More Black Women Consider 'Dating Out' (article)

[MuseofTroy]

Although I do have a preference for black men (I just think they are so darn hot) I have dated outside of my race because I happen to LIKE THE INDIVIDUAL and what they offered. Why do articles like the one posted in this thread always turn into the "there are no good black men left" argument. I simply think those extreme views are ridiculous and the media's way to divide the black community. The best advice I have for women everywhere, especially black women, is to date a man who treats you like a queen, makes you feel great, and respects you.

 

[Honey]

i love interracial relationships. i know there is a lot of hate coming from both sides (black men and black women) but i feel like the haters are just selling themselves short. if you are tired of being alone then by all means get out there and be open to different races. what is the big deal anyway? in the end, aren't we all just people?

Why do you love inter-racial relationship? How are they different from intra-racial relationships?

~Honey

 

[Honey]

Although I do have a preference for black men (I just think they are so darn hot) I have dated outside of my race because I happen to LIKE THE INDIVIDUAL and what they offered. Why do articles like the one posted in this thread always turn into the "there are no good black men left" argument. I simply think those extreme views are ridiculous and the media's way to divide the black community. The best advice I have for women everywhere, especially black women, is to date a man who treats you like a queen, makes you feel great, and respects you.

Excellent advice!

~Honey

 

[SleekandBouncy]

A 6 year old student of mine told me last year that she hated white people. She couldn't explain why but adamantly argued all whites are evil. I believe the disparity starts younger than many of us previously thought.

I was referring to the education and income disparity between black and white people as referenced in the article.

Unfortunately that little girl is reflecting the ignorance rampant amongst black and white adults, she's too young to have feelings that strong about anything much less hating an entire group of people and hopefully someone will educate her to the contrary, but that's a whole 'nother thread.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I agree with your post wholeheartedly. I think we all need to look at the bigger picture - how the black family has gotten to the position that we are currently in and what we can do to improve our relationships. Most importantly, we need to stop falling for the okedoke – demeaning our own, while holding up others and yet we don’t understand why people of other ethnicities have such negative opinions of us. We need to learn how to respect one another because most of us are decent, hard-working and want strong families – even though some of us may not know how to make that happen. So for once, can we have a productive discussion? If you have your stuff together, what are you doing to help other black folks? Do you volunteer, are you a mentor, can you reach out to young mother/fathers?

~Honey

You basically summed up the intent of my OP which wasn't directed at anyone in this thread or even regarding interracial dating (which I have no problem with). I've seen kids who would have NEVER gone to school end up in law school because one teacher pushed them and saw more than just a thug. The bottom line is that we must all(as human beings) ask ourselves, what can I do?
For one person it may be mentoring a young cousin or pushing a young man to consider professions he may never have imagined, for others it may be starting a writing campaign in your church that sends letters to BET execs and record companies that put out the images that black boys are emulating. Imagine BET receiving letters from every church goer and their pastor!

Too many black ppl are very quick to point to the problems that have absolved them of any responsibility or pride in or towards other black ppl, but they are the last to present solutions. How can you be the first to point fingers, but the last to discuss solutions. What if our ancestors had taken that approach during the civil rights movement and given up.
The whole thing, begs the questions, is it really all that great to be the only black person at the top of the mountain? I think we all know that the black community is in distress whether here or abroad (based on what I've seen when I traveled), we just have to ask ourselves are we going to be part of the solution or cover our eyes in shame.

 

[SVT]

thats Rozlips & family,a former lhcf member....


interesting article, but its all been said before...

OT: hope you feeling better, GG...

Oh snap! That IS Rozlips!

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Although I do have a preference for black men (I just think they are so darn hot) I have dated outside of my race because I happen to LIKE THE INDIVIDUAL and what they offered. Why do articles like the one posted in this thread always turn into the "there are no good black men left" argument. I simply think those extreme views are ridiculous and the media's way to divide the black community. The best advice I have for women everywhere, especially black women, is to date a man who treats you like a queen, makes you feel great, and respects you.

