As a bride I went out my way to make sure my bridesmaids are comfortable. For instance they had drastically different body types....so it would be unfair IMO to make the heavier bride wear something that would make one bride look sexy, but make her look foolish for the sake of 100% uniformity...that takes away from the day, and is distracting. It was my desire for all my brides to look beautiful as they could be, with the hair style, shoes, and dress style that complimented their bodies/face/skin, etc the best...cause they're representing me!

At the wedding I was in, one bride who was heavier was made to wear very very strappy heels the bride picked out and fussed about....That Bridesmaid purchased the shoes (60.00 loss at the end of the day)....(that reminds me...all my brides were able to wear their dresses and shoes again at another function cause they looked GOOD!) graciously but still brought another pair of shoes she could actually walk in. Sure they were a slightly different shade of gold, but the dress was long so you had to be looking hard to notice it...but she walked in those shoes with her head held high...cause the poor girl was just limping in the other ones...so the important thing is that reasonability and fairness rules the day.....Its about you as the bride..of course....but, trust and believe people will still talk about how so and so bride had her bridesmaids out there looking a mess....Just like they'll talk about how late you are and how nasty or cold the food was......(shrug)

 

[SleekyHair]

Again, people put too much emphasis on one stinking day I've been to and been part of enough wedding to know that your guest aren't going to GAD if your bridesmaids don't look stephord.

People have their priorities twisted.

If I were in OP's situation the bride would be paying for my hair

The same could be said in reverse. Why get all bent out of shaped and insulted over having to do something different to your hair for one "stinking" day (probably a couple of hours in reality)?

Any why should the bride have to pay for the hair when the OP already owns wigs?? I could understand the frustration if the OP never wore wigs, but she does.

 

[Kindheart]

Its her wedding you should respect her wishes ,normally bridesmaids look all the same and it would be nice if you respect her in doing what she asks for.Why all this paranoia about her not liking your hair,its only for one day ,are you gonna be so selfish to let that interfere with what is suppose to be the best day of her life?
Why other women o other races wouldn't think about it twice and go for it ,yet sistas always have to be so sensitive and assume all white ppl are racist.Give me a break sis ,wear your big girl pants and do what's riight.

 

[Anew]

I dont think so. But if you ask your 200 pound friend to drop 75 pounds to be in your wedding you may be considered a bridezilla or if you demand that the person do something that they really really dont want to do for personal reasons then yes, a bridezilla you may be. IMO of course.

Yeah I agree, and I saw all those other examples but we're talking about hair, well I am anyway..

 

[Anew]

But I'm having a problem with all these assumptions

Did OP ever come back and say whether or not the BM's will all wear similar or the same hairstyle?

 

[AvaSpeaks]

I'm beyond livid. She's white, so maybe she doesn't understand natural hair...but I think it's really BOLD to ask me to straighten my hair for her wedding (I'm a bridesmaid).

She told me that if I didn't want to straighten my hair, I could wear a wig. A wig?!

I'll keep that in mind when I have MY wedding someday. If I choose her as a bridesmaid, I'll request that she wear an AFRO wig.

Am I being way out of line here for being upset about this?

No this exact thing happened to me as well. My sorority sister WAS getting married for the first time and her then fiance asked if I was going to straighten my hair as well because I too was a bridesmaid. My line sister was like "NO!", lol. Needless to say she end up not marrying him anyway

And you are not out of line but if I were you I really wouldn't be having her as a bridesmaid if I got married. She doesn't really respect you or accept you for ALL that you are. So really do you want someone like that in your wedding party?

 

[AvaSpeaks]

hmm i think it's ridiculous that your friend told you this AFTER you already bought the dress, the shoes, etc. personally, i would be annoyed too so i don't think you're making a big deal out of it. i would try to figure out what everyone else is doing with their hair because if she doesn't have a specific style that she wants and everyone else is rocking their natural texture, why can't you? maybe i'm also biased because i would never be a bridezilla or ask for 100% uniformity (i personally think that a little variety at a wedding is beautiful-especially since different things flatter different people and i would want my bridesmaids to look their best since they'll be in my photos. i would just want beauty period). i never understood the phenomenon and i think it's absolutely ridiculous. i'm just not sure how your natural hair would mess up her wedding. is she going to have a breakdown just because it isn't straight? is she going to look back on the occasion and curse the heavens because someone had an afro at her wedding? if only you had known earlier though. it's too late to back out i think so you might as well rock a wig. but don't straighten it with a flat iron if you think your hair might revert or might get heat damage etc.

