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My Boss Tells Me NO MORE BUNS! How Can I Look My Best & Keep Hair Healthy?
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Eritreladiee
New Member
I really don't think OP has to straighten her hair in order to achieve the image her boss is talking about. If she went to work natural with her BSL hair out, 3b/c curls defined, I don't think there'd be a problem. Some places don't want you looking uptight and probably OP's boss mentioned the straight look because that's all she's ever seen of her hair when its out(?)
This is one of those things you just have to go with. I remember one of my first jobs teaching at the conservatory- extremely uptight environment, and I was by far the youngest person there. For the 1st little while I'd wear my hair out- it was long and curly and within a couple weeks i was told very bluntly that i had to wear my hair in buns. On top of that, I was put through these sessions to make me less friendly and more rigid in my interaction with students and parents.
So whether you like it or not, you just have to do these things to move on. I put my hair in an updo, put on my glasses went to work and acted really uptight and everything was fine.
This is one of those things you just have to go with. I remember one of my first jobs teaching at the conservatory- extremely uptight environment, and I was by far the youngest person there. For the 1st little while I'd wear my hair out- it was long and curly and within a couple weeks i was told very bluntly that i had to wear my hair in buns. On top of that, I was put through these sessions to make me less friendly and more rigid in my interaction with students and parents.
So whether you like it or not, you just have to do these things to move on. I put my hair in an updo, put on my glasses went to work and acted really uptight and everything was fine.
Ithacagurl
Well-Known Member
I am in the front row in this picture. I wore traditional styles initially but after becoming established, I rocked twists and natural styles
They like those styles now but I do not think the Principal Broker would have initially.
My legs are even crossed like a nonconformist lawd.
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Amerie123
Well-Known Member
Sorry if this has been mentioned, but while i see a bit of both sides (slightly leaning more towards the sides of those that say don't loose the job over hair), I do think that OP should maybe re-talk with the boss that made the suggestion, and see if they both can come to a happy-medium. This way she's not necessarily doing something she don't want to do, and they both win. Maybe OP's boss didn't mean that she didn't like her bun. There's many variables to this story, and maybe just talking it over with your boss can provide more possibilities that you both will be happy with. Just my 
TrendySocialite
Well-Known Member
I agree with anyone who has said something to the effect of "do what you gotta do til you get that promotion"
Personally, maybe half wigs are a good option (like a poster who is going through something similar). It looks like you're wearing your hair "down" but you're not. You can baggy underneath, braid up, whatever you want to do.
It's not fair and has nothing to do with your job or performance, but unfortunately sometimes we have play the game (or appear to play along) to get what we ultimately want out of the deal.
I will also say that if your bun is relatively small, I would suggest buying a fake bun to make it look more full. And you can baggy under the fake bun which will help.
Also, may I suggest making sure make-up, eyewear (if you wear it), and jewelry is on point.
I will also say that while your boss may be a bit insensitive, maybe she is trying to be your mentor. And mentors sometimes have to tell us things that we don't like or want to hear, but will ultimately get us where we want to get in our career. I think the decision you need to consider is whether or not you will let something like how you wear your hair stop you from getting a well-deserved promotion. I have a mentor who tells me who to meet, who to stay away from, who to go to lunch with, what to wear, etc. Sometimes I get upset, but I know it's for my good. And because I humbled myself and listened, I am constantly being appointed to committees and groups that allow me to catch the attention of the executive administration at my university.
Besides, that's why there are weekends...for me to wear my hair and clothes as wild and crazy as I want.
What we sometimes forget is that we (meaning LHCFers) understand what we're doing, but others may not. We don't have to explain ourselves, but there are ways to meet them toward the middle without compromising our hair goals and ideals.
I hope you take my comments in the manner in which they are intended...just to offer you a slightly different way of thinking of this situation. You can have it all...your hair the way you want but a great job to fund your PJism (cuz I know you are either a PJ, soon-to-be or recovering PJ if you're on this board LOL).
Stay strong!
