Dating When You Don't Have Social Media

[NappyNelle]

Bump! Are you alright? *Trying to be patient*

 

[Daernyris]

Waiting....

Can't wait!

And here I was thinking I was gon be the onliest one stalking this thread for the Saturday deets .

@caribeandiva come on gurl we's going crazy

 

[hopeful]

Patiently waiting

 

[caribeandiva]

Ok. I hope y'all get comfortable, grab a glass of wine cuz this is gonna be a long one.

Background: My cousin "matchmaker" lives 2 hours away and dude lives in her town. I had already planned to go spend the weekend at Matchmaker's house cuz I haven't seen her in a while before this whole date thing.

So I sent dude my pics through Matchmaker since Tuesday right? I heard NOTHING from him at all since. *insert eye roll* Since you kept saying that all that was stopping you was my picture kinda makes you a hypocrite. He said he was gonna contact me on Friday (yesterday) to set things up. Ohh kayyyy... My mentality was to be open minded and enjoy myself regardless of what happened.

I drove to Matchmaker's house Friday night with another cousin of ours. That cousin, "Danielle", told me that Matchmaker is trying to set her up with a man too! Danielle's match lives overseas, is divorced, with 2 kids. Danielle is around my age, never been married, no kids. Plus her dude ain't cute! We both decide to confront Matchmaker tommorow morning to see if she'll mention the date at all since I told her to get out of it.

But As soon as I get to Matchmaker's house, all she can talk about is the date. She starts showing me dude's pics and he is even less cute than before and has no new pics since 2010 (except for a profile pic where he's wearing sunglasses). Then she starts reading me his text messages one by one. I was like: "that's it! This ends now!" I asked Matchmaker why is she so excited to set me up with this PARTICULAR dude who is clearly not interested in me. She asks me why am I being so judgmental and can't bear to have me say anything negative about dude. Maybe dude is shy? Don't you know men show interest differently? Then She was like: "so did dude call you?" When I said he hadn't called or texted me, she picked up her phone to call him to fix it!! Me and Danielle grabbed the phone out of her hands and then we had a come to Jesus meeting with her.

Long story short (I'm sure you can already feel where this is headed). It turns out that dude is Matchmaker's type and she likes him. But since she's married and can't be with him, she was forcing him onto me. Homegirl was also the one who suggested that dude dates her cousin (me). Dude didn't move fast enough so she kept harassing (I mean texting) him, asking him to check out my Facebook page, to go out with me on Saturday, trying to force me to open my social media accounts and bend over backwards for dude. I explained to Matchmaker that her behavior is unacceptable but she kept arguing with me and Danielle, calling us both judgmental. I tried role playing this situation with her. She still didn't get it. Finally I told her that her behavior towards dude is making ME look desperate. What is the guy gonna think when you keep chasing him relentlessly? I have value too. I'm the prize, not him! That seemed to strike a nerve and she promised to back off for good. I have since learned that Matchmaker values male attention and approval above everything else because of some childhood trauma.

Dude was a no call, no show. Surprise surprise. I barely noticed because I was busy looking extra good, exploring the new town, spending time with the rest of the family and catching up. Around 2 pm he's texted Matchmaker asking her if I came down to visit. I told Matchmaker to tell dude: "Thanks but I'm not interested in you. No need to text me ." So many lessons learned so little time to absorb them all. My spidey senses were tingling all week and they were right! Trust your instincts!

 

[LostInAdream]

Ok. I hope y'all get comfortable, grab a glass of wine cuz this is gonna be a long one.

Background: My cousin "matchmaker" lives 2 hours away and dude lives in her town. I had already planned to go spend the weekend at Matchmaker's house cuz I haven't seen her in a while before this whole date thing.

So I sent dude my pics through Matchmaker since Tuesday right? I heard NOTHING from him at all since. *insert eye roll* Since you kept saying that all that was stopping you was my picture kinda makes you a hypocrite. He said he was gonna contact me on Friday (yesterday) to set things up. Ohh kayyyy... My mentality was to be open minded and enjoy myself regardless of what happened.

I drove to Matchmaker's house Friday night with another cousin of ours. That cousin, "Danielle", told me that Matchmaker is trying to set her up with a man too! Danielle's match lives overseas, is divorced, with 2 kids. Danielle is around my age, never been married, no kids. Plus her dude ain't cute! We both decide to confront Matchmaker tommorow morning to see if she'll mention the date at all since I told her to get out of it.

But As soon as I get to Matchmaker's house, all she can talk about is the date. She starts showing me dude's pics and he is even less cute than before and has no new pics since 2010 (except for a profile pic where he's wearing sunglasses). Then she starts reading me his text messages one by one. I was like: "that's it! This ends now!" I asked Matchmaker why is she so excited to set me up with this PARTICULAR dude who is clearly not interested in me. She asks me why am I being so judgmental and can't bear to have me say anything negative about dude. Maybe dude is shy? Don't you know men show interest differently? Then She was like: "so did dude call you?" When I said he hadn't called or texted me, she picked up her phone to call him to fix it!! Me and Danielle grabbed the phone out of her hands and then we had a come to Jesus meeting with her.

