mischka about town.

[Deluxe]

Hi Mischka, very entertaining accounts of the guys and I too love your writing style.

When I read that you went to the home's of these men, I was a bit alarmed for your safety. I don't think anyone in the thread is advocating that you play by any rules but that you pay a little more regard to your safety and be cautious about going to a guy's house for safety reasons.

I realize that you are a grown woman but it's hard not to e-care when someone may be putting themselves at risk.

 

[MissMasala5]

Who invites themselves over to a man's place--just to go to sleep?

Maybe it's just me, but if I did that, sleeping would NOT be an option.

OP, you holding back the juicy stuff or what? And if you don't want to post that here, I understand. You should definitely blog. It could turn into a publication, you write well

 

[mischka]

No, I'm not boning anybody right now. Although to tell you the truth Farrell and I have fooled around a lot. But, since he can't have sex, I don't think it matters, really

I totally understand the concern about me going to guy's homes. I probably shouldn't be doing that to be honest, but it's hard for me to feel like I'm in danger with these guys. I know I should be more cautious in general, but at this point I think I'm safe from like rape or murder or whatever. I do agree that I should be more cautious about the physical situations I place myself in.

 

[mischka]

Who invites themselves over to a man's place--just to go to sleep?

Maybe it's just me, but if I did that, sleeping would NOT be an option.

OP, you holding back the juicy stuff or what? And if you don't want to post that here, I understand. You should definitely blog. It could turn into a publication, you write well

Yeah, he did try. I don't think I'd be able to get away with it again in the future. In theory I'm not opposed to sleeping with S if that's what I wanted to do, but I don't just yet. I don't think I'm in the market for a f- buddy at this time, and I would like to see more of S before I know if it's even worth my bothering. I have gotten into the habit of approaching things from the point of view of - just because I'm at your place that doesn't mean I have to sleep with you, and I don't always remember that the guy won't necessarily feel the same way.

My issue with dating is that at the end of the day, I'm not entirely sure what I want, and so it's hard to guide the interactions. I don't want to jump into something serious, but I don't want something to be totally a waste of time either. I meander in the middle and what sort of signal does that give? You know? I know that right now I just want to go out and have a good time. So, if I come to your place at night does that take that off the table, or does it not even matter? Because to me it doesn't really matter.

This is why I don't like the whole idea of there being certain things I can and can't do because then it DOES end up taking away my agency to do whatever I want without caring what he thinks about it. If I wanna see you, well then I want to see you, and you don't have to think that I'm trying to push an agenda on you. When the concept of me doing something according to what he thinks comes up, to me it feels like forcing a commitment issue, and I don't want to do that. There doesn't have to be any repercussions during the dating phase. We'll either decide to see more of each other, or decide not to, and I don't like the idea that it should be more than that. I understand that's how other women think when it comes to men, but I don't.

 

[MissMasala5]

No, merely being at someone's place doesn't have to equate to getting down. However, what you described sounds like a woman on a mission aka booty call. No phone calls after date, invites self over after hours, no time to dress presentably, gets into his bed... All that build up--and for what? Did you get intel? Is he a drooler? Snorer? Sleep-walker? Sleep-talker? Was there anything at all that made your going out of your way to see him worthwhile?

I'm being playful, but still curious: If you don't want a lover, don't want a LTR, aren't looking for a hubby, then... What are you doing? Is this some new type of dating style?

 

[mischka]

No, merely being at someone's place doesn't have to equate to getting down. However, what you described sounds like a woman on a mission aka booty call. No phone calls after date, invites self over after hours, no time to dress presentably, gets into his bed... All that build up--and for what? Did you get intel? Is he a drooler? Snorer? Sleep-walker? Sleep-talker? Was there anything at all that made your going out of your way to see him worthwhile?

I was drunk. Which explains about 20 percent of it. He doesn't snore and he sleeps in a tank top and boxers. Hmmmm... what mostly happened was that we kissed and he kept trying to take my pants off. I told him not to push me, and that no means no. He's a nice guy, so he just rolled with it *shrugs* (any decent guy who is not a rapist will fall back when you pull out no means no.) I don't really know what else there is to it. I realize it probably sounds like I'm lying. But I've been in situations like this with guys before and nothing happens (which is why I keep doing it again when I probably shouldn't). I spent a lot of nights in college sleeping over at the star basketball player's house - in his bed - and didn't sleep with him for over a year, just cuz I didn't want to, and he didn't push it. Not all guys act that way. (And I think it probably has something to do with the frequency or seriousness of the relationship, which is a good thing. For example, the reason I didn't sleep with the bballer was I was seeing someone else, and the reason why he didn't push me was probably because he was seeing one or more girls as well.) I didn't owe him sex just because I was there, and he didn't treat me as if I did.