This is a good point. The OP mentioned that the bride asked her even while she was natural. However, I believe the Bride thought that the OP would straighten her hair if she asked her, thus that's why she went ahead and asked her to be in the wedding.

Kinda like, "well when we get closer to the wedding, I just tell her then to straighten her hair and I know she will do it because she's my friend and it's my day". I kinda think that was her mode of thinking.

 

[BeetleBug]

Its her wedding you should respect her wishes ,normally bridesmaids look all the same and it would be nice if you respect her in doing what she asks for.Why all this paranoia about her not liking your hair,its only for one day ,are you gonna be so selfish to let that interfere with what is suppose to be the best day of her life?
Why other women o other races wouldn't think about it twice and go for it ,yet sistas always have to be so sensitive and assume all white ppl are racist.Give me a break sis ,wear your big girl pants and do what's riight.

How do you know that?

 

[LunadeMiel]

The same could be said in reverse. Why get all bent out of shaped and insulted over having to do something different to your hair for one "stinking" day (probably a couple of hours in reality)?

Any why should the bride have to pay for the hair when the OP already owns wigs?? I could understand the frustration if the OP never wore wigs, but she does.

Just as it's her wedding, It's MY hair, My scalp, My beliefs, My reason.

Again, ridiculous demands from others will not be funded by me

 

[smitmarv]

I find this a strange request but after thinking about it (and maybe this has already been said) but maybe she thinks you will get more attention then she will on a subconscious level because you will be different. Or perhaps because she is not black she doesn't realize what it might mean to you or what you would have to go through to straighten your hair. Some people just plain don't know any better and do not mean any harm.

 

[Kindheart]

Again, people put too much emphasis on one stinking day I've been to and been part of enough wedding to know that your guest aren't going to GAD if your bridesmaids don't look stephord.

People have their priorities twisted.

If I were in OP's situation the bride would be paying for my hair

Wow ..what an attitude.."One stinking day" huh?have u considered the fact that perhaps its the most important day for the bride,again its her wedding right,so Imo it doesn't matter how u feel about weddings,as long as u understand some people out there DO care and invest a lot of Emotional energy,Prayer,preparation in making a promise to God ,time and money into making their Big Day special,some women dream their wedding all their lives..itS just a matter of respect to make sure she s as stress free as possible during this very important day.
And who asks the bride to pay for her hair(shoes,clothes)?? ,sorry but that's so ghetto its beyond belief,just don't bother to go! Sorry but if at my wedding ANYONE would ve said anything like that she would ve been kicked out my wedding .
the bride PAYS for your behind to eat and drink and you can't even invest in looking your best?Disgraceful .


BTW OP iF your friend was racist I doubt she would ve asked u to be her bridesmaid ,you would ve hid u somewhere in the corner of the church..Sigh.

 

[Kindheart]

How do you know that?[/QUOTE
I just do.I ve been raised in a multicultural and multiracial family ,I ve worked in different countries,
I'm very well aware of cultural differences in caucasian,african american,african,asian indian,oriental,arab,communities
So just trust my word that if Becky asks Amber to straighten her curls she ll be alright w it .
If Sunita asks Delpree to straighten her kinks she ll be alright .
its really not the end of the world .

Beetlebug-IA u can't generalize but we all go for what we know and when we re quite confident about something we should express through our opinions.
I certainly don't pretend I know every person on this planet but you can express an opinion regarding a certain culture if you re aware,and have knowledge of it.

 

[MadisonK]

Yeah, I would be offended whether she was white or black. To me it would be different if all the bridesmaids had a specific hairstyle and thus you had to straighten. But if tha'ts not the case I don't know what the problem is.Apparently, it's not about her being anal abour the hairstyles. If everyone can choose their own hair styles why can't yours be curly?

Agree 100%!

 

[ConstantlyDynamic]

Nope.....

