More than 1 man

[DragonPearl]

Interesting setup you've got Cichelle. I am glad it's working for you and all involved.

I have dated more than 1 guy at a time, but I've ony had sex with 1 at a time. I am hopelessly monogamous.

 

[Cichelle]

I'm sure you are a self-sufficient woman. You didn't answer my question, but that's fine. My friend's mother has this kind of relationship with her husband and another man. He fulfills a different set of "needs" for her mom, so I was just wondering what you were getting from this other man, thats all. You continue to do you.

Sorry if I didn't answer your question. It is an intellectual and emotional connection. This stems from a deep interest we both have in something unusual, though we have discovered that we have many other common interests, as well.

 

[QUINN]

I tried the good girl one man at a time thing and got burned so many times. I'm not a man hater, but right now I am having serious trust issues. I know there are good men out there, I have met a few and sent them on their way. Why? Because I was with mofos that I was being good and faithful to, but they didn't deserve me.

Now? JALA is doing JALA and happy with me. I'm still healing from some mess, but I'm about to have some fun and that may include multiple dudes and a FB.
Cichelle, Mama, do you and continue to be happy. There is so much truth to everything you said.
All my Ladies, do what makes you happy.

 

[mermaid]

are there any ladies who keep more then one man

whether u sleep with them all

you sleep with one and date the other(s)

or you have a boyfriend and u play the field

or are you just playa.

i'm kinda young and havin my fun. i still think its a bit dirty to sleep with more than one guy. i would have to dump one to sleep with the next..

but are there any ladies that think its ok to have more than 1 man at a time, or have u had any experiences where it went wrong..or maybe you found the ONE for you when u experienced a few more then just 1??

I dated 4 guys at once for a while. It was great. I never lied about it either, they all knew I was dating others.
*sigh* It really was great!

 

[Halana Malie]

I've dated 2-3 guys at once but sex wasn't even a topic with these guys. I was young they knew I was dating others and was ok with it. It was great having them try to out do each other with entertainment and such. Actually now that I think about it I stopped doing that to date one of them exclusively. That didn't work out for too long. Should've listened to my intuition and kept dating istead of settling down. Most fun I've had in my early days

 

[mermaid]

I've dated 2-3 guys at once but sex wasn't even a topic with these guys. I was young they knew I was dating others and was ok with it. It was great having them try to out do each other with entertainment and such. Actually now that I think about it I stopped doing that to date one of them exclusively. That didn't work out for too long. Should've listened to my intuition and kept dating istead of settling down. Most fun I've had in my early days

Ditto. Same story. I settled with one of them and let the others go and 4 months later I had NO ONE!!!
Rats. Had to start over..

 

[cocopuff]

I have a frend that dates several men at the same time. She has a "main one" of course and then she has a "sugar daddy" to help her pay for her school expenses. The sugar daddy that she is talking to has a wife and he even told her that he will never leave his wife, but he wants to take my friend on a vacation out of the country to some island. There is another guy that takes her out to lunch regularly and spends about $100 every time they go out. He gave her a cell phone and gives her spending cash.

I have dated a few guys at the same time, but I was just weighing my options with them, not haivng sex with any of them.

 

[Halana Malie]

Ditto. Same story. I settled with one of them and let the others go and 4 months later I had NO ONE!!!
Rats. Had to start over..

Girl worst mistake made.....it was crazy going from 3 to none in a matter of months. I think I took a break for a while after that

 

[mermaid]

Girl worst mistake made.....it was crazy going from 3 to none in a matter of months. I think I took a break for a while after that

I regretted going with the one guy, but when I dropped him, I was not interested in getting into another relationship but I was all about dating here and there. I liked being back in control and picking and chosing.

 

[Halana Malie]

I regretted going with the one guy, but when I dropped him, I was not interested in getting into another relationship but I was all about dating here and there. I liked being back in control and picking and chosing.

