My Fiancé Never Showed Up To Our Wedding...

[caribeandiva]

Gurl don’t do it...

 

[intellectualuva]

She wants to take him back because the thought of getting back out there and dating is scary.

 

[caribeandiva]

She wants to take him back because the thought of getting back out there and dating is scary.

What’s sad is a lot of people think that way. What’s scarier to me is decades spent married to a man who’s ok with you carrying the load financially while he barely contributes anything. When someone shows you who they are believe them. And yes I do know that people change and he could be making more than her in the future.

 

[intellectualuva]

What’s sad is a lot of people think that way. What’s scarier to me is decades spent married to a man who’s ok with you carrying the load financially while he barely contributes anything. When someone shows you who they are believe them. And yes I do know that people change and he could be making more than her in the future.

Even if he could make more than her, he will likely not spend it on her. More likely he will leave her for what he really wants. That dude does NOT want her or would not want her unless he had zero options: needs help, getting too old...etc.

 

[hopeful]

'It’s up to her, whatever she wants to do. We can repair it. If not, then that’s how it is. I’ve never texted her or emailed her first,' he said. 'She’s always texted and emailed me.’

~

If he indeed said the above then that’s all we need to know. He is wicked.

 

[caribeandiva]

Yeah... she ain’t going nowhere.

 

[caribeandiva]

'It’s up to her, whatever she wants to do. We can repair it. If not, then that’s how it is. I’ve never texted her or emailed her first,' he said. 'She’s always texted and emailed me.’

~

If he indeed said the above then that’s all we need to know. He is wicked.

Whoa!! Is that in the article? If he did say that then it explains a lot. She’s been leaning forward since day one. No wonder she paid $20K towards the wedding while he only contributed $300. I’d rather be old fashioned thankyouverymuch.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Whoa!! Is that in the article? If he did say that then it explains a lot. She’s been leaning forward since day one. No wonder she paid $20K towards the wedding while he only contributed $300. I’d rather be old fashioned thankyouverymuch.

Ditto. She played herself

 

[Belle Du Jour]

This man is evil. He sounds like a narc too. He jilted her and didn't pay for the wedding, but he's not going to grovel and beg her to get back together. I hope this woman was paid handsomely for her story and photos (I'm sure she was as she's trying to recuperate some of her wedding losses). May he rot for doing this to her. I swear that sometimes "church men" are worse than men in the world.

 

[intellectualuva]

Yeah... she ain’t going nowhere.

He's the love of her life, but she ain't for him. Move on Sis. It hurts less or rather lingers less when you accept it and move on. Trust me.

 

[NijaG]

She should beg him back and marry him.

When it comes to men, a lot of women like to learn lessons the hard way. Part of it is biological hormones.

The feelings plus drama (rush of hormones and adrenaline ) excites them and gives them a high. It’s a type of drug on its own. Until that gets totally burnt out and the drama doesn’t give them that rush anymore, nothing anybody advises her is going to stick.

 

[intellectualuva]

She should beg him back and marry him.

When it comes to men, a lot of women like to learn lessons the hard way. Part of it is biological hormones.

The feelings plus drama (rush of hormones and adrenaline ) excites them and gives them a high. It’s a type of drug on its own. Until that gets totally burnt out and the drama doesn’t give them that rush anymore, nothing anybody advises her is going to stick.

I don't know why I am cracking up at this.

 

[NijaG]

I don't know why I am cracking up at this.

Lol!!! It was that Dr. Phil clip that let me know her type.

I had a friend or two like this, especially in the early 20’s days.

All you can do is pray for them and hope they come to their senses. No amount of talking and wasting saliva will do any good.

She’s the type who needs certain lines to be crossed by the guy before she takes the hint.

As long as the ex is being ambivalent with his words/actions she’s going to keep clinging to hope.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Lol!!! It was that Dr. Phil clip that let me know her type.

I had a friend or two like this, especially in the early 20’s days.

All you can do is pray for them and hope they come to their senses. No amount of talking and wasting saliva will do any good.

She’s the type who needs certain lines to be crossed by the guy before she takes the hint.

As long as the ex is being ambivalent with his words/actions she’s going to keep clinging to hope.

I would hope that him jilting her at the altar would be a big hint!

 

[caribeandiva]

I swear that sometimes "church men" are worse than men in the world.

I used to think that I was gonna meet my future husband at church but experience has taught me otherwise.

 

[caribeandiva]

She should beg him back and marry him.

When it comes to men, a lot of women like to learn lessons the hard way. Part of it is biological hormones.

That’s what my cousin said too! He’s a young Haitian male like Kevin so I love to hear his perspective.

 

[caribeandiva]

I would hope that him jilting her at the altar would be a big hint!

But he’s really sorry though!! and he stayed with her for 10 years when he could’ve left years ago. And he proposed after all. And went along with the photoshoots. Heck he even put a $300 deposit for the wedding location!! If that’s not proof of love I don’t know what is. Y’all are just hating on her cuz y’all are bitter, aging spinsters!! Stop killing her dream!!

