My Boss Tells Me NO MORE BUNS! How Can I Look My Best & Keep Hair Healthy?

[dicapr]

The only thing that I gathered from this thread was that as a black woman in America you have to fit into the standard to get ahead and appearances are everything. And I do understand that it is important to look neat at one's job, however, I think many black women can get extremely obsessed with fitting in and therefore believe that the right hairstyle, pricey clothes and jewelry are the keys to happiness and will guarantee the right opportunities. And I don't think so. Brains are extremely important unless one is working in the beauty industry. I am not at all saying that we as black women need to be mouthy and not listen to concerns of supervisors, but what I am saying is that we also need to understand that we end up with severe complexes about what it takes to get ahead and in the end sometimes even the right hairstyles and clothes do not get the promotions or the guy.

I am African and most of my cousins and many of my African friends in the States are extremely well educated and the majority of them wear natural hair (my sister is bald and is a conference manager at a white firm) and they have been extremely successful in their professions including me and I do analyst international work. I have a good friend who used to work at a white law firm and was the only black woman there and she had the fly relaxer and she was constantly beating herself up about fitting in and using paychecks to buy the imitation LV bags and suits. And yes, she had the successful job but she wasn't that happy. Because she needed to lose a few pounds and had to wear buns most of the time, she would get paranoid about how others were perceiving her hair. And I was like why are you stressing you are one of the best lawyers. I think it's very interesting about how people allow others to treat them, by brains or by the looks.

Best,
Almond Eyes

I think your experience is different than the OP because you are African. They probably regard your natural hair as part of your "culture". For an AA woman they would have an expectation of her adhering to the "American" culture. The fact that the OP states that her bun is not the best leads me to believe that it is constructive criticism. The OP has not worn her curly hair to work. She has only showcased two styles, straight and the bun. The boss only had one other look to use as being appropriate. She was never told she had to straighten her hair. She was just told to loose the bun.

I am getting my MBA and we have been told that the bun is no longer the gold standard professional hairstyle for women. Actually, they suggest that we don't wear one. We are told that we should wear our hair down but not too big. This is now the prefered look in corprate America.

 

[Vintageglam]

Can't believe this thread is still going buy hey I did predict it would be HAWT....

Anyway we can go round and round in circles all day looooooong.

My suggestion, BMP, Rasta and all the other ladies who have chimed in. Can we please do a spin-off thread which hopefully we can convince the powers that be to turn into a sticky.

Ladies from the board can then chime in with "work friendly" hair styles and inspirations for every different type of work environ repped on the board.

Everyone can chime in and hopefully we can finally kill this thread and provide what Op what she was looking for - solutions.

I have a feeling that this will continue to be a re-occurring theme esp as people feel under increasing pressure to keep their jobs in this economy so we might as well address the issue practically...

 

[almond eyes]

Maybe, I live on a different planet, please forgive me because most of my AA friends and acquaintances wear natural hair too in professional jobs and they look super chic. My BFF is the only person that I know these days that I am close too (a coincidence) that wears a relaxer (and I know we are not talking about natural hair vs. relaxers we are talking about buns vs wearing hair down) and talks to me about her challenges in her law firm setting (professional hairstyles and the need to wear that bouncing and behaving hair) and I listen to her and never make her feel bad for expressing these frustrations but I also let her know that she is a smart black woman who is more than just how she wears her hair and that a few bad hair days isn't going to ruin her career. And I have experienced some constructive criticism about my hair but it never really bothers me for some reason.

It could be a generational thing as I am in my 30's and I am still of the mind set that buns are professional but I see that times have changed.

Maybe I attract the experiences that I want to attract and therefore have not experienced the hair issue much.

Again, I will reiterate I am for black female empowerment and not endorsing anyone losing a job or getting mouthy with their bosses. And it is an excellent idea for us to brainstorm on professional chic hairstyles for an office.


Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[wavezncurlz]

OP, I can't wait to hear how you handled this. I am also 3b/c and I have some hairstyles (both bun/updos and twistouts) that may be helpful. I've often been the only AA in a setting and have never had anyone comment on my buns/updos. Accessories are helpful in keeping the professional look without being too boring. Check out my photobucket albums and feel free to contact me if you need any help with styling.