I guess I was taking a break to recoup It took me a while before I dated again. I recently broke up with my SO of 3 years so there's no telling how I will feel in a couple months. Might start power dating again

 

[Laginappe]

You don't have to understand it. And the answer is no to the sugar daddy question...though, wow, I suppose that would be nice. Also, may I ask how you know what "vows" I made....or whether my other man is young or old?

There are people (not saying you are one of them) that get very upset when presented with the idea that some people live happily in nonconventional relationships. I'm not sure why this bothers them, as it generally has no effect on their lives. The bottom line is this: I am happy in my marriage. I am happy with the relationship I have with the other man. All the people involved are consenting adults who have agreed and are happy with the situation as it is.

Speaking as an admitted relationship conservative - I have to give applause here. Why?

Basically if you're going to do this - live this type of lifestyle at LEAST you're doing more than most in the world - you're honest about it. I'm impressed. And in my experience, people who live situations like yours - I've found to be a step above in the happiness / relationship-longetivity dept than the majority of folks who try to create what you have but do it based on lies and misdirection.

I don't think you're alone in your situation, but you are in the minority. And because of that, most people just don't understand. Its easier to accept a person married and cheating (meaning lying to conduct a relationship outside their marriage) than a person who's married, and has an open and honest relationship with their spouse as well as the other person they're dating. Ironic isn't it? Average observer has more of an issue with your situation - where everyone is living honestly with everyone else - than they would with a similar situation where people are being lied to. Classic.

I normally have a black and white reaction towards infidelity - but I don't view situations such as this under that title. Infidelity means lying and sneaking around. No need for that if everyone is aware and in agreement of the game plan.

So, I'm glad you found something that works for you and your husband and your other guy in a manner that you all agree with. Its way more than most can attest to.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Girl, do you wanna share something with us?

You ain't go get me talked about up in here, I'ma exercise my right to remain silent! :eyebrows2

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I dated 4 guys at once for a while. It was great. I never lied about it either, they all knew I was dating others.
*sigh* It really was great!

I believe I understand that sigh and I'm right there with you!

 

[MzTami]

Speaking as an admitted relationship conservative - I have to give applause here. Why?

Basically if you're going to do this - live this type of lifestyle at LEAST you're doing more than most in the world - you're honest about it. I'm impressed. And in my experience, people who live situations like yours - I've found to be a step above in the happiness / relationship-longetivity dept than the majority of folks who try to create what you have but do it based on lies and misdirection.

I don't think you're alone in your situation, but you are in the minority. And because of that, most people just don't understand. Its easier to accept a person married and cheating (meaning lying to conduct a relationship outside their marriage) than a person who's married, and has an open and honest relationship with their spouse as well as the other person they're dating. Ironic isn't it? Average observer has more of an issue with your situation - where everyone is living honestly with everyone else - than they would with a similar situation where people are being lied to. Classic.

I normally have a black and white reaction towards infidelity - but I don't view situations such as this under that title. Infidelity means lying and sneaking around. No need for that if everyone is aware and in agreement of the game plan.
So, I'm glad you found something that works for you and your husband and your other guy in a manner that you all agree with. Its way more than most can attest to.

You are absolutely right, it is an abnormal relationship and people like me don't understand But I disagree that it isn't infidelity. Infidelity means faithlessness, disloyal, and adultery. Just because everyone knows about each other doesn't exclude it for what it is (adultery).

I also agree with you that relationships may tend to last longer with other people involved. What is there to be mad about when everything is in the open? Personally, I wouldn't want my marriage to last if it's going to be wide open, because it's not truly a marriage.

Anyway, I'm going to leave this alone because it's none of my business. To each his own, and I'm glad that it works for Chicelle or anyone else involved in this type of relationship.

 

[blueabyss333]

I've seriously dated more than one man at a time and it just ended in heartbreak for ME. I might have dated back to back but not at the same time. If you're sexing more than 1 at a time PLEASE PLEASE be smart and use a condom.