 

[Belle Du Jour]

But he’s really sorry though!! and he stayed with her for 10 years when he could’ve left years ago. And he proposed after all. And went along with the photoshoots. Heck he even put a $300 deposit for the wedding location!! If that’s not proof of love I don’t know what is. Y’all are just hating on her cuz y’all are bitter, aging spinsters!! Stop killing her dream!!

My bad!

 

[Theresamonet]

Lol!!! It was that Dr. Phil clip that let me know her type.

I had a friend or two like this, especially in the early 20’s days.

All you can do is pray for them and hope they come to their senses. No amount of talking and wasting saliva will do any good.

She’s the type who needs certain lines to be crossed by the guy before she takes the hint.

As long as the ex is being ambivalent with his words/actions she’s going to keep clinging to hope.

And some never get it. For some women the amount of disrespect, and strange and outrageous behavior they’ll accept knows no bounds. That trifling man has to get tired of THEM. Lol

 

[luckiestdestiny]

'It’s up to her, whatever she wants to do. We can repair it. If not, then that’s how it is. I’ve never texted her or emailed her first,' he said. 'She’s always texted and emailed me.’

~

If he indeed said the above then that’s all we need to know. He is wicked.

THis is why I feel second hand embarrassment sometimes for women with the expression , " I put too much work into this relationship already", cause I know it means something like this. Like you are doing all of this to hold him tight and he is barely there, only there because of your efforts. So while you are gripping him with all your might, he's not even bothering to hold your hand. Like he said "We can repair it. If not, then that's how it is." Like le shrug to him that he stood this woman up and should do everything in his power to apologize, make sure she feels secure about the relationship, and makes things up to her (including paying for everything and so on). And then he should hope that she even deigns to give him a second change, hope. With the topper, he has to smugly declare, "She's always texted and emailed me." like that is some triumph instead of a travesty.

So this dude is letting everyone know basically, "She chased me. She's holding on to me. So it's on her. If she wants me she knows where to find me because she's always the one who initiated all of our contacts first. So basically, she needs to get back on that if she wants to make this thing work. " This lady is over there when she really should read that and




If there were any emotional ties left that should do it right there.

Starting at 2:01 this is the first thing I thought of in this situation. Someone who so obviously has given someone a reason to cut all ties easily. The situations are a little different but the push pull of an apathetic guy who just wants to lure a woman back into his orbit, while still letting her know that she is not the one and utilizing terms to try to confuse things and still keep her there despite all his b.s is perfect. It highlights the emotional rollercoaster I'm sure the other lady faces living with this man who really doesn't want her. The entire clip is a little over 2 minutes but you can jump to 2:01 if you want the end exclamation point idea.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

And some never get it. For some women the amount of disrespect, and strange and outrageous behavior they’ll accept knows no bounds. That trifling man has to get tired of THEM. Lol

That's the insult. Then they're like how dare he after all that I did. But see he was too busy taking to thank you for any of that.

 

[sunnieb]

@luckiestdestiny The Holiday is one of my favorite Christmas movies!

The relationship between Iris and Jasper is the perfect example for this thread! Iris did all the work. Whenever she tried to get away, he kept popping up to suck her back in. Not by trying to actually 'win' her though. Just lazily reaching out so she can stay in love with him. Talk about a narcissist!

I wish the clip was a little longer to include Iris telling him 'I have somewhere to be, and you have got to get the hell out.' She is physically kicking him out of the house and mentally kicking him out of her heart at the same time.

 

[caribeandiva]

@luckiestdestiny The Holiday is one of my favorite Christmas movies!

The relationship between Iris and Jasper is the perfect example for this thread! Iris did all the work. Whenever she tried to get away, he kept popping up to suck her back in. Not by trying to actually 'win' her though. Just lazily reaching out so she can stay in love with him. Talk about a narcissist!

I wish the clip was a little longer to include Iris telling him 'I have somewhere to be, and you have got to get the hell out.' She is physically kicking him out of the house and mentally kicking him out of her heart at the same time.

Adding this movie to my list of movies to watch.

 

[caribeandiva]

THis is why I feel second hand embarrassment sometimes for women with the expression , " I put too much work into this relationship already", cause I know it means something like this. Like you are doing all of this to hold him tight and he is barely there, only there because of your efforts. So while you are gripping him with all your might, he's not even bothering to hold your hand. Like he said "We can repair it. If not, then that's how it is." Like le shrug to him that he stood this woman up and should do everything in his power to apologize, make sure she feels secure about the relationship, and makes things up to her (including paying for everything and so on). And then he should hope that she even deigns to give him a second change, hope. With the topper, he has to smugly declare, "She's always texted and emailed me." like that is some triumph instead of a travesty.

So this dude is letting everyone know basically, "She chased me. She's holding on to me. So it's on her. If she wants me she knows where to find me because she's always the one who initiated all of our contacts first. So basically, she needs to get back on that if she wants to make this thing work. " This lady is over there when she really should read that and




If there were any emotional ties left that should do it right there.