Personally, maybe half wigs are a good option (like a poster who is going through something similar). It looks like you're wearing your hair "down" but you're not. You can baggy underneath, braid up, whatever you want to do.
It's not fair and has nothing to do with your job or performance, but unfortunately sometimes we have play the game (or appear to play along) to get what we ultimately want out of the deal.
I will also say that if your bun is relatively small, I would suggest buying a fake bun to make it look more full. And you can baggy under the fake bun which will help.
Also, may I suggest making sure make-up, eyewear (if you wear it), and jewelry is on point.
I will also say that while your boss may be a bit insensitive, maybe she is trying to be your mentor. And mentors sometimes have to tell us things that we don't like or want to hear, but will ultimately get us where we want to get in our career. I think the decision you need to consider is whether or not you will let something like how you wear your hair stop you from getting a well-deserved promotion. I have a mentor who tells me who to meet, who to stay away from, who to go to lunch with, what to wear, etc. Sometimes I get upset, but I know it's for my good. And because I humbled myself and listened, I am constantly being appointed to committees and groups that allow me to catch the attention of the executive administration at my university.
Besides, that's why there are weekends...for me to wear my hair and clothes as wild and crazy as I want.
What we sometimes forget is that we (meaning LHCFers) understand what we're doing, but others may not. We don't have to explain ourselves, but there are ways to meet them toward the middle without compromising our hair goals and ideals.
I hope you take my comments in the manner in which they are intended...just to offer you a slightly different way of thinking of this situation. You can have it all...your hair the way you want but a great job to fund your PJism (cuz I know you are either a PJ, soon-to-be or recovering PJ if you're on this board LOL).
Stay strong!
Lola Laughs
Member
You are fortunate. I used to have one like this and it was great. It's like Survivor and aligning yourself with the right people. Most times that will get you further than smarts and hard work, sad but true.
Sorry to get a bit off topic there.
thehairmaverick
Active Member
Honestly this is my advice to. Esp. if the OP has her stuff together forreal like she says she do. I know people are talking about the economy, but employers can't be to careful themselves. A good empolyee can make the difference in how business is ran. They like to think they can "easily" find someone better than you...sure
. It is true that you honestly need looks and competence, but lets not pretend that everyone who is cute has the competence
. I say get the promo, but watch your back and have a plan B because you never know. Business is real conniving. Be careful and watch out for self!
longnstrong
New Member
How about a french roll? That's a hairstyle that looks professional and done, but is easy on the hair and easy to do in the morning. Not the frozen hard type of roll, but a nice pretty natural french roll???
simplymyself
New Member
OP, I am in a similar situation. I need to change my natural look in for a “professional” look. I used to work in the corporate world and I will be returning to that world part-time. My point is, you have worked extremely hard for this job and for your promotion. Don’t risk your job or your future over hair.
You work in a corporate environment with people who expect you to represent them. This is part of your job. Don’t look at this as an insult…Turn it into a challenge and show them what you can really bring to the table.
You work in a corporate environment with people who expect you to represent them. This is part of your job. Don’t look at this as an insult…Turn it into a challenge and show them what you can really bring to the table.
JayAnn0513
I make 30 look good!
You know what I want to know...how did this become a race thing. I'm willing to bet the boss would have told Becky to take that bun down months ago.
Mistake # 79 Wearing the wrong hairstyle, according to the author of Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office, page 199 in the edition I have. The author quotes an article on dressing for success,"Match your style to the vibe of your workplace, no matter what level you are at".
Mistake # 79 Wearing the wrong hairstyle, according to the author of Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office, page 199 in the edition I have. The author quotes an article on dressing for success,"Match your style to the vibe of your workplace, no matter what level you are at".
~Sparklingflame~
New Member
Its a sad day in America when a hairstyle alone, a simple one at that, one that doesnt interfere with job performance, can impede a promotion.
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
This is to posts stating that we've gone backward in here, or suggesting that some posts have made choices where they have not compromised...
I wish I could make this shorter but I couldn't get out my idea without a longer post:
I agree no one should ever compromise themselves of their core values. But saying that I believe that we live in a world of rules, and no matter what we're adhering to some of them whether we think we're these "rogue" agents or not. It's just a matter of deciding which ones are important, and which ones we reject, and why based on what we believe.
