My Boyfriend Is Leaving--- Please Comment

[KoriKiyomi]

I met my boyfriend in August of last year. We've been through a lot. I can see myself spending the rest if my life with him. I love him so much. I think I've finally found the one. However... He has received a job offer in Chicago. (I'm in Saint Louis). He does not like long distance relationships. I haven't been in one before. He values friendships more than anything. He thinks we need to let go and just be friends while he's gone for a year. He wants us to focus on our bettering our lives, so we can have a better one together. He believes when he comes back, that if it's meant to be, it'll be.


How do you feel about this??!? Please share your thoughts and opinions

 

[MzLady78]

I met my boyfriend in August of last year. We've been through a lot. I can see myself spending the rest if my life with him. I love him so much. I think I've finally found the one. However... He has received a job offer in Chicago. (I'm in Saint Louis). He does not like long distance relationships. I haven't been in one before. He values friendships more than anything. He thinks we need to let go and just be friends while he's gone for a year. He wants us to focus on our bettering our lives, so we can have a better one together. He believes when he comes back, that if it's meant to be, it'll be.


How do you feel about this??!? Please share your thoughts and opinions

I hate to say it, but he's telling you exactly what he wants, which is to not be with you anymore. He wants to be free to do him while he's in Chicago and not have a girl back home to be accountable to. So you're supposed to "be friends" for a year, and then "possibly" restart a relationship when he gets back? That doesn't make sense to me. A person who really wants to be with you wouldn't take the risk of you finding someone else in the interim, a year really isn't that long.

Also, I think the bolded is just an attempt to soften the blow. That sounds much better than "I don't wanna be tied down while I make this move".

 

[tinkat]

I hate to say it, but he's telling you exactly what he wants, which is to not be with you anymore. He wants to be free to do him while he's in Chicago and not have a girl back home to be accountable to. So you're supposed to "be friends" for a year, and then "possibly" restart a relationship when he gets back? That doesn't make sense to me. A person who really wants to be with you wouldn't take the risk of you finding someone else in the interim, a year really isn't that long.

Yes a year is not that long. If that is what he wants, there is nothing else you can really do is let go. I am sorry! I know you have to be feeling some kind of way right now but it will be ok as cliche as that sounds.

 

[TamedTresses]

He wants to be free to do him while he's in Chicago and not have a girl back home to be accountable to.

That's what it sounds like to me.

He values friendships more than anything. He thinks we need to let go and just be friends while he's gone for a year.

How do you feel about this??!? Please share your thoughts and opinions

He values a friendship more than he values your relationship? That doesn't sound right.

 

[Etherealsmile]

IA with the ladies, he's told you exactly what he wants and it is up to you to choose to believe him or try to talk him out of the decision he's already made.

The chances of him changing his mind are pretty slim to none i'm sorry to say.

How are you holding up OP?

 

[Mai Tai]

I met my boyfriend in August of last year. We've been through a lot. I can see myself spending the rest if my life with him. I love him so much. I think I've finally found the one. However... He has received a job offer in Chicago. (I'm in Saint Louis). He does not like long distance relationships. I haven't been in one before. He values friendships more than anything. He thinks we need to let go and just be friends while he's gone for a year. He wants us to focus on our bettering our lives, so we can have a better one together. He believes when he comes back, that if it's meant to be, it'll be.


How do you feel about this??!? Please share your thoughts and opinions

St. Louis and Chicago are only 5 hours apart driving and 45 minutes apart on a plane. If he wanted to remain in a relationship with you, he would make a way.

The bolded is just code for, "I no longer want to be with you. I want to see other people and keep you in the friend zone (or back burner) but I don't want you to feel bad about basically getting dumped."

 

[FlowerHair]

Break ups are rarely easy.

Cry it out and keep yourself busy, don't worry about him at all. Don't let yourself cry for too long though!

