mischka about town.
- Thread starter mischka
- Start date
UrbainChic
Well-Known Member
Congrats on that first date 
sounds like it was great! Fingers crossed!
sounds like it was great! Fingers crossed!
meesch
yeezytotme
^^^ Sounds like a keeper.(at least for a second date
)
Going to read the rest of the thread now. Welcome back, I was wondering what happened to you.
yes....
.... LOLhey lady!
meesch
yeezytotme
I have done a lot of thinking on the matter, and I’ve come to the conclusion that in dating, there are Mattys and there are Jakes. There are Gales and there are Peetas. There are Bigs and there are Aidans. And popular culture always wants us to think we should go with the former. They want us to think it’s more exciting, it’s more passionate, and the pain ultimately gives you more pleasure.
Fortunately, I’ve decided I reject that dichotomy. In a testament of growth that I am truly proud of, I am now sure that I would choose the Jake, the Peeta, and the Aidan. A guy is not lesser because he is emotionally available. A guy is not sexier because he is aloof and inconsiderate and distant. A guy is not soft, weak, or undesirable because he can be sweet or sensitive. Frankly, the guy who offers you his love deserves you more than the guy who makes you earn it. And we can all thank Suzanne Collins for this, because Peeta being the best imaginary boyfriend ever has worked like nothing before to convince me that I no longer want to deal with jerks that make me guess how they feel about me.
Only initially, and only vaguely, did I have concerns about TV’s version of that “spark.” I find that the “spark” people always associate with passionate relationships is, a lot of the time, based in fear and insecurity. Fear that he might leave you, fear that he’ll cheat on you, fear that he doesn’t love you. (God I hope that isn’t a direct quote from Sex and the City but I’m sensing it’s related.) I wondered if I was “sparking” enough with Dean like I had with other guys. For example, I’d say I sparked with Colin Farrell. But, we didn’t know anything about each other and had basically had only hooked up a couple times and had a good time – how can you not spark with that? That is the essence of sparking. I was used to short-lived but intense intimacy that never lasted long term. Most of the other guys I’d dated, I knew for years, most since junior high. After the end of my long-term FWB situation in college, I had to, for the first time, step into the real world of dating, without any screening filters or built-in accessibility. One of finding and meeting complete strangers and starting from zero and getting off the ground from scratch. So I felt as if my previous experiences would not be applicable. I was doing neither of those things now, and I could not judge the trajectory of the relationship based on either of those things.
I liked Dean. I felt I had a very good idea of him from our long conversations, which was then confirmed as genuine in person. He was thoughtful and well-read. He was happy (he’s one of those people you would describe as “cheerful”), well-adjusted, and had come from a loving family. Respectful, chivalrous, polite. He was intellectually curious and our conversations were always interesting and explorative. Even though technically my sphere of knowledge is probably bigger than his, I found myself a lot of the time deferring back to his opinions; usually I’m a know it all but he had spheres of knowledge that were different from mine, and neither of us were one up on the other. Physically, I was attracted to him – he was cute facially, I loved his dark coloring and thick black hair, and he felt solid, sturdy, manly to me. He was sweet, kind, and considerate – three things that would not have necessarily been on my dream guy list several years ago but are now recognized for their value. The one that got me the most, though, was that he was super supportive and encouraging. There was something about him that made me feel safe – like he would have my back, like he would be there for me, like he would hold me up if I were falling down. He felt reliable; he felt present to me in a way that a lot of men have felt absent.
I liked that things between Dean and I were able to flourish naturally. Just like when he first contacted me and I didn’t immediately fall all over myself over him, a lot of my preconceived notions and expectations were slowly unraveling the more time we spent together. I do say this in hindsight, of course. However, that’s how it was – a little bit of the path was illuminated step by step, and none of my thoughts were set in stone.
Well, anyway. So Dean and I made plans to catch a movie the next weekend. He would pick me up from my sister’s again and we’d take it from there. Nothing much was playing, so I made the executive decision to see In Time, that random movie starring Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried, chatting somewhat nervously while we stood in line. We had to get assigned seats for the theater (lulz) and when I complained about not having the choice of whether to sit next to people, they assigned us to two handicapped seats set apart from the others (lulz again). He complimented the sparkly barrette I’d pinned in my hair at the last minute to add a little color to my outfit. He held my hand. And the movie was really good, I thought, in the same general vein as that insipid Inception but without any of the accolades (when, in my opinion, it was far superior, though Dean thought the symbolism was very heavy handed. It was, but I didn’t mind).
That’s only burned up about two hours, and we don’t want the date to end yet. We have no idea what to get into next, so we decide to try to find a BYOB restaurant since I accidentally forgot to grab an ID. Granted, we didn’t try very hard, and ended up leaving the drinks in the car and sitting at a gazebo near the skyline sitting facing each other with our legs overlapping. We basically spent about an hour playing tonsil hockey before we got so cold that we had to leave.
Dean, by the way, is very into my body. He thinks I am “hot” and “sexy” which is hilarious because I am so beyond thinking of myself in those terms that I forget men still do. Also, most men never seem as attuned to all the little imperfections we stress over. You’re like oh I’m so fat and gross right now, but they’re all grabbing and clutching at your feminine lady parts like they’re such a fantastic sight to behold, getting a kick out of smelling you and slipping their fingers in your hair. But yes, it is very gratifying to be dating a man who is into you in that way. Like Paula Patton and Robin Thicke – Robin Thicke is so into Paula Patton. (I saw him on TMZ the other day and they asked him if he’d rather lose the sense of taste or the sense of touch, and he’s like “Idk, my wife tastes and feels pretty good” and I was totally kvetching, like, nobody even asked him about his wife.)