I'm being playful, but still curious: If you don't want a lover, don't want a LTR, aren't looking for a hubby, then... What are you doing? Is this some new type of dating style?

OH EM GEE!!! Isn't this what dating is? Why am I the only one it seems like who thinks this is what it means to date? To me, dating means you meet a guy, you kinda like that guy, he kinda likes you. You decide to go out and do something somewhere spending time with each other. If there is some sexual attraction, you may push that. You might flirt, kiss, whatever, which I feel is acceptable or maybe unavoidable interaction, because you wouldn't be hanging out with each other if you didn't see each other in that way. In the meantime you get to know a bit more about each other. You are deciding if this is someone you want to spend more time with. That's as far as I get. I don't know what happens after that

eta: what's the point? THE POINT IS THAT IT'S *FUN*!!!! Remember fun? Isn't that the whole point to this whole dating mess? I come over for no reason - exciting! What's going to happen next? I mean, I don't know, that's just how it works in my head, it probably works in a different way for you which I am ignorant of and might make my motivations seem crazy and weird in comparison.

Can I have some examples of how dating works for other people? Like, can you describe to me how you view dating and how you go about it just as a broad example? I'm feeling otherworldly-ish right now with my crazy notions

 

[MissMasala5]

I was drunk. Which explains about 20 percent of it. He doesn't snore and he sleeps in a tank top and boxers. Hmmmm... what mostly happened was that we kissed and he kept trying to take my pants off. I told him not to push me, and that no means no. He's a nice guy, so he just rolled with it *shrugs* (any decent guy who is not a rapist will fall back when you pull out no means no.) I don't really know what else there is to it. I realize it probably sounds like I'm lying. But I've been in situations like this with guys before and nothing happens (which is why I keep doing it again when I probably shouldn't). I spent a lot of nights in college sleeping over at the star basketball player's house - in his bed - and didn't sleep with him for over a year, just cuz I didn't want to, and he didn't push it. Not all guys act that way. (And I think it probably has something to do with the frequency or seriousness of the relationship, which is a good thing. For example, the reason I didn't sleep with the bballer was I was seeing someone else, and the reason why he didn't push me was probably because he was seeing one or more girls as well.) I didn't owe him sex just because I was there, and he didn't treat me as if I did.

No, he owed YOU with his non-calling boxer-wearing butt

OH EM GEE!!! Isn't this what dating is? Why am I the only one it seems like who thinks this is what it means to date? To me, dating means you meet a guy, you kinda like that guy, he kinda likes you. You decide to go out and do something somewhere spending time with each other. If there is some sexual attraction, you may push that. You might flirt, kiss, whatever, which I feel is acceptable or maybe unavoidable interaction, because you wouldn't be hanging out with each other if you didn't see each other in that way. In the meantime you get to know a bit more about each other. You are deciding if this is someone you want to spend more time with. That's as far as I get. I don't know what happens after that

I agree with all of the above, I guess the late-night visit, in the bed no goodies is what threw me. Above all, as long as you are safe and having fun, that's what matters.

 

[diadall]

I read a bit of your posts. I think you should move these to a blog post because there isn't really enough for us to comment on.

My opinion.

 

[Syrah]

Of course it was. You gave feedback and I responded to your feedback. I don't see what there is to get huffy over.

Listen, let's all just cut to the chase here. A lot of women are going to subscribe to the school of thought where "I can't do this or this or he won't like me" and "I have to do this and not do that to make sure he thinks this about me" and "If I do this then he will respond in this way," and the unavoidable truth is this: I don't play by those rules. I have made it happily through twenty four years through life not playing by those rules. I am not interested in playing into some preconceived notion of what a woman is or is not, what a woman is allowed to do or not allowed to do, and what "society" will think of me if I choose to reject those rules. I simply do not and will not behave according to some law of demureness and passivity of what a woman "should" do in order for a man to want her.

I will also state for the third time that I am not necessarily interested in a serious relationship. I am not desperate, I am not looking for a husband, and my first reaction is NOT to demand commitment and monogamy. Those are not my goals, and that is not the behavior I am looking to elicit.

I understand that people are going to have differing points of view. All I ask is that you accept and respect that my goals may be different from yours, and that I am not a woman who is concerned with "does this man like me omg what should I do." Like, accept that because you will have an unnecessarily oppositional view if you do not. It simply IS NOT WHAT I WANT, AND IS NOT MY GOAL, and I'm not going to behave as if it were. Please accept and respect that.

