I love his mother, but want to be with him. (Long)

[lady_godiva]

All I can say is, "Wow"! Thanks for all the good advice. It helped me to see my flaws all well. It is just that I am soooo ready to get married now whereas I was not at first. So any little glimmer of hope makes me that more optimistic.

 

[hopeful]

That's understandable LadyGodiva, just be patient and wait for a guy who is available and interested in you. This situation is not a good one, you can do better.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Oh yeah...this situation screams "drama" all over it.

Please LadyGodiva...get away from this man (AND his momma!). I was fixing myself ready to say so much more, but it looks like everyone else has pretty much covered it and then some.

I don't think his mother has ill intentions, I just think she wants what is best for her son. And maybe the mother doesn't really like her son's gf. So what?? Come to think of it, what mother DOES like their son's gf?? lol...I mean, it is kind of rare when you think about it. So just because she likes YOU over his gf doesn't mean a thing.

It's not the parents who chose...it's the MAN who chooses you! It doesn't mean a hill of beans if his mother, father, uncles, and 4 cousins twice removed love you. It should be HIM loving you. That's the main thing.

So, just dust yourself off, and move on. I would say too that maybe you're a hopeless romantic and are just wanting to "fall in love". While there's nothing wrong with that, just make sure you're not reading more into things than there really are.

*Also a good rule of thumb to remember*: If a man has a girlfriend, is married, or is dating someone else...he is basically OFF-LIMITS!!! HE's the one that is "taken", so you don't have to put forth effort in doing anything. If he's so interested in you that he is willing to sacrifice his current relationship, then HE will break up with his current gf, he will get a divorce, he will stop dating whatever the chick's name is and will go to YOU. But you don't have any business trying to break up someone else's relationship...even if it IS crappy. Let HIM be the one to tell YOU that he is now "free" and "single". Let HIM be the one to call YOU, to e-mail YOU, to invite you places, to pursue YOU now that he is no longer "taken".

 

[Bunny77]

I've heard of this... black family wants son to marry black woman, so they try to band together (the parents and the black girl of choice) to get sonny boy to drop Becky and "come home."

Rarely works... Nice to see the family trying though!

 

[Makenzie]

You guys have really made me feel better. I started feeling depressed after I left the mother. I do not like to keep things in my life that will bring me down. I feel like I do need to stop going around his family because it makes me think of being with him. I do need to cut everybody off completely.

I think this is best. He has given you no indication that he would date you, let alone marry you. Being around the fam, although they are rooting for you, is stressful and will have you daydreaming about fantasy. He's flirting with you. Nothing more. You've called him and he hasn't even returned your calls. Mom is wrong for interfering the way she is. You are the one that will get hurt in the end.

 

[awhyley]

I was fixing myself ready to say so much more, but it looks like everyone else has pretty much covered it and then some.

Yep. Same here. LadyG, you do NOT want to be caught in the middle of a mother-son dispute because that only would backfire on you in the end, because blood is always thicker than water, and while she maynot like the yt girl, she'll have to put up with her if her son decides to marry her.

You may want to be married soon, but don't fall for those kind of games.

 

[blaqueskimo]

Ummm I think you may need to hold the phone!

I'm not trying to be rude but I'm going to give my opinion on what you wrote.

He's not interested in you. He may have been when he was a senior in high school but that was long ago. You said the next time he saw you he didn't act interested and basically was an a**hole to you.

His MOM is the one inviting you to al these events......not him.HE'S inviting Becky.....to these same events. Had he really wanted you there he would have contacted you as easily as his mother did.

His mom may not like Becky but he evidently does because she's always on the scene with an invite from HIM.

His mom is over stepping her boundaries IMHO and you'l be left looking like a fool if you let her keep using you like that. She's just trying to push any black woman into his life right about now. Not trying to say they don't really like you.....but you're just there.You also put it out there that you're wanting to get married and getting makeovers etc.... I'll bet money he can see that in you......which MAY be another reason he's not persuing you.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Yea what they said!

 

[laCriolla]

you don't want to be in that family, trust me.

mom is an intermeddler. let's say you did get together with him- and got married.
WHEN you do something mom doesn't like, she's going to be just as manipulative, but this time it's against you!

best to find a family that is loving, and respectful of each other.

 

[Nonie]

I don't know what game he is playing but do not get caught up in it.

He probably loves his mom is just trying to make her happy. You've seen a guy (Prince Charles) marry the person everyone else thought was a good choice for him (Diana Spencer) when deep inside he was really in love with the person no one approved of (Camilla Parker Jones) and we all saw what became of that.

Sure he may be attracted to you but he has a girlfriend who is always around. He knows that, his mother knows that and you know that. At this point, I am still not even sure why you are hanging around so much and party to his girlfriend being made fun of in your presence. How would you feel if you were someone's girlfriend and this other woman from his past starts showing up at every family event and making questionable comments and moves on your man? Some things are just not done...

Until he is unattached, stay away...and even then I would watch it because if he can make all those moves on you in front of his girlfriend, you can bet he will have no problem doing the same to you with some other woman. I cannot deal with a disrespectful man...

HoneyA, :notworthy you took the words right out of my mouth.

I saw a few posts that said that if he cares for you, he'd free himself of Becky and be with you you. That there shows you the sort of commitment he has because if he can leave a rlp he had no issues with until you showed up just because something about you intrigues him or leads him to think you're better, you can almost bet your bottom dollar, that by the same token, the day some female more exciting, more exotic, more beautiful, or more mysterious than you shows up, he'll be leaving you for her.

 

[Chromia]

I agree with the others. Forget about this guy. You deserve better. Look for a guy who is interested in you.

 

[Poohbear]

I agree with what everyone else has said in this thread.... and I would advise not to accept anymore of the mom's invitations to his events. And to really keep your mind off him, you should probably delete him as a facebook friend--seriously--because you're thinking marriage with a man that's not even your man and is not even interested in being with you.

 

[KPH]

start declining the mom's invites.

 

[brownelovely]

Just leave them all alone. It's not worth the hassle because Moms is using you to get to Becky and it's so obvious.

Love means something different to men. They use it freely and carry different definitions around for the sake of covering their butts. In this case, he probably loves you----as a good friend. Such a major difference than someone saying I'm in love with you. If he hasn't made any moves to invite you and communicate outside of the gatherings....he isn't interested.

No offense, but is the lifestyle he's achieved the reason for the interest? It seems like moms doesn't want their relationship to survive the light of day and usually has something to do with money, success, power...etc..

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[princessnad]

Ask yourself this:

DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH A MAN WHO FLIRTS WITH OTHER WOMEN WHEN YOU ARE AROUND?

DO YOU WANT A MIL WHO IS MEDDLING AND A MANIPULATOR?

 

[lady_godiva]

Ask yourself this:

DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH A MAN WHO FLIRTS WITH OTHER WOMEN WHEN YOU ARE AROUND?

DO YOU WANT A MIL WHO IS MEDDLING AND A MANIPULATOR?

No, PrincessNAD. I want to be in a relationship like you the one in your picture. That is why I am going to move on. Thanks for the tough love though.