Me vs Him and his momma and my cousin

SwoopSui

SwoopSui

New Member
I broke up with my bf for cheating on me with his long time friend. They have been freinds since high school and knew each other even before I came into the picture. She always liked him but he never felt the same. I didnt even find out from him, she called my phone and told me they were sleeping together and have been for the longest. She told me he needed a real woman and not a scared little haitian virgin b***. After this happened I called him and confronted him and of course he denied cheating. I then asked him to clarify what he taught cheating was and responded my saying "having sex with another person" and said noooooo. Cheating, in my opinion, is even flirting with another person. I asked him if he flirted with her and he said no. But when I asked him if he thought about sleeping with her (cuz he aint getting ish from me) then he got silent and said "so what i never did and I wouldnt do that to you I love you and only you". He claims he just wanted to make me jealous because I have alot of male friends and he always has to deal with me talking to them (you see how he tried to flip the script) and he wanted to let me know how it feels. Well I broke up with him anyway something is telling me he isnt being completely honest and if dont leave I'm gonna get my heart trampled. This isnt the first type dome random chick called my phone spewing nonsence my way (an ex of his did that to me EARLY in our relationship)I 'm not sure if he didnt cheat on me but I'm not gonna stay around for scenario number three.
For about 3 months after the break up he kept sending me flowers (like enough to fill up my ENTIRE apartment), blowing up my phone and leaving my messages like "i cant live without you, i need you ,please forgive me", and even started to cry once but immediately told me he had to go and and hung up. I refuse to budge on my decision though, I have to much respect for myself to stay with an immature eyewandering bastard. At a certain point his mother got involved and was calling all the time telling me how she understands why I broke up with him but please get back together". I dont even understand what her issue is because if I can recall correctly she couldnt stand me when he first introduced me to his family. She went out of her way to be rude that even her kids (four of them and all above 22) were just like "mom come on she really nice she doesnt deserve that". During the first three months of our break up his family would constantly have little get togethers and invite my family over (things like randoms bbqs, a christmas party, and just plain ole invite them over to "talk"). His mother even organized an ambush slash realtionship intervention type of thing in which all of his immediate and extended family as well as mine came over to my mother house and waited for me to get there so they could convince me to get back together with him. People were pulling on me when I wanted to go and had me trapped there for hours while he and his mother where in my face telling stop being stupid and get back with him. Needless to say that tactfull didnt work and I left bruised and in tears and him sitting on the stairs crying into his hands (as I was told).
At this point I know it seems like I'm just being stubborn and that he really loves me but just made a mistake. However, I cant help but point out that I am the ONLY woman to ever walk away from him (the man is SEXXXXXXXY like some male model material and is often approached by model scouts) so I feel like this is more about ego than love. I will not be fooled. NO WAY.
My cousin and my ex have always been on good terms and are haning out alot lately. Granted they are never alone they are usually with his sisters and his two close friends but I sensed there was some thing
between them so I confronted her she and she confirmired that she did have feelings for him and he did in fact ask her out. Needless to say I was pissed but I cant say I was suprised a man in love wouldnt do something so hurtful as to ask out my cousin. She told me she did not counteract his advances and she stopped hanging out with him because she felt weird but has since resumed her "friend" status with him. She keeps telling me not to be upset because he did it ot of desperation from missing me and it was just a temporary moment of insanity. I dont believe her though and she is known to be flirty. The reason I'm dwelling on them is because I trusted her and she is family and I was truly in love with my ex. When two people you love and trust hurt you its hard to go on and act like everything is fine and it doesnt bother you.
Do you guys think I should give him another chance and do you think I'm being paranoid about him and my cousin?
 
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Sounds like you need to leave BOTH of these people alone and find a man that is about something. I think with all of this drama you can go better. Once someone suspects something you know something is going on even if the other person does not admit it.

Charge it to the game and move on
 
And is a MAN is calling you A W***** forget it. He is not worth the dirt underneath the bottom of my shoes
 
Almaz said:
And is a MAN is calling you A W***** forget it. He is not worth the dirt underneath the bottom of my shoes
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Thank you for the responces but I'm not sure i understand. He never called me any names (well he called me a ***** during an arguement one time longgggggggg before the breakup) I on the other hand have called him every name in the book.
 
Girl, keep it moving and don't budge. Well, you doing good with that one! You don't have to take his crap. Because if the shoe was on the other foot they would have told him to leave you in a heart beat. I can't stand this double standard b.s. What's more sicken is they expect you to go back with him after what he has done.

That's just plain foul! It's all about his ego. I would ask his family especially his mom, If you were caught cheating on him with one of your male friends would she want her son to go back with you? HELL TO THA NAW! So why should you take him back?!

You don't need to lose your precious virginity to a scum like that. See he's worried because he's not going to be your first and don't want no other man to have you.
 
Honey6928215 said:
Girl, keep it moving and don't budge. Well, you doing good with that one! You don't have to take his crap. Because if the shoe was on the other foot they would have told him to leave you in a heart beat. I can't stand this double standard b.s. What's more sicken is they expect you to go back with him after what he has done.