Excellent advice. Date whomever you're attracted to and who treats you well, whether that's white, black asian or green. This extra stuff that the media is doing where everytime they discuss black women dating inter racially it's accompanied with frightening statistics about black men is just divisive and IMO plays on the insecurities of women, namely black women.

 

[thiccknlong]

Okay, Thick. In all sincerity, who does the single black woman marry. You stated and I agree that white males are not necessarily the answer. You stated and I agree that the pool of eligible black men is shallow. Therefore, who does the single black woman marry?

1. The person that God leads you to.
2. The logical sense of someone holding a lesser probability of what's stated.

Explanation
1. There could be a latina man who will make u slave in the house. But a black man who treats you like a princess. Or a white guy who stays with you forever. But, you dont know that and can not predict it with 100% certainly. You can do #2. But it doesnt garauntee. Seek God and Jesus for the right mate. I could go on and on and on but, this is the #1 answer.

2. I'm not going to say white men are not the answer. Right now white italian and some other raced men are a much pick for lower, MUCH lower, incidents of prison, being family oriented (less cheating more family time more couple time), less rates of HIV, higher rates of employment and KEEPING a job and ASPIRING FOR BETTER BY GOING TO COLLEGE OR WORKING THEIR WAY UP , etc , etc.

Doing #1 first, AND opening your dating pool to include what makes sense, sense you or we KNOW that those stats in my initial post are FACTS, is the best choice.

Oh yeah and

3. Put yourself in the position to do so for numbers 1 and 2.

 

[thiccknlong]

From the article:

"To a certain degree, black people are sick of each other," Alexander said. "It would be better for black men and black women to open their options."

That quote makes me really sad.

I didnt like that either.

If anything , i think the ave black woman is tired of the treatment by most black men. I know of aLOT of black ladies who are like oprahs friends, waiting on the good black man but there are SOOO many of them not worth being with,they are still ...waiting.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I didnt like that either.

If anything , i think the ave black woman is tired of the treatment by most black men. I know of aLOT of black ladies who are like oprahs friends, waiting on the good black man but there are SOOO many of them not worth being with,they are still ...waiting.

That's sad
I wonder if they'll be a spin off thread about what women can do to raise better men. These men undoubtedly have mothers, so why are some of these men growing into what they are.

 

[Connie]

You know, whenever an article or media piece is done on interracial dating, you can almost be certain it's going to be about black/white couples. Honestly, what's left to debate/discuss already? I personally would like the spotlight to be on IRs involving other ethnics groups for a change. For instance, I didn't know about the rise in the numbers of white men dating asian women and white men having some of the same complaints about white women that black men have about us. How many articles/tv documentaries/movies has anyone read or seen about THAT? I'm guess it will never be as much as the constant stream of media regarding who black people are dating.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

The whole thing, begs the questions, is it really all that great to be the only black person at the top of the mountain? I think we all know that the black community is in distress whether here or abroad (based on what I've seen when I traveled), we just have to ask ourselves are we going to be part of the solution or cover our eyes in shame.

That's an awesome point that all balck people should think about. No matter how successful you are or who your friends are, it is truly lonely at the top when you're the only one there.
I personally make it point to ALWAYS speak to the wait staff, cleaning staff, etc, because I have found myself in so many situations where they were the only black faces I saw in the room. I was just happy to see anyone at all, but it would have been so much better to have others seated at the table.

If we aren't a part of the solution, we really might be a part of the problem.


Now on topic. I think you should date whoever treats you well and makes you happy!

 

[thiccknlong]

You sure kept it real. Many of my black male friends concur with all that you've said. It is really sad.

