topnotch1010
Real Housewife of Houston
ITA with the whole post. OP don't let some of these responses gas you up. Blackballing is real. Don't lose your career over some "hur"!
My Boss Tells Me NO MORE BUNS! How Can I Look My Best & Keep Hair Healthy?
- Thread starter wyldcurlz
- Start date
And that right there is the problem Stella. We will always be at a disadvantage for one thing or another.
Anyway, the OP said she wants to stay on work on her hair "problem" and I support her decision. I just hope the so-called "promotion" materializes.
I'm not like the rest of you. I understand COMPLETELY why you believe the way you do, but I don't agree with it.
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luckiestdestiny
Well-Known Member
I don't agree with it but that still doesn't change what I think she should do since she already seems like she knows what she wants. If I were in her shoe and willing to address the issue
I'd find a way to keep to my plan but style it up a little. Just a note that in this type of job, HR
could cause problems, though I support whatever OtP decides, because a reputation is important. It's important to choose battles wisely. This doesn't seem like something she wants to get ruffled about
from her post. I do believe that people talk, and so do companies. I do believe it may make her life more "difficult" by complaining, then just making minor adjustments. This to me doesn't seem like a fight if she's not wiling.
As for this being racism:
IMO boss could have said this to another office member (of another race) whose hair wasn't up to par in her opinion. IS it right? No. But fact is scientifically we are judged by our appearance within seconds. The boss said what others only dare to think. Even OP said her buns aren't the greatest. That's why I suggested ways to make them more stylish with headband accessories, and also wearing her hair down more as well. In an ideal world people should just look at our work ethic, but this isn't heaven. We will be judged on appearance, work ethic, and even sociable skills. There are many work horses who are brilliant but left behind for promotions (I know plenty in corporate america as well as more creative endeavors) because of other things which they refuse to acknowledge (appearance, and social skills necessary). This applies in corporate but also creative jobs too. We have to always put our best foot forward. That means those "not the greatest buns" should be updated anyways.
I don't think that she should compromise her beliefs so to speak which is why I posted options that can dress up her hair in my previous post while maintaining her bun. I think she just needs to make it more fashionably work appropriate and then her superior won't have a problem. I think her boss pointed to her hair when it was down because it was on point on that day.
I'd find a way to keep to my plan but style it up a little. Just a note that in this type of job, HR
could cause problems, though I support whatever OtP decides, because a reputation is important. It's important to choose battles wisely. This doesn't seem like something she wants to get ruffled about
from her post. I do believe that people talk, and so do companies. I do believe it may make her life more "difficult" by complaining, then just making minor adjustments. This to me doesn't seem like a fight if she's not wiling.
As for this being racism:
IMO boss could have said this to another office member (of another race) whose hair wasn't up to par in her opinion. IS it right? No. But fact is scientifically we are judged by our appearance within seconds. The boss said what others only dare to think. Even OP said her buns aren't the greatest. That's why I suggested ways to make them more stylish with headband accessories, and also wearing her hair down more as well. In an ideal world people should just look at our work ethic, but this isn't heaven. We will be judged on appearance, work ethic, and even sociable skills. There are many work horses who are brilliant but left behind for promotions (I know plenty in corporate america as well as more creative endeavors) because of other things which they refuse to acknowledge (appearance, and social skills necessary). This applies in corporate but also creative jobs too. We have to always put our best foot forward. That means those "not the greatest buns" should be updated anyways.
I don't think that she should compromise her beliefs so to speak which is why I posted options that can dress up her hair in my previous post while maintaining her bun. I think she just needs to make it more fashionably work appropriate and then her superior won't have a problem. I think her boss pointed to her hair when it was down because it was on point on that day.
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Lola Laughs
Member
OP, I truly hope you get the promotion. Clearly your boss sees your potential and is trying to groom (no pun intended) you for advancement. Months from now (I hope) you won't even remember what all the fuss was about.
Just know that as you advance in your career, the "request" to conform doesn't go away, sometimes is gets worse. You may someday find yourself in a similar situation as your boss and needing to ask one of your reports to make changes. The people who work for you are seen as a reflection of you and how you are able to manage them.
Good luck
Just know that as you advance in your career, the "request" to conform doesn't go away, sometimes is gets worse. You may someday find yourself in a similar situation as your boss and needing to ask one of your reports to make changes. The people who work for you are seen as a reflection of you and how you are able to manage them.