That's just plain foul! It's all about his ego. I would ask his family especially his mom, If you were caught cheating on him with one of your male friends would she want her son to go back with you? HELL TO THA NAW! So why should you take him back?!

You don't need to lose your precious virginity to a scum like that. See he's worried because he's not going to be your first and don't want no other man to have you.
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At the ambush intervention thing I did say that to her and she acted like she didnt hear and just keep screaming " he loves you!!! he loves you!!! you're making a mistake" and also kept waving her finger in my face like I'm her damn child or something. She got so heated and into that even her cheating son had to stand in front of me and try to calm her down. She is used to everyone bending at her will especially his past girlfriends. I'm the first to challenge her "power" or should I say have backbone.
 
You know, if the family tries anything like that on you again, you should threaten to call the cops (or just call 'em)... seriously, that's assault.
 
Do you really even need to ask this?

God gives us instinct for a reason, and when in doubt, that usually means don't.

Your cousin confirmed that she has feelings for him and that he ASKED HER OUT. That ain't paranoia, that's the truth staring you blankly in the face.

And as far as him and his best friend, again.... They've showed you all their true colors.

I understand that you were in love with this boy, but don't let your emotions override your common sense and what your mind is telling you.

You can try to pacify yourself as much as you want, keep saying that everything is A-OK and that nothing is going on with him and anyone else. But don't be surprised if/when he messes up again, because it sounds like he will.
 
vivEz daNs lamouR said:
Do you really even need to ask this?

God gives us instinct for a reason, and when in doubt, that usually means don't.

Your cousin confirmed that she has feelings for him and that he ASKED HER OUT. That ain't paranoia, that's the truth staring you blankly in the face.

And as far as him and his best friend, again.... They've showed you all their true colors.

I understand that you were in love with this boy, but don't let your emotions override your common sense and what your mind is telling you.

You can try to pacify yourself as much as you want, keep saying that everything is A-OK and that nothing is going on with him and anyone else. But don't be surprised if/when he messes up again, because it sounds like he will.
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Thank you so much I needed a blunt slap to the face. I guess I knew the truth already but I was still hoping for an alternative cuz I'm still in love with him. I'm trying to fight it cuz I know I deserve a man to treat me like queen but its so hard with his family and my OWN family in my face telling me he is the best thing to happen to me (yeah right). I know I will get over him it will just take some time...
 
I know you're in love but why would you be hoping for an alternative? Just look at the people in your life (ex-bf family) telling you the alternative already - they're all damn crazy and foolish. As for your fam telling you to get back with him, sometimes they may think they have your best interests at heart but sometimes they really don't. Because what matters is what you can handle and tolerate and clearly ex-bf's antics are not included.

Imo, being in love doesn't mean that you need to stick with someone through all kinds of BS. If a guy isn't treating you with respect and care, it doesn't matter if he's professing his so called love and crying because he doesn't have real love for you. He's all words and no action. Plus, dude sounds real immature and stupid.

Move on from this madness. Otherwise what you think is love will quickly turn into resentment and even more pain because he'll think he's really got you in his pocket. He sounds untrustworthy and awful and his family members are nuts. Think about it: if you had a daughter and she wanted to get back with a guy like your ex, would you tell her to jump right back in? I'm hoping your answer is HELL NO!! That's because you would be using your head and not just working purely on emotion. Trust me, his reasons for wanting you back aren't based on raw emotion alone.
 
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tocktick said:
I know you're in love but why would you be hoping for an alternative? Just look at the people in your life (ex-bf family) telling you the alternative already - they're all damn crazy and foolish. As for your fam telling you to get back with him, sometimes they may think they have your best interests at heart but sometimes they really don't. Because what matters is what you can handle and tolerate and clearly ex-bf's antics are not included.

Imo, being in love doesn't mean that you need to stick with someone through all kinds of BS. If a guy isn't treating you with respect and care, it doesn't matter if he's professing his so called love and crying because he doesn't have real love for you. He's all words and no action. Plus, dude sounds real immature and stupid.

Move on from this madness. Otherwise what you think is love will quickly turn into resentment and even more pain because he'll think he's really got you in his pocket. He sounds untrustworthy and awful and his family members are nuts. Think about it: if you had a daughter and she wanted to get back with a guy like your ex, would you tell her to jump right back in? I'm hoping your answer is HELL NO!! That's because you would be using your head and not just working purely on emotion. Trust me, his reasons for wanting you back aren't based on raw emotion alone.
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Thank you for replying but would you care to elaborate please?
 
To clarify OP:

If you were to get back with him, it would be based on raw emotion: your decision would lack logic. You would be with him based on the fact that you love him only.