 

[jasmin]

Sorry if I didn't answer your question. It is an intellectual and emotional connection. This stems from a deep interest we both have in something unusual, though we have discovered that we have many other common interests, as well.

I agree with being open. I say if you are going to date more than one person just let everyone know the situation.

Question: Does your husband see other women?

 

[Nightingale]

I'm doing it now. I just got out of a relationship and I'm having a good time dating and talking to new guys. I'm upfront about my situation and what I do. I think this is the best method, atleast for me. I'm tired of putting all my eggs in one basket, ESPECIALLY when men don't do the same! If it ever gets to the point where I just want to be with one guy more than the others, or the "best" man proposes monogamy. I will try it out and pray that it works. Until then I have a 3 (ok 5) man limit and I'm not having sex with anyone.

 

[Country gal]

I date more than one at a time. I don't engage in sex with all the men I date. Which apparently was mind boggling to my co worker. He just didn't understand it.

 

[Laginappe]

I date more than one at a time. I don't engage in sex with all the men I date. Which apparently was mind boggling to my co worker. He just didn't understand it.

That's because people no longer date. Meaning date in the traditional definition of "You pick me up, we go out for a meal and/or entertainment. You take me home. End of date."

We're so screwed up these days that date equals sex and if there's no sex involved then something must be wrong. More than that we're SO screwed up that people who're celibate are veiwed as strange, sick or somehow emotionally disabled.

 

[Laginappe]

You are absolutely right, it is an abnormal relationship and people like me don't understand But I disagree that it isn't infidelity. Infidelity means faithlessness, disloyal, and adultery. Just because everyone knows about each other doesn't exclude it for what it is (adultery).

I think you're right in some aspects. But you can't be faithless or disloyal to an agreement that allows certain behaviors. For example. If my company allowed me to use the petty cash for my own personal purchases - then my doing so is not theft. Because those are the terms under which they hired me and I agreed to work for them - we agreed to it together. At another company, I'd be arrested for stealing and rightfully so.

I also agree with you that relationships may tend to last longer with other people involved. What is there to be mad about when everything is in the open? Personally, I wouldn't want my marriage to last if it's going to be wide open, because it's not truly a marriage.

Personally I wouldn't either. But that's because that's not a marriage for me. Same as the poly-marriages of the "traditional" Mormon faith aren't marriage for me. But it is for them.

 

[mermaid]

[/color]

Personally I wouldn't either. But that's because that's not a marriage for me. Same as the poly-marriages of the "traditional" Mormon faith aren't marriage for me. But it is for them.

Okay okay wait!! Let me interject: I was raised in a traditional Mormon house- the polygamy marriage is of the "fundamentalist" or "Reformed" Mormons; the real LDS church -with the bike ridin' missionaries and the big temples with the angel Moroni on the top and the Mormon Tabernacle choir- does not condone polygamy.
Yes, originally, in Joseph Smith's time, it was a practice; along with killing Native Americans and Non-Mormons (or Mormons who questioned Joseph Smith). Polygamy was abolished the same time those other practices were.
Just had to jump in a defend; even though I am not in the church anymore, I don't want people to have the wrong idea.
'K. Carry on....

 

[Bunny77]

That's because people no longer date. Meaning date in the traditional definition of "You pick me up, we go out for a meal and/or entertainment. You take me home. End of date."

We're so screwed up these days that date equals sex and if there's no sex involved then something must be wrong. More than that we're SO screwed up that people who're celibate are veiwed as strange, sick or somehow emotionally disabled.

Again, you're on point.

I've dated probably a dozen or more men in the last year and didn't sleep with one of them. I tell people about the dozen and they raise their eyebrows... then I say, "I went OUT on a date with them... I never said I slept with them!"

(if i chose to sleep with them, that's my business too, btw... i'm just saying that you don't have to have sex to date, despite beliefs to the contrary)

It's funny too, I remember on a different board a young woman was asking about a guy who seemed like husband material. We said that she should just take her time, date and see if he's really that type before coming to that conclusion.

