My friend wants me to straighten my hair for her wedding!

[veggiegirl314]

I'm beyond livid. She's white, so maybe she doesn't understand natural hair...but I think it's really BOLD to ask me to straighten my hair for her wedding (I'm a bridesmaid).

She told me that if I didn't want to straighten my hair, I could wear a wig. A wig?!

I'll keep that in mind when I have MY wedding someday. If I choose her as a bridesmaid, I'll request that she wear an AFRO wig.

Am I being way out of line here for being upset about this?

 

[NAPPYCHICK86]

I'm beyond livid. She's white, so maybe she doesn't understand natural hair...but I think it's really BOLD to ask me to straighten my hair for her wedding (I'm a bridesmaid).

She told me that if I didn't want to straighten my hair, I could wear a wig. A wig?!

I'll keep that in mind when I have MY wedding someday. If I choose her as a bridesmaid, I'll request that she wear an AFRO wig.

Am I being way out of line here for being upset about this?

hmmm. well it is her wedding. But if you arent comfortable with flat ironing
your hair let her know and im sure yall can come to some sort of compromise

 

[Nonie]

OP, what's so wrong with a wig?

 

[VirGoViXxEn]

It is her wedding. if your not comfortable straightening ..just buy a wig. Anything to make the Bride happy right?!

 

[veggiegirl314]

OP, what's so wrong with a wig?

Nothing's wrong with a wig, I guess. I have three that I LOVE.

I guess it just hurts my feelings that she feels MY hair isn't good enough for her wedding.

 

[lovegymnasts]

I don't think you are out of line. I personally think it is insensitive and disrespectful of her to ask. It makes me wonder what she is really thinking. I won't really say what I'm thinking because some people would not take it well.
I personally would tell her NO with the stank eye.

 

[lovelexi]

I agree it is her wedding. I can understand both sides. Maybe you should talk to her about how you feel about straightening your hair. You guys can then decide on what's best. If both of you feel very strongly about your decision then I guess you shouldn't be in the wedding.

 

[lovegymnasts]

I don't get what her hair has to do with this woman's wedding?
Why should she have to wear a wig? What is so wrong with her hair?
I think that this is on the same line as asking someone to bleach their hair for a wedding. Utterly ridiculous!
I actually knew a biracial woman (Japanese and Anglo) whose fiance asked her to bleach her hair for their wedding. She actually did it. If you can not accept a person for who they are...

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I see where you are coming from but I don't think its a personal attack against your hair. It's just how she prefers your hair for her wedding. A fro is not the look she's going for and can you blame her? If our people can't even accept our hair, why would expect others to?.....I see you mentioned she was white. Would you feel different if she was black?


My brother is getting married next year and his fiancee prefers if all of her bridesmaids hair is similar. For my wedding, I will want my bridesmaids to have somewhat similar styles as well. This is HER day. I feel you if your feelings are so strong about wearing your hair straight, you should either try to explain it to her (which you will then have to give her a history lesson) or you shouldn't be in the wedding.

ETA: Not to mention, you wearing a fro will take away some of the attention from her. Maybe you can unleash the fro during the reception....and after the wedding pics are taken.

 

[veggiegirl314]

I see where you are coming from but I don't think its a personal attack against your hair. It's just how she prefers your hair for her wedding. I see you mentioned she was white. Would you feel different if she was black?

I wouldn't feel different if she was black. Actually, I'd probably be MORE offended if she was black.

I don't know why I threw her race in there, to be honest.

 

[frida1980]

Don't mess with the bride. I've learned this the hard way. Some brides go over every single last detail, including the color of the raspberries on her cake. Sigh...

She may not understand your hair well, so try and see if some alternate style, like a slick bun can appease her. But remember, your job as a bridemaid is to make her wedding a little easier. It's going to get rougher from here...

 

[nikki2229]

How did you intend to wear your hair for the wedding?

