My fiancé’s mom told me not to marry her son

caribeandiva

caribeandiva

Human being
*It’s not my scenario by the way! It happened to a friend of mine years ago.*

anyway, you found the love of your life and you are deeply in love with him. He treats you very well, is attentive and very attractive. He’s everything you ever wanted in a man. You get along great with his parents. You feel so lucky. One day, his mom tells you not to marry him. You’re too good for him. There’s something not right in the head with this boy she says but doesn’t elaborate. She changes the subject and doesn’t wanna talk about it anymore. Anyway, What would you do?


*I’ll come back in a few days to say how the story ends. I wanna hear your opinions about it first*
 
It’s a red flag either way you look at it. Either the mother is a piece of work, or the fiancé. Heck, it could be both. From my personal experience, I would break it off and run like hell, but for the sake of this thread and people wanting to give the situation the benefit of the doubt, I would investigate.
 
Number One: Pray, ask God to show the Truth about him. This should always take place in all areas of life. God doesn’t lie; His truth is never withheld.

Option 2: Hire a professional for a thorough background check. Former girlfriends are not necessarily reliable sources as they may be bitter and dog him unjustly.

Option 3: Investigate the Mom
 
First, I’d ask myself if there are things about this man that I might be choosing to ignore or make excuses for. How does he treat and speak about other people especially other women? Many women will excuse a man’s rude or ain’t-ish behavior towards others as long as he’s nice and sweet to her.

Then I’d ask myself what I know about his relationship with his parents. Does he have a healthy relationship with them? If he doesn’t, why not? Has he ever mentioned his parents displaying narcissistic tendencies?

I guess I could do stuff like background checks or whatever but even if that came back clean I’d still be left wondering why his own mother would tell me not to marry him.

And I’d be side-eyeing his mom for refusing to elaborate. “Not right in the head” how? Did he show signs of mental illness as a child or young adult? Should I be concerned about my future safety and well-being? I could end up having children with this man...your grandchildren. Stop playing games and be straight up with me.

Ultimately, I’d go to his mother and give her one last opportunity to explain herself, but regardless of what she says I wouldn’t be in any rush to set a date.
 
It’s somewhat dependent on their relationship, as some mother-son relationships are just weird. It’s still a yellow flag and depending on that relationship, it can likely turn to a red flag but it will never be green. Ever. I guess this is where have more than one comes in.
 
Miss_Luna said:
I had an ex's best friend and dad say this to me. The mom would just smile and shake her head and tell me she was proud of me and roll her eyes at her son.

They were all correct: he wasn't and still isn't ....

I would believe the people that know him best.
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I dated this one guy who people kept warning me about. Heck his own friends told me to leave him alone. His mom loved me though. :lol: His behavior always confused me. He was hot and cold. So I slowed things down and let him take the lead from jump. Sure enough the truth was revealed a few months later. He was dating other women and got her pregnant.
 
If his own mama warns me against him, it's time to...

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My crazy detector hasn’t steered me wrong yet so I would probably stay in the relationship and proceed with caution. Sometimes mamas be hatin.

That’s for ME and my track record with men. For a chick who has repeatedly found herself coming out of relationships less whole than they entered them, listen to dudes mama and run.

The times I have heard women refer to a dude as everything she wants in a man, the relationship never lasted.
 
Hmmmm. Ion know. As I mature, I'm starting to realize that the mom - son relationship, is not always at peak best. Some moms outright don't want their sons to be happy or for some new lady to take their place in the lives of their sons.

As was mentioned upthread, I would stick around without giving up the goodies. LHCFBI has taught us well, so you know what's up.

Also, this is one of the reasons why I'm starting to believe in sticking around in one place, instead of moving around a lot. No matter how big a city is, if you stay there for like 10 years, you end up knowing errbody and are better able to make decisions like this. Just my 2 cents.
 
My great aunt gave this advice to one of her son's gfs. The one that she liked. Anyway, she went on to break up with him, have a child with another man, left the child to be raised by my great aunt while she bettered herself.

Anyway, I'd take the advice. If she's looking out for me, great! If she dislikes me, great! I don't want to marry into a family that dislikes me anyway.
 
Rocky91 said:
If these are Black folks, there are a fair number of Black mamas throughout the entire Diaspora who worship and coddle their sons, believing they are God’s gift to earth. For her to step outside of that (unfortunate) norm is a red flag.
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True. Which is why it's important to further investigate the matter. The truth will come out at some point. Am giving the benefit of the doubt, because about 5 years ago I worked with a Ghanaian young man who was very handsome + bright. He was in his early 30s and at one point opened up to me, explaining that his relationship with this mom was not good at all. Kinda like Prince sang: she's never satisfied. Here he was, majoring in the Sciences abroad and he let me know that still wasn't enough for her. He made sure to always go back home, to visit her and still that wasn't enough for her.

We as women are very vocal, men aren't. So they go through a lot of things, that they just hold on to on the inside. What happens is that they may later on start showcasing some strange behaviors, due to bottling it all up, instead of dealing with it. We immediately label it as something else, when in reality, they never got a change to work through those issues. There's a scene in the movie 'Disappearing Acts' starring Wesley Snipes and Sanaa Lathan, that speaks to this matter. It's when they go to visit Franklin's mom. Very interesting scene.
 
