Me vs Him and his momma and my cousin

SwoopSui said:
He does know he lost a good girl I keep having people tell me he saying that he lost the best thing in his life over and over and to be fair the whole ambush wasnt his idea it was his mothers. At first he did try to handle it privately (for months infact) but when I wouldnt budge and he was acting weird thats when his mother got truly involved. He didnt even know his mother was blowing up my phone. He never gave her my number. I just got another call from his mother today inviting myself and my family to Easter dinner and their house and she also told me that she thinks he is going to commit suicide. His friends are telling me that he wont get out of his place. All he does is crash on his mommy's couch and watch t.v. He is turning pale, and isnt talking much. Various people keep telling me he looks out of it all the time. He doesnt groom himself and pretty much looks like ish and has for a while now. I cannot verify these statements because I refuse to have any contact with him but I am worried about him and am starting to wonder if maybe he is reformed.
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:wallbash: Why do you care? Why are you still communicating with them? Be serious with yourself. DO you want to let go or not? If you do then you need to stop. If you want more of the same, go back to him, fight it out with your cousin, be his psychotherapist and save him from being pale and sleeping on his mothers couch. The tone of your post makes me think you want to "save him."
 
OP: You sound like a strong person with good instincts and decision making skills. But you didn't need your instincts because people, including your own family, told you clearly what the deal was with dude.

This is your life - not his mother's, his family's or your family's. You have made good decisions that are right for you and stand strong in them.

Continue to stand strong in your convictions and a man of your caliber will be in your life.

If you have all of this drama now, not just from him but from his family, you truly dodged a bullet.

To the extent that you can, you will have to distance yourself from your cousin once. If she is doing this now, she doesn't respect boundaries and will probably do it again. The joke is on her, because sounds like she's being used to make you jealous and get your attention.
 
michelle81 said:
I thought the same thing, but maybe it's just a cultural difference.
And not just his family, but hers as well.
His family invited hers over for BBQ's after the OP and he had already broken up, and her family actually went - WTH.

It was a boyfriend/girlfriend break-up, what is her family still trying to be involved with his for.

If I were the OP, I'd have a few words with his family and my own as well for doing some mess like that.
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OMG!! Thank You!!!!!!! It's his mother that keep doing the inviting. She even shows up unannounced at my mothers house the get the lowdown on me. She asks things like "do I look sad?, do I ask about him?, and even had the balls to ask if I was dating anyone else! Even my mother who was originally flattered by his family's attention (she loves attention and the whole clan of them are like BEAUTIFUL so she feel like a star when they call) is starting to get annoyed and has even told her that she really believes that I'm serious about my decision and maybe she should respect that. I've asked my mother, my sister and a few of my cousins (including the one that has feelings for him) why do they go over to their house when they are invited and they respond by saying that they are nice people and that they dont believe he cheated on me and that I'm being stubborn. Its almost like they think I'm the one at fault! Itold them I dont like them going over there and out of respect for me and the fact that we are blood they should stop. At first my mother didnt listen but after realizing I'm serious she stopped but my cousins and my sister told my problem with them is just that--MY problem and that they WERE NOT going to stop hanging out with them.
*oh heah I should point out that my sister (18 years old) and I are not close at all and have never gotten along. While the ex and I were dating she made a pass at him but he told me immediately and she received a good slap for what she did. I dont understand her at all. Even since we were kids she has always been selfish, snoby and mean but I never thought she could do something so low .
 
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loved said:
OP: You sound like a strong person with good instincts and decision making skills. But you didn't need your instincts because people, including your own family, told you clearly what the deal was with dude.

This is your life - not his mother's, his family's or your family's. You have made good decisions that are right for you and stand strong in them.

Continue to stand strong in your convictions and a man of your caliber will be in your life.

If you have all of this drama now, not just from him but from his family, you truly dodged a bullet.

To the extent that you can, you will have to distance yourself from your cousin once. If she is doing this now, she doesn't respect boundaries and will probably do it again. The joke is on her, because sounds like she's being used to make you jealous and get your attention.
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She really is a joke, as mean as that sounds, but when I look at her all I see now is a traitor. I wont ever tell her though I believe in friends close but enemies closer.
 