Good luck
LaidBak
New Member
I really wish she would post a picture of her bun. How can we help her fix it if we can't even see it?
Anyway, I had sympathy toward the begining of the thread. But I am in a career where I have sacrificed my hair for the last 14 years. I'm in the military and my hair has suffered all kinds of abuse because of situations I've been in. And to top it off I have to wear my hair in a way that meets the regulations instead of in a way that is healty for my hair. I would have been a damn fool to quit my career (as one foolish poster suggested) over my hair. So I say to the OP suck it up change your hair; and if need be, go for MBL once you own the company or you retire.
Anyway, I had sympathy toward the begining of the thread. But I am in a career where I have sacrificed my hair for the last 14 years. I'm in the military and my hair has suffered all kinds of abuse because of situations I've been in. And to top it off I have to wear my hair in a way that meets the regulations instead of in a way that is healty for my hair. I would have been a damn fool to quit my career (as one foolish poster suggested) over my hair. So I say to the OP suck it up change your hair; and if need be, go for MBL once you own the company or you retire.
Country gal
Well-Known Member
I worked in Corporate America. At the time when I went natural I worked for "Fortune magazine Top 10 Lobbyists". I was told by the Company's Attorney General that legally they can not tell me what to do with my hair. I understand that the economy is rough and we have to do what we have to do to succeed. I am so tired of folks always telling us how we should look and dress. I barely read the OP but judging from the title, to me a bun is a very professional look.
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
Not always, Jada. Nothing lasts forever. It usually takes a token black man or token black woman to change that dynamic and best believe the first black man or woman at anything corporate America had to play by the rules and kiss a** while doing it. Sometimes kissing bums require changing your physical appearance.
Outside of the black tax (working 2x, 3x, 4x harder than your white counterpart), people will judge by your appearance. You become not only a reflection of yourself but more importantly a reflection of the firm/company. It's never about you. It's about the client and selling the company name. If that company has a certain image you're going to have to fall in line and represent that image, especially if meeting with clients.
But there is strength in numbers. That token black woman or man helps open doors and dreams for other black men and women who thought it impossible to be VP or CFO or Partner or Executive at X company. The more of us on top, the better our chances of calling our own shots and playing by our own rules.
Until then...."yes ma'am/sir".
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PeanutButterandHoney
New Member
I honestly and truly think it's the OP's bun (and I don't mean to be mean or snarky)
I've seen some VERY neat looking buns and then I have seen some buns that are not so professional for the following reasons:
-have one of those teenage ouchless bands (look like big rubber bands) around the head. these just aren't for coporate
-are tied with a visible scrunchy. IMO, that is sooo tacky
-unruly edges (this isn't a natural vs. relaxed thang, it is VERY possible to get those edges right even with 4a/b hurr. trust me, I know)
-a serious kitchen. just don't look good with hair gorwin down your neck. if you cant get it to grow long enough to fit in your pony or get it smooth, you should edge it up.
-done with eave that does not match the natural hair type.
- thining edges
- the hair looks dirty and dull
-the surrounding hair is secured with "clips", not invisible-liek bobby pins, but those clips.not a polished look IMO
antisocial
Well-Known Member
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
The only thing that I gathered from this thread was that as a black woman in America you have to fit into the standard to get ahead and appearances are everything. And I do understand that it is important to look neat at one's job, however, I think many black women can get extremely obsessed with fitting in and therefore believe that the right hairstyle, pricey clothes and jewelry are the keys to happiness and will guarantee the right opportunities. And I don't think so. Brains are extremely important unless one is working in the beauty industry. I am not at all saying that we as black women need to be mouthy and not listen to concerns of supervisors, but what I am saying is that we also need to understand that we end up with severe complexes about what it takes to get ahead and in the end sometimes even the right hairstyles and clothes do not get the promotions or the guy.
I am African and most of my cousins and many of my African friends in the States are extremely well educated and the majority of them wear natural hair (my sister is bald and is a conference manager at a white firm) and they have been extremely successful in their professions including me and I do analyst international work. I have a good friend who used to work at a white law firm and was the only black woman there and she had the fly relaxer and she was constantly beating herself up about fitting in and using paychecks to buy the imitation LV bags and suits. And yes, she had the successful job but she wasn't that happy. Because she needed to lose a few pounds and had to wear buns most of the time, she would get paranoid about how others were perceiving her hair. And I was like why are you stressing you are one of the best lawyers. I think it's very interesting about how people allow others to treat them, by brains or by the looks.