Long story short (I'm sure you can already feel where this is headed). It turns out that dude is Matchmaker's type and she likes him. But since she's married and can't be with him, she was forcing him onto me. Homegirl was also the one who suggested that dude dates her cousin (me). Dude didn't move fast enough so she kept harassing (I mean texting) him, asking him to check out my Facebook page, to go out with me on Saturday, trying to force me to open my social media accounts and bend over backwards for dude. I explained to Matchmaker that her behavior is unacceptable but she kept arguing with me and Danielle, calling us both judgmental. I tried role playing this situation with her. She still didn't get it. Finally I told her that her behavior towards dude is making ME look desperate. What is the guy gonna think when you keep chasing him relentlessly? I have value too. I'm the prize, not him! That seemed to strike a nerve and she promised to back off for good. I have since learned that Matchmaker values male attention and approval above everything else because of some childhood trauma.

Dude was a no call, no show. Surprise surprise. I barely noticed because I was busy looking extra good, exploring the new town, spending time with the rest of the family and catching up. Around 2 pm he's texted Matchmaker asking her if I came down to visit. I told Matchmaker to tell dude: "Thanks but I'm not interested in you. No need to text me ." So many lessons learned so little time to absorb them all. My spidey senses were tingling all week and they were right! Trust your instincts!

Wow, what a plot twist! Glad you set her straight and enjoy your weekend.

 

[hopeful]

Thanks for the update! I had a feeling that she liked him. But my goodness she was the one creating all of the drama! SMH! Your cousin is a trip. She is a terrible matchmaker. The whole thing was about her, not you or him. What a mess. Anyway, glad you sorted things out and are having a good time.

 

[Lylddlebit]

******************

 

[caribeandiva]

I had a relative who was married and would try to hook family up with men she liked. She had slept with all those men. Every last one most while still married and some while dating the women she set them up with. The worst part is she was my mother's age and there was a huge fall out with her and one of our cousins cousin because her cousin ended up entering a long term relationship with one of her suggestions. When cousin and man broke up he told her the reason why he got with her in the first place was because he knew how her cousin put it down in the bedroom from experience and had no doubt it ran in the family. That caused serious family drama for years like 10 years. Her cousin didn't believe the truth when warned in advance. Married cheating woman's sister warned her "Don't let relative set you up with anyone. 9 times out of 10 she has already slept with them" her cousin didn't listen. Her cousin banked on the fact that she was married, and that she and her cousin were tight (they literally grew up on the same household) and took the chance on dude. That happened with a couple of the cheating relatives friends and relatives. By the time our generation got grown she was still doing the same thing. Trying to hook us up with men she had slept with. We knew better though by then. She would use friends and relatives as a cover to be around men she had or was still sleeping with because she was married and wanted to throw off her husband's suspicion. She would be like "Oh , that's cousins man . I'm not flirting. You're being foolish. " . She would tell her friends and relatives how much she love her husband and remind the friend or relative that she was the one who hooked them up. It would throw most of them off like clockwork. Your story is so similar to what happened in my family. Hopefully your cousin is more honorable. However, please keep your eyes open if this becomes a pattern and she has an illogical passion about setting y'all up with men she likes. There may be more than meets the eye. I kept looking past this thread because ppl love family and I don't want to offend you. I kept saying not my business and clicking passed this lol. However I'm just going to leave this warning just in case and let it go. Trust your instincts when you pick up on "sketchy stuff " you may not have all the pieces but that instinct is invaluable.

Wow... what a story!! Thank you for sharing! I hope my cousin is more honorable than what I read here. She is banned from getting involved in my love life.

 

[caribeandiva]

Dude just texted me directly saying that he really wants to meet me and gets to know me better. I told him thanks but no thanks. He's only doing that cuz I rejected him yesterday. This whole thing has left a sour taste in my mouth. I'm done.

 

[LovelyRo]

Dude just texted me directly saying that he really wants to meet me and gets to know me better. I told him thanks but no thanks. He's only doing that cuz I rejected him yesterday. This whole thing has left a sour taste in my mouth. I'm done.

He just had an "ok, she isn't desperate moment."

Your cousin removed the chase by being so pressed about this guy taking you out.

All of this for a ninja you weren't even thinking about... smh!

 

[caribeandiva]

He just had an "ok, she isn't desperate moment."

Your cousin removed the chase by being so pressed about this guy taking you out.

All of this for a ninja you weren't even thinking about... smh!

Exactly!