Mine to . I had one friend who really opened up and said the following. I was glad he felt comfortable enough to say it. But then, I was saddened because it brought the reality fresh to my face. He basically said , paraphasizing, he said ...."...I'd hate to be black woman in these days. You have alot of us in jail. And alot who dont want to work. If they do many are planning a career just whatever they can do and get by on while focusing on some ***. Then you alot thats gay (I wasnt aware this had a presence in our comunity, so it went in 1 ear and out the other at that time), and then there's not but a few professional....and out of those, you want one thats professional? Good luck boo." Wow. I was like, man . How about, I couldnt even say a word.....

As I said, I recognize this. I embrace it and am making choices based off of this. I am going to keep myself open to black men also, because that maybe who God wants as my husband, and thats what I'd prefer. But, I am no longer going to restrict myself as to who I date or open myself to. Black men sure don't. In the area where I live, I see MORE black men with black females. Out of all the black based couples, I've seen only ...maybe 3 full couples as opposed to 12 (yeah I've been counting since i saw such a strong pattern lol).

And I have some others who talk about the same thing, we all do, but of course they are guys that have paid their dues and do their part. Wife, family, nice houses, career, I never hear anything about neither one of them. All that alone, I really admire.

You cant resolve a problem until you first face it. Denial will get you no where.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Mine to . I had one friend who really opened up and said the following. I was glad he felt comfortable enough to say it. But then, I was saddened because it brought the reality fresh to my face. He basically said , paraphasizing, he said ...."...I'd hate to be black woman in these days. You have alot of us in jail. And alot who dont want to work. If they do many are planning a career just whatever they can do and get by on while focusing on some ***. Then you alot thats gay (I wasnt aware this had a presence in our comunity, so it went in 1 ear and out the other at that time), and then there's not but a few professional....and out of those, you want one thats professional? Good luck boo." Wow. I was like, man . How about, I couldnt even say a word.....

As I said, I recognize this. I embrace it and am making choices based off of this. I am going to keep myself open to black men also, because that maybe who God wants as my husband, and thats what I'd prefer. But, I am no longer going to restrict myself as to who I date or open myself to. Black men sure don't. In the area where I live, I see MORE black men with black females. Out of all the black based couples, I've seen only ...maybe 3 full couples as opposed to 12 (yeah I've been counting since i saw such a strong pattern lol).

And I have some others who talk about the same thing, we all do, but of course they are guys that have paid their dues and do their part. Wife, family, nice houses, career, I never hear anything about neither one of them. All that alone, I really admire.

You cant resolve a problem until you first face it. Denial will get you no where.

That is so pathetic. This is the best time in known history to be a Black woman. Why in the world is it a bad time to be a Black woman , because Black men are perceived to be a certain way? The day that you all for a moment gave up any shred of your Black womanhood because of stats is the day you lost. I dont know whether to laugh or shake my head. Your friend needs perspective. I am so glad yall are finally seeing the light and opening yourselves up to date whomever you see fit. Because the truth of the matter is Black men and Black women dont belong to each other, and can do and date anybody of any ethnicity they want, and it should have never been the opposite sex's business to begin with. Maybe when people start dating individuals and not statistics they can move on have happy lives. I am so glad you have faced your problem and been brought into the light.

 

[thiccknlong]

That is so pathetic. This is the best time in known history to be a Black woman. Why in the world is it a bad time to be a Black woman , because Black men are perceived to be a certain way? The day that you all for a moment gave up any shred of your Black womanhood because of stats is the day you lost. I dont know whether to laugh or shake my head. Your friend needs perspective. I am so glad yall are finally seeing the light and opening yourselves up to date whomever you see fit. Because the truth of the matter is Black men and Black women dont belong to each other, and can do and date anybody of any ethnicity they want, and it should have never been the opposite sex's business to begin with. Maybe when people start dating individuals and not statistics they can move on have happy lives. I am so glad you have faced your problem and been brought into the light.

Trust me, we were talking relationships so he was only speaking of the black womans chance of finding a good black man decent of marrying. Thats all. He even went into more detail about some that he knew and what they were doing, but I'm not going to go there.

And girl to be honest, he couldnt talk. We found out he was cheating on his wife to and based on what everybody was saying, it ended up being a BIG stank. Not stink but stank.

