My Boss Tells Me NO MORE BUNS! How Can I Look My Best & Keep Hair Healthy?

[wannabelong]

Don't let a bun be the cause of you not getting a promotion. I think it was nice of your boss to be honest with you and let you know what the "issue" is. Get some wigs and practice rollersetting. Make your money girl.

 

[almond eyes]

Put my head on the chopping block, wear the hair down and conform to get the promo but I think there is more to this story than meets the eye and you will come to find out eventually. I don't think your boss is trying to help you be fashion forward. I think she is being condescending. You are fortunate that you have a hair texture that can do a wash and set easily.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Shananyganz]

IF this is indeed a ploy, I would hope that the OP has enough wisdom and discernment to recognize it as such, but in the off chance that it isn't, I think she has a responsibility to self to advance. After putting in the schooling, the time, the training (blank stare) Skip the BS... I'm sure this isn't the first off color situation encountered if OP is the only woman of color in her region. Once again, none of this is RIGHT. In looking at the comments made by the original poster, she has yet to say, "I don't see what the issue is, my buns look great"...not once. She admitted that her buns could use an upgrade and sited several reasons (workout routine being one) as to why they are convenient. I will not argue the point that no one has the right to tell you what is and is not acceptable for your hair; however, as I previously stated, the professional reality is that it will happen. It is your job as an employee to gage what is a battle and what is a war. Unless there were blatant racial slurs or heavy innuendo, buns are not the enemy and they are not a cause for protest.

If Boss Lady came and said, 'I think a short bob or the Rhianna cut would suit you better than BSL', then maybe we can call out ploy and whatnot. I can only go by the information provided, but I stick with the notion that maybe it is not the bun itself, but the presentation thereof. I loves me a bun...I lived by them when I was relaxed and I have worked in Corporate America the past 6 years. Sometimes we have to disregard what is actually said, look at the core of what was intended and and in the corporate world, there are some things that just have to roll off your back, the key is knowing what to and when to pay attention or incite action.

 

[Lola Laughs]

]...in the corporate world, there are some things that just have to roll off your back, the key is knowing what to and when to pay attention or incite action[/B].

^^That advice is worth its weight in gold! Well put!

 

[Lola Laughs]

If Boss Lady came and said, 'I think a short bob or the Rhianna cut would suit you better than BSL', then maybe we can call out ploy and whatnot..[/QUOTE]

LMAO!

 

[Ivonnovi]

SOS_Different day! Back in the 80's this "mentality" was expressed via the term "Front Office Appearance". i.e. "the desired person must have a "front office appearance". WOW.

Now that I've stated that, I must say this. If you chose to work in this industry, you will have to choose whether to conform to their standards/expectations or whether to "educate" them on the "ignorance" of their standards.
If you choose the latter:
1. Look in the mirror and do a fair and impartial assessment (I highly recommend this, based on the reaction of the others you mentioned)
2. "choose" your battles wisely and
3. be prepared to compromise.

(by #1, be honest, IMHO, if your hair is not neat/very uneven/ and looks as the "military" calls it "unkempt"; be honest and make adjustments BEFORE any thing else. Yes, naturals can be neatly groomed but sometimes they still need extra tweaking too; hell even a "good" makeup job can make up for a not so purrty hair style; still it's all about attitude. )

#4. ...If you can sit down with this Supervisor one-on-one; explain your perspective, get and listen to hers, (while implementing #2, & #3 and educating her on "your hair choices) then see where there's room for #3.

I am military, and was so back in the day when by Regulation we could have no more than 2 (yes count'm two, t-w-o braids). I've seen policies come & go; I've seen them accepted and challenged.
Sometimes you have to push the envelope to make a point; sometimes you may have to wait until you are in a position of authority to do it and for that point "to stick".
(I'm not telling you what I heard, I'm telling you what I know!)

so i got ripped a NEW one after a work meeting today. my boss tells me she wants to put me up for a promotion but tells that my hair is "unprofessional" and that it "doesn't make me look my best with my hair slicked back" and that she needs me looking a certain way and "feeling confident" before she "moves forward with the (promotion) process." she went onto tell me how beautiful my hair looked when i wore it down at a company MLB event and "why don't i wear it like that all the time??" we have a corporate dinner tomorrow night and they (parents + boss) are mad that i'm not going to "press my hair" instead choosing to wear a bun.

so, i run home to mommy and daddy and what happened? my parents co-signed: "that crunchy bun doesn't flatter your face..." "your roots stick up" "...you used to wear your hair down more often do that." blah, blah, blah...

another co-worker: "....well, it looks okay to me, but..."

right now i'm SO FRUSTRATED i could cry. am i making too much of all of this? am i not seeing something? i know i look better with my hair down and straightened but i'm not sure how to keep my hair healthy, keep my body healthy and keep myself and my hair looking its best at the same time! right now i'm just mad.