That being said, it was pretty clear, both physically and verbally, that Dean was interested in having sex. I was not (ready, not interested), largely because I just didn’t want to think about it yet. It was not that I was opposed to having sex with him for any moral or strategic reason… The extent of my thoughts on it was simply that I didn’t want it on the table yet. I didn’t want to consider the who, what, when, and where, and as long as it wasn’t on the table, I wouldn’t bother with it, and if it did come up, then I’d deal with it then. Poor planning, yes, I know. I probably could have thought about it a little more than that and came up with a better plan but I wasn’t sure what I thought yet or what I wanted to happen yet.
This is the thing about meeting online, or rather, using okcupid in particular, you can get a lot of views and opinions out of your partner that they might not necessarily share outright. This way, I knew what to expect in a lot of ways from him sexually. For example…
And just for kicks (lol):
So, you know, it's something to grow on.
Anyway, so back at the car, Dean tells me that his roommate is going to be out of town for the weekend and invites me to spend the weekend at his place. I am concerned about this because obviously he is attracted to me, and I don’t want there to be any pressure to have sex, because I am not ready for that yet (and either way I certainly don’t want to feel pressured to do it regardless). I expressed this to him, and he said that sex is not a requirement for the weekend and he totally understands. I am still not sold, and tell him I’ll think about it when he drops me off.
Fortunately, I’ve decided I reject that dichotomy. In a testament of growth that I am truly proud of, I am now sure that I would choose the Jake, the Peeta, and the Aidan. A guy is not lesser because he is emotionally available. A guy is not sexier because he is aloof and inconsiderate and distant. A guy is not soft, weak, or undesirable because he can be sweet or sensitive. Frankly, the guy who offers you his love deserves you more than the guy who makes you earn it. And we can all thank Suzanne Collins for this, because Peeta being the best imaginary boyfriend ever has worked like nothing before to convince me that I no longer want to deal with jerks that make me guess how they feel about me.
Only initially, and only vaguely, did I have concerns about TV’s version of that “spark.” I find that the “spark” people always associate with passionate relationships is, a lot of the time, based in fear and insecurity. Fear that he might leave you, fear that he’ll cheat on you, fear that he doesn’t love you. (God I hope that isn’t a direct quote from Sex and the City but I’m sensing it’s related.) I wondered if I was “sparking” enough with Dean like I had with other guys. For example, I’d say I sparked with Colin Farrell. But, we didn’t know anything about each other and had basically had only hooked up a couple times and had a good time – how can you not spark with that? That is the essence of sparking. I was used to short-lived but intense intimacy that never lasted long term. Most of the other guys I’d dated, I knew for years, most since junior high. After the end of my long-term FWB situation in college, I had to, for the first time, step into the real world of dating, without any screening filters or built-in accessibility. One of finding and meeting complete strangers and starting from zero and getting off the ground from scratch. So I felt as if my previous experiences would not be applicable. I was doing neither of those things now, and I could not judge the trajectory of the relationship based on either of those things.
I liked Dean. I felt I had a very good idea of him from our long conversations, which was then confirmed as genuine in person. He was thoughtful and well-read. He was happy (he’s one of those people you would describe as “cheerful”), well-adjusted, and had come from a loving family. Respectful, chivalrous, polite. He was intellectually curious and our conversations were always interesting and explorative. Even though technically my sphere of knowledge is probably bigger than his, I found myself a lot of the time deferring back to his opinions; usually I’m a know it all but he had spheres of knowledge that were different from mine, and neither of us were one up on the other. Physically, I was attracted to him – he was cute facially, I loved his dark coloring and thick black hair, and he felt solid, sturdy, manly to me. He was sweet, kind, and considerate – three things that would not have necessarily been on my dream guy list several years ago but are now recognized for their value. The one that got me the most, though, was that he was super supportive and encouraging. There was something about him that made me feel safe – like he would have my back, like he would be there for me, like he would hold me up if I were falling down. He felt reliable; he felt present to me in a way that a lot of men have felt absent.
I liked that things between Dean and I were able to flourish naturally. Just like when he first contacted me and I didn’t immediately fall all over myself over him, a lot of my preconceived notions and expectations were slowly unraveling the more time we spent together. I do say this in hindsight, of course. However, that’s how it was – a little bit of the path was illuminated step by step, and none of my thoughts were set in stone.
Well, anyway. So Dean and I made plans to catch a movie the next weekend. He would pick me up from my sister’s again and we’d take it from there. Nothing much was playing, so I made the executive decision to see In Time, that random movie starring Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried, chatting somewhat nervously while we stood in line. We had to get assigned seats for the theater (lulz) and when I complained about not having the choice of whether to sit next to people, they assigned us to two handicapped seats set apart from the others (lulz again). He complimented the sparkly barrette I’d pinned in my hair at the last minute to add a little color to my outfit. He held my hand. And the movie was really good, I thought, in the same general vein as that insipid Inception but without any of the accolades (when, in my opinion, it was far superior, though Dean thought the symbolism was very heavy handed. It was, but I didn’t mind).
That’s only burned up about two hours, and we don’t want the date to end yet. We have no idea what to get into next, so we decide to try to find a BYOB restaurant since I accidentally forgot to grab an ID. Granted, we didn’t try very hard, and ended up leaving the drinks in the car and sitting at a gazebo near the skyline sitting facing each other with our legs overlapping. We basically spent about an hour playing tonsil hockey before we got so cold that we had to leave.