 

[GraceV]

I met my boyfriend in August of last year. We've been through a lot. I can see myself spending the rest if my life with him. I love him so much. I think I've finally found the one. However... He has received a job offer in Chicago. (I'm in Saint Louis). He does not like long distance relationships. I haven't been in one before. He values friendships more than anything. He thinks we need to let go and just be friends while he's gone for a year. He wants us to focus on our bettering our lives, so we can have a better one together. He believes when he comes back, that if it's meant to be, it'll be.


How do you feel about this??!? Please share your thoughts and opinions

I think you just got dumped. Sorry. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

Keep it moving honey.If a man wants you he will do whatever to make it happen.He isn't so you shouldn't wait around..it would be a disservice to yourself.

 

[Guitarhero]

I met my boyfriend in August of last year. We've been through a lot. I can see myself spending the rest if my life with him. I love him so much. I think I've finally found the one. However... He has received a job offer in Chicago. (I'm in Saint Louis). He does not like long distance relationships. I haven't been in one before. He values friendships more than anything. He thinks we need to let go and just be friends while he's gone for a year. He wants us to focus on our bettering our lives, so we can have a better one together. He believes when he comes back, that if it's meant to be, it'll be.


How do you feel about this??!? Please share your thoughts and opinions

He wants to be let go. Seeing you on weekends shouldn't be much of a problem from Chicago to St. Louis since it's not that long of a distance, really. He just wants to venture out and meet someone new, or already has somebody new. Must be the excitement of moving to the Windy City and then again, what's this "we've been through a lot" issue? Maybe it was painful for him and he doesn't love you like you love him?

Let him go. Go out and meet somebody new and if you meet up with him again and it's meant to be...or not meant to be, you'll know you weren't waiting on him but were living your life. Confront him to get the question out and finally deal with it. Ask him if this is the case, that he just isn't into you anymore rather than trying to sugarcoat it. Then, move on.

 

[200AndOne]

i agree with his statement of if it is meant to be, it will be. a year is not really a long time, and from what i gather, it's not like he's saying he doesn't want to deal with you anymore, just doesn't want the pressure of maintaining a relationship while he's adapting to a new environment. my thoughts are to continue communicating with him as long as the efforts are mutual. and if you want to see other people do so. don't hold your breath, but don't just let if fall by the wayside either unless there are other indicators.

 

[NaturalEnigma]

One year is not that long. I remember when I first met my last boyfriend, we were only together for a month before he told me he was going to school in North Carolina to do his masters. He and I could have ended it right then and there considering we only knew each other for a month, but we decided to maintain our relationship despite the fact that he was going to be 9 hours away. Now if you guys have been together for a year I don't see why he can't make commit to a long distance relationship. I would leave him alone, time heals all wounds, hopefully by the time he comes back you will have already found someone.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

One year is not that long. I remember when I first met my last boyfriend, we were only together for a month before he told me he was going to school in North Carolina to do his masters. He and I could have ended it right then and there considering we only knew each other for a month, but we decided to maintain our relationship despite the fact that he was going to be 9 hours away. Now if you guys have been together for a year I don't see why he can't make commit to a long distance relationship. I would leave him alone, time heals all wounds, hopefully by the time he comes back you will have already found someone.

Some people dont like long distance. He may feel like he can't be faithful that far a way. At this point, if you want to be his friend, cool. Everyone is not cut out for long distance relationships, I am not. If I were in his shoes, I would probably do the same.

I do agree with the ladies, though. He said what he wanted, so believe him. Sometimes when you love something you have to let it go. If it is yours to have, it will come back, but if not, than it is was not meant to be.

He thinks you two need to grow, so apparently there were some issues in the relationship. Work on those issues while you guys are apart.

Breaking up sucks..... Feel better.

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[Mai Tai]

Some people dont like long distance. He may feel like he can't be faithful that far a way. At this point, if you want to be his friend, cool. Everyone is not cut out for long distance relationships, I am not. If I were in his shoes, I would probably do the same.

