My bf is AFRAID to talk to my dad

[Innocent_Kiss]

I can't get into details, I'm at work. This is sooooooo disappointing to me! He has no problem talking to my mom, but makes excuses not to talk to my father. My dad called me this morning asking me about my bf's goals, etc I said, that he should instead talk to HIM, not ME. So my dad told me to tell him to give him a call. My bf is scared out of his mind. This is such a turn off *sighs*

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I can't get into details, I'm at work. This is sooooooo disappointing to me! He has no problem talking to my mom, but makes excuses not to talk to my father. My dad called me this morning asking me about my bf's goals, etc I said, that he should instead talk to HIM, not ME. So my dad told me to tell him to give him a call. My bf is scared out of his mind. This is such a turn off *sighs*

Does your BF has goals? It sounds as if he feels he won't measure up to your Dad's expectations - which in itself is a bad sign that he may not be the type of man you need/want in your life.

 

[lexi08]

Does your BF has goals? It sounds as if he feels he won't measure up to your Dad's expectations - which in itself is a bad sign that he may not be the type of man you need/want in your life.

I agree

 

[ThickHair]

Does your BF has goals? It sounds as if he feels he won't measure up to your Dad's expectations - which in itself is a bad sign that he may not be the type of man you need/want in your life.

ITA, sounds kind of punkish. BUT you know your man better then me.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

NOT a good sign at all. It means he's intimidated by your fathers love for you, which means he probably isn't fit to love you. In my experience it equals shadyness and a mentality of a man that believes he can pull the wool over the eyes of any woman (including your mom) but knows he's can't pull that crap with a man, more particularly your Dad. Whatever you do is your choice but don't dismiss this CLEAR-CUT sign.

 

[Summer_Rain]

I see it a little differently. Daddies are scary, as they should be...I'd expect and suspect that most men were/are nervous at the very least, and down right scared to talk to a womans father for the first time. You said that you're dad just said this to you this morning? Give your BF some time to build up "courage". I wouldn't let it be a turn off...if weeks, months, whatever went by and your BF still hadn't called - then yeah.

Just as most women would probably be equally nervous about meeting the mother, men are just as scared about talking to daddy - if not moreso.

How long have you two been together?

 

[poetist]

ITA with what everyone else has said. Not sure about the details of your realationship, but maybe he's just thinking of the relationship as a short term thing, thus is freaked out about having to have a serious talk with your dad. I could be wrong, but...erplexed

 

[jwhitley6]

I see it a little differently. Daddies are scary, as they should be...I'd expect and suspect that most men were/are nervous at the very least, and down right scared to talk to a womans father for the first time. You said that you're dad just said this to you this morning? Give your BF some time to build up "courage". I wouldn't let it be a turn off...if weeks, months, whatever went by and your BF still hadn't called - then yeah.

Just as most women would probably be equally nervous about meeting the mother, men are just as scared about talking to daddy - if not moreso.

How long have you two been together?

ITA...give the guy a break! I wouldn't want to be grilled by my bf's mother. Does he even know your father? Have they met and established any kind of relationship or will this "interview" be their first interaction?

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I don't know about giving the dude the benefit of the doubt. Sounds like he's had plenty of convos with mom, why not Dad? We don't know the whole story..but I'm a believer in the practices of the old school. A man not shy about meeting dad isn't a surefire sign that he's a good one but I think it says a lot about the character of a man who will rather make excuses. That to me doesn't sound like he's even being proactive like asking her about Dad and what he should expect in having a conversation with him and man'in up about the situation, even with the jitters, if of course this was a relationship is something he sees long term, he could look at getting in good with dad something he doesn't care to do, to him it could mean commitment/obligation something he's not ready for...it could just be a time issue.

I can speak for myself and say I have NEVER been afraid to meet the moms of my boyfriends, and it has always been a very pleasant experience for me. Hmmm..just realized all I've had to meet were moms, dads weren't in the picture for any of them . Perhaps this is another issue with him, perhaps he has absolutely no experience dealing with a girlfriends dad and is now deathly afraid...but still..