She said, "But I don't want to have sex with him!"

We answered, "Uh, who said anything about sex???"

It's so screwed up that sex is now assumed to be an automatic part of the dating process by all sides.

 

[Country gal]

That's because people no longer date. Meaning date in the traditional definition of "You pick me up, we go out for a meal and/or entertainment. You take me home. End of date."

We're so screwed up these days that date equals sex and if there's no sex involved then something must be wrong. More than that we're SO screwed up that people who're celibate are veiwed as strange, sick or somehow emotionally disabled.

True dat.

 

[Laginappe]

Okay okay wait!! Let me interject: I was raised in a traditional Mormon house- the polygamy marriage is of the "fundamentalist" or "Reformed" Mormons; the real LDS church -with the bike ridin' missionaries and the big temples with the angel Moroni on the top and the Mormon Tabernacle choir- does not condone polygamy.
Yes, originally, in Joseph Smith's time, it was a practice; along with killing Native Americans and Non-Mormons (or Mormons who questioned Joseph Smith). Polygamy was abolished the same time those other practices were.
Just had to jump in a defend; even though I am not in the church anymore, I don't want people to have the wrong idea.
'K. Carry on....

Funadamentalist! That's the word I meant / should've used. Thanks M!

I've seen enough 20/20 reports and know a few RL practicing Mormons to know the ones we see day to day in most citites aren't the poly-types. I guess I confused the Mormons I know with a modern (??) or reformed (??) Mormon and the poly-types with a historical or original (??) hence my use of the word traditional, Mormon.

Anywho - thanks for the clarification!

 

[BAP28]

EXACTLY.. WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT IT BASICALLY IS OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM BY MARRIAGE AND THATS EXACTLY THE MANTRA I FOLLOW.. NOW I SPOKE ABOUT MY ROTATION B4 SO I WILL LEAVE IT AT THAT...I AM IN MY 20'S NOW AND LIFE IS GREAT DATING-WISE- I AM SEEING SOMEONE BUT I DECIDED TO BE NON-EXCLUSIVE- FOR SEVERAL MONTHS WE WERE EXCLUSIVE- SINCE HE IS A MODEL HE TRAVELS..ONCE HE GETS BACK TO NY ON A PERM BASIS WE CAN GO FROM WHERE WE LEFT OFF UNTIL THEN... I REALLY ENJOY THE DATING SCENE IN NYC.. ITS IS GREAT IF UR IN THE RIGHT SOCIAL CIRCLE.....BUT THE MEN I MEET ALWAYS ARE TRYING TO SETTLE-ME-DOWN AND WIFE ME UP.....NOT HAPPENING UNLESS U R THE ONE-- DINNER AT CHOWS... THEATRE AT RADIOCITY---CONCERTS-BALL GAMES-LINCOLN CENTER---ME AND MY HOMEGIRLS HAVE A CREATED A SCIENCE FOR DATING- WE WORK HARD AND PLAY EVEN HARDER- I DO FEEL LIKE YOU NEED A SUPPORT SYSTEM WHEN DATING BECAUSE IT CAN EAT YOU UP AND SPIT YOU OUT--I DO NOT BELIEVE IN SLEEPING WITH MORE THAN 1 MAN AT A TIME- THATS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE...ITS FUNNY I DONT HAVE 2 SLEEP WITH ANY MAN TO CONTINUE DATING- I DO SO WHEN I AM GOOD AND READY--3 OF THE 4 I AM DATING NOW AND HAVE BEEN DATING FOR 6 MONTHS HAVE YET TO TAKE EVEN A WIFF OF THE GOOD STUFF-LOL---ITS FUNNY HOW SOME WOMAN FEEL LIKE A MAN WILL LOSE INTEREST IF NO SEX IS INVOLVED-IF YOU BRING ALOT TO THE TABLE THE INTEREST WILL REMAIN-REGARDLESS OF HOW HORNY DUDE IS..LOL...THATS MY 2 CENTS...
LUNCH DATE TODAY AT 3PM AND THE SAGA CONTINUES...