I do agree with the ladies, though. He said what he wanted, so believe him. Sometimes when you love something you have to let it go. If it is yours to have, it will come back, but if not, than it is was not meant to be.

He thinks you two need to grow, so apparently there were some issues in the relationship. Work on those issues while you guys are apart.

Breaking up sucks..... Feel better.

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Any man who feels that monogamy is in direct relation to distance is not the man for you OP...

 

[Ganjababy]

I am really sorry you are going through this. For some reason this movie came to mind - He is just not that into you. I may be wrong, and I hope I am but it seems he is trying to let you go gently.

 

[mscocoface]

Korikiyomi the question is how do YOU feel about this?

When someone tells you what they want believe them the first time. LISTEN to what he said to you.

 

[tinkat]

Any man who feels that monogamy is in direct relation to distance is not the man for you OP...

ITA!!!This is so true. I never understood why people always put the two together. If you can't handle distance, its not meant to be.

 

[mischka]

I would ask if you couldn't just go with him but from what youve posted it almost sounds like he doesnt want you to

 

[Leesh]

The worst thing you can do is wait for this man under the perception that you guys will come back together as Man & Woman, and he has moved on in the mean time.

It sounds as if he wants to keep you at arms reach, just in case he doesn't meet anyone new and "DECIDES" he wants to come back to you.

Men can be so selfish! It's really messed up what he's trying to pull! Men sometimes knows exactly what to say to keep your heart just a little bit opened-up for him, just in case he decides you are the one, after he goes and sows his oates. That "Bettering our lives so we can have a better one together" is a way to keep your heart open, then on the other hand he says "If it's meant to be, it will", now that is just in case he meets someone and doesn't need you anymore. He could have easily been honest and said, this is it for now, but he's afraid that you would really move on and find someone else, then he'll be A** Out, if he decides, you were the one.

 

[ambergirl]

I hate to say it, but he's telling you exactly what he wants, which is to not be with you anymore. He wants to be free to do him while he's in Chicago and not have a girl back home to be accountable to. So you're supposed to "be friends" for a year, and then "possibly" restart a relationship when he gets back? That doesn't make sense to me. A person who really wants to be with you wouldn't take the risk of you finding someone else in the interim, a year really isn't that long.

Also, I think the bolded is just an attempt to soften the blow. That sounds much better than "I don't wanna be tied down while I make this move".

Welp...nothing to add here. MzLady is on point.

At least he had the decency to be honest with you and not drag you along for a year while he did whatever in Chicago.

Big hug my dear, let your heart weep and then move on to create your own fantastic life. He's right, if it's meant to be it will happen.

My only thought is that I would probably not keep an active friendship with him while he's gone. If he wants a break make it a REAL break. No or very limited contact. What I've found is that men can keep contact with a former lover while still being open to other women and for the most part women can not. Let him feel your absence and let yourself be truly open to new love and adventures!

 

[KoriKiyomi]

Thank to all those that have responded. I actually feel better about this. We were friends before we got together and I don't want to lose the friendship at all. He doesn't like LDR's and I'm not about to force him into one. We're going to keep the line of communication available and we're willing to see each other when time permits. I think I've cried enough about this situation. It's time for me to start a career and he needs to better himself so he can provide for his family. A year isn't a long time, but like someone said, we do have some relationship issues, nothing major, but they do exist. We've always discussed taking a break andi think this will be the perfect time. Who knows, distance may help. Or it may help me realized it's not our time. I can't continue to worry about the outcome, I need to take it one day t a time.

Thanks again everyone!

 

[Leesh]

@KoriKiyomi, You couldn't have said it better! Good for you to take on this perspective! It'll work itself out!