Then I thought to myself,well, i guess he knows, he's doing the same thang

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Mine to . I had one friend who really opened up and said the following. I was glad he felt comfortable enough to say it. But then, I was saddened because it brought the reality fresh to my face. He basically said , paraphasizing, he said ...."...I'd hate to be black woman in these days. You have alot of us in jail. And alot who dont want to work. If they do many are planning a career just whatever they can do and get by on while focusing on some ***. Then you alot thats gay (I wasnt aware this had a presence in our comunity, so it went in 1 ear and out the other at that time), and then there's not but a few professional....and out of those, you want one thats professional? Good luck boo." Wow. I was like, man . How about, I couldnt even say a word.....

As I said, I recognize this. I embrace it and am making choices based off of this. I am going to keep myself open to black men also, because that maybe who God wants as my husband, and thats what I'd prefer. But, I am no longer going to restrict myself as to who I date or open myself to. Black men sure don't. In the area where I live, I see MORE black men with black females. Out of all the black based couples, I've seen only ...maybe 3 full couples as opposed to 12 (yeah I've been counting since i saw such a strong pattern lol).

And I have some others who talk about the same thing, we all do, but of course they are guys that have paid their dues and do their part. Wife, family, nice houses, career, I never hear anything about neither one of them. All that alone, I really admire.

You cant resolve a problem until you first face it. Denial will get you no where.

Tis true
Unfortunately I think the media whether deliberately or not is practicing the good ol' divide and conquer routine. Do they truly care about the "lonely and single" black woman or is it just more reason to list these unfortunate statistics. If it were about IR then why no articles on black/latino pairings or asian/white?
I think we are all more than aware and have been for decades if not generations that we have major problems within the black community. However we must now ask, what are we going to do to help the situation now that we know how dire the situation is?
Instead I see black ppl who can pontificate for hours about what's wrong with black ppl or how ashamed or uncomfortable they are around black ppl, but have nothing constructive to contribute. It's like the friend that's always down for discussing her no good husband, but when you invite her to a marriage counseling retreat she's always busy
I think some ppl like to wallow in the shame and self pity of the black communities short comings (of which there are many) to justify their secret feelings of self hate. Denial and self loathing are equally vacuous.

My approach to problem solving is this:

1. Acknowledge the problem [read: no denial]
2. Address the source/cause
3. Brainstorm for a solution
4. Proactively implement the solution.

We need to skip ahead to #4 and it starts with our "leaders" putting an end to distracting themselves with ineffective and inconsequential busy work. I'd rather Al Do-Goodie-Perm Sharpton work on equal education and early start programs in inner city communities rather than chasing down bloggers for making fun of Beyonce.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Trust me, we were talking relationships so he was only speaking of the black womans chance of finding a good black man decent of marrying. Thats all. He even went into more detail about some that he knew and what they were doing, but I'm not going to go there.

And girl to be honest, he couldnt talk. We found out he was cheating on his wife to and based on what everybody was saying, it ended up being a BIG stank. Not stink but stank.

Then I thought to myself,well, i guess he knows, he's doing the same thang

I still hang onto the idea that we are each responsible for our personal happiness, and what other folks do shouldnt stop your party. My preference is Black, my Dh is Black. But trust if every Black man went to jail today, it wouldnt stop my party.

 

[Honey]

Tis true
Unfortunately I think the media whether deliberately or not is practicing the good ol' divide and conquer routine. Do they truly care about the "lonely and single" black woman or is it just more reason to list these unfortunate statistics. If it were about IR then why no articles on black/latino pairings or asian/white?
I think we are all more than aware and have been for decades if not generations that we have major problems within the black community. However we must now ask, what are we going to do to help the situation now that we know how dire the situation is?
Instead I see black ppl who can pontificate for hours about what's wrong with black ppl or how ashamed or uncomfortable they are around black ppl, but have nothing constructive to contribute. It's like the friend that's always down for discussing her no good husband, but when you invite her to a marriage counseling retreat she's always busy
I think some ppl like to wallow in the shame and self pity of the black communities short comings (of which there are many) to justify their secret feelings of self hate. Denial and self loathing are equally vacuous.