Dean, by the way, is very into my body. He thinks I am “hot” and “sexy” which is hilarious because I am so beyond thinking of myself in those terms that I forget men still do. Also, most men never seem as attuned to all the little imperfections we stress over. You’re like oh I’m so fat and gross right now, but they’re all grabbing and clutching at your feminine lady parts like they’re such a fantastic sight to behold, getting a kick out of smelling you and slipping their fingers in your hair. But yes, it is very gratifying to be dating a man who is into you in that way. Like Paula Patton and Robin Thicke – Robin Thicke is so into Paula Patton. (I saw him on TMZ the other day and they asked him if he’d rather lose the sense of taste or the sense of touch, and he’s like “Idk, my wife tastes and feels pretty good” and I was totally kvetching, like, nobody even asked him about his wife.)
That being said, it was pretty clear, both physically and verbally, that Dean was interested in having sex. I was not (ready, not interested), largely because I just didn’t want to think about it yet. It was not that I was opposed to having sex with him for any moral or strategic reason… The extent of my thoughts on it was simply that I didn’t want it on the table yet. I didn’t want to consider the who, what, when, and where, and as long as it wasn’t on the table, I wouldn’t bother with it, and if it did come up, then I’d deal with it then. Poor planning, yes, I know. I probably could have thought about it a little more than that and came up with a better plan but I wasn’t sure what I thought yet or what I wanted to happen yet.
This is the thing about meeting online, or rather, using okcupid in particular, you can get a lot of views and opinions out of your partner that they might not necessarily share outright. This way, I knew what to expect in a lot of ways from him sexually. For example…
And just for kicks (lol):
So, you know, it's something to grow on.
Anyway, so back at the car, Dean tells me that his roommate is going to be out of town for the weekend and invites me to spend the weekend at his place. I am concerned about this because obviously he is attracted to me, and I don’t want there to be any pressure to have sex, because I am not ready for that yet (and either way I certainly don’t want to feel pressured to do it regardless). I expressed this to him, and he said that sex is not a requirement for the weekend and he totally understands. I am still not sold, and tell him I’ll think about it when he drops me off.
Cheekychica
Well-Known Member
meesch
yeezytotme
Thank you!
Yeah, I suppose I can't, but then again, I think it's been fairly established that I don't mind a little physicality early on... I don't really date dudes that are too hands off because it's too ambiguous for me. Plus, I like action, myself
Yeah, the questions are from his profile... his answers are obviously the ones with the blue blocks, mine are underneath. If his answer is pink, it means he picked the answer that I didn't like, and if my answer is pink, it means I picked an answer he didn't like. When the answers are not colored it means the responses are acceptable to us both.
meesch
yeezytotme
Before Dean and I met, our contact was sporadic and unpredictable. After our first date, he had started to text me every day. The week after our second date, we talked more about the potential weekend, but to be honest, I had decided I wanted to go after only a day or two. Also, part of this was in the interests of being fair, since so far he’d been making the trip out to where I am every time to take me out without complaint and I know he hates commuting; I figured I could be the one to do the traveling for once. (Not to mention I hadn’t dropped so much as a penny on our outings so, you know, it was the least I could do.)
So, I packed a bag and caught the train to his part of the world, which was about a 30 minute ride. He picked me up and we chatted as we headed back to his place. He lives in a house in a suburb, but the lawn is totally dead. I left my things in the living room, and we meandered around for a bit, settling in. Eating nibbles, opening the wine we didn’t get to last time – I’m the winey, he’s more of a beer guy, but not Bud Light type beer, all kinds of crazy flavorful random beer with different types of names (stouts, jagers, ales, whatever) that he describes as tasting chocolatey or rustic or some crap like that. Dean also is a fairly talented cook, which was a big part of the original draw, and I’ve been biding my time waiting for him to cook me something
I cannot for the life of me remember what movie we were watching during that first hour or so, but eventually we had enough to drink that now we are reasonably drunk (or I am anyway) and we decide to go to the grocery store to buy food to cook a meal together. We decide to make pasta Bolognese with red sauce and garlic bread. We look grossly couple-y at the store and we are probably noticeably drunk. I let him pick out all the things we would need, only chiming in to insist on little dollar tubs of Edy’s ice cream for dessert. Once we found an aisle to ourselves he leaned in and kissed me, and dude, I’m with it.
Here is how the meal was cooked: instead of ground beef for the pasta, he prefers spicy Italian sausage. We also used white mushrooms and an entire red onion (I got a kick out of watching him chop it all chef-like) and instead of using a premade marinara, we made the sauce from scratch. We are listening to Kings of Leon on the iPod speakers, and I am still drinking wine as we cook. I let him season everything to taste, and participated mostly by doing the stirring. I learned that you can make delicious red sauce with cans of diced tomatoes and tomato paste for thickening (so THAT’S what tomato paste is for! Not just to slather on top of meatloaf, duly noted). He also made the butter sauce for the garlic bread, which we made out of a loaf of a crusty baguette. We also used rotini instead of spaghetti. The fresh grated parmesan on top to finish it off was my contribution. This is the pasta:
And it was ridiculously delicious.
