Opposite sex best friends while in relationship

[topnotch1010]

Does your BFF of 20 years have a girlfriend or wife? I'm asking because your comment of "[n]othing is going to change about that" really stands out to me.
If his wife or girlfriend is uncomfortable with your relationship, then he and his mate should discuss her feelings and their shared decision should determine if your relationship with him continues.

Yes he does. He's had plenty of gf throughout our friendship, obviously, and I've had no problem cultivating a relationship with them as well. Don't make an issue where there isn't one. She has no need to feel uncomfortable, because there's nothing to feel uncomfortable about. A part of being a good friend is having respect. I respect my friend and his relationships, and would never do anything to put him in an awkward situation. Again, we've been BFF's for 20 years. You don't get that far by being disrespectful, backstabbing, and crossing boundaries.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I didnkt read all of the responses yet...with that said, here are my 2 cents: Since he was your friend before SO came along then you have every right to keep him. You have been respectful of the boundaries. He knew who was in your life before he entered it. My ex had female friends. I did not bat an eye because I trusted him. Peope assume that jealousy is normal...frankly I don't. Yes, people get jealous, but at some point you have to handle your own hang ups w/o making others bend to your will. I am of the belief that having to cut off friends is a bit controlling. I wouldn't ever downgrade my best friend to just texts either. As for the gf there is nothing you can really do. You can be more inclusive, but if being present during you guys phone convos makes her mad then its not you, it's her (them)

 

[simplertimes]

So you and your "best male friend" live in the same apartment complex, too???? Did I read that right?? Yeah, no. inappropriate all around. I personally think that opposite sex best friendships are immature and is something that a person should outgrow like braces. The average person would not be ok with their significant other having a best friend of the opposite sex that they are close with, talk in the phone with regularly, spend alone time together, text. Why go trough the trouble of continuing that kind of relationship?? Unnecessary drama.

ITA. As adults, what can two friends in this kind of friendship discuss or participate in without causing discomfort to their significant others?

And like you also said, if this said friend is so "precious", why aren't you together?

 

[Brwnbeauti]

My BFF is a guy. I've known him for 15 yrs now. I'm married and he is engaged. When he told me he was serious about his girl I went out of my way to befriend her. I wanted her to feel comfortable with our friendship because I valued the friendship but also have seen those "oh that's my brother" relationships play out in strange ways. His woman and I have each other's numbers, and have done lunches and dinner without him. When I am home he and I hang out- we go to clubs, sporting events etc I love him as much or more than my blood brothers. People at times actually have asked my mom about her other son.

We have never had any romantic vibes between us, we have never been shady and secretive about our friendship. We don't talk on the phone much, other than getting plans together to meet up at night I can't remember the last time I just called him up to talk in the afternoon. We've never had to set "boundaries" in our relationship because it has always been platonic.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

I have a couple of close guy friends. Those things have come up with their SO's. It hasn't come up with my current. Not directing this at you, OP, but I always feel like the people who have a problem with it are questioning their partners integrity.

I was thinking the exact same thing. Maybe he thinks either you or your friend will try something sooner or later. After all, he IS a young hard strapping man..