You're having fun and enjoying dating...I like it. Dating isn't a function limited solely to those who are looking to get married. It can be low key, fun and simple.

My only thing: anything you would do "drunk" you should be willing to do sober. And I'm not saying you're doing this - I'm just saying, I get annoyed with people (male and female) who try an excuse actions based on alcohol...

@ Liking Strip clubs - I'm the same way!! For my birthday last year, folks were like "what do you want to do" "I want to go to the strip club!!!". Its an energy unlike anything you can find - that and I find the ladies tend to enjoy partying with the ladies as a break from gropy men (even though, admittedly, we don't tip as well). That, and I love it when the girls have good pole tricks...

 

[mischka]

You're having fun and enjoying dating...I like it. Dating isn't a function limited solely to those who are looking to get married. And maybe if more of us did it with the intention of having fun, nothing more nothing less, we might be better at navigating our relationships with men.

Thank you for this. I feel like I'm not articulating that point well. That or I feel like no matter how many ways I say it it's going to fall flat because other women are so adamant that I can't REALLY be dating just for the fun of it without expecting anything in return. Like, REALLY, I AM. I don't know for sure what I want but why does that mean I can't hang out with cool guys in the meantime?

It feels like two different worlds of experience. I can't understand NOT dating without expectations. feel free to explain how that woks

 

[Syrah]

Thank you for this. I feel like I'm not articulating that point well. That or I feel like no matter how many ways I say it it's going to fall flat because other women are so adamant that I can't REALLY be dating just for the fun of it without expecting anything in return. Like, REALLY, I AM. I don't know for sure what I want but why does that mean I can't hang out with cool guys in the meantime?

It feels like two different worlds of experience. I can't understand NOT dating without expectations. feel free to explain how that woks

Plus you learn stuff. If you're gonna screw up, might as well screw up the "test cases" before you get around a guy you really care about.

Sometimes its fun to put something on and go be around someone new and see where it goes. Sometimes it goes well and sometimes its one of those "girl, call me and say its an emergency cuz I need an out" kinda nights.

Dating should be fun...and you're having fun...

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

girl do your thing (SAFELY!!!) and have fun. You are young. Get out there and see how things go. If this is your philosophy on dating then don't worry what others here think.

 

[mischka]

This is what I would like to know. If there are readers in this thread who can't relate to where I'm coming from I don't blame you because it is really hard for me to relate to this point of view as well:

Me: It feels like heyyyyy I kinda like this guy maybe I wanna hang out with him more! But why we gotta talk about commitment and all that? I don't know if I'll like him NEXT WEEK. We don't need to look into the future, we should see how things go now.

Other POV: Now that Charles and I have met, we will have a first date. Subsequent to that, I would like us to go out on five more occasions, and these are the standards of behavior and couth he must exhibit. If he is marriage material, we will discuss exclusivity because within a year I expect us to be married or there is no need to waste my time.

like, idk, it makes me think other women view dating as a business. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just really hard for me to relate to since I assume the chosen endgame is different. Like how does it work? I'm genuinely curious now because it does seem to be two different but clearly defined trains of thought.

I'm not saying my way is perfect. I clearly recognize that I have a problem identifying my own endgame, and that is really what I want to address. Not to pursue or meet that goal, but because I do think it can negatively affect interactions in the interim if you don't know where you're headed. Say I do meet the perfect guy for me, and I end up blowing it by being on bullsh8t and meandering around not really knowing where I want to go or what I do expect. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting and going your separate ways, but I do get concerned from time to time that I may have messed up or walked away from something I should have hung on to.

 

[january noir]

No, I'm not boning anybody right now. Although to tell you the truth Farrell and I have fooled around a lot. But, since he can't have sex, I don't think it matters, really

I totally understand the concern about me going to guy's homes. I probably shouldn't be doing that to be honest, but it's hard for me to feel like I'm in danger with these guys. I know I should be more cautious in general, but at this point I think I'm safe from like rape or murder or whatever. I do agree that I should be more cautious about the physical situations I place myself in.

Live your life. I do and did when I was a younger woman. However, I was date raped by a guy I had known for over a year and I NEVER would have thought that he was capable of the act.

I felt safe around him because he was always nice and caring towards me and me towards him-I liked the guy very much and we had a lot of fun and laughs. Yeah, we had even "kicked it" every now and then and had a good relationship. But once I decided I wanted to move on, he became a different person.

Be careful out there - sometime people will fool you, no matter how smart you think you are. Take it from your LHCF Big Sister, January Noir.

I like how you write too. Can't wait to read your next dating adventure.

 

[mischka]

girl do your thing (SAFELY!!!) and have fun. You are young. Get out there and see how things go. If this is your philosophy on dating then don't worry what others here think.