This, by the way, is Dean (or as close to Dean as I’m willing to show
)
We watched a movie on the huge screen in the basement, eating, drinking, and it’s basically perfection. This is also around the time I start losing track of the exact order of things but I’m pretty sure we ended up kissing. I do clearly remember him making a remark about the bed being more comfortable, so we took the party upstairs. We fooled around for a bit and even though I decide I’m ok to have sex, he puts the kibosh on the whole thing and tells me he doesn’t have any condoms. Womp wompppppppppp…
So, I packed a bag and caught the train to his part of the world, which was about a 30 minute ride. He picked me up and we chatted as we headed back to his place. He lives in a house in a suburb, but the lawn is totally dead. I left my things in the living room, and we meandered around for a bit, settling in. Eating nibbles, opening the wine we didn’t get to last time – I’m the winey, he’s more of a beer guy, but not Bud Light type beer, all kinds of crazy flavorful random beer with different types of names (stouts, jagers, ales, whatever) that he describes as tasting chocolatey or rustic or some crap like that. Dean also is a fairly talented cook, which was a big part of the original draw, and I’ve been biding my time waiting for him to cook me something
I cannot for the life of me remember what movie we were watching during that first hour or so, but eventually we had enough to drink that now we are reasonably drunk (or I am anyway) and we decide to go to the grocery store to buy food to cook a meal together. We decide to make pasta Bolognese with red sauce and garlic bread. We look grossly couple-y at the store and we are probably noticeably drunk. I let him pick out all the things we would need, only chiming in to insist on little dollar tubs of Edy’s ice cream for dessert. Once we found an aisle to ourselves he leaned in and kissed me, and dude, I’m with it.
Here is how the meal was cooked: instead of ground beef for the pasta, he prefers spicy Italian sausage. We also used white mushrooms and an entire red onion (I got a kick out of watching him chop it all chef-like) and instead of using a premade marinara, we made the sauce from scratch. We are listening to Kings of Leon on the iPod speakers, and I am still drinking wine as we cook. I let him season everything to taste, and participated mostly by doing the stirring. I learned that you can make delicious red sauce with cans of diced tomatoes and tomato paste for thickening (so THAT’S what tomato paste is for! Not just to slather on top of meatloaf, duly noted). He also made the butter sauce for the garlic bread, which we made out of a loaf of a crusty baguette. We also used rotini instead of spaghetti. The fresh grated parmesan on top to finish it off was my contribution. This is the pasta:
And it was ridiculously delicious.
This, by the way, is Dean (or as close to Dean as I’m willing to show
)
We watched a movie on the huge screen in the basement, eating, drinking, and it’s basically perfection. This is also around the time I start losing track of the exact order of things but I’m pretty sure we ended up kissing. I do clearly remember him making a remark about the bed being more comfortable, so we took the party upstairs. We fooled around for a bit and even though I decide I’m ok to have sex, he puts the kibosh on the whole thing and tells me he doesn’t have any condoms. Womp wompppppppppp…
lynndiallo
Member
Coming out of lurk mode to say...you've articulated what I've been feeling for awhile. I think we're about the same age and similar points in our lives, so I really enjoy reading your stories.
Welcome back!
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meesch
yeezytotme
I think it's a high compliment to be able to pull the lurkers out of hiding
meesch
yeezytotme
Saturday morning we decide to have bacon and eggs. We’d also grabbed those last night at the store, but he decided he wants a “grease protector” for the bacon, so we have to go back. At the store, he is very shifty about needing to “pick something up” so I wander off to give him privacy.
After breakfast, we snuggle up on the couch eating ice cream and watching Paranormal Activity (such a cute movie ignoring the whole supernatural/horror part of it). I start dozing off, off and on, while Dean gets on the floor and starts assembling a file cabinet for his bedside table.
So at some point after the sun goes down we discuss going out. I’m not hungry enough to go out to dinner, and we’ve already been watching movie after movie, so that’s no fun either, really. “Shall we just start drinking?” I suggest, so we make do with the vodka.
Shortly after, we are watching videos on youtube, having random conversations, listening to music, drinking. I do not feel that I am getting drunk, and eventually a bottle and a half of Smirnoff have disappeared. As it turns out, that is a lot of liquor to divide between two people and before I know it, I am in the bathroom with the light off, leaning over the toilet and moaning about how much I hate vomiting while Dean is rubbing my back and talking soothingly in a soft voice. That damn song that I insisted he download is now playing over and over on repeat in the distance. It takes awhile but eventually I start puking, and things are a little blurry after that.
I don’t remember retiring to the bedroom, but I couldn’t have been asleep for very long when I woke up in the bed staring at a puddle of watery (vodka-y?) vomit on the pillow with Dean asleep next to me. Dean sleepily/drunkenly tries to shove a bedside trashcan under my face and I’m basically just like what the hell is this? and pushing it away, continuing to vomit right on the bed. Then we’re in the bathroom and he’s helping me to undress but once I’m in the shower, I don’t know where he is, and I call him back and make him strip down and get in with me, apologizing for all the throwing up...
And then, it’s Sunday morning. I wake up totally nude, still a little drunk. There are now no pillows on the bed. Eventually we start fooling around. In the interests of full disclosure, at this point in the weekend I’ve already had a few orgasms even though we have not had sex. So I decide I’m almost there again, whatever, I know you bought condoms at the store, let’s just go ahead and do it.