 

[southerncitygirl]

sounds like a HR issue to me...document this and be on the lookout for a new job. most jobs don't have issues with the way hair is (out or up in a bun) unless its a healthcode violation like dealing with food or even the military. Some places even prefer women wear their hair up as it can be a distraction.sorry this was said to you...how mean.

 

[DrC]

WTF??? YOU CANT BE SERIOUS?? AND YOU STILL WORK FOR THIS COMPANY??

 

[almond eyes]

I agree with Ivonnovi set up a quiet tete a tete with the boss to know where she is coming from. Then you will be more at peace with your decision. I would not want to say something bad about your boss especially if she is really trying to help you out, she might also not understand why the issue bothers you. A discussion would help you both be on the same page. I hope your boss is not trying to pimp you.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[cocomadmoiselle]

IMO job security is more important especially right now. I may be paranoid but I sometimes feel like I'm being tested when these kinds of issues arise and all of a sudden your annual review has a note that says "Not a team player" "Doesn't respond well to contructive criticism" "Argumentative" etc. I hate to say it but you should do your best to blend in especially if you're the only AA female...they're always looking for a reason.

As for the event tomorrow...ask your mother to help you do something about it...sounds like she will be more than happy.

 

[Esq.2B]

WTF??? YOU CANT BE SERIOUS?? AND YOU STILL WORK FOR THIS COMPANY??

Should she quit over a hairstyle?

 

[naijamerican]

OP, I'm really sorry that this has happened to you, but I think you've been offered some wonderful advice in this thread and I hope it helps you. I don't think that your boss was acting out of malintent. She seems to care about your career and appears to have a vested interest in your success. Is it ignorant that a bun can still hold up one's promotion? Yes, it is, but not when you consider what another poster stated, which is that if the cultural milieu of your company is anti-bun, then you're going to have to be consistent with what they deem be acceptable or, unfortunately, find a new job.

My thing is, I do agree that you should play the game. I also agree with the advice that perhaps it's not the bun itself, but that the bun is a proxy or encapsulates other aspects of your appearance that might be hindering your progress. Yeah, maybe you do need to get new styles and to wear your hair down more often. From that standpoint, by all means, do what you need to do.

But the thing that really bothers me is, after you wear your hair down, then what? What else are you, or anyone else, going to be asked to change to conform to a company's ideals? Are they going to ask you to lose weight? Gain weight? See a dermatologist because your skin looks jacked up? Wear less makeup? When does the intrusion end? It's not just the issue of navigating the corporate world as a woman of color; it's navigating it as a woman, period, in a society that cares more about how we look than what we do.

Sorry for the vent; this situation is so bothersome to me. And I feel that it happens more to "us" than to other people.

ETA: By saying what I said, it doesn't mean that I think you should continue wearing a bun if it happens at the expense of your progress at this company. I'm just musing/venting because it just doesn't seem fair. All in all, just get that money, so that when you make it to the top, you'll exercise greater sensitivity for other people trying to make it. Get to the top so that women to come won't have to grapple with the issues that are worrying you today. That's one of the things I tell myself when I feel discouraged with school.

 

[LadyRaider]

Get a wig.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

OP it would be tremendously helpful if you posted a pic of your typical bun and maybe make it a head to toe shot of an outfit you'd typically wear.

I think if not only she but your family tell you the bun isn't flattering then maybe they're right. Just because a style is cute on the next lady doesn't mean it'll compliment your features.

To me switching up a style to ascend in a company is no biggie, just research healthy ways to achieve it.

The corporate culture at your particular company is chic professional, to compete you would do well to satisfy the corporate culture especially untill you get much higher up in the firm.

I definitely wouldn't compromise a promotion over a style...I mean seriously.

 

[Lola Laughs]

I agree with Ivonnovi set up a quiet tete a tete with the boss to know where she is coming from. Then you will be more at peace with your decision. I would not want to say something bad about your boss especially if she is really trying to help you out, she might also not understand why the issue bothers you. A discussion would help you both be on the same page. I hope your boss is not trying to pimp you.

