My BFF's boyfriend REFUSES to date her

I

Innocent_Kiss

Well-Known Member
Literally. He, under any circumstances, will not take her out. It's not the money, although he complains about money being tight, but he's given her money and bought her things before. Even when she offers to pay for EVERYTHING, he still refuses. She hates it, but I don't know what to tell her? It's [i[just[/i] a date, right? I mean, I understand her frustration, though. If you must cope with having a boyfriend in the first place, the least you can look forward to is a nice date here and there. They argue all the time about it. I think it's weird :nono: He'll go out with his friends, but won't take her anywhere.
 
She needs to get rid of him. I mean as time goes on does she really think things will change? and its not about the money. Go sit in the dang bookstore and read some romance stories to each other over some hot chocolate. I'm sure she deserves better than that and it sounds like shes settling. If he wont take her out I'm sure someone else will.
 
Maybe he is sick of her and can't find a way to quit the relationship.
Any guy who wants to be with his girl would take her out to make her happy.

Either that, or there is another girl in the pic and he doesn't want to risk being caught.
Either way, doesn't sound good to me :nono:
 
Innocent_Kiss said:
Literally. He, under any circumstances, will not take her out. It's not the money, although he complains about money being tight, but he's given her money and bought her things before. Even when she offers to pay for EVERYTHING, he still refuses. She hates it, but I don't know what to tell her? It's [i[just[/i] a date, right? I mean, I understand her frustration, though. If you must cope with having a boyfriend in the first place, the least you can look forward to is a nice date here and there. They argue all the time about it. I think it's weird :nono: He'll go out with his friends, but won't take her anywhere.
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1. She shouldn't be offering to pay for everything... heck, she shouldn't be offering to pay.
2. It's not just a date. Dates are a crucial part of a relationship, and back in the day, no man could even think of getting away with not taking his girlfriend out. This is why in so many threads on this board, we are INSISTENT that young women understand the CORRECT way for a man to court a woman, and how dates are NOT optional in a relationship.


I know exactly what you should tell her. This one is easy... she needs to let him go. Now, she might not listen to you, but if that was my friend, there wouldn't even be anything for me to wonder about.
 
Bunny77 said:
I got dudes from other states offering to drive to my state to take me out!!! :)

(Only saying this to emphasize your point!)
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lol of course! Obviously people go on dates all the time but if I was her I would be wondering:perplexed i mean has he ever taken her out at all? and is this even her BF?:look: or is this another case of someone being delusional?
 
I wouldn't tell her anything. When she gets good and tired of the treatment she will leave him. I can't even imaging myself fixing my lips to say I have a bf and he won't take me anywhere, no movies, no dinner, no bookstore, no McDonalds lol, nothing. How you even get to bf status and not court at all? I don't get it.
 
Wait...what?

And she is with him because?

Like Billz, I'm wondering how dude even got the title of BF without dating her...and if he did date her at one time, what in the world made him think that NEVER going on a date again would be acceptable?? :confused:

She'll leave when she gets fed up. If she were my friend, I would advise her to leave...or consider a pinch hitter to pick up the slack on the outings. :look:

In short: NEXT!
 
MMMMmmmm....

Only thing I can think of is he doesn't find her physically attractive and doesn't want to be seen with her. Men do that all the time. Perhaps he just loves her personality but just cant stand the ridicule of people seeing him with her....

or... you he gotta chick on the side...

cause you know when a man loves his chick, nothing you can do to stop him from showing you off to his mama, his daddy, his bff, the cashier at the movie theater, the server at denny's, his haters on myspace...goes on and on
 
EbonyYoungin517 said:
MMMMmmmm....

Only thing I can think of is he doesn't find her physically attractive and doesn't want to be seen with her. Men do that all the time. Perhaps he just loves her personality but just cant stand the ridicule of people seeing him with her....

or... you he gotta chick on the side...

cause you know when a man loves his chick, nothing you can do to stop him from showing you off to his mama, his daddy, his bff, the cashier at the movie theater, the server at denny's, his haters on myspace...goes on and on
Click to expand...

She took the words right out of my mouth. He either is embarassed by her (no offense to your friend), or he's playin her. Now if he had issues with going out period, then maybe that would be different. But you said he doesn't mind hangin out with his friends. Whatever the reason is, something smells fishy. I think she needs to go out without him, go have herself a grand old time and leave his butt by himself. That's how my SO got me to finally go out...LOL
 
why does something have to be wrong with HER?

maybe this is a touchy topic because i've been there :look: :lachen: young and too dumb.

hm there was nothing wrong with me, he was a jerk who was playing me, that's all.