We are also living in a world where we decide our morals and values, but can find conflicting ones as well. We also live in a world where we have to compromise occasionally (hopefully not core values, beliefs!) and have to decide which choice is more important. I think the point is to try to be as less hypocritical as possible, and to try to feel at peace with the decisions we make,
What of rules: You can speed through a red light, but you might get a ticket or you can roll out of bed in your pajamas, decide you like them so much, and go to a corporate job but don't be surprised if you're fired. We're all making compromises on a daily basis and as such when people say they're not willing to compromise I think to myself we all do. We're all slightly hypocritical. We all say things like everyone should be loved for who we are, but yet we won't date the midget. Or if we do, there's some other thing that we won't do that is hypocritical despite what we say. In an ideal world, we wouldn't. But we'd be in heaven, not the real world. In the real world, we have to decide the things that are important to fight for, and which things are not. We have to come to terms with the dichotomy of our lives.
Your field determines how you dress largely. There are exceptions but in a fashion field, you are going to look fashionable or you're not getting hired, a law firm you're going to be professional. Even artists are not immune. I'm shy but I'm going to have to push myself out and talk. For instance:I've just found out that I've been invited to certain big film festivals this year and I'm mortified of talking to big wigs but I will have to open my mouth despite being shy. Am I compromising my core? Not really. But I am compromising the way in which I usually communicate. We all have choices. I could decide they should love me the way I am, stand in a corner, when asked questions give one word answers, and turn them off. Or I could push past my shyness and just open up. But it's a choice, and I've decided to make the one that will help me secure my place in the industry. I'm sure I can infuse my own style, but I'll have to dress in appropriate attire, or if I don't, know that I'm making a choice about that.
Or picture this: You work at a huge law firm in NYC like one of my best friends... and you walk in the law firm in jeans and a t-shirt...how many people can get away with that? Well you should be loved for who you are, right? It shouldn't matter! Well tough, unless you are working from home, doing independent work as a lawyer,in a unique law firm, or something similar it isn't going to happen. Well you should be known for your brilliant mind, right? Who cares what you wear. That office needs to submit to your will.So what? Should you tell your boss off? You love your jeans, right? Or should you find a way to adjust the environment? You knew going into this job what type of "dress" was required. Again time to decide what you stand for, how you'd like to live, and make a decision (stay or go). I'm willing to bet even Almond Eyes (who mentioned her hairstyle fitting in) doesn't roll into work in pajamas. But why not? What if she wants to? Shouldn't she be loved for her mind?
So let's be honest, everyone does conform...it's just a matter of how much. If we were to be loved the way we are, we could just roll out of bed and into work or school. It wouldn't matter if I brushed my teeth, or styled my hair, or what type of clothes I put on. I should be able to roll in in pajamas, right? But fact is, we live in a world with rules. It's just a matter of which ones we're willing to break. And even scientific data shows that we are judged on our appearance (including dress) and it even determines how much we make over a lifetime!
Obama knows that even if he wants to wear jeans, he should put on that suit because of the field he is in. Imagine him addressing republicans in a baseball cap! But why not? What about his brilliant mind? Because it's the "environment" he chose to be in. If he doesn't like it, he can choose another. But even another will still have some other type of compromise. Again it's a personal decision which compromises we can live with, and why.
I think most people realize that she SHOULD be able to do what she wants, but that in reality she will have to make a choice: listen to boss or not? How much? Wear more fashionable buns, or not? Rave to HR or not? But really I don't believe this is a choice because she is black. I think this is a choice by a ridiculous boss with her own hypocritical rules, because she is human.
I wish I could make this shorter but I couldn't get out my idea without a longer post:
I agree no one should ever compromise themselves of their core values. But saying that I believe that we live in a world of rules, and no matter what we're adhering to some of them whether we think we're these "rogue" agents or not. It's just a matter of deciding which ones are important, and which ones we reject, and why based on what we believe.