Best,
Almond Eyes
I am African and most of my cousins and many of my African friends in the States are extremely well educated and the majority of them wear natural hair (my sister is bald and is a conference manager at a white firm) and they have been extremely successful in their professions including me and I do analyst international work. I have a good friend who used to work at a white law firm and was the only black woman there and she had the fly relaxer and she was constantly beating herself up about fitting in and using paychecks to buy the imitation LV bags and suits. And yes, she had the successful job but she wasn't that happy. Because she needed to lose a few pounds and had to wear buns most of the time, she would get paranoid about how others were perceiving her hair. And I was like why are you stressing you are one of the best lawyers. I think it's very interesting about how people allow others to treat them, by brains or by the looks.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
It totally depends on the place of business. What may work at Conde Nast may not work at Harrison & Shriftman. What may work at Cravath Swaine & Moore LLP may not work at Sullivan & Cromwell LLP.
Every firm and company has its own culture.
Can't say much on working for the government. I'm sure there are also certain unsaid requirements that one would have to learn by observation.
^^ It's one thing to make a stand for something of substance but another thing to make a stand that will threaten your livelihood i.e. losing your job, over some hairstyle. This is deadly especially if you have mouths to feed and bills to pay.
I've been in the corporate environment and appearance and first impressions are everything. EACH corporate culture has it's own identity regarding this matter. The manager dude was doing you a favor by telling you. Imagine if he didn't and you got fired over politics because of some hair.
They are not telling you to relax your hair or to bleach your skintone. Nor they are telling you to use a separate rest room.
It's just a hair style change.
I've been in the corporate environment and appearance and first impressions are everything. EACH corporate culture has it's own identity regarding this matter. The manager dude was doing you a favor by telling you. Imagine if he didn't and you got fired over politics because of some hair.
They are not telling you to relax your hair or to bleach your skintone. Nor they are telling you to use a separate rest room.
It's just a hair style change.
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almond eyes
Well-Known Member
Yes, it is true every job culture is different. So, if black women feel that they need to do all that it takes to fit in then who am I to argue get the relaxers, wear the lacefronts, take out the credit to buy the bags. I don't work for the government by the way. I just find it interesting that in my circle these issues of hair rarely come up. We need to be careful that we are not being sexualised on our jobs because buns are the the epitome of professionalism. Yes, the hair can help but the brains are what counts.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Best,
Almond Eyes
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You are reaching and overexaggerating. These were not even discussed in the OP.
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
Legally they can provide suggestions. Her boss was not telling her what to do with her hair.
What may provide ample reason for a labor lawsuit was if the OP was discriminated against on the basis of a race-related characteristic or condition (ie hair texture).
Of course, to prove that one was demoted/fired or denied a promotion on the basis of their skin color or hair texture is extremely difficult.
almond eyes
Well-Known Member
My opinion and I can overreach as much as I like.
Best,
Almond Eyes
Best,
Almond Eyes
Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
That does not make it any less relevant to the discussion at hand.
addaboutmyhair
Active Member
I don't know if this has been said, but get a lacefront! Cornrow your hair underneath. You can take it off and moisturize every night. you can have a natural part. You can work out. And you can make the white people at work feel better because now you look more like them, lol
Your post sums up my feelings perfectly.
Again, I do respect what others like Rasta, BlackMasterPiece, Stella, etc., have said, but after awhile that mess just gets tired. There will ALWAYS be SOMETHING with "us". Just saying.
Maybe the OP's buns are a "mess" (I guess), I don't know, I'm not around her. I do know that there are ways of conforming to a "lookism" culture without having to make a part of you unhealthy or go broke doing it.
Almond's post PROVES that and many others I've read on the net.
For NOW it is.
Better this than damaging your real hair.
She can always take it off at night and on the weekends.
TeeWhyAre
New Member
i think that's why i need to see it. i think bun, i think of dlewis' buns that always look nice. my buns are similar with hair slicked back then in a bun in the back. i need to see how her bun looks unprofessional. i can't fathom it.
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
Marking my place. I can't wait to see the bun pics. Unless you have a bad relationship with your parents, they are giving you the honest truth when they're telling you your work bun looks jacked up. Make the changes and get paid.