I'd agree that to him, he's not her boyfriend.
Turns out this is what mine was telling a WHOLE bunch of people too. Makes sense now why he wouldn't want to be seen with me. There wasn't anything wrong with me though. In fact, 2 years later, he tried to return with this "I wasn't ready for a good woman in my life."

Your friend will get fed up and learn just like I did. I just hope she doesn't suffer the same emotional trauma I did during the process :ohwell:
 
I'm sure she's known how he's been from day one. Why complain now, and why should he change? She's with him and he doesn't take her out so what would want him make him change his standards and date her now?

This must not be a deal breaker for her.

Sorry to sound cynical, but I just got out of a relationship like that. I couldn't even get dude to take me to Wendy's. He showed me who he was from day 1 but I overlooked the bad qualities and made excuses for him all the time or gave into his excuses.

Wasted time.
 
Innocent_Kiss said:
Literally. He, under any circumstances, will not take her out. It's not the money, although he complains about money being tight, but he's given her money and bought her things before. Even when she offers to pay for EVERYTHING, he still refuses. She hates it, but I don't know what to tell her? It's [i[just[/i] a date, right? I mean, I understand her frustration, though. If you must cope with having a boyfriend in the first place, the least you can look forward to is a nice date here and there. They argue all the time about it. I think it's weird :nono: He'll go out with his friends, but won't take her anywhere.
Click to expand...

He doesn't want to be seen with her because he's probably two-timing :yep:. And he's not a "boyfriend." He's a "boy-acquaintance," and seemingly, only part-time at that. Next!
 
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I guess he's just NOT that into her.

I'd be ashamed to tell anyone my so-called boyfriend won't date me. I hope she sees the light soon. You should not have to beg and plead for a date with your man. She better not be giving him any "goodies."
 
GoingNatural said:
I'm sure she's known how he's been from day one. Why complain now, and why should he change? She's with him and he doesn't take her out so what would want him make him change his standards and date her now?

This must not be a deal breaker for her.

Sorry to sound cynical, but I just got out of a relationship like that. I couldn't even get dude to take me to Wendy's. He showed me who he was from day 1 but I overlooked the bad qualities and made excuses for him all the time or gave into his excuses.

Wasted time.
Click to expand...
wth? :perplexed No homo but Id take you out if I was a guy:yep:
 
Divine Inspiration said:
Wait...what?

And she is with him because?

Like Billz, I'm wondering how dude even got the title of BF without dating her...and if he did date her at one time, what in the world made him think that NEVER going on a date again would be acceptable?? :confused:

She'll leave when she gets fed up. If she were my friend, I would advise her to leave...or consider a pinch hitter to pick up the slack on the outings. :look:

In short: NEXT!
Click to expand...

My recommendation.
 
EbonyYoungin517 said:
MMMMmmmm....

Only thing I can think of is he doesn't find her physically attractive and doesn't want to be seen with her. Men do that all the time. Perhaps he just loves her personality but just cant stand the ridicule of people seeing him with her....

or... you he gotta chick on the side...

cause you know when a man loves his chick, nothing you can do to stop him from showing you off to his mama, his daddy, his bff, the cashier at the movie theater, the server at denny's, his haters on myspace...goes on and on
Click to expand...

Yup yup:yep:

-A
 
She's wasting her time :nono:
If I were her I wouldn't even say anything or try to "break up", I would just start dating other guys.
 
Didn't Chris Rock do a sketch about this? Ugly girl + good cooking & bed skills = stay at home couple.

When I was out last night my BFF was telling me that one of her guy friends told her that he has a woman who sizzles in the sack, so he stays with her, but they do not go out because of her appearance.
 
loved said:
Didn't Chris Rock do a sketch about this? Ugly girl + good cooking & bed skills = stay at home couple.

When I was out last night my BFF was telling me that one of her guy friends told her that he has a woman who sizzles in the sack, so he stays with her, but they do not go out because of her appearance.
Click to expand...

Dang, it's like that with some folks, huh? :nono:


In the OP's friend's case, I think dude has another girl or is trying to keep his options open by not taking this girl out. As folks are saying, she really doesn't have a BF...
 
Sounds like something my sister went through for about two years. Finally we found out he was a MARRIED man!
 
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