My approach to problem solving is this:

1. Acknowledge the problem [read: no denial]
2. Address the source/cause
3. Brainstorm for a solution
4. Proactively implement the solution.

We need to skip ahead to #4 and it starts with our "leaders" putting an end to distracting themselves with ineffective and inconsequential busy work. I'd rather Al Do-Goodie-Perm Sharpton work on equal education and early start programs in inner city communities rather than chasing down bloggers for making fun of Beyonce.

S&B - your post is totally on point again. If we spent have as much time and energy on implementing a solution, we would not be in our current position.

As women, we have so much power that we haven't even tapped in to. We are the ones that are raising the next generation of men AND ultimately, we have the final say in who we choose to have a relationship with - so we need to choose wisely.

~Honey

 

[Bint Yusef]

I think some ppl like to wallow in the shame and self pity of the black communities short comings (of which there are many) to justify their secret feelings of self hate. Denial and self loathing are equally vacuous.

ITA!

It seems that the "lonely Black woman" who loves to harp on stats and hate on Black men would not be so lonely if she invested equal time elsewhere making herself happy. How many times can one say Black men are trifling, does it make your teeth white or something? And as trifling as they may be, after you get done complaining you are still lonely....time to get a new shtick ..

 

[JFemme]

ITA!

It seems that the "lonely Black woman" who loves to harp on stats and hate on Black men would not be so lonely if she invested equal time elsewhere making herself happy. How many times can one say Black men are trifling, does it make your teeth white or something? And as trifling as they may be, after you get done complaining you are still lonely....time to get a new shtick ..

ITA...

 

[VelvetRain]

ITA!

It seems that the "lonely Black woman" who loves to harp on stats and hate on Black men would not be so lonely if she invested equal time elsewhere making herself happy. How many times can one say Black men are trifling, does it make your teeth white or something? And as trifling as they may be, after you get done complaining you are still lonely....time to get a new shtick ..

This is so true. How many of us are really proactive? I really need to get myself out there more.

 

[thiccknlong]

ITA!

It seems that the "lonely Black woman" who loves to harp on stats and hate on Black men would not be so lonely if she invested equal time elsewhere making herself happy. How many times can one say Black men are trifling, does it make your teeth white or something? And as trifling as they may be, after you get done complaining you are still lonely....time to get a new shtick ..

Hmmm, I guess I didnt make my point well. It's not about who's lonely. It's about the state of our men and the community. I know I will voice my opinion bout how triflin I see some of our men act as long as I keep seeing them act triflin and not doing any better. I for one, cant make a grow black man do better. Can you? Maybe you can, but I cant change him.

He has to want to change himself.
I only speak of what I see. And the sad part is the stats say the same. But some of the single black women who dont want to face it, will not agree, ignore it or state something against it.

As another thread so correctly stated, some of the MARRIED black women will make allusions to what the single or lonesome black women should do. KNOWING they see many black females alllllll around them, all day errday, single because of how the men have let the community down and not played their part. And of MANY who are married, well, they come on here on the REGULAR, so it cant be on and poppin THAT well.

Again, just telling it like i see it.

But...but, its all fine in the black community. All the problems and pitfalls are no ones fault. Its the lonely womans fault, thats it. Not the men. Or better yet, no ones fault.

I think that's a much more "likeable" answer. And since its no ones fault, we dont need to discuss it. Or if we do, and it's no ones fault, we will come up with no answers.

You know why? Because the root of the problem has not been identified. And the issue, has been swept under the rug, ala "....how many times can we say its their fault"...."...if u keep finding bad black men, its you"...know MOST of the females on LHCF and most black women have found almost ALOT of bad black men...that's one reason why they are single. They dont wanna settle and I KEEP going back to Oprah.."they are waiting on black men and they will keep waiting...". I know Lady O aint wrong.