Best,
Almond Eyes

I'd think hard before setting up another meeting with the boss. She has already been very clear about her expectations. Unfortunately this may cause her to question your priorities if you can't take direction on a seemingly small issue (to her) like hair ---it may even irritate her. Don't count on her being sensitive to the issue.

 

[Rastafarai]

i'm all for leaving my hair down. i just get nervous about giving my hair constant attention (styling it) and trying to retain length/grow it longer. its a little past bottom of bra strap now. i had a major set back a year ago that i'm trying to recover from.

i want to know the best way to style my hair so i can wear it down/make it look great everyday WHILE continuing to nuture and protect it.

Looks like OP made her decision and I couldn't agree more. Play the game, girl. We all have to, not only as women but as black women.

I suggest pin curls, soft curls, half wigs and phony ponies. And if you are ever tempted to wear the bun again, dress it up with accesories or be really creative, maybe even using fake buns to create styles like this:

 

[Rastafarai]

Here's another style suggestion from one of our own members:

http://public.fotki.com/1QTPie/2009/100-1110.html

 

[hillytmj]

Wear your hair down until you get the promotion and stay on top of moisturizing your ends. In the mean time, find some youtube updo tutorials so that you can start doing some protective styles that vary from your slicked back style.

You can be indignant after you can start spending that promotion money.

ITA...I wouldn't lose my promotion over my hair.

 

[MissLawyerLady]

Play the game, girl. We all have to, not only as women but as black women.

This is so true! Do what you need to do to get where you want to be; once you're the boss you can do what you want to with your hair.

The ladies have given you great suggestions and pretty examples of buns. I hope everything works out well for you.

 

[werenumber2]

The last office I worked at, I wore my hair in a bun every day. EVERY DAY. Why? Because I didn't consider it to be a career job, I worked with all women, and I wasn't attracted to any of our customers. Basically, I kept my hair in a bun because I didn't feel as if there was anyone there worth impressing or worth looking "cute" for. Now at the previous office before that? I was way more invested in how I looked. I dressed nicer, would wear my contacts from time to time and...I wore my hair down more often.

The point is, I'm sure no one else in your office knows there is a "deeper" reason for you to wear a bun every day. They're wondering why you're wearing the same "old and tired" style day in and day out. It's obvious the OP works in an office environment where fashion and style are highly regarded. Your boss is trying to tell in so many words - try harder.

 

[Mook's hair]

Wear your hair down until you get the promotion and stay on top of moisturizing your ends. In the mean time, find some youtube updo tutorials so that you can start doing some protective styles that vary from your slicked back style.

You can be indignant after you can start spending that promotion money.

I agree with the above!

That story you told OP is some straight Bulldunk!!!
But, I'd like to know more about why you don't think you do a good job making buns.

 

[Chromia]

My advice is to wear an updo or to style your bun differently. The pictures posted in this thread are great suggestions.

Here's some helpful info:
Naturals that Flat Iron...Please Advise
Naturals who STAY straightened? Why?
Straight Hair Naturals Support Thread
Congratulations to February 2009 Feature of the month - Pinkskates

Unless and until you start your own business or find a job at a different company it's best to wear your hair in a way that will help you get promoted and make more money at this company. It shouldn't be that way but unfortunately that's the way it is.

 

[hairaboutit]

I didn't read all the comments but here's my 2 cents. I work in corp. america and to be honest "image" is apart of the game. I wore my hair in braids and got passed up for 2 promotions (I am 100% sure it I was the best candidate, w/ reviews to prove it.) On the 3rd go-round I took my braids out and got the job.

I don't respect that you have to do that for the promotion but at least you got a heads-up from ur boss... I say don't risk career advancement for a hairstyle. Try rollersets or another style (even a sew-in weave) to protect ur tresses and a month or so after ur in that new position, go back to bunning.

Good Luck and I hope u get the promotion.

 

[hairaboutit]

I don't think that BIG BAD BOSS is the problem. I think that the system is the problem and the example that we have been setting as black women is the problem.

I think boss is just telling it as it is and trying to get her staff promoted. Its not in Boss lady's interest not to have her staff progress as she also will not progress. My guess is that Boss lady knows she is or soon will be up for promotion but usually one of the pre-requisites for that is that your own staff are also progressing.

We can attack boss all we like in this thread, but the facts remain that until society changes we gotta suck it up and play the system until we are in the positions of power to break it down.

OP I think you should listen to Boss lady, selectively filter what does not contradict your principles (within reason) and play the game accordingly.