 

[Msstarr718]

I hate to say it, but he's telling you exactly what he wants, which is to not be with you anymore. He wants to be free to do him while he's in Chicago and not have a girl back home to be accountable to. So you're supposed to "be friends" for a year, and then "possibly" restart a relationship when he gets back? That doesn't make sense to me. A person who really wants to be with you wouldn't take the risk of you finding someone else in the interim, a year really isn't that long.

Also, I think the bolded is just an attempt to soften the blow. That sounds much better than "I don't wanna be tied down while I make this move".

I agree with everything here. He is basically saying that he wants his freedom to do him while in Chicago and doesn't want to feel guilty while he's doing it so he now wants to just be friends. You said he's the one and you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with him but sorry to say he does not feel the same way about you. If he did being friends wouldn't even be an option and he would do any and everything in his power to make that "short" year work because no a year isn't that long at all. Op I know its going to be hard but listen to what he is saying and move on. I personally wouldn't be friends with him right away because its a slap in that face that you give someone a year of your life, fall in love and then just like that he wants to reduce you to just a friend.

 

[Msstarr718]

Welp...nothing to add here. MzLady is on point.

At least he had the decency to be honest with you and not drag you along for a year while he did whatever in Chicago.

Big hug my dear, let your heart weep and then move on to create your own fantastic life. He's right, if it's meant to be it will happen.

My only thought is that I would probably not keep an active friendship with him while he's gone. If he wants a break make it a REAL break. No or very limited contact. What I've found is that men can keep contact with a former lover while still being open to other women and for the most part women can not. Let him feel your absence and let yourself be truly open to new love and adventures!

I totally agree with the bolded

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Any man who feels that monogamy is in direct relation to distance is not the man for you OP...

At least he was honest enough to let her go. Some men are so greedy, they want their cake and eat it to.

 

[MzLady78]

Thank to all those that have responded. I actually feel better about this. We were friends before we got together and I don't want to lose the friendship at all. He doesn't like LDR's and I'm not about to force him into one. We're going to keep the line of communication available and we're willing to see each other when time permits. I think I've cried enough about this situation. It's time for me to start a career and he needs to better himself so he can provide for his family. A year isn't a long time, but like someone said, we do have some relationship issues, nothing major, but they do exist. We've always discussed taking a break andi think this will be the perfect time. Who knows, distance may help. Or it may help me realized it's not our time. I can't continue to worry about the outcome, I need to take it one day t a time.

Thanks again everyone!

Great outlook, I've been trying to adopt the same attitude in my own life.

I'm sure you'll be just fine either way.

 

[octoberslibra]

I'm going through withdrawl also....outta all the advice my girlfriends have given me, I never had it put like that...because I still wanna call, still wanna text....but something in that piece of advice just HIT HOME with me....thanks so much...that man will not be hearing from me anytime soon....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU~

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[octoberslibra]

Be strong girl......through this you're going to find out how strong you are...TRUST me...I speak from experience~

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[aribell]

I'm glad you feel better about it. I'm also in StL and while Chicago isn't really a quick drive, it's close enough that people can see one another every weekend if they chose to do so (maybe every other). I had a classmate who regularly took the train to see his gf in Chicago, and really, many others who maintained relationships all over the place, much further than Chicago.

I don't believe that "not liking long distance relationships" makes a difference when you have identified the person you are convinced you want to be with. When that happens, you don't let them get away easily. When you want someone, you come up with reasons why it still *can* work, not reasons why it won't.

I've seen someone claim to one person that they didn't like LDRs, and then turn around and maintain a relationship with someone on another continent. So these choices really come down to how you are feeling about the person in front of you.

I agree with the advice not to hold on in hope. I get that you all were friends, but just guard your heart on this one.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

I'm going through withdrawl also....outta all the advice my girlfriends have given me, I never had it put like that...because I still wanna call, still wanna text....but something in that piece of advice just HIT HOME with me....thanks so much...that man will not be hearing from me anytime soon....THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU~

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2

Yep... It takes time to get him out of your system.

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