But, all is well within our community.

That mentality got us to where we are today.

Dying. And dead.

 

[thefineprint]

Why do you love inter-racial relationship? How are they different from intra-racial relationships?

~Honey

i love interracial relationships because to me it's just another step towards our dream of living together in harmony. i like the thought of race and skin color meaning nothing - that we can hold hands together despite those differences. i think its a great thing

 

[thiccknlong]

Tis true
Unfortunately I think the media whether deliberately or not is practicing the good ol' divide and conquer routine. Do they truly care about the "lonely and single" black woman or is it just more reason to list these unfortunate statistics. If it were about IR then why no articles on black/latino pairings or asian/white?
I think we are all more than aware and have been for decades if not generations that we have major problems within the black community. However we must now ask, what are we going to do to help the situation now that we know how dire the situation is?
Instead I see black ppl who can pontificate for hours about what's wrong with black ppl or how ashamed or uncomfortable they are around black ppl, but have nothing constructive to contribute. It's like the friend that's always down for discussing her no good husband, but when you invite her to a marriage counseling retreat she's always busy
I think some ppl like to wallow in the shame and self pity of the black communities short comings (of which there are many) to justify their secret feelings of self hate. Denial and self loathing are equally vacuous.

My approach to problem solving is this:

1. Acknowledge the problem [read: no denial]
2. Address the source/cause
3. Brainstorm for a solution
4. Proactively implement the solution.

We need to skip ahead to #4 and it starts with our "leaders" putting an end to distracting themselves with ineffective and inconsequential busy work. I'd rather Al Do-Goodie-Perm Sharpton work on equal education and early start programs in inner city communities rather than chasing down bloggers for making fun of Beyonce.

To a certain degree, i agree. A friend of mine was just saying, how so many of our men are failing and she faults them for that. But that, if a black woman knows this, she should acknowledge it and do something about it. And she blames the black woman even more than the black man.
I told her I'm vice versa but the problem is, I've noticed alot of black women dont even want to acknowledge it. I can tell from posts on the board. If we have a bad breed of our men coming up now, she really doesnt want to face it. Doesnt want to talk about it. How will that help her?

She can gain the confidence to realize, this is not what she has to put up with.

She will reach for a better job, a promotion, a degree because now she REALLY realizes more than before, that much likely, she will not run into this black man who wants them to have something together, and doesnt have many kids, and is not running around with everyone. Yes she COULD but the likelihood is dim. So she takes her life into her own hands.

She understands this issue could affect her kids life in another 20 years, so she discusses how she's raising her lil young black boy. The schools she wants him to go to, the negative part of hip hop she doesnt allow him to listen to, letting go of the abusive guy who's mistreating her because it is 'teaching' her child.

These and many things could be discussed from the root of yes, this is how our men are affecting things and this is what WE need to do to better ourselves and our life and our kids.

If not from that angle, you'll still have females, who, goes back to some of these guys, giving them a disease, lowering their self esteem , til they get to the age where they feel they cant do nothin BUT stay with him.

And this is not about he BMs that are doing their thing.

This is about the many who are not. and are taking alot of bw's with them. But the bw's dont want to face it.

The sad part is, I've know OTHER black MEN who face and agree to these issue, much like I've discussed them on this board, but other black WOMEN wont.

Interesting. And sad. A-gain.

 

[Bint Yusef]

Hmmm, I guess I didnt make my point well. It's not about who's lonely. It's about the state of our men and the community. I know I will voice my opinion bout how triflin I see some of our men act as long as I keep seeing them act triflin and not doing any better. I for one, cant make a grow black man do better. Can you? Maybe you can, but I cant change him.

He has to want to change himself.
I only speak of what I see. And the sad part is the stats say the same. But some of the single black women who dont want to face it, will not agree, ignore it or state something against it.