*Ahem*
So, anyway, we sleep a bit more. We finally get up around noon and decide to go out for breakfast. There’s some place nearby that he says has great food. It’s some Greek restaurant full of senior citizens, but the food was delicious. I had a corned beef hash with eggs and hash browns. I am strangely lightheaded now, and it occurs to me that all the uh, release, has had unforeseen physiological consequences. But nice ones (That definitely isn’t the norm for me.) Dean asks how I think the weekend has gone, and I say I think it’s gone pretty well… he thinks it’s gone well too
After, we head BACK to the grocery store (omg so much action there this weekend) because we are going to a pot luck thrown by some chick I know from grad school. I want him to cook for it, and afterward he will take me home. We cook it together. I am wearing a thin dark gray sweater, dark jeans, my hair piled on the top of my head in a curly ponytail with a hairband scarf and gunmetal earrings shaped like an angel wing each. Dean has developed this thing when we cook where, if we have to wait for something to brown or whatever, I become the distraction. He kisses me and tells me he just wants to rip my clothes off. I laugh and push him away.
It turned out that most of the people who turned up to the pot luck I didn’t know, and it wasn’t that much fun for me even through there was a ton of food, probably like over 30 people, and the pecan pie was so good I was tempted to ask if I could take some of it with me. I suggested we leave after about an hour, and when I went to inform Dean, I found him talking to yet another of the women I am constantly meeting but whose name I don’t remember and have never had a real conversation with. She hurriedly explained that she was talking to him about the food and asking where we met each other, acting strangely caught when I was just coming to ask him if he’d get our coats. I’m like ummm… ok. I am glad to leave because as far as I’m concerned the outing isn’t any fun. None of my good friends were there and I wasn’t interested in trying to make new ones.
Finally heading back to the city, I ask Dean what we are doing next weekend and for the first time I get a vague, brush-offy kind of “oh we’ll play it by ear” response. I purse my lips and nod, silently taking this in. I decide not to say anything else and when he pulls up and parks, I make a speedy getaway.
After breakfast, we snuggle up on the couch eating ice cream and watching Paranormal Activity (such a cute movie ignoring the whole supernatural/horror part of it). I start dozing off, off and on, while Dean gets on the floor and starts assembling a file cabinet for his bedside table.
So at some point after the sun goes down we discuss going out. I’m not hungry enough to go out to dinner, and we’ve already been watching movie after movie, so that’s no fun either, really. “Shall we just start drinking?” I suggest, so we make do with the vodka.
Shortly after, we are watching videos on youtube, having random conversations, listening to music, drinking. I do not feel that I am getting drunk, and eventually a bottle and a half of Smirnoff have disappeared. As it turns out, that is a lot of liquor to divide between two people and before I know it, I am in the bathroom with the light off, leaning over the toilet and moaning about how much I hate vomiting while Dean is rubbing my back and talking soothingly in a soft voice. That damn song that I insisted he download is now playing over and over on repeat in the distance. It takes awhile but eventually I start puking, and things are a little blurry after that.
I don’t remember retiring to the bedroom, but I couldn’t have been asleep for very long when I woke up in the bed staring at a puddle of watery (vodka-y?) vomit on the pillow with Dean asleep next to me. Dean sleepily/drunkenly tries to shove a bedside trashcan under my face and I’m basically just like what the hell is this? and pushing it away, continuing to vomit right on the bed. Then we’re in the bathroom and he’s helping me to undress but once I’m in the shower, I don’t know where he is, and I call him back and make him strip down and get in with me, apologizing for all the throwing up...
And then, it’s Sunday morning. I wake up totally nude, still a little drunk. There are now no pillows on the bed. Eventually we start fooling around. In the interests of full disclosure, at this point in the weekend I’ve already had a few orgasms even though we have not had sex. So I decide I’m almost there again, whatever, I know you bought condoms at the store, let’s just go ahead and do it.
*Ahem*
So, anyway, we sleep a bit more. We finally get up around noon and decide to go out for breakfast. There’s some place nearby that he says has great food. It’s some Greek restaurant full of senior citizens, but the food was delicious. I had a corned beef hash with eggs and hash browns. I am strangely lightheaded now, and it occurs to me that all the uh, release, has had unforeseen physiological consequences. But nice ones
(That definitely isn’t the norm for me.) Dean asks how I think the weekend has gone, and I say I think it’s gone pretty well… he thinks it’s gone well too After, we head BACK to the grocery store (omg so much action there this weekend) because we are going to a pot luck thrown by some chick I know from grad school. I want him to cook for it, and afterward he will take me home. We cook it together. I am wearing a thin dark gray sweater, dark jeans, my hair piled on the top of my head in a curly ponytail with a hairband scarf and gunmetal earrings shaped like an angel wing each. Dean has developed this thing when we cook where, if we have to wait for something to brown or whatever, I become the distraction. He kisses me and tells me he just wants to rip my clothes off. I laugh and push him away.
It turned out that most of the people who turned up to the pot luck I didn’t know, and it wasn’t that much fun for me even through there was a ton of food, probably like over 30 people, and the pecan pie was so good I was tempted to ask if I could take some of it with me. I suggested we leave after about an hour, and when I went to inform Dean, I found him talking to yet another of the women I am constantly meeting but whose name I don’t remember and have never had a real conversation with. She hurriedly explained that she was talking to him about the food and asking where we met each other, acting strangely caught when I was just coming to ask him if he’d get our coats. I’m like ummm… ok. I am glad to leave because as far as I’m concerned the outing isn’t any fun. None of my good friends were there and I wasn’t interested in trying to make new ones.
Finally heading back to the city, I ask Dean what we are doing next weekend and for the first time I get a vague, brush-offy kind of “oh we’ll play it by ear” response. I purse my lips and nod, silently taking this in. I decide not to say anything else and when he pulls up and parks, I make a speedy getaway.
likeacharm
Well-Known Member
^^That's suspect... do you think the girl he talked to might have a problem with you? Your dates sounded so cute/funny until then 
. Have you decided what you are going to do?