Thanks for all of your input ladies. Here’s the rest of the story. This happened decades ago btw. She ignored the mom and married him anyway. Didn’t do her due diligence because she was blinded by love she said. They had over 3 blissful years. One dad her dad called her but she was in the shower so hubby answered. She yelled hello to her dad from the background while hubby kept talking to her dad. She got out, then out of nowhere, hubby pulls out a gun and shot her and left her for dead. Her dad heard cuz he still on the phone and called 911.

She was in a coma for a year. Cant have kids anymore. He took all her money (hundreds of thousands of dollars) and fled the country. Till this day she doesn’t know why he did that. Didn’t even know he owned a gun. Found out he was cheating on her. He’s still at large and yes they’re black folks. She was sexually abused as a child and never really dealt with it. Had other bad relationships too.
 
caribeandiva said:
Thanks for all of your input ladies. Here’s the rest of the story. This happened decades ago btw. She ignored the mom and married him anyway. Didn’t do her due diligence because she was blinded by love she said. They had over 3 blissful years. One dad her dad called her but she was in the shower so hubby answered. She yelled hello to her dad from the background while hubby kept talking to her dad. She got out, then out of nowhere, hubby pulls out a gun and shot her and left her for dead. Her dad heard cuz he still on the phone and called 911.

She was in a coma for a year. Cant have kids anymore. He took all her money (hundreds of thousands of dollars) and fled the country. Till this day she doesn’t know why he did that. Didn’t even know he owned a gun. Found out he was cheating on her. He’s still at large and yes they’re black folks. She was sexually abused as a child and never really dealt with it. Had other bad relationships too
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She should've done her due diligence. Someone also said: 'Anything you don't deal with from your past, will show up in your future.' Just take a look at racism in the US. So sad.
 
caribeandiva said:
Thanks for all of your input ladies. Here’s the rest of the story. This happened decades ago btw. She ignored the mom and married him anyway. Didn’t do her due diligence because she was blinded by love she said. They had over 3 blissful years. One dad her dad called her but she was in the shower so hubby answered. She yelled hello to her dad from the background while hubby kept talking to her dad. She got out, then out of nowhere, hubby pulls out a gun and shot her and left her for dead. Her dad heard cuz he still on the phone and called 911.

She was in a coma for a year. Cant have kids anymore. He took all her money (hundreds of thousands of dollars) and fled the country. Till this day she doesn’t know why he did that. Didn’t even know he owned a gun. Found out he was cheating on her. He’s still at large and yes they’re black folks. She was sexually abused as a child and never really dealt with it. Had other bad relationships too.
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I don't doubt that this is the account you received but there's a whole lot missing from this story. I find it hard to believe that they was just chilling for 3 blissful years plus whatever time preceded the marriage and all of a sudden dude just woke up one day and shot her. On top of that, normal acting dude just happens to be the kind of criminal mastermind that could stay on the run from the law for years. That requires a level of identity theft that requires like FBI witness protection kinda skill.

What would she have found in his background had she done her due diligence? Is he AA?
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I don't doubt that this is the account you received but there's a whole lot missing from this story. I find it hard to believe that they was just chilling for 3 blissful years plus whatever time preceded the marriage and all of a sudden dude just woke up one day and shot her. On top of that, normal acting dude just happens to be the kind of criminal mastermind that could stay on the run from the law for years. That requires a level of identity theft that requires like FBI witness protection kinda skill.

What would she have found in his background had she done her due diligence? Is he AA?
Click to expand...
Oh I totally agree with you. I’m sure that there’s tons of red flags and other signs that were blatantly ignored. A lot more that she left out of the story. Yes they’re both AA
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I don't doubt that this is the account you received but there's a whole lot missing from this story. I find it hard to believe that they was just chilling for 3 blissful years plus whatever time preceded the marriage and all of a sudden dude just woke up one day and shot her. On top of that, normal acting dude just happens to be the kind of criminal mastermind that could stay on the run from the law for years. That requires a level of identity theft that requires like FBI witness protection kinda skill.

What would she have found in his background had she done her due diligence? Is he AA?
Click to expand...
What did the Dad say to him for him to not even hang up first before shooting her?
 
Keen said:
What did the Dad say to him for him to not even hang up first before shooting her?
Click to expand...
Nothing. According to her, they were just catching up and chatting about mundane things. She was in the shower for most of the conversation so how would she know for sure? I think he shot her because he’s been embezzling her funds for years and she was about to find out. I think he married her for her money. Funny thing is he shot her and kept right on talking to her dad. Her dad got suspicious when he didn’t hear his daughter’s voice in the background anymore. I’m guessing the husband made up some excuse about what the loud bang was.
 
caribeandiva said:
Nothing. According to her, they were just catching up and chatting about mundane things. She was in the shower for most of the conversation so how would she know for sure? I think he shot her because he’s been embezzling her funds for years and she was about to find out. I think he married her for her money. Funny thing is he shot her and kept right on talking to her dad. Her dad got suspicious when he didn’t hear his daughter’s voice in the background anymore. I’m guessing the husband made up some excuse about what the loud bang was.
Click to expand...

I believe it. Have been following this page on FB, called 'Black Femicide' ==>> not.for.the.faint.of.heart :(.
 
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