As another thread so correctly stated, some of the MARRIED black women will make allusions to what the single or lonesome black women should do. KNOWING they see many black females alllllll around them, all day errday, single because of how the men have let the community down and not played their part. And of MANY who are married, well, they come on here on the REGULAR, so it cant be on and poppin THAT well.

Again, just telling it like i see it.

But...but, its all fine in the black community. All the problems and pitfalls are no ones fault. Its the lonely womans fault, thats it. Not the men. Or better yet, no ones fault.

I think that's a much more "likeable" answer. And since its no ones fault, we dont need to discuss it. Or if we do, and it's no ones fault, we will come up with no answers.

You know why? Because the root of the problem has not been identified. And the issue, has been swept under the rug, ala "....how many times can we say its their fault"...."...if u keep finding bad black men, its you"...know MOST of the females on LHCF and most black women have found almost ALOT of bad black men...that's one reason why they are single. They dont wanna settle and I KEEP going back to Oprah.."they are waiting on black men and they will keep waiting...". I know Lady O aint wrong.

But, all is well within our community.

That mentality got us to where we are today.

Dying. And dead.

You have my stance confused, so maybe I wasnt clear. I dont think the problems of the Black community need to be swpet under the rug or not addressed. I just dont think those problems should be barriers for individual women's happiness. I dont think you should allow the behavior of a group you claim cant get their act together, and admittedly you cant change, to prevent you from getting what you want, and it may not come in the exact package you want it in , and that may be a hard pill to swallow. But its easier for you to swallow the pill you have control over, than the one you dont.

 

[hennagirl]

I get what you're saying.
Unfortunately slavery was not that long ago and it's a documented fact that post slavery there were very specific attempts at dividing the black family. Learned behavior passed through generations can be very hard to unlearn. When you have slaves that are tortured if they look at each other or enter relationships without the slaver owner's permission and the strongest slaves are bred together and then torn apart to sell them to various farms that can easily have an impact on later generations. Worsened by post slavery poverty, the heavy introduction of liquor and drugs into the black community, the fact that it's only been one-two generations that black ppl have had a near fair shot at an education or moving up the corporate ladder and it's easy to see why black ppl are lagging behind.
With that said I think we need to look towards the future and a solution. Any good cure, involves research of the cause of the disease, but we need to take responsibility and care enough to look for a solution.
I do not believe that black men (or women) are just born screwed up so something must be happening between birth and adulthood that explains the disparity between black and whites.

If we all care so much about the failure of black ppl esp. black men maybe we need to be as forceful with BET and the record companies as we are when a white radio personality makes a racist comment. What happened to the letter writing campaigns and boycotts of years gone past, what happened to each one, help one. Whether we like it or not we're all part of the problem. ETA for clarity: Many of us at least and I take the MLK Jr quote as a reminder for all humanity, incl. myself.

One of my favorite Martin Luther King quotes:

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.

I am a volunteer in a battered women's shelter, literacy tutor and I run a Dress for Success program. In 21 years I have seen very few black volunteers my side. In addition, my Dress for Success program would be a failure if I did not get donations from the white women in my DR group and white consignment store owners. My black friends and colleagues consign their clothes to finance the next season.

S&B, I am not a victim, nor is any member of my black family. IMO, your posts and others like it espouse a victim mentality. Poor black people with a tough history so it is okay to fail. Slavery ended in 1865, that was 142 years ago. We have got to stop talking about slavery as a reason for failure today. What specific attempts were made to divide the black family post-slavery? We are supposed to be such a religious people,we were unable to say no to liquor and drugs??? In fact, pre integration when we were forced to maintain our own businesses the black community was a more stable environment. It is unfortunate that success is now defined by a responsible position in Corporate America rather than our own businesses. I don't believe that we are born screwed up I believe that we see ourselves as victims and act accordingly and make way too many excuses. School is free and it will set you free, we don't take advantage of it. When I think of foremothers and forefathers in Little Rock risking their lives for a chance at the education we are now too ignorant to take advantage of, I get sick.

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

142 years is actually pretty recent for a human population...