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diva24 said:
:wallbash: Why do you care? Why are you still communicating with them? Be serious with yourself. DO you want to let go or not? If you do then you need to stop. If you want more of the same, go back to him, fight it out with your cousin, be his psychotherapist and save him from being pale and sleeping on his mothers couch. The tone of your post makes me think you want to "save him."
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Its not that I care its that I'm not a monster. I know what its like to want to take your own life. I've been there (not because of him though, another issue that happened to me) and I would nver wish that kind on pain on another person even if the person DID cheat on me. I dont want his blood on my hands and if I can talk him off the ledge I will. I DO NOT communicate with them I communicate with my family. We will be in the middle of a perfectly lovely sunday dinner and someone will say his mother called and proceed to give me details that I dont particulary care to hear and I have to them so but of course I'm stubborn and he is the best thing to ever happen to me so they
 
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SwoopSui said:
Its not that I care its that I'm not a monster. I know what its like to want to take your own life. I've been there (not because of him though, another issue that happened to me) and I would nver wish that kind on pain on another person even if the person DID cheat on me. I dont want his blood on my hands and if I can talk him off the ledge I will.
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But what if the only way to "talk him off the ledge" was getting back with him? He didn't care about you or your feelings when he was talking to your cousin or flirting with the other girl.
 
michelle81 said:
But what if the only way to "talk him off the ledge" was getting back with him? He didn't care about you or your feelings when he was talking to your cousin or flirting with the other girl.
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Thats true. He didnt care. He cant be the man I want and deserve. I think I resent him for that as well. I'm in love with someone who doesnt respect me. I gave him my love and he didnt appreciate it. I WILL NOT get back together with him. I simply dont want himtodo something stupid and that means I have to drive himto see dr. phil myself I will. As I'm writing this I feel my level of stupidity rising...
 
SwoopSui said:
Its not that I care its that I'm not a monster. I know what its like to want to take your own life. I've been there (not because of him though, another issue that happened to me) and I would nver wish that kind on pain on another person even if the person DID cheat on me. I dont want his blood on my hands and if I can talk him off the ledge I will. I DO NOT communicate with them I communicate with my family. We will be in the middle of a perfectly lovely sunday dinner and someone will say his mother called and proceed to give me details that I dont particulary care to hear and I have to them so but of course I'm stubborn and he is the best thing to ever happen to me so they
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Imo, someone who is truly suicidal and depressed are not suddenly "cured" by things that are relatively simple. Getting back with an ex being an example of one.

No offence but I don't think you, or anyone else in your kind of situation, has the kind of power to get someone "off the ledge". Maybe you can temporarily "fix" a situation but that doesn't resolve any deep issues. Your ex and those around you are simplifying his issue, presuming he genuinely has one. Furthermore, what he chooses to do are all down to him as a grown adult. As harsh as it sounds, that would include taking his own life, failing to tell his mother to back the heck off you and cheating on you.

Personally, this is not the first time I've heard of a guy claiming to be suicidal over a break-up. In my experience, it's just indicative of a guy being very manipulative and cold. If you want to help him, give him the number to a good counsellor and move on.

You keep bringing up a whole bunch of issues with the guy...but who cares if you truly don't want to get back with him? It seems as if you're still on the fence despite many posts claiming you're going to move on. If that's what you want to do, make it your priority to move on. Eventually, he will realise that he needs to do the same.

As far as his family go, speak up to them if you haven't already. Say that you weren't married to him, you didn't have his child and you have no obligation to stick with him or try to work things out. It's your right to cut your losses.
 
Do some research, find another borough or state and move there very quickly! So much confusion cannot be good for you...consider moving seriously!
 
vivEz daNs lamouR said:
Do you really even need to ask this?

God gives us instinct for a reason, and when in doubt, that usually means don't.

Your cousin confirmed that she has feelings for him and that he ASKED HER OUT. That ain't paranoia, that's the truth staring you blankly in the face.

And as far as him and his best friend, again.... They've showed you all their true colors.

I understand that you were in love with this boy, but don't let your emotions override your common sense and what your mind is telling you.

You can try to pacify yourself as much as you want, keep saying that everything is A-OK and that nothing is going on with him and anyone else. But don't be surprised if/when he messes up again, because it sounds like he will.
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She ir right! if your intuition is telling you to run, do it. I ignore this with now my ex-husband and i still suffering fron the humillation.
 
tocktick said:
Imo, someone who is truly suicidal and depressed are not suddenly "cured" by things that are relatively simple. Getting back with an ex being an example of one.

No offence but I don't think you, or anyone else in your kind of situation, has the kind of power to get someone "off the ledge". Maybe you can temporarily "fix" a situation but that doesn't resolve any deep issues. Your ex and those around you are simplifying his issue, presuming he genuinely has one. Furthermore, what he chooses to do are all down to him as a grown adult. As harsh as it sounds, that would include taking his own life, failing to tell his mother to back the heck off you and cheating on you.