 

[brown_skin_poppin]

maybe she just want everyone's hair to be the same...idk

 

[veggiegirl314]

I agree that it is her wedding, so she can make certain decisions about it to make her happy, but it's just hair. It's a part of ME.

I was natural when she asked me to be her bridesmaid. If I would have known that she was going to ask me to change my hair, I would have politely declined.

I said jokingly in my original post that if I choose her as a bridesmaid for my wedding I would have her wear an afro wig. But I was just kidding. I would never disrespect her by implying that her hair wasn't 'good enough' for me. I would hope that she'd give ME the same respect. I guess that doesn't go both ways.

 

[veggiegirl314]

How did you intend to wear your hair for the wedding?

I haven't given it much thought, to be honest. A pulled back puff? I don't know. I don't feel like my hair is long enough to really 'do' anything with it.

 

[GaiasDaughter24]

Yeah, I would be offended whether she was white or black. To me it would be different if all the bridesmaids had a specific hairstyle and thus you had to straighten. But if tha'ts not the case I don't know what the problem is.Apparently, it's not about her being anal abour the hairstyles. If everyone can choose their own hair styles why can't yours be curly?

 

[e.lauren]

Nothing's wrong with a wig, I guess. I have three that I LOVE.

I guess it just hurts my feelings that she feels MY hair isn't good enough for her wedding.

How is everyone else wearing their hair? In all the weddings I know of the bride wanted all the bridesmaids to have similar hairstyles. Maybe thats just what she is leaning towards, a feeling of uniformity.

I don't see anything wrong with her asking you to wear your hair straight and I don't think you should take it personally unless you are the only one expected to wear straight hair, then it would reflect a certain feeling she has about you personally.

I surely will be deciding how people wear their hair when I get married so i just think its not that offensive.

 

[arosieworld]

My sis wanted me to have straight hair for her wedding but she said it was because it was her day and she wanted all the attention and my fro always gets attention. I didn't mind, I have a niece who is punk and if I get married her hair will be a normal color for that day.

 

[MrsIQ]

Do you consider her a real friend? If so, I say braid it up and throw on your favorite wig. It not like you have to go out and spend money. She's most likely seen you with a wig on and figured you would have no problem with it. It's one afternoon. It won't change you as a person and I wouldn't let it ruin a friendship.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Are all the bridesmaids wearing it in a certain style? I need more information before I make an official judgment but I'm leaning towards you should not be offended and either do it or just don't be in the wedding if you are against it.

 

[Whimsy]

Is everyone wearing straight hair? If all the bridesmaids are wearing big barrel curls, why on earth would you be upset about her wanting you to follow suit?

If all the other bridesmaids are wearing their natural texture then I would feel a way about it and probably say something to her (before i complied with her wishes).

If everyone is wearing the same straight style then there's no reason to be upset and cause a fuss, but I can see why someone would be sensitive about it

 

[veggiegirl314]

It's been so helpful getting everyone's perspective. Y'all are right; it IS just one day. I don't want this to end our friendship, although I will say it's putting a VERY bad taste in my mouth. But I'm going to bite the bullet, braid my hair up, and put on a wig. I guess I'll just grin and bear it.

But I'll be DAMNED if I'm ever in anyone else's wedding ever again.

 

[veggiegirl314]

Oh, and I'm not exactly sure how the other bridesmaids are wearing their hair. The bridal shower is tomorrow, so I'll ask them then.

 

[MissLawyerLady]

I agree that it is her wedding, so she can make certain decisions about it to make her happy, but it's just hair. It's a part of ME.

I was natural when she asked me to be her bridesmaid. If I would have known that she was going to ask me to change my hair, I would have politely declined.

I said jokingly in my original post that if I choose her as a bridesmaid for my wedding I would have her wear an afro wig. But I was just kidding. I would never disrespect her by implying that her hair wasn't 'good enough' for me. I would hope that she'd give ME the same respect. I guess that doesn't go both ways.