Friends don't make friends uncomfortable or do something they are against. As a bride I went out my way to make sure my bridesmaids are comfortable. For instance they had drastically different body types....so it would be unfair IMO to make the heavier bride wear something that would make one bride look sexy, but make her look foolish for the sake of 100% uniformity...that takes away from the day, and is distracting. It was my desire for all my brides to look beautiful as they could be, with the hair style, shoes, and dress style that complimented their bodies/face/skin, etc the best...cause they're representing me!

exactly! to me 100% uniformity just doesn't work most of the time unless of course you don't care that your bridesmaids look bad and unfortunately there are brides who wouldn't care because then they'd definitely stand out and be the prettiest one there (smh). i would want my friends to look great and to be as comfortable as possible because i'm going to have those photos for years to come. the OP seems to feel more comfortable with her natural hair and i don't see how natural hair would ruin the wedding. she can put it in an updo. it's not like the guests would be surprised. i mean she's black, it's her natural hair texture

 

[MadisonK]

I think that there is a HUGE difference between a punk, non-naturally occurring color, hairstyle and the hair that naturally grows out of your head.
Thinking out loud...
Soooooo, if someone was naturally busty would it be okay for the bride to ask her to tightly bind her breasts so that she (the bride) will get all of the attention???? I think not.

great point!

 

[BeetleBug]

How do you know that?[/QUOTE
I just do.I ve been raised in a multicultural and multiracial family ,I ve worked in different countries,
I'm very well aware of cultural differences in caucasian,african american,african,asian indian,oriental,arab,communities
So just trust my word that if Becky asks Amber to straighten her curls she ll be alright w it .
If Sunita asks Delpree to straighten her kinks she ll be alright .
its really not the end of the world .

You can't speak for everyone regardless of your worldly travels.

 

[xcuzememiss]

Straighten it and get over it! Or just be a guest at the wedding. Simple

 

[ConstantlyDynamic]

How do you know that?[/QUOTE
I just do.I ve been raised in a multicultural and multiracial family ,I ve worked in different countries,
I'm very well aware of cultural differences in caucasian,african american,african,asian indian,oriental,arab,communities
So just trust my word that if Becky asks Amber to straighten her curls she ll be alright w it .
If Sunita asks Delpree to straighten her kinks she ll be alright .
its really not the end of the world .

maybe the OP gets heat damage easily though. i can get heat damage just from straightening my hair one time so i wouldn't be alright in the end though i'm sure "amber" would because her looser curls can get straight with less effort. just because two people have curly hair doesn't mean that their hair reacts to heat in the same way. also, no one said the friend was racist. i definitely don't think the friend is racist. i just think she's annoying as some brides are (sorry ladies ). if she isn't asking for a specific style then she's moving into the "nit-picky" territory imo. if she's so excited to be married to the man she loves, then i would hope that she wouldn't look back on the occasion and say "omg my whole ceremony/vision was ruined because my friend wore her natural hair!!". having a pretty wedding is fun, no doubt, and it can still be pretty even if there is a kinky-haired bridesmaid

 

[NikStarrr]

I'm going to be in a wedding next month. The bride requested we all wear "up dos", i.e. french rolls, elegant buns, etc, and that's what I'll do. I don't see the hair request as a big deal.

Has the friend ever seen your hair straight before? Maybe that's why she requested it, especially if she'd seen your hair that way before.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Wow ..what an attitude.."One stinking day" huh?have u considered the fact that perhaps its the most important day for the bride,again its her wedding right,so Imo it doesn't matter how u feel about weddings,as long as u understand some people out there DO care and invest a lot of Emotional energy,Prayer,preparation in making a promise to God ,time and money into making their Big Day special,some women dream their wedding all their lives..itS just a matter of respect to make sure she s as stress free as possible during this very important day.
And who asks the bride to pay for her hair(shoes,clothes)?? ,sorry but that's so ghetto its beyond belief,just don't bother to go! Sorry but if at my wedding ANYONE would ve said anything like that she would ve been kicked out my wedding .
the bride PAYS for your behind to eat and drink and you can't even invest in looking your best?Disgraceful .


BTW OP iF your friend was racist I doubt she would ve asked u to be her bridesmaid ,you would ve hid u somewhere in the corner of the church..Sigh.

nvm misread this post...