Er not much else to add on this topic.

 

[hennagirl]

142 years is actually pretty recent for a human population...

Er not much else to add on this topic.

By what measure?

 

[PeaceFlow]

ITA!

It seems that the "lonely Black woman" who loves to harp on stats and hate on Black men would not be so lonely if she invested equal time elsewhere making herself happy. How many times can one say Black men are trifling, does it make your teeth white or something? And as trifling as they may be, after you get done complaining you are still lonely....time to get a new shtick ..

I talk about stats from time to time but Im not lonely lol. Because I was the first to post on the two most popular IR blogs I have seen people come and go.

The people who come to the site who are already open and comfortable with that are usually in a relationship or have had a fair amount of them but still talk about black/black relationships.

The only lonely Black women I have noticed on there (quite a few) are ones that have reached their 40s and are waiting for Black men, usually they are quite loyal to Black men. My mother is good looking, has a good personality and guys fancy her but shes still waiting. Honestly I believe that talking about your situation is good but talking about it for too long without action is pointless. I dont however feel that if people who are lonely or cast aside for White/light women stop talking about it suddenly they will find a Black prince
.

In the UK the amount of Black men dating out considering theres only 2 million Blacks over here is dire. In the last census there were more than 60% of Black men who live with a partner, living with a White woman. Also 50% of Black men who marry, marry White women. I am no fool though as I have studied stats in the past, I know the above stats could be misconscrued that 50% of BM are married to White women when its more likely that 50% of BM who want to show a relationship commitment are likely to the ratio of 1:2 to show it to a WW.

Im not someone who wants all BW to date IR ect but it would be nice if peeps stopped pretending black/black relationships arent off kilter. The only thing I disagree with is painting Black men as bad and Black women as innocent when we all have a part to play. Its not about hating Black men although I do feel sometimes the IR clan have a strong dislike for the sexist opression we live under in the Black community.

Can no-one see that Black relationships and sexuality have changed since slavery??

 

[thiccknlong]

You have my stance confused, so maybe I wasnt clear. I dont think the problems of the Black community need to be swpet under the rug or not addressed. I just dont think those problems should be barriers for individual women's happiness. I dont think you should allow the behavior of a group you claim cant get their act together, and admittedly you cant change, to prevent you from getting what you want, and it may not come in the exact package you want it in , and that may be a hard pill to swallow. But its easier for you to swallow the pill you have control over, than the one you dont.

Thanks! I do agree with you .

In the red, i agree. This is why I say and 2 friends are also saying, they are no longer dating just Black men or moreso, waiting to date good black guys. We've all decided, we will go out with other raced guys. Thats all just that simple.

In the blue, it may not. Now dont think i dont date Black men. Because I seek God to match me with the RIGHT person more than anything. From what I'm seeing from friends, I want to wait , rather than say, settling with ANY man. To tell you the truth, the package I dont want is a white guy, BUT if he's good to me, thats my #1 priority.

In the purple, what would be a hard pill to swallow is that he has what i want but is ...kinda ugly, lol. Not his race...well, if he's an older white man, I just cant do it. I want a up and coming Black man, but when the time comes, we'll see.

In the green, yes, I agree.

My point is, I've SEEN the stats and problems by our men. I accept the severity of which I've typed on the board. I face it and understand it. And therefore, I am widening and changing areas in MY life in regards to what is happening with many of our Black men....that I cant ignore these truths and its bothersome what many of them are doing to ppl I know and how their failures are affecting soooo many parts of our community. The kids I know who dont have fathers, the husbands I know who are soooo disrespecting to their wives, the ladies which are 9, that dont have suitable men to date b/c many dont work, buncha kids, blah blah blah.....and the EMBARASSMENTS they cause IN PUBLIC....marrying non black or close to it most of the time, our comedians dog us out (weave queen, *****, hoodrat, etc), our musicians of today many dog us out (ho, *****, baby mama, gold digger, etc).
Thats my point.

You guys have a great day