Lets not get things out of context now. You paid a LOT of money for your education and to get where you are so guess what you already made a few sacrifices so do not get hysterical and emotional now and sabotage yourself.

There are so may Fotki's you can stalk for Inspiration until those promotion papers are signed.

If it were me I would have the hottest and hair health focus stylist on the case for the next few weeks and go out shopping for a few new bits.

And for all those who don;t like the suggestions - this is the game - just like in high school - just like in the jungle. The toughest survive and the rest get left behind.

Well Said, Stellagirl76!!!

 

[almond eyes]

You don't set up a meeting to discuss hair, you have a meeting to tell her thank you for the advice about the promotion and that you would like to talk more about what she feels are other issues you should work on and then with that pretext you can hear where she is coming from about the bun issue.

I work in a high powered environment too (I am on break at the moment) and I have mostly always worn natural hair or braid extensions and I have always done well. I am also exposed to international people on a high level as well as Europeans and Asians. I am fortunate that I have never had to make these compromises or feel that I needed to. There have been some days when my hair is not on point (hair looks poofy or shrunken) but it has never stopped me from moving in my career.
Buns are seen as super professional and not about whether one looks good in it or not so that is truly surprising. Does your boss want you to have a sexier image?if so I would be highly concerned about that. In most work places, wearing hair out is not the norm or seen as professional especially if hair is longer than SL; especially for women professionals.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Lola Laughs]

You don't set up a meeting to discuss hair, you have a meeting to tell her thank you for the advice about the promotion and that you would like to talk more about what she feels are other issues you should work on and then with that pretext you can hear where she is coming from about the bun issue.

Thanks for clarifying Almond.

 

[Eritreladiee]

Yes, i definitely think you could wear your hair out and still keep your hair healthy and retain length.

I think so long as you're doing weekly oil treatments and dc's your hair should be in good shape. If you're going to wear your 3b/c curls out 5x's/week, then be sure to stay away from heat altogether, as well as gels, mousse, cones, etc. Also, cowashing on a daily basis will really help with ensuring you hair gets enough moisture.

you could cowash in the morning, or if you're concerned about time or the winter weather, you could do your hair at night. Cowash, apply a good quality thick creamy leave-in, brush upside down, and put your hair in a very high loose bun, wrap, go to bed and in the morning, take down, refresh with water and seal with some oil, focusing on the ends. trust me, if you're really taking care and listening to your hair, you could retain length without protective styling-- and of course you can protective style in the evenings and weekends if you want

and as people already mentioned, roller sets are a really good idea. now would be a good time to start practicing. i don't know how many days a week you workout, but i'm sure you could work it out.

i know it's upsetting, but just try to stay positive and creative about it and i'm sure you'll figure out methods and styles that suit you and work with your lifestyle. just take this whole ordeal as a blessing in disguise, cuz i bet in the end you'll still have healthy hair, be retaining length and just look better doing it. Plus, you have a promotion to look forward to . Good luck!

 

[almond eyes]

While I am all for black female empowerment, I don't want anyone losing jobs or promotions.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

I agree with the phony bun thing. I used to do this also and i always got sooo many compliments. instead of using a phony pony, I'd just buy a cheap weft of long body-waved hair. then i'd wrap it around my real ponytail, like a long pony, then i'd wrap the long hair around the bun. it was always so big, full and pretty.

your situation does sound offensive. BUT to be honest...being that all of your peers look the part, then i would automatically assume that i would need to look the part in order to play their game and move up. I'd be more offended if everyone came to the office busted and her comment was random.

What if you just got a fake bun or a phony pony and bun it. A lot of people like buns if they are full and substantial. My mother hates my RL bun but I have a phony pony I wrap into a big bun and she loves it and says I look like a ballerina. See if they like it and then you can compromise.

 

[january noir]

my boss is korean. i did the weave thing as a protective style/way to make my hair look great daily - however, my hair didn't seem to love it. my hair got significantly thinner and that's 1 of the reasons why i'm simply washing and bunning now. (plus i'm on a personal 6 month, no heat challenge which was supposed to end march 6th, but now....) i really don't know. i'm mad, i'm sad...all these opinions make me feel like i look ugly when i bun.

It would help us figure this out if you let us see a picture of you wearing your bun and when it's down.

I wear my hair in creative updos everyday. I use clips or hair pins - no ponytail holders or bobby pins sticking out either. My hair doesn't look good down to me so I wear it up and no one has ever said anything like that to me. I would be upset too, but try not to let that get you down. That's your bosses OPINION, not necessarily the TRUTH.