. Have you decided what you are going to do?
meesch
yeezytotme
lol ikr? idk what was up with that chick and why she was acting like that im really like b---- i dont know you... lol... but yeah, it left a bad taste in my mouth...
eta: as far as what am i gonna do next? well, theres more to say on this subject... yall are gonna find out... lol if the comments ever catch up with the views anyway. i know im not the only one in this thread....
eta: as far as what am i gonna do next? well, theres more to say on this subject... yall are gonna find out... lol
if the comments ever catch up with the views anyway. i know im not the only one in this thread....
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CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
Lol I'm reading and looking forward to the next post. As I read, I keep thinking that I'm going to see this at the end of the post: "and now he's my SO!!! 
" lol but it never comes. Now I'm worried. Post more!
Can I be honest and give you the sideeye for throwing up on his bed though? I read that and thought: oh nos! 
that's only acceptable after many many maaanny months/years of dating.
Curious to know what happened next.
" lol but it never comes. Now I'm worried. Post more!Can I be honest and give you the sideeye for throwing up on his bed though?
I read that and thought: oh nos! that's only acceptable after many many maaanny months/years of dating.Curious to know what happened next.
VirtuousBeauty
New Member
I thought you pushing the trash can away and then preceding to throw up all over his bed was funny and ugh lol. He didn't say anything about this afterwards?
meesch
yeezytotme
Um.... no, not really. I had already thrown up in the toilet so I was mostly dry heaving at that point He just took the pillows off the bed. I didn't mean to throw up on the bed... lol... I was asleep. That's only happened to me once before, and I had been drinking Smirnoff that time too... gotta stop drinking cheap vodka erplexedeta: You say that's only acceptable after dating a long time? Why's that?
it wasn't a big deal at all as far as either of us reacted *shrug* I mean, I suppose I could see how it might sound like a big deal but mostly we laughed about it after. Maybe you had to be there Anyway, I'll go ahead and update now since I don't know that I'll be around tomorrow.
I have to tell you, I kind of freaked myself out after that weekend, which obviously could have been a huge bust when viewed in a certain light. Like, we’d been making plans early on every time and suddenly you don’t know what your schedule’s looking like? Oh, but you’d been super free all the time up til now. We spent the entire holiday weekend together for f---‘s sake. I decided not to text him, and when he texted me, I did not prolong or lead the conversation. It took a LOT of effort not to send him an accusatory text about him being an ---hole for suddenly deciding he didn’t want to see me anymore, and basically just flying off the handle and jumping the gun, which NORMALLY is EXACTLY what I would have done. However, I decided to give Dean the benefit of the doubt, because nothing in our interaction up to this point would lead me to believe that he was that type of guy.
Then, by midweek, he had asked me out again for Saturday as though nothing was different. As if he hadn’t noticed a thing. Which was totally rational. What should he have noticed? And what kind of s--- storm would I have created if I melted down and went on a crazy rant over a perceived slight? I mean, you know, if I did that again? lol… REMEMBER THAT, MEESCH? HOW ABOUT IF YOU DON'T DO THAT AGAIN?
Still, I was relieved. I felt like Carrie after she’d slept with Big on the first date, even though if you counted our time spent online, we’d been dating for like five months now. But, I do think it’s always dicey what happens after you sleep with someone, particularly when you are dating casually.
Anyway, so his parents live near me in the suburbs, so we decided to go somewhere in my neck of the woods for a change. Unfortunately, most of the places around here are chain restaurants and I don’t really think he’s the chain restaurant type, so I decided to take him to some nearby sports bar I’ve never been to but is always crowded.
It turned out to be a bro bar, and there was a hockey game on that everyone was REALLY into. We order cocktails and decide to eat since we both have fairly empty stomachs. He decides he wants pizza but I decide in favor of the chili con carne appetizer instead of the artichoke dip. The conversation’s going great and we’re having a great time.
This is the thing. When I was stressing about the possibility of him losing interest, I’d decided that I would be okay either way with how our dating could pan out – whether we ended up in an exclusive relationship or not. And if we didn’t, I’d be okay dating new guys again. If anything, I’d be excited to date new guys again because after seeing what a great time I could have with a guy like Dean, I’d try to top that the next time. So all the craziness I’d been marinating in for a few days wasn’t a factor anymore. I wanted to have fun, and it made everything go back to normal. Best of all, I wasn’t faking or playing a role or manipulating things for a certain outcome; there wasn’t any certain outcome.
By the way, before we’d started going out officially, Dean had told me he was casually seeing some other chick. Since there had been so much time in between our “meeting” and getting around to going out, I’d asked if he was dating anyone else and he admitted that he was (I was not at that time, unless you counted casually boning my ex every now and again. Well, and I had gone out to dinner with another dude from my not-so-distant past, but he was not a factor). I’d asked him if he was free to even be going out with me, and he assured me that he and the woman were casual and that he was free to see other people. Not too long after that, he’d given me the update that the woman had been hinting around at wanting a serious relationship and he’d had to have “the talk” with her. He told her that he didn’t want a serious relationship and she had a hard time digesting it, which means to me that she did not accept it. Because if a guy says he doesn’t want a serious relationship and you do, what else is there to digest? You move on. I’d asked how long they’d been dating and when he told me 3 months, I’m like, well DUH, of course she’s upset… that’s a long time to string somebody along if you know the whole time you don’t want a serious relationship. Also, is that your feeling in general or just in relation to that particular woman? I didn’t ask, but it’s stayed in my mind. This is obviously relevant information.