OP, she probably isn't even thinking about it like this. Brides can be a little extreme about their weddings- I was when I got married-especially first-time brides. Anything can cause a meltdown. My maid of honor had her dress made by my dressmaker, but my bridesmaid had her dress made by someone in her hometown. The out-of-town dress maker used a different shade of sage green thread then what I had sent for him to use in making her dress. It was a slight freak out moment! Naturally, nobody at the wedding even noticed that the thread on her dress as slightly greener than the other dress. Who would notice that?

I say go ahead and comply with her wishes since it's her day and let her know how you felt about it later. You may actually decide to just shrug it off. And if you want folks to wear fros at your wedding that is your choice- it's your day. White folks can tease and spray their hair into a big fro- she wouldn't even need a wig!

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I don't get what her hair has to do with this woman's wedding?
Why should she have to wear a wig? What is so wrong with her hair?
I think that this is on the same line as asking someone to bleach their hair for a wedding. Utterly ridiculous!
I actually knew a biracial woman (Japanese and Anglo) whose fiance asked her to bleach her hair for their wedding. She actually did it. If you can not accept a person for who they are...

How is that even comparable to this situation? The fiance obviously had a problem with her hair on HER wedding day. This wedding is not about OP and straightening or wearing a wig is not permanent like bleaching ones hair.

 

[lovegymnasts]

My sis wanted me to have straight hair for her wedding but she said it was because it was her day and she wanted all the attention and my fro always gets attention. I didn't mind, I have a niece who is punk and if I get married her hair will be a normal color for that day.

I think that there is a HUGE difference between a punk, non-naturally occurring color, hairstyle and the hair that naturally grows out of your head.
Thinking out loud...
Soooooo, if someone was naturally busty would it be okay for the bride to ask her to tightly bind her breasts so that she (the bride) will get all of the attention???? I think not.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I think that there is a HUGE difference between a punk, non-naturally occurring color, hairstyle and the hair that naturally grows out of your head.
Thinking out loud...
Soooooo, if someone was naturally busty would it be okay for he bride to ask her to tightly bind her breasts so that she (the bride) will get all of the attention???? I think not.

Well I for sure wouldn't choose a dress that would have her tatas fallin out out screamin for attention

I also don't see much difference. If that person is punk, then that is how she chooses to define herself. So how come your rule of "accepting a person for who they are" doesn't apply here just because its not their natural color?

 

[lovegymnasts]

How is that even comparable to this situation? The fiance obviously had a problem with her hair on HER wedding day. This wedding is not about OP and straightening or wearing a wig is not permanent like bleaching ones hair.

The point is not accepting a person as they are!
If she is good enough as she is to be a close friend, why is she not good enough as she is to be in the wedding?

 

[e.lauren]

I think that there is a HUGE difference between a punk, non-naturally occurring color, hairstyle and the hair that naturally grows out of your head.
Thinking out loud...
Soooooo, if someone was naturally busty would it be okay for he bride to ask her to tightly bind her breasts so that she (the bride) will get all of the attention???? I think not.

This example is also a HUGE difference from what the OP is talking about. Its just a hairstyle.

 

[Stormy]

I agree that it is her wedding, so she can make certain decisions about it to make her happy, but it's just hair. It's a part of ME. Hmm... if it's just hair to you then what's the problem? It's just for one day right? It may not be just hair to her, it's the style, certain look or overall theme for her wedding.

I was natural when she asked me to be her bridesmaid. If I would have known that she was going to ask me to change my hair, I would have politely declined. Can you still decline now?

I said jokingly in my original post that if I choose her as a bridesmaid for my wedding I would have her wear an afro wig. But I was just kidding. I would never disrespect her by implying that her hair wasn't 'good enough' for me. I would hope that she'd give ME the same respect. I guess that doesn't go both ways.

Do you think that she's really implying that your hair isn't good enough or is that just how you feel? She may just want everyone's hair straight, again for that certain style or theme for her wedding. Or... did she say she wants everyone's hair straight? How are the other bridesmaid's wearing their hair?