Personally, this is not the first time I've heard of a guy claiming to be suicidal over a break-up. In my experience, it's just indicative of a guy being very manipulative and cold. If you want to help him, give him the number to a good counsellor and move on.

You keep bringing up a whole bunch of issues with the guy...but who cares if you truly don't want to get back with him? It seems as if you're still on the fence despite many posts claiming you're going to move on. If that's what you want to do, make it your priority to move on. Eventually, he will realise that he needs to do the same.

As far as his family go, speak up to them if you haven't already. Say that you weren't married to him, you didn't have his child and you have no obligation to stick with him or try to work things out. It's your right to cut your losses.
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I dont want him back and will not go back. I cant seem to stress that enough. I admit that I do think the whole being suicidal thing is just him manipulating the situation because its been about 5 months since we have broken up and I'm still going strong with my decision. I guess he wasnt expecting that one and like I said I'm the first and only to walk away. The fool is pulling out the big guns now.
 
BrooklynSouth said:
Do some research, find another borough or state and move there very quickly! So much confusion cannot be good for you...consider moving seriously!
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Thats amazing you said that because I've actually thought about it.:lachen: I was going change my social number and maybe even my name so I couldnt be found on one of those online locater websites but put down the idea thinking it was a little bit out there. Another issue is that I'm still in nursing school here and would like to finish up so I could apply for my masters in midwifery. Maybe I'll do the my midwifery degree in another state. I havent decided yet.
 
Im still not clear............that female friend of his who called you up and said they were sleeping together was telling the truth or just being nasty?

I admire you for being able to swiftly cancel out anything in your life that is not beneficial to you, more women should do this. I dont think you are being rude or mean in any way to your ex or your cousin. If you believe there's smoke of course you stay away from the fire!
 
NYAmicas said:
Im still not clear............that female friend of his who called you up and said they were sleeping together was telling the truth or just being nasty?

I admire you for being able to swiftly cancel out anything in your life that is not beneficial to you, more women should do this. I dont think you are being rude or mean in any way to your ex or your cousin. If you believe there's smoke of course you stay away from the fire!
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You see thats the thing...I'm not sure. He says he never slept with, kissed her, or even touched her. But what I cant understand is why would someone that has known him for so long and been cool with do that do him. Something isnt adding up but of course every is tight lipped.He says that shes lying and she is crazy and has stopped talking to her completely but my gut keeps telling me he isnt being 100% with me. I also dont understand how he could call hanging out with some chick throwing p**** at him left and right "a strictly platonic just friends relationship". Negro please. Especially with him having a gf that never ever gave him any (not even those alternative activies he tried to get me to do). His story isnt adding up...so to me he is holding something back meaning the fool is lying...so yea he prolly did sleep with her.
 
Update: This fool who claimed to be in love with me and wanted to kill himself over it got some random chick pregnant about 3 months into our break up. Thank you ladies for keeping me strong and my head on straight...I seriously dodged a bullet.:perplexed
 
SwoopSui said:
Update: This fool who claimed to be in love with me and wanted to kill himself over it got some random chick pregnant about 3 months into our break up. Thank you ladies for keeping me strong and my head on straight...I seriously dodged a bullet.:perplexed
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Yes you did! Turns out it was his ego all along.
 
I know this is a post from April but I cannot believe you actually asked if you should get back with that fool. Ok he screwed his long time friend then he probably or tried to screw your cousin wth is the question again?
 
awhyley said:
Holla! :yep: Those instincts will keep you out of trouble every time. Good for you! :yep:

I wonder what his mother's saying now :ohwell:
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When he found out that i had heard he tried to explain that he thinks it isnt his and the girl is some type of hoodrat hoe after his money (he recently became an attorney and now and he momma think he is the hottest thing since sliced bread) and of course his mom is right there with him claiming he still loves me. All I can tell my self is thank the lord for the long hair care forum ladies because as I read my previous post if it wasnt for guys kicking me repeatedly in the head I would have probably got back together with him.
 
firecracker said:
I know this is a post from April but I cannot believe you actually asked if you should get back with that fool. Ok he screwed his long time friend then he probably or tried to screw your cousin wth is the question again?
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Yeah I know but he was my first love and I also have had issue with low self esteem all my life. He always said all those things woman want to hear and I just ate it up. When we broke up I was scared and a bit brainwashed. It was like i thought I couldnt do any better.
 
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