That night at the bar, he told me how she’d called him freaking out and demanding that they meet in person to “fix things,” I guess because in the month and a half that he’d been going out with me he had stopped seeing her. He tells me that when he declined to meet with her she started leaving a bunch of voicemails and called spazzing out at the friend who’d set them up and basically I started feeling really good that I’d chosen to underplay the entire thing when I could have had a similar freakout.
By the time we finish eating and having a second drink, we are holding hands across the table, and frankly I want to leave because I don’t want to kiss him in front of all these people, and what I really want right now is a little action. I am surprised at how consistently attracted I am to Dean because I’ve never really gone out with a guy in my adult life where I am continually stricken by physical attraction. It’s more common that guys do something that turns me off, honestly. But I have very regular urges to initiate physicality, and never mind reciprocating when he does it, and it doesn’t really diminish even after it reaches its peak either. It is fantastic, to tell you the truth. I would have been happy with how things were going without this, but it sure is a nice bonus.
So back in the car, we spend a couple minutes Frenching before heading back to drop me off. It’s now raining, and things are starting to take on a pretty, Christmasy feel in general, so it’s nice. We talk about the weekend we spent together. He always holds my hand when he’s driving. So… it’s nice… lol.
After he dropped me off, he remembered that he’d brought my clothes to me (the now-clean ones that I’d vomited on) and came back. He parked in front of my house with its Christmas wreath, and walked around from the driver’s side, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me again. Super sweet, dude.
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meesch
yeezytotme
Ahhhh.... girl... that is the question, eh? This that I just wrote about was about... three weeks ago maybe? The week after Thanksgiving. So not that far in the past... I don't have an answer for that question yet.
eta: that also means this particular story is nearing its end, at least for the time being... if we decide to see each other exclusively, i dont think theres any point to just post about the boring what-have-yous of a relationship, and if we don't, i got a little while to go before i start dating new guys again... if i had stuck with my original plan, i wouldnt be dating dean at this point either, but we'd been talking online so long that i was just like whatever, lets meet already... i got a ton of crap to do before i do that again, so, either way... a conclusion is nearing...
eta: that also means this particular story is nearing its end, at least for the time being... if we decide to see each other exclusively, i dont think theres any point to just post about the boring what-have-yous of a relationship, and if we don't, i got a little while to go before i start dating new guys again... if i had stuck with my original plan, i wouldnt be dating dean at this point either, but we'd been talking online so long that i was just like whatever, lets meet already... i got a ton of crap to do before i do that again, so, either way... a conclusion is nearing...
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meesch
yeezytotme
So I'm just gonna go ahead and update this because I wanna be talking about things in other threads and don't want to leave it hanging, lol.
I am going to condense the rest of the story because at this point I can only describe our continual dating, I like dating lol, but I recognize the meandering stories of courtship, while fun for me, may not provide the closure an exploratory thread like this can eventually require…So I think it’s best to cut to the chase and keep the two realities (my real life governed by my real choices vs the hypothetical fantasy life of mischka that could be subject to any imagined facts, interpretation, or rules that the internet can think of) quite separate.
After the date in my last post, Dean and I spent the next weekend together, at his place again. We saw New Year’s Eve, went out to eat, had a good time… were basically sickeningly cute and cuddly with each other, had a hot night, he made me French toast in the morning while I watched Teen Mom. Basically things continued to float along on a placid sea of calm… throughout the next week, we exchanged tons of sweet texts with each other, the kind that would have made me think he was my boyfriend if I was the type of girl who worked off assumptions… but I’m not, and I knew we were hitting the point where boundaries needed to be clarified before I started getting too attached to him.
I settled, in the short run, for telling him that I didn’t want him seeing anybody else, because I didn’t, and he replied in the affirmative… a later discussion will be necessary to completely define the relationship, i.e. using labels like boyfriend and girlfriend (or not), but that was enough for me for now. We also spent Christmas together, went to see Girl With the Dragon Tattoo… turned out to be with his entire family at the last moment which was kind of awkward because the movie had several graphic sex scenes lol… But I don't even know when the last time this happened... it was his mom, dad, and brother and sister... then after the movie they all wanted to stand around chatting in the lobby lol... but they all seemed nice and I guess they knew who I was because they didn't ask any identifying questions or anything like that... his dad was funny, they were all really nice. I know that Dean spends a lot of time with his family and it was kind of like, the mom said something about how they were sad that he wouldn't be going out with them for Christmas like it's a longstanding sort of family tradition thing for them all to hang together on Christmas. (Dean and I were at a different theater and his mom was texting him, and when she found out we were planning to see the same movie he asked if I wanted to go to the theater where they were.)
Dean also met my mother when he picked me up (my mom asked him what we were going to do and he said, "I don’t know, she pretty much calls the shots" which was exactly the right impression for him to give lol) and I spent the night at his place and he took me shopping the next day… we got stuck in traffic leaving and spent some good QT together even in the car omg it's way mushier than what I am usually comfortable with but idc, I'm so f---- smitten over here... so… I’m fairly sure whatever we are is pretty well off the ground.
While I can’t at this point imagine him as a future husband (way too early on to think very far ahead; that’s just not how I work), I could definitely see a long term relationship working out well (I want to go to Bonnaroo next summer [his thing], and maybe Vegas too; I want him in my life for awhile to experience some fun things with because, as I have expressed before, I think he’s a great guy). At present time, Dean and I are still dating and still getting along swimmingly, and apart from my occasional neuroses (which I keep to myself) there hasn’t really been any issues.