 

[Rastafarai]

I think your experience is different than the OP because you are African. They probably regard your natural hair as part of your "culture".For an AA woman they would have an expectation of her adhering to the "American" culture

 

[Rastafarai]

My suggestion, BMP, Rasta and all the other ladies who have chimed in. Can we please do a spin-off thread which hopefully we can convince the powers that be to turn into a sticky.

Ladies from the board can then chime in with "work friendly" hair styles and inspirations for every different type of work environ repped on the board.

Everyone can chime in and hopefully we can finally kill this thread and provide what Op what she was looking for - solutions.

I have a feeling that this will continue to be a re-occurring theme esp as people feel under increasing pressure to keep their jobs in this economy so we might as well address the issue practically...

On which sub-forum Stella? I think this is a great idea!

 

[dicapr]

Maybe, I live on a different planet, please forgive me because most of my AA friends and acquaintances wear natural hair too in professional jobs and they look super chic. My BFF is the only person that I know these days that I am close too (a coincidence) that wears a relaxer and talks to me about her challenges in her law firm setting and I listen to her and never make her feel bad for expressing these frustrations but I also let her know that she is a smart black woman who is more than just how she wears her hair and that a few bad hair days isn't going to ruin her career.

It could be a generational thing as I am in my 30's and I am still of the mind set that buns are professional but I see that times have changed.

Maybe I attract the experiences that I want to attract and therefore have not experienced the hair issue much.

Again, I will reiterate I am for black female empowerment and not endorsing anyone losing a job or getting mouthy with their bosses. And it is an excellent idea for us to brainstorm on professional chic hairstyles for an office.


Best,
Almond Eyes

I was responding to the fact that you stated in your first post that you and your friends were African. Sometimes Africans will get a cultural benefit of the doubt where AA are just considered as being contrary. I've seen it. Again, our views often are formed with the reality we live in. I have seen individuals given the beneifit of the doubt because it was their culture however expect AA to live within what they consider the norm for Americans.
I have just returned to school. And yes, I was surprised to see the change in what was considered "corporate" hair. Since the discussion is about if the boss overstepped in asking the OP to change her hair I thought it was important to note that the request is in line with the new corporate hair standards.

 

[dicapr]

We all have different experiences and . . . nevermind. I forgot how this board is. Good night.

 

[Rastafarai]

Maybe, I live on a different planet, please forgive me because most of my AA friends and acquaintances wear natural hair too in professional jobs and they look super chic. My BFF is the only person that I know these days that I am close too (a coincidence) that wears a relaxer (and I know we are not talking about natural hair vs. relaxers we are talking about buns vs wearing hair down) and talks to me about her challenges in her law firm setting (professional hairstyles and the need to wear that bouncing and behaving hair) and I listen to her and never make her feel bad for expressing these frustrations but I also let her know that she is a smart black woman who is more than just how she wears her hair and that a few bad hair days isn't going to ruin her career. And I have experienced some constructive criticism from about my hair but it never really bothers me for some reason.

It could be a generational thing as I am in my 30's and I am still of the mind set that buns are professional but I see that times have changed.

Maybe I attract the experiences that I want to attract and therefore have not experienced the hair issue much.

Again, I will reiterate I am for black female empowerment and not endorsing anyone losing a job or getting mouthy with their bosses. And it is an excellent idea for us to brainstorm on professional chic hairstyles for an office.


Best,
Almond Eyes

You're not living on a different planet, Almond Eyes.

We may be few but there are many black females at my firm (myself included) rocking natural hair, some are even in dreads. Natural hair is defnitely becoming more widely accepted.

 

[wyldcurlz]

for those of you who asked, here is a pic of my bun (at the end of the day)

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

It just looks a little frizzy around the edges but a little gel can take care of that. Still looks fine to me.

 

[Esq.2B]

for those of you who asked, here is a pic of my bun (at the end of the day)

Okay, for starters, you have beautiful hair.