We are also living in a world where we decide our morals and values, but can find conflicting ones as well. We also live in a world where we have to compromise occasionally (hopefully not core values, beliefs!) and have to decide which choice is more important. I think the point is to try to be as less hypocritical as possible, and to try to feel at peace with the decisions we make,
What of rules: You can speed through a red light, but you might get a ticket or you can roll out of bed in your pajamas, decide you like them so much, and go to a corporate job but don't be surprised if you're fired. We're all making compromises on a daily basis and as such when people say they're not willing to compromise I think to myself we all do. We're all slightly hypocritical. We all say things like everyone should be loved for who we are, but yet we won't date the midget. Or if we do, there's some other thing that we won't do that is hypocritical despite what we say. In an ideal world, we wouldn't. But we'd be in heaven, not the real world. In the real world, we have to decide the things that are important to fight for, and which things are not. We have to come to terms with the dichotomy of our lives.
Your field determines how you dress largely. There are exceptions but in a fashion field, you are going to look fashionable or you're not getting hired, a law firm you're going to be professional. Even artists are not immune. I'm shy but I'm going to have to push myself out and talk. For instance:I've just found out that I've been invited to certain big film festivals this year and I'm mortified of talking to big wigs but I will have to open my mouth despite being shy. Am I compromising my core? Not really. But I am compromising the way in which I usually communicate. We all have choices. I could decide they should love me the way I am, stand in a corner, when asked questions give one word answers, and turn them off. Or I could push past my shyness and just open up. But it's a choice, and I've decided to make the one that will help me secure my place in the industry. I'm sure I can infuse my own style, but I'll have to dress in appropriate attire, or if I don't, know that I'm making a choice about that.
Or picture this: You work at a huge law firm in NYC like one of my best friends... and you walk in the law firm in jeans and a t-shirt...how many people can get away with that? Well you should be loved for who you are, right? It shouldn't matter! Well tough, unless you are working from home, doing independent work as a lawyer,in a unique law firm, or something similar it isn't going to happen. Well you should be known for your brilliant mind, right? Who cares what you wear. That office needs to submit to your will.So what? Should you tell your boss off? You love your jeans, right? Or should you find a way to adjust the environment? You knew going into this job what type of "dress" was required. Again time to decide what you stand for, how you'd like to live, and make a decision (stay or go). I'm willing to bet even Almond Eyes (who mentioned her hairstyle fitting in) doesn't roll into work in pajamas. But why not? What if she wants to? Shouldn't she be loved for her mind?
So let's be honest, everyone does conform...it's just a matter of how much. If we were to be loved the way we are, we could just roll out of bed and into work or school. It wouldn't matter if I brushed my teeth, or styled my hair, or what type of clothes I put on. I should be able to roll in in pajamas, right? But fact is, we live in a world with rules. It's just a matter of which ones we're willing to break. And even scientific data shows that we are judged on our appearance (including dress) and it even determines how much we make over a lifetime!
Obama knows that even if he wants to wear jeans, he should put on that suit because of the field he is in. Imagine him addressing republicans in a baseball cap! But why not? What about his brilliant mind? Because it's the "environment" he chose to be in. If he doesn't like it, he can choose another. But even another will still have some other type of compromise. Again it's a personal decision which compromises we can live with, and why.
I think most people realize that she SHOULD be able to do what she wants, but that in reality she will have to make a choice: listen to boss or not? How much? Wear more fashionable buns, or not? Rave to HR or not? But really I don't believe this is a choice because she is black. I think this is a choice by a ridiculous boss with her own hypocritical rules, because she is human.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
TrendySocialite
Well-Known Member
I hate to say it but I think some of the sentiments expressed in this thread is exactly why we don't get the corner office. In order to change the game, you have to be at the table to make the rules. Otherwise you will forever have to play with the hands you are dealt (bosses telling you how to wear your hair).