 

[Caramela]

NOT a good sign at all. It means he's intimidated by your fathers love for you, which means he probably isn't fit to love you. In my experience it equals shadyness and a mentality of a man that believes he can pull the wool over the eyes of any woman (including your mom) but knows he's can't pull that crap with a man, more particularly your Dad. Whatever you do is your choice but don't dismiss this CLEAR-CUT sign.

ITA I would doubt his intentions....

 

[caribeandiva]

give him the benefit of the doubt. Dads can be very intimidating sometimes. The poor guy's probably scared to say the wrong things to your dad out of sheer nervousness.

 

[Farida]

Dad's are intimidating. My dad died so my mom is EXTRA intimidating to make up for it. Most guys hear about my mom and wish they had a dad to talk to instead.

I would be bothered if he didn't. It is one thing to be afraid. Almost all men are intimidated by the idea of talking to a girl's dad/older brother but they do it anyway. That's what being a man is about - facing up to challenges.

So, I'd be concerned, because it may mean he doesn't have long term intentions, or he just isn't mature enough to take care of business. It is a red flag. I wouldn't be surprised if he is the type of man who would do whatever his mom said for fear of confrontation. That's a stretch but I wouldn't knock the idea.

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

Thanks for your replies ladies! I wasn't able to give background information because I was at work LOL My bf is basically a part of our family. He's had plently of interactions with both of my parents...nearly every weekend for the past 7 months to be exact - as I've had with his family. Those interactions, however, were very casual. This was only the second time, if I recall correctly, that my dad wanted to talk to him seriously. I was so mad at him for being scared I called him a b&%#^! That's another story, though. Anyway, about ten minutes later he called my dad and they talked. It's still a turn off. It's cowardly and I do feel like he believes he can dupe us women, but when it comes to talking to another man, he's acts exactly as the name I called him earlier. *tsk tsk*

 

[Farida]

Innocent keep an eye out. Perhaps he is just uber shy and if that's ok with you then fine.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Innocent keep an eye out. Perhaps he is just uber shy and if that's ok with you then fine.

I'm thinking he's a straight up punk if he sits by while she calls him a b^tch.

OP - if acts like a b^tch and not a "man", why are you with him?

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I'm thinking he's a straight up punk if he sits by while she calls him a b^tch.

OP - if acts like a b^tch and not a "man", why are you with him?

I mean, what did you expect him to do? Hit me? Curse me out? As unfair as this sounds, he knows I won't tolerate either one. I tend to say really mean things (I'm working on it!) when he makes me mad. He's not a b^tch. I shouldn't have said it. I apologized. Him being afraid to talk to my dad illustrated cowardliness, so that's why I called him a b^tch. Not neccessarily because he's one.

 

[Summer_Rain]

I mean, what did you expect him to do? Hit me? Curse me out? As unfair as this sounds, he knows I won't tolerate either one. I tend to say really mean things (I'm working on it!) when he makes me mad. He's not a b^tch. I shouldn't have said it. I apologized. Him being afraid to talk to my dad illustrated cowardliness, so that's why I called him a b^tch. Not neccessarily because he's one.

I wouldn't expect him to hit you. But I'll ask you - what if he called you a ***** because you got mad with him for admitting that he was nervous to talk to your dad, even though - according to you - by the end of the day he swallowed whatever fears he had and called him? you admit that you tend to say really mean things to him when you get mad, well if he did the same to you we'd probably be reading threads about how disrespectful and verbally abusive he is.

IMHO - a man calling a woman a ***** is wrong and for awoman to call a man a ***** is equally wrong and quite frankly, very emasculating.

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I wouldn't expect him to hit you. But I'll ask you - what if he called you a ***** because you got mad with him for admitting that he was nervous to talk to your dad, even though - according to you - by the end of the day he swallowed whatever fears he had and called him? you admit that you tend to say really mean things to him when you get mad, well if he did the same to you we'd probably be reading threads about how disrespectful and verbally abusive he is.

IMHO - a man calling a woman a ***** is wrong and for awoman to call a man a ***** is equally wrong and quite frankly, very emasculating.

I totally agree. It is disrespectful. We talked, and I apologized. I was answering your question of why I was with him if I thought he was a b^tch. For clarity, I was just saying that he's not a b^tch, I just said it out of anger. Wow, it sounds a million times worst when you've calmed down and thought about it