I'd like to say though, I agree with your boss on this one. It's not that it looks awful. But it certainly doesn't say High Level Corporate America either. To me, it looks decent, but like you plan to run to the beauty salon after work to get your hair done and you needed to get by for the day.

As I suspected, it's not that all buns are unprofessional, this bun though might be a bit unprofessional for your office. Maybe you could try a neater, more pulled together bun. Maybe a bun that's slicked to your head w/ a donut styled bun in the back? If she doesn't approve, then you know what you have to do. Get that promotion girl .

 

[Rastafarai]

Okay, for starters, you have beautiful hair.

I'd like to say though, I agree with your boss on this one. It's not that it looks awful. But it certainly doesn't say High Level Corporate America either. To me, it looks decent, but like you plan to run to the beauty salon after work to get your hair done and you needed to get by for the day.

As I suspected, it's not that all buns are unprofessional, this bun though might be a bit unprofessional for your office. Maybe you could try a neater, more pulled together bun. Maybe a bun that's slicked to your head w/ a donut styled bun in the back? If she doesn't approve, then you know what you have to do. Get that promotion girl .

Agreed.

OP you have beautiful texture!! You just need a curling custard or gel to make it look more polished and less tangled/sloppy.

 

[wyldcurlz]

OP, I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, but I think you've been offered some wonderful advice in this thread and I hope it helps you. I don't think that your boss was acting out of malintent. She seems to care about your career and appears to have a vested interest in your success. Is it ignorant that a bun can still hold up one's promotion? Yes, it is, but not when you consider what another poster stated, which is that if the cultural milieu of your company is anti-bun, then you're going to have to be consistent with what they deem be acceptable or, unfortunately, find a new job.

My thing is, I do agree that you should play the game. I also agree with the advice that perhaps it's not the bun itself, but that the bun is a proxy or encapsulates other aspects of your appearance that might be hindering your progress. Yeah, maybe you do need to get new styles and to wear your hair down more often. From that standpoint, by all means, do what you need to do.
But the thing that really bothers me is, after you wear your hair down, then what? What else are you, or anyone else, going to be asked to change to conform to a company's ideals? Are they going to ask you to lose weight? Gain weight? See a dermatologist because your skin looks jacked up? Wear less makeup? When does the intrusion end? It's not just the issue of navigating the corporate world as a woman of color; it's navigating it as a woman, period, in a society that cares more about how we look than what we do.
Sorry for the vent; this situation is so bothersome to me. And I feel that it happens more to "us" than to other people.

Thanks Naijamerican! I'm lucky to finally have a boss who is supportive of me. And while her comment was ignorant (ignorant because she, like many others, don't seem to understand the difficulty of straightening curly hair), she did say it out of kindness. She's a straight shooter verbally and sometimes doesn't think before she speaks - but hey, i'm sure i've been guilty of that before.

"]OP it would be tremendously helpful if you posted a pic of your typical bun and maybe make it a head to toe shot of an outfit you'd typically wear.
I think if not only she but your family tell you the bun isn't flattering then maybe they're right. Just because a style is cute on the next lady doesn't mean it'll compliment your features.

To me switching up a style to ascend in a company is no biggie, just research healthy ways to achieve it.

The corporate culture at your particular company is chic professional, to compete you would do well to satisfy the corporate culture especially untill you get much higher up in the firm.

I definitely wouldn't compromise a promotion over a style...I mean seriously.[/SIZE]

Thanks for your input BlackMasterpiece. Its interesting because my company doesn't necessarily have a corporate fashion culture, but I would say that most of the women could be considered chic professional. I should note, I'm not in an office all day, I'm out working with clients, my boss very rarely sees me. I think working in California has a lot to do with it also. As for my family, well, my Mom is more of the old skool. She puts a curling iron in her hair 3-5 days/wk and while her hair is pretty, her ends are split and fried and she doesn't retain length. We have very different opinions on how to style and hair to keep it healthy. BUT, my mother wants me to look my very best daily too. (as do i.) As for posting an outfit, I've been at my job for 5 years and I'm very comfortable and confident in my professional appearance - which is why this bun thing threw me for a loop.