You're right. I am happy, I am healthy, and I am not bitter. I'm not out there getting my heart broken, I don't feel needy and desperate for a man's attention, and I'm not lugging around nobody's babies. These are good things, and this is what works for me. I'm not going to defend my stance anymore. I just hope you guys can take it at face value and respect it for what it is.

 

[MissMasala5]

like, idk, it makes me think other women view dating as a business. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just really hard for me to relate to since I assume the chosen endgame is different. Like how does it work? I'm genuinely curious now because it does seem to be two different but clearly defined trains of thought.

I'm not saying my way is perfect. I clearly recognize that I have a problem identifying my own endgame, and that is really what I want to address. Not to pursue or meet that goal, but because I do think it can negatively affect interactions in the interim if you don't know where you're headed. Say I do meet the perfect guy for me, and I end up blowing it by being on bullsh8t and meandering around not really knowing where I want to go or what I do expect. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting and going your separate ways, but I do get concerned from time to time that I may have messed up or walked away from something I should have hung on to.

^^^ I really liked this. Another reason you really should blog. Others may feel exactly the way you do but are not able to articulate their thought as well as you.

 

[MissJ]

>>So I called back a second time and got a text in response. “No talky on phone?” I asked. He invited me over to cuddle. “Can you call me?” I asked. I was very suspicious of this and was wondering what was going on over there. He called and after a drunk/stupid, circuitous conversation we decided I would catch a cab to his place. I asked him to look up the number to the cab place. I called and to my surprise the cab showed up like barely a couple minutes later. Well, no backing out now. I wasn't dressed up at all, I was wearing a collegiate hoodie with leggings but, well, here was the cab. <<

This is the para that reminds me you are 24. Why would you go over to his place when he was resistant to even call you? You made yourself way too avail and could have been date raped... Plus why force someone's hand? If they aren't interested do you have to hear them say it?

I'm glad someone said it. OP, this man clearly does not want you, but he definitely wants to "get it in" with you. How are you even okay with having that knowledge and continually wanting to see him to the extent that you would spend the night with him?

 

[VirtuousBeauty]

I don't like either of those POV's lol. I have no real dating experience and I never cared till recently when I realized I'm 24 going on 25 and I've never had a real relationship. So my goals will be to find a serious relationship when i get past my odd fear of being in one. I think you mentioned sabotaging yourself and automatically backing away from opportunities to go the deeper route and I do the same as well. I've learned stuff from this site, but I have no set rules to abide by. It is what it is.

Either way even though I don't agree with everything you do or really like the guys you seem interested in, but I do like reading your stories so keep em coming. I'll live through you for the time being

This is what I would like to know. If there are readers in this thread who can't relate to where I'm coming from I don't blame you because it is really hard for me to relate to this point of view as well:

Me: It feels like heyyyyy I kinda like this guy maybe I wanna hang out with him more! But why we gotta talk about commitment and all that? I don't know if I'll like him NEXT WEEK. We don't need to look into the future, we should see how things go now.

Other POV: Now that Charles and I have met, we will have a first date. Subsequent to that, I would like us to go out on five more occasions, and these are the standards of behavior and couth he must exhibit. If he is marriage material, we will discuss exclusivity because within a year I expect us to be married or there is no need to waste my time.

like, idk, it makes me think other women view dating as a business. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just really hard for me to relate to since I assume the chosen endgame is different. Like how does it work? I'm genuinely curious now because it does seem to be two different but clearly defined trains of thought.

I'm not saying my way is perfect. I clearly recognize that I have a problem identifying my own endgame, and that is really what I want to address. Not to pursue or meet that goal, but because I do think it can negatively affect interactions in the interim if you don't know where you're headed. Say I do meet the perfect guy for me, and I end up blowing it by being on bullsh8t and meandering around not really knowing where I want to go or what I do expect. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting and going your separate ways, but I do get concerned from time to time that I may have messed up or walked away from something I should have hung on to.

 

[mischka]

^^^ I really liked this. Another reason you really should blog. Others may feel exactly the way you do but are not able to articulate their thought as well as you.

How does the blogging work? Do you mean through this site?

I'm glad someone said it. OP, this man clearly does not want you, but he definitely wants to "get it in" with you. How are you even okay with having that knowledge and continually wanting to see him to the extent that you would spend the night with him?

That's an interesting way of looking at it.

I don't like either of those POV's lol. I have no real dating experience and I never cared till recently when I realized I'm 24 going on 25 and I've never had a real relationship. So my goals will be to find a serious relationship when i get past my odd fear of being in one. I think you mentioned sabotaging yourself and automatically backing away from opportunities to go the deeper route and I do the same as well. I've learned stuff from this site, but I have no set rules to abide by. It is what it is.