DDTexlaxed
TRANSITION OVER! 11-22-14
WOW, I can't tell you what to do, but just be on guard. The fact that you are the only black woman there makes me feel as if this is racially motivated. Your hair does not have anything to do with your getting a promotion. That is just an excuse on her part. I feel bad that your mother is not supportive of your hair. Maybe you can try a different PS like a french braid. That is professional and it protects your hair. ITA that you should talk to your boss again. I hope things work out for you.
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
When it comes to the black woman's hair there will never be agreement on what is sloppy, dowdy or unkempt. I believe that there are rules in a work place, but unless someone is dressed provacatively or is dirty; rules mostly apply to getting work done and regulations against sexual harassment and discrimination. Black women that get ahead in professions do so because of their brains and not because of their hair and I will state that again.
Many years ago when I worked at a non-profit I wore my hair natural to the office (in a pulled back bun) and one day decided to straighten and everyone was telling to please please continue with my hairstyle because it looked much better than my natural bun. Even my own dad was begging to give me money to maintain the pressed look. Yes, I had to admit that my hair was so thick and that the natural bun was not the most flattering but it wasn't sloppy and I wasn't trying to be JET girl of the week. And I was smart as a whip. At the end of the day, the hoopla died down over my hair and I continued to wear it in exactly the way I felt (re: I was not going to spend 5 hours no kidding on press and curl for it to revert after one shower). And to my surprise, my work continued to thrive and I even got a coveted assignment that was meant for someone else and I ended up leaving that post for law school. When people know you are on point with your brains, they don't have time to focus on your appearance (again unless you are dirty, overly sexed up or wear terribly wrinkled clothing).
Now, with that being said, I am entitled to my opinion and believe that the boss is trying to sexualise this woman by asking her to wear her hair down for whatever reason (to attract more clients, to have a prettier female work force, etc). As for the parents, parents of that generation believe that hair that is not curled is sloppy. A hairstyle to them does not constitute buns or natural hair.
On another side note, if the OP were a muslim woman would we all be chiming for her to lose the hijab just for a job? Just asking..........
Best,
Almond Eyes
Many years ago when I worked at a non-profit I wore my hair natural to the office (in a pulled back bun) and one day decided to straighten and everyone was telling to please please continue with my hairstyle because it looked much better than my natural bun. Even my own dad was begging to give me money to maintain the pressed look. Yes, I had to admit that my hair was so thick and that the natural bun was not the most flattering but it wasn't sloppy and I wasn't trying to be JET girl of the week. And I was smart as a whip. At the end of the day, the hoopla died down over my hair and I continued to wear it in exactly the way I felt (re: I was not going to spend 5 hours no kidding on press and curl for it to revert after one shower). And to my surprise, my work continued to thrive and I even got a coveted assignment that was meant for someone else and I ended up leaving that post for law school. When people know you are on point with your brains, they don't have time to focus on your appearance (again unless you are dirty, overly sexed up or wear terribly wrinkled clothing).
Now, with that being said, I am entitled to my opinion and believe that the boss is trying to sexualise this woman by asking her to wear her hair down for whatever reason (to attract more clients, to have a prettier female work force, etc). As for the parents, parents of that generation believe that hair that is not curled is sloppy. A hairstyle to them does not constitute buns or natural hair.
On another side note, if the OP were a muslim woman would we all be chiming for her to lose the hijab just for a job? Just asking..........
Best,
Almond Eyes
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Again, total agreement here. The above reiterates my stand on NEVER wearing my hair straight at work or a public gathering where my co-workers will be.
Me too.
If she wants to "play the game" she will, then again, if she was hired wearing it, I doubt they would ask her.
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
Even in law school (when I wore short twists that looked like locs), the black women in my year were always fascinated that I always ended up with the internships, co-chairing a debate group and on the cover of our law school's public interest magazine. I think when you are smart as a whip and carry yourself with confidence and you have a certain amount of style, I am telling you no one cares about your hair and if they do something is wrong (unless your hair smells funky of course).
Best,
Almond Eyes
Best,
Almond Eyes
luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
yeah, I hate to think that this whole thing over her hair might be racially motivated deep down, but I put it out there for her to consider. Who knows, there may have been other things and other inuendo that the boss put out related to race.