Here's another style suggestion from one of our own members:

http://public.fotki.com/1QTPie/2009/100-1110.html

Umm....that's gorgeous!! - but I reeeeally don't think I can do that. That's a piece of art!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I agree COMPLETELY with Esq.2b

Try to get much more creative with the bun itself as well so it looks more intentional and full take a look at buns from posters like Dlewis.

As for wearing it down, you can get a very smooth roller-set with your texture without excessive heat, you can still reach your goals while fulfilling the firms professional expectations.Since you already have the fashion down all you need to do is find a happy balance with the hair and you're set

Glad I could help hun

 

[Rastafarai]

Umm....that's gorgeous!! - but I reeeeally don't think I can do that. That's a piece of art!

It doesn't hurt to contact 1Qtpie about this style. I think she even provides a tutorial!


So have you decided on what you'll be doing with your hair for tonight?

 

[wyldcurlz]

Okay, for starters, you have beautiful hair.

I'd like to say though, I agree with your boss on this one. It's not that it looks awful. But it certainly doesn't say High Level Corporate America either. To me, it looks decent, but like you plan to run to the beauty salon after work to get your hair done and you needed to get by for the day.

As I suspected, it's not that all buns are unprofessional, this bun though might be a bit unprofessional for your office. Maybe you could try a neater, more pulled together bun. Maybe a bun that's slicked to your head w/ a donut styled bun in the back? If she doesn't approve, then you know what you have to do. Get that promotion girl .

well, apparently i need bun school. it was very slicked down at the hairline, but for some reason the picture really zooms in on the little frizzies that stick up - those baby hairs or whatever the little flyaways are called. i have no idea how to tame those - so any suggestions would be great.

however, i would like to add that on the other girls who work for my company you see all types of hair styles. neat, not-neat, pulled back, worn down - everything! so while i understand that i need to play the game, there is a bit of wondering if this is a special rule for the curly haired black girl?

oh - thanks for the hair compliment, it's appreciated! especially when i'm going thru so much drama.

 

[wyldcurlz]

I agree COMPLETELY with Esq.2b

Try to get much more creative with the bun itself as well so it looks more intentional and full take a look at buns from posters like Dlewis.

As for wearing it down, you can get a very smooth roller-set with your texture without excessive heat, you can still reach your goals while fulfilling the firms professional expectations.Since you already have the fashion down all you need to do is find a happy balance with the hair and you're set

Glad I could help hun

THAT is what i want to learn how to do. So i guess i'll finally buy that Pibbs and dig into Pokohontas' fotki rollersetting album! i have never rollerset my hair before and when i had it done at a salon a few months ago - it was so poufy, i looked like betty ford - or like those old white women with the 60s rollerset hair. it wasn't sleek or straight at all. it wasn't my normal salon, obviously the stylist had NO idea how to rollerset!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

well, apparently i need bun school. it was very slicked down at the hairline, but for some reason the picture really zooms in on the little frizzies that stick up - those baby hairs or whatever the little flyaways are called. i have no idea how to tame those - so any suggestions would be great.

however, i would like to add that on the other girls who work for my company you see all types of hair styles. neat, not-neat, pulled back, worn down - everything! so while i understand that i need to play the game, there is a bit of wondering if this is a special rule for the curly haired black girl?

oh - thanks for the hair compliment, it's appreciated! especially when i'm going thru so much drama.

Honestly I've seen white girls get told about their appearance as well.

At the end of the day, your performance will be what really matters always keep that in mind.

As for how to tame the flyaways at your edges I would recommend a brush some gel and oil and a scarf for at least 20 minutes

 

[Esq.2B]

well, apparently i need bun school. it was very slicked down at the hairline, but for some reason the picture really zooms in on the little frizzies that stick up - those baby hairs or whatever the little flyaways are called. i have no idea how to tame those - so any suggestions would be great.

however, i would like to add that on the other girls who work for my company you see all types of hair styles. neat, not-neat, pulled back, worn down - everything! so while i understand that i need to play the game, there is a bit of wondering if this is a special rule for the curly haired black girl?

oh - thanks for the hair compliment, it's appreciated! especially when i'm going thru so much drama.