When I was in my single 20's. I would date more than one man at a time, but would only sleep with one (that IS to risky). I must admit, it felt great and gave a wonderful ego boost. I'm in my thirties now and am happily married and I think by having those experiences I am not urged to seek out or be tempted to do so. You know, the been there done that thing has already been done. But man oh man. Do I remember the times:eyebrows2 .

 

[Lovelylocs]

Chichelle, your responses seem so mysterious to me. lol What is this "unusual" thing u and the 'other' man have in common? Does you husband have another woman too? Would u be mad if he did? How did u manage to work something like this out? I understand if u dont want to share, but inquiring minds wanna know.

 

[Valerie]

That's because people no longer date. Meaning date in the traditional definition of "You pick me up, we go out for a meal and/or entertainment. You take me home. End of date."

We're so screwed up these days that date equals sex and if there's no sex involved then something must be wrong. More than that we're SO screwed up that people who're celibate are veiwed as strange, sick or somehow emotionally disabled.

I totally agree, we don't date anymore, without having sex. Good on the ladies who have many males, who take them out without having sex with them.

 

[mermaid]

Funadamentalist! That's the word I meant / should've used. Thanks M!

I've seen enough 20/20 reports and know a few RL practicing Mormons to know the ones we see day to day in most citites aren't the poly-types. I guess I confused the Mormons I know with a modern (??) or reformed (??) Mormon and the poly-types with a historical or original (??) hence my use of the word traditional, Mormon.

Anywho - thanks for the clarification!

Yes, I know. It's weird; even though I haven't been in the church for 20 years, I feel compelled to defend it in a lot of ways. I guess because the people I knew in the church were some of the warmest loving people I have ever knew (not everyone is like that, when I moved out the Ward I didn't get that same reception), I guess I don't want them tainted with the stigma of the "old ways" and the ways of the splinter groups that people mistakenly think they are one and the same.
But hey- my family and still joke about a LOT of the Mormon ways (large families due to not allowed to use birth control, quasi-stepford wives, stuff like that), and my family is still active, just not me.

 

[Cichelle]

Chichelle, your responses seem so mysterious to me. lol What is this "unusual" thing u and the 'other' man have in common?

I would love to answer that question, but I know when to quit. Not trying to be mysterious. Just trying to answer questions and share, but at the same time I'm trying not to incite too many judgmental posts against me.

Does you husband have another woman too?

No, he doesn't.

Would u be mad if he did?

Nope.

How did u manage to work something like this out?

With lots of trust, love and open communication. We have never had a conventional relationship. But we do have boundaries and "rules" within our marriage. It is not just anyone and anything goes.

I understand if u dont want to share, but inquiring minds wanna know.

Thanks for understanding.

 

[Candy_C]

BUMP" cos theres alot of unfinished business in this post LOL

i've recently purchased ginie Polo how to marry the rich...

intriguing is not the word, and i've dated 2 rich guys since

i'm dating more than 1 man at the moment, but i've jus tabout kissed one of them, and thats it, we've been to restuarants, bars and cinemas..the last 2months

i'm not sure which one i REAAALLLYY like, so i'm not sure if iwant to go beyond dating with them at all

i'm analysing them on just a few levels:

-humour
-chivalry (opening doors etc)
-money spendeture (do they wait for me to pay for the cab? do they ask for petrol!! *could never!!* or do they run when its time 4 the bill?)

but i'm running out of date ideeas!!!

I would love to answer that question, but I know when to quit. Not trying to be mysterious. Just trying to answer questions and share, but at the same time I'm trying not to incite too many judgmental posts against me.



No, he doesn't.



Nope.



With lots of trust, love and open communication. We have never had a conventional relationship. But we do have boundaries and "rules" within our marriage. It is not just anyone and anything goes.



Thanks for understanding.