There is nothing ghetto about the bride paying for the bridesmaids attire. True tradition dictates that the bride and groom cover the cost of their guest and attendants. The hood thing is making demands and expecting and not footing the bill....(but that's another thread all together). It's po' folks....ahh nvm

 

[Kindheart]

Bitter

Lol,that must be you mama,I don't have issues w brides or weddings.

 

[Vintageglam]

I sometimes wonder if the women who get all fired up on LHCF would say the samethings IRL. I mean it's all well and good getting someone fired up about how she been done wrong by her freind but at the end of the day this is about freindship and sometimes that means just being there even when you don't agree when a freind is having a meltdown or a Bridezilla moment (not that this is true in this case).

My understanding also is that Op is not adverse to wigs hence why freind suggested the wig. At the end of the day this is not about 1 individuals hair but rather coming together as a collective to support a fellow freind. Ok so some Brides will have some Diva-ish requests and is this so bad in the scheme of things. If it were me I would take the opportunity to get myself a banging new wig on said freind if you do not want to straighten your coilies and trust me if you make her understand diplomatically how you felt a little hurt but you want to be the best made poss I am sure that you will find that she did not mean to be underhand otherwise you wouldn't have even been asked.

Sheesh.... anyway..... *waits for it*......

 

[Kurlee]

I guess I dont see the big deal. It's one day and she's probably going for a certain look with the pictures/dresses, etc. I don't think it's personal in any way, shape or form.

 

[Mari-Cris]

It may have been insensitive of her to ask you to straighten your hair for her wedding, but it is her ONE day, and you can achieve the results temporarily w/o a chemical. A Silk Press would be fantastic. Look, we all make sacrifices when we are part of the bridal party. You have to wear the dress and shoes the bride wants, so a hairstyle is not that much different.

 

[LittleLuxe]

At the end of the day this is not about 1 individuals hair but rather coming together as a collective to support a fellow freind.

Exactly. If I walked around making sure I was 100% comfortable, never put out, never stressed, never asked to do something I'm not used to, never sacrificing - I would have no friends. Of course then I guess the easy solution is I'd never have to worry about going to a wedding. But nope, some things are more important.

 

[Kurlee]

wow @ this thread. Women are so catty and I think the "issues" with brides and all that are really some sort of manifestation of jealousy. In this thread and in other threads about marriages, gifts, bridesmaids, the tone is so Newsflash. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!

 

[LunadeMiel]

Lol,that must be you mama,I don't have issues w brides or weddings.

I'm pretty sure your previous post asked if I was bitter erplexed

I thought it was hilarious. Issues with brides and weddings

I love wedding just not the foolishness associated with them. Shoot, I'm going to be in another one next year

 

[FemmeFatale]

Again, people put too much emphasis on one stinking day I've been to and been part of enough wedding to know that your guest aren't going to GAD if your bridesmaids don't look stephord.

People have their priorities twisted.

If I were in OP's situation the bride would be paying for my hair

And you put waaay too much emphasis on hairstyle, yes our hair is our crown and glory blah blah blah, but my God it's just a style for one day!

The irony .

And yes I'm saying that as a member of LHCF that is transitioning and loves hair.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Im a Muslim. So if my best girlfriend ever asked me to be in her wedding if she gets married and she wants me to wear a spaghetti strap dress and ONLY wants a spaghetti strapped dress for uniformity's sake, should I do it for her day?

NO!

Either I will wear what is appropriate for me or I will just watch her jump the broom from the side line. Simple, right?

 

[LunadeMiel]

And you put waaay too much emphasis on hairstyle, yes our hair is our crown and glory blah blah blah, but my God it's just a style for one day!

The irony .

And yes I'm saying that as a member of LHCF that is transitioning and loves hair.

Assuming much...? where did I put hair is crown and glory blah blah blah ?

oh and I say that as a natural who straightens twice a month

Im a Muslim. So if my best girlfriend ever asked me to be in her wedding if she gets married and she wants me to wear a spaghetti strap dress and ONLY wants a spaghetti strapped dress for uniformity's sake, should I do it for her day?

NO!

Either I will wear what is appropriate for me or I will just watch her jump the broom from the side line. Simple, right?

I agree it's either you can or you can't. I've seen a wedding like this actually, where one of the bridesmaids wore a hijab and love sleeve underneath the garment.