Starting at 2:01 this is the first thing I thought of in this situation. Someone who so obviously has given someone a reason to cut all ties easily. The situations are a little different but the push pull of an apathetic guy who just wants to lure a woman back into his orbit, while still letting her know that she is not the one and utilizing terms to try to confuse things and still keep her there despite all his b.s is perfect. It highlights the emotional rollercoaster I'm sure the other lady faces living with this man who really doesn't want her. The entire clip is a little over 2 minutes but you can jump to 2:01 if you want the end exclamation point idea.

In the movie clip, I love how he kept avoiding giving her a straight answer. I’ve been in her shoes before so I know how maddening it is.

 

[sunnieb]

In the movie clip, I love how he kept avoiding giving her a straight answer. I’ve been in her shoes before so I know how maddening it is.

Jasper never tells her that he loves her. He says:

I need you.

I can't live without you.

What would I do if you weren't in my life?

Just enough to keep her on the hook. What a jerk! Just like the guy in the OP.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

@luckiestdestiny The Holiday is one of my favorite Christmas movies!

The relationship between Iris and Jasper is the perfect example for this thread! Iris did all the work. Whenever she tried to get away, he kept popping up to suck her back in. Not by trying to actually 'win' her though. Just lazily reaching out so she can stay in love with him. Talk about a narcissist!

I wish the clip was a little longer to include Iris telling him 'I have somewhere to be, and you have got to get the hell out.' She is physically kicking him out of the house and mentally kicking him out of her heart at the same time.

Oh yeah. I wanted that too but that was the one I could find the quickest. And I thought he was a good example too as you mention he wanted to be the prize and didn't really want her at all, just wanted her to hang on and long for him smh. I love that movie too. There's something about it. Not only is it real (like I could feel it even the ridiculous mistakes made by Iris' character the most, she really made you understand her mindset or rather the actress. Coupled with that, it is a great example of a guy that women try to get closure with. There is no closure with that dude there is only leaving ), but you cheer for her at the end when she does that.

Like get out. I have somewhere to be and you have to get out of here! And dude has just flown from England but oh well, too bad, get out , because we know dude is not really there for here anyways. He just wants to waste three more years of her time.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Adding this movie to my list of movies to watch.

Oh please see it. That movie will have you rooting for her because it is an evolution for her to get there but she does. And you cheer for her too. It's a really fun light hearted movie with serious undertones. I, too, find myself watching it around the Holidays.

In the movie clip, I love how he kept avoiding giving her a straight answer. I’ve been in her shoes before so I know how maddening it is.

Yup. And he is the worst. Like that movie will let women know about these dudes so they stop trying to understand them, or analyze why they did this or that, or try to have closure. A dude like that could have amillion reasons (and all of them are that he's a narcissist) but who cares? No one deserves to be on a roller coaster ride of emotion like that. And the actress Kate Winslett plays her with such clarity that you understand the process of how she's gotten lost by this dude. But you also understand that he is not worth it and she deserves so much more. I think a movie like this is necessary for women who get stuck in these situations: use it like therapy , no really watch that sucker and in the back of your head think, "now you got to get out!"

 

[luckiestdestiny]

In the movie clip, I love how he kept avoiding giving her a straight answer. I’ve been in her shoes before so I know how maddening it is.

I know I already quoted you but I had another answer to this as well:

These dudes know what they're doing. That's why they do that. Meanwhile we're out there reading relationship books to work on ourselves when really dudes like this aren't worth that effort, our time, or even for us to breathe in their direction. They need to be out in the cold and have women wake up to the okey doke. They'll either evolve or die out because no womb access anyways .

 

[caribeandiva]

I know I already quoted you but I had another answer to this as well:

These dudes know what they're doing. That's why they do that. Meanwhile we're out there reading relationship books to work on ourselves when really dudes like this aren't worth that effort, our time, or even for us to breathe in their direction. They need to be out in the cold and have women wake up to the okey doke. They'll either evolve or die out because no womb access anyways .

 

[**SaSSy**]

I have an uncle who did the same thing. The bride was at the church all decked out waiting and he was on a trip with another woman. She was humiliated to the core.

My aunt married him after the fact and lived a life filled with humiliation. She gave birth to my cousins in the hospital alone coz each time he was out gallivanting the streets. My mother paid the bill each time, took her shopping and then took her home. That was her little sister.

My aunt was the first wife. Well he married a second wife and didn't tell her family of my aunt's existence. Had a big church wedding and everything. We had no idea. Her parents found out at their daughter's funeral that my aunt existed. My aunt took in her child and raised him.

Side chick number 2 had a kid who came to visit and refused to go back to his mother so my aunt raised him as well. His mother drank and partied a lot and he preferred being with his siblings.

My uncle is now older and slowed down. My aunt built him a house and bought him a car for their retirement. He is well behaved these days coz he's too tired to run the streets.

There's always a sucker in the form of an insecure/low-self esteem woman willing to take care of a man.