Additionally, I am probably going to be moving really soon, and Dean is very interested in where I might move to. He has also been considering moving somewhere else to make it more convenient for us to see each other… so basically we have been factoring each other in decisions in regards to continuing to see more of each other. I would say that I consider Dean to be my “boo”
(i.e. I am comfortable at this point letting interested friends know that I am seeing someone and consider it a significant enough relationship) and, I think it is fairly evident that that is being reciprocated.
So. I am happy with Dean and happy with where things are and where they’re going. I’m good where I am right now for the time being…
I am going to condense the rest of the story because at this point I can only describe our continual dating, I like dating lol, but I recognize the meandering stories of courtship, while fun for me, may not provide the closure an exploratory thread like this can eventually require…So I think it’s best to cut to the chase and keep the two realities (my real life governed by my real choices vs the hypothetical fantasy life of mischka that could be subject to any imagined facts, interpretation, or rules that the internet can think of) quite separate.
After the date in my last post, Dean and I spent the next weekend together, at his place again. We saw New Year’s Eve, went out to eat, had a good time… were basically sickeningly cute and cuddly with each other, had a hot night, he made me French toast in the morning while I watched Teen Mom. Basically things continued to float along on a placid sea of calm… throughout the next week, we exchanged tons of sweet texts with each other, the kind that would have made me think he was my boyfriend if I was the type of girl who worked off assumptions… but I’m not, and I knew we were hitting the point where boundaries needed to be clarified before I started getting too attached to him.
I settled, in the short run, for telling him that I didn’t want him seeing anybody else, because I didn’t, and he replied in the affirmative… a later discussion will be necessary to completely define the relationship, i.e. using labels like boyfriend and girlfriend (or not), but that was enough for me for now. We also spent Christmas together, went to see Girl With the Dragon Tattoo… turned out to be with his entire family at the last moment
which was kind of awkward because the movie had several graphic sex scenes lol… But I don't even know when the last time this happened... it was his mom, dad, and brother and sister... then after the movie they all wanted to stand around chatting in the lobby lol... but they all seemed nice and I guess they knew who I was because they didn't ask any identifying questions or anything like that... his dad was funny, they were all really nice. I know that Dean spends a lot of time with his family and it was kind of like, the mom said something about how they were sad that he wouldn't be going out with them for Christmas like it's a longstanding sort of family tradition thing for them all to hang together on Christmas. (Dean and I were at a different theater and his mom was texting him, and when she found out we were planning to see the same movie he asked if I wanted to go to the theater where they were.) Dean also met my mother when he picked me up (my mom asked him what we were going to do and he said, "I don’t know, she pretty much calls the shots" which was exactly the right impression for him to give lol) and I spent the night at his place and he took me shopping the next day… we got stuck in traffic leaving and spent some good QT together even in the car omg it's way mushier than what I am usually comfortable with but idc, I'm so f---- smitten over here... so… I’m fairly sure whatever we are is pretty well off the ground.
While I can’t at this point imagine him as a future husband (way too early on to think very far ahead; that’s just not how I work), I could definitely see a long term relationship working out well (I want to go to Bonnaroo next summer [his thing], and maybe Vegas too; I want him in my life for awhile to experience some fun things with because, as I have expressed before, I think he’s a great guy). At present time, Dean and I are still dating and still getting along swimmingly, and apart from my occasional neuroses (which I keep to myself) there hasn’t really been any issues.
Additionally, I am probably going to be moving really soon, and Dean is very interested in where I might move to. He has also been considering moving somewhere else to make it more convenient for us to see each other… so basically we have been factoring each other in decisions in regards to continuing to see more of each other. I would say that I consider Dean to be my “boo”
(i.e. I am comfortable at this point letting interested friends know that I am seeing someone and consider it a significant enough relationship) and, I think it is fairly evident that that is being reciprocated.So. I am happy with Dean and happy with where things are and where they’re going. I’m good where I am right now for the time being…
Etherealsmile
Well-Known Member
Deluxe
New Member
Sweet your back with updates! Dean seems promising. Interesting how fate had you both meet each others family so quickly. What do think he told his family you are to him as to why they didn't question who you were? And, that chick at the potluck was a nosey sneak, wouldn't it have been more appropriate to ask the person she was most familiar with how you two met?
meesch
yeezytotme
aww @meesch I'm really happy for you! You seem to be very much into Dean and he into you as well. I hope your relationship with him continues in a positive vein and I wish nothing but the best for the two of you
Thank you kindly!
I'm not sure what he told them... I know they knew my name without me having to say it. It's so funny to hear other people address me by my whole name, everyone in my family calls me by a nickname
Idk, it always cracks me up to hear people say it because I think I have a pretty name that I'm not often called... random tangent sorry... I know they also know that I recently came out of my master's program because Dean's dad works at my alma mater and he told me they talked about it. And yes, chick was awkward, when I got home from that she had actually friended me on facebook lol. Nice to hear that things are going well for you and Dean! I love hearing good news like this.
What was the timeline for all of this? Between y'alls first date and y'all deciding meeting the fam and stuff? I'm just asking cuz nobody meets my fam until a couple years in!
Girl none of the other guys I ever date meet anyone in my family. I'm not big on the whole concept in general honestly, when he asked if I wanted to go I hesitated but I figured it would make a bad impression when he would have told his family that I did not want to go. He had already met my oldest sister, and he could have met my mom the last time he picked me up at home but my mom was like
I got on pajama pants... lol... anyway, it's been two months, we started going out in November. We "met" in July. Now he has met everyone in my family except my middle sister because we don't get along.Similar threads