IDK. I like the fact that you put this rule from "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office." OT: I read, "Nice Girls Don't Get Rich," and I really liked it. NG Don't Get the Corner Office is on my list to read.almond eyes
Well-Known Member
I appreciate all of the debates and I enjoy reading all of the different sides to this debate. Even if we don't agree, it's important to see things from all angles without getting upset.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Best,
Almond Eyes
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RockCreak
Well-Known Member
Sorry OP but that's corp America. Unfortunately we have to play their game. Until society and the rules change, we are bound by their rules. I too, am in your same position. There is another black woman who's already ahead of me. She pulled me to the side and gave me the low down as to how and what she had to do to "fit in." Once she got there, she reverted back to her old self. Not that she was raggedy or anything, but as far as her "culture" hairystyles and all, she went back to how she was. It took some time, but it's being accepted more and more.
Unfortunately, one of the things we have to do!
Unfortunately, one of the things we have to do!
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
No that's not corporate America that is what black women are always telling themselves along with other myths. I know women who are natural in corporate America.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Best,
Almond Eyes
BlackMasterPiece
Well-Known Member
^ RockCreak never said anything about being natural or relaxed
Also, you can't make blanket statements about what is and isn't appropriate in corporate america. It varies from company to company. Clearly her firm is more professional chic, some are more traditional and conservative, there are many firms here in New York where you have to have a very modern fashionable professional look *especially* if you work for one of the major magazines.
Its not like her boss insulted her character, her work ethic or the quality of her work (you know, things that actually matter) she simply requested she wear her hair in a different style. She never called her ugly or told her she's required to relax her hair or anything ridiculous, all she did was suggest she wear her hair down more to make it easier for her to succeed.
You can't be up in arms over the tiniest things, especially something as frivolous as hair.
Also, you can't make blanket statements about what is and isn't appropriate in corporate america. It varies from company to company. Clearly her firm is more professional chic, some are more traditional and conservative, there are many firms here in New York where you have to have a very modern fashionable professional look *especially* if you work for one of the major magazines.
Its not like her boss insulted her character, her work ethic or the quality of her work (you know, things that actually matter) she simply requested she wear her hair in a different style. She never called her ugly or told her she's required to relax her hair or anything ridiculous, all she did was suggest she wear her hair down more to make it easier for her to succeed.
You can't be up in arms over the tiniest things, especially something as frivolous as hair.
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4mia
Well-Known Member
i may be wrong but i thought the whole corporate look was to pin your hair up(black or white) then let your hair down or ponytail when your at home. Isnt that where the the saying "let your hair down" come from?
i know most women i see on tv, doctors, lawyers, corporate america, style their hair in buns,chigons,french twists.
or so i thought
i know most women i see on tv, doctors, lawyers, corporate america, style their hair in buns,chigons,french twists.
or so i thought
Truth
Well-Known Member
I say put ya poker face on.. Play the game until you get where you need to be, once you do so...continue to do you...switch it up a little.. wear it down, wear flexi sets, a bun yes accessorized, or invest in a beautiful half or sew in.. she can't complain if your hair is doing something different, just keep it neat..what's the most she can say?
antisocial
Well-Known Member
Just because you or the people in your circle haven't experienced something does not make it a myth.
~Sparklingflame~
New Member
Thats what I thought.
Most times you see a corporate (white) woman on TV with her reading glasses, dark colored business suit, and her hair pulled back in a neat bun. Whats wrong with that? Nothing.
I havent read anything but the OP and a few posts up, but is this racially motivated?
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almond eyes
Well-Known Member
Just because it's experienced by one person or a few doesn't make it the norm either. I also see that when people express a different opinion, it's not okay on this forum people start trying to indirectly call them frivolous or taking things out of context. And I will always express my opinion even if it goes against the norm because that is how people grow, you can't always hear what you want to hear. We don't have to all see things through one lens. That's what debates are about, people argue different sides and we are free to take what we want and don't want from the debate. If people don't like my posts, then don't read them.........but that doesn't make me frivolous.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Best,
Almond Eyes
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