Either way even though I don't agree with everything you do or really like the guys you seem interested in, but I do like reading your stories so keep em coming. I'll live through you for the time being

Tell the truth you don't like Farrell just because he's a virgin he's totally a sweetheart.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I don't like either of those POV's lol. I have no real dating experience and I never cared till recently when I realized I'm 24 going on 25 and I've never had a real relationship. So my goals will be to find a serious relationship when i get past my odd fear of being in one. I think you mentioned sabotaging yourself and automatically backing away from opportunities to go the deeper route and I do the same as well. I've learned stuff from this site, but I have no set rules to abide by. It is what it is.

Either way even though I don't agree with everything you do or really like the guys you seem interested in, but I do like reading your stories so keep em coming. I'll live through you for the time being

And thats just it. I don't agree with everything she does however I see no reason (yet!!!) to get my panties in a bunch about it. This experience hopefully will be a great learning experience for her and also seems a great opportunity for inner reflection. I really just hope that sure goes in eyes wide open with a side of caution and common sense. There have (very obviously) been a few questionable things mentioned in her posts but at the end of the day it's her life her headache/pleasure. Mischka keep us updated, have fun, don't be no dummy, live your life.

 

[MissMasala5]

How does the blogging work? Do you mean through this site?

If you only want LHCFers as your audience, yes, this site. Otherwise, Blogger is a good way to start. So is Wordpress.

Check out www.blogger.com and www.wordpress.com for more info.

You would basically take each date post and make it a blog entry. The title of this thread makes for a catchy blog name, too.

 

[qchelle]

mischka I agree with your dating style I like it, and I implement that style of dating into my own life. I'm not looking for a relationship, nor a f-buddy...I just like to go on dates and see what will happen I thought this was the point of dating also...unless you're dating for marriage, of course. Which I am not doing at the moment. I mean yea, things can turn into a real relationship...but that would surprise me since I'm not actively looking for that.

Like I really don't understand everyones concern From your first couple of posts it was clear to me that you aren't necessarily looking for something serious/marriage. All of the 'he's not that into you, etc etc' posts to me are kinda like...okayy? She's probably not that into him either lol.

Anyways, I hope you continue posting! I like reading about peoples dating adventures, be it for marriage (i.e. Ediese) or just for fun!

 

[mischka]

I might switch over to blogging even though I'm not entirely sure how it's much different from the stuff I'm posting here. I haven't really read any personal blogs.

 

[Deluxe]

^^Yeah, I don't know the difference either, I'm like dang why are they trying to get her to go away.

 

[Syrah]

This was supposed to be simple and fun, dang...

LHCF strikes again.

 

[charislibra]

I normally don't bother looking around in this part of the forum since I can't talk/read about what I'm really interested in I'm bi, never dated a chick though and I don't have dating experience. I'm not really a dater-rer lol. There's like way too many post about menz that it oozes into Off Topic.

I love your writing style! Can't wait for the next installment. I do agree that you should start a blog.

 

[Skiggle]

I usually lurk on this side of town,
but I have to say I enjoy your point of view when it comes
to the dating realm. It may be unorthodox for others but I find
it enjoyable. I agree with the other poster..... I would not have
put my self in certain situations but it is your LIFE. *just be safe*
I feel like their are different *ahem* 'guidelines" when it comes
to dating for: FUN and Relationship/Marriage.
And right now you are in Fun mode, enjoy yourself, because I'm
living vicariously through your experiences!

 

[lala89]

Just some positive reinforcement *pats back*

I'm 21, so I can relate that the young woman with no expectations(expectations, not standards of course) dating thing. Not everyone wants to get married just yet. In fact most people that I know that are marrying young didn't come to it by looking for a husband. By keeping your options open you aren't putting all your eggs in a basket that may or may not workout. Dating different men is somewhat empowering because it reminds you that you don't NEED any one man, there's always someone ready to take his place and when you don't want to be in the situation anymore you don't have to, no love lost.

 

[VirtuousBeauty]

I think it's so hilarious that you said that because I'm actually a virgin and waiting till marriage. I'm not sure if it was him that said this or not, but one of the things I really didn't like (Don't remember any other ones in regards to them) was when one of them made a comment about your butt on the first date. If it was me he would not have made it to the second date , but I could be a bit of a prude

Tell the truth you don't like Farrell just because he's a virgin he's totally a sweetheart.

 

[princessnad]

Have fun. I endorse it.
When you're ready for marriage, take some LHCF advice. Until then, go unorthodox and keep giving us material.

More stories please