And that's just fine. We won't worry about those "other" girls and their messy hair. They won't get the promotion. You will.

 

[danysedai]

OP, your hair is beautiful. Hope others can chime in with advise on how to tame the frizzies. After all this, I was expecting a halo of hair sticking out, you know, like when you are little and you are playing outside and your hair is all sticking out in the front?
The style is a little plain,maybe you can experiment with a side part, and a pretty hair comb or other accesory on the bun?nothing over the top.
I also keep some hair moisturizer and a bit of gel in my drawer at work, and I carry a small boar brush in my bag so I can touch up after lunch for example or if i am called to a meeting.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

THAT is what i want to learn how to do. So i guess i'll finally buy that Pibbs and dig into Pokohontas' fotki rollersetting album! i have never rollerset my hair before and when i had it done at a salon a few months ago - it was so poufy, i looked like betty ford - or like those old white women with the 60s rollerset hair. it wasn't sleek or straight at all. it wasn't my normal salon, obviously the stylist had NO idea how to rollerset!

You can also try curl formers and flexi-rod sets and pin them back, that would be very sleek and pretty, they're heat free too

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Given that your boss is a straight shooter and you think she commented out of genuine concern, I would work on the bunning skills.

Some buns I have done:
http://public.fotki.com/RegsWife/a-new-protective-updo/

http://public.fotki.com/RegsWife/curly-primer-method/

To make your bun more sleek, you need some gel (I use EcoStyler olive oil), a brush and a scarf for 10 - 15 minutes before you leave for work (or while you drive to work). I have driven to work many times with my scarf on my head to tame the fly aways. I have an hour drive to the office and take off my scarf in the parking lot.

You can also try the SouthernTease bun with your curly hair and a chopstick to dress it up. A video of how I do my ST bun (with blown out hair) is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvHH2z4UCPQ

If you want to wear loose hair, maybe try a half wig that matches your texture. It's the best of both worlds, protected hair and an "out" style.
My half wigs albums are here:
http://public.fotki.com/RegsWife/using-a-half-wig/

Full wigs are of course an option too.
My full wigs albums are here:
http://public.fotki.com/RegsWife/experimenting-with-/

for those of you who asked, here is a pic of my bun (at the end of the day)

 

[Whimsy]

I haven't read all of the responses, but just curious....can you sue over this? Cuz to me it sounds like grounds for a financial come up for you!!! but...what do i know...

 

[likewtr4chklit]

for those of you who asked, here is a pic of my bun (at the end of the day)

This bun can fixed no problem. Some clear gel and some cute hair accessories

example:

 

[pookaloo83]

This bun can fixed no problem. Some clear gel and some cute hair accessories

example:

This is cute.

 

[Eritreladiee]

^^^^ those are real pretty

 

[pearlygurl]

well, apparently i need bun school. it was very slicked down at the hairline, but for some reason the picture really zooms in on the little frizzies that stick up - those baby hairs or whatever the little flyaways are called. i have no idea how to tame those - so any suggestions would be great.

however, i would like to add that on the other girls who work for my company you see all types of hair styles. neat, not-neat, pulled back, worn down - everything! so while i understand that i need to play the game, there is a bit of wondering if this is a special rule for the curly haired black girl?

oh - thanks for the hair compliment, it's appreciated! especially when i'm going thru so much drama.

Or maybe your boss likes you and is just giving you some inside info that may help you get that promotion. Anyway your hair is gorgeous...keep practicing on your buns and look into styles like pincurling where you can wear your hair down and stay away from heat. HTH

 

[chelleypie810]

This bun can fixed no problem. Some clear gel and some cute hair accessories

example:

SO PRETTY! Where the he** are those accessories from. i need to know i need to know! FEEEENNNIIINNNGGG!

 

[Dak]

I don't think the issue is the style of the bun as much as it is texture. Those buns of 1A hair just will not look the same with natural hair.

OP, if you want to still wear natural hair, have you tried doing two strand twists? I wore that style for years. In your picture of your bun, it looks like you've brushed your hair? If you use some sort of styling cream and a scarf, you'd get some nice waves happening, then you could wear the back out in a pony tail with all it's curly goodness.