However, I believe that he knows he's lost a good girl. I think he may be hurt and may even feel sad. Despite this, I also believe that he wants to get you back because his reputation has been damaged because you dumped him. I also believe that he wants to have his cake and eat it too - he wants you back because of how you probably made him feel yet I think it's likely that he would go ahead to disrespect you further at a later point. I get this impression because he wasn't honest when you originally confronted him and the fact he got his family involved instead of handling this privately doesn't sit right. Imo, his reasons are more calculated than your own.
 
tocktick said:
To clarify OP:

If you were to get back with him, it would be based on raw emotion: your decision would lack logic. You would be with him based on the fact that you love him only.

However, I believe that he knows he's lost a good girl. I think he may be hurt and may even feel sad. Despite this, I also believe that he wants to get you back because his reputation has been damaged because you dumped him. I also believe that he wants to have his cake and eat it too - he wants you back because of how you probably made him feel yet I think it's likely that he would go ahead to disrespect you further at a later point. I get this impression because he wasn't honest when you originally confronted him and the fact he got his family involved instead of handling this privately doesn't sit right. Imo, his reasons are more calculated than your own.
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He does know he lost a good girl I keep having people tell me he saying that he lost the best thing in his life over and over and to be fair the whole ambush wasnt his idea it was his mothers. At first he did try to handle it privately (for months infact) but when I wouldnt budge and he was acting weird thats when his mother got truly involved. He didnt even know his mother was blowing up my phone. He never gave her my number. I just got another call from his mother today inviting myself and my family to Easter dinner and their house and she also told me that she thinks he is going to commit suicide. His friends are telling me that he wont get out of his place. All he does is crash on his mommy's couch and watch t.v. He is turning pale, and isnt talking much. Various people keep telling me he looks out of it all the time. He doesnt groom himself and pretty much looks like ish and has for a while now. I cannot verify these statements because I refuse to have any contact with him but I am worried about him and am starting to wonder if maybe he is reformed.
 
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OP what is it exactly that you want to do? And what is it that you're looking for us to say?

Because I feel like everyone here has given you great advice but you still come back with rebuttals/reasons why he might have changed.

To be honest, if YOU want to go back to him, then go. But don't expect validation for how you're feeling from a group of women who a. don't know you and b. are seeing the situation from an outside perspective.

Tis all...
 
vivEz daNs lamouR said:
OP what is it exactly that you want to do? And what is it that you're looking for us to say?

Because I feel like everyone here has given you great advice but you still come back with rebuttals/reasons why he might have changed.

To be honest, if YOU want to go back to him, then go. But don't expect validation for how you're feeling from a group of women who a. don't know you and b. are seeing the situation from an outside perspective.

Tis all...
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Your right.... your right. Damn. I need to stay strong. I have to keep reminding myself what he did when old memories and "friends" call to send messages from him. Its just hard is all. Thanks for the wake up slap once again. Better now than five years into marriage with three kids and him and my cousin hitting the sheets in my own bed. OKAY I've finally come to grips that its truly over. There is a reason why my spirit wont accept him back. When one door closes another opens. Thank you ladies so much.
 
If your cousin wants your leftovers, let her get dogged. If you wanted to, you could have him leave her with a drop of a hat... she's an idiot.

He needs to leave you alone. If he and his family doesn't, you need to make it clear you want no contact. Change your number and block him from email, IMs, websites, etc. If he cannot stop at that point, threaten legal action.

You obviously have your head on straight. You DON'T want him and aren't even tempted. You're more or less venting about your experience.

Continue to look forward because he's not worth looking back for.
 
Its hard, OP. And I get it, believe me I do.

But I also know, as someone who has fought against my instincts and taken back a sorry *** negro, take it from me [and countless others on here]... you will wish that you had listened to those same instincts when he disrespects or humiliates you again.

Those instincts, that female intuition that you get within you, it's there for a REASON.

If he was really the man for you, he wouldn't have done you the way that he did, and he definitely wouldn't have kicked game to your cousin post-breakup. He should've realized the gem he had in his possession when he had the opportunity to keep it.
 
SwoopSui said:
He does know he lost a good girl I keep having people tell me he saying that he lost the best thing in his life over and over and to be fair the whole ambush wasnt his idea it was his mothers. At first he did try to handle it privately (for months infact) but when I wouldnt budge and he was acting weird thats when his mother got truly involved. He didnt even know his mother was blowing up my phone. He never gave her my number. I just got another call from his mother today inviting myself and my family to Easter dinner and their house and she also told me that she thinks he is going to commit suicide. His friends are telling me that he wont get out of his place. All he does is crash on his mommy's couch and watch t.v. He is turning pale, and isnt talking much. Various people keep telling me he looks out of it all the time. He doesnt groom himself and pretty much looks like ish and has for a while now. I cannot verify these statements because I refuse to have any contact with him but I am worried about him and am starting to wonder if maybe he is reformed.
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Girl go on back to him because every time someone gives you a good bit of advice you just counter act it. Go back to the man and let him dog out out again until you have had it. Reading all your post is seems you are just waiting for one poster to say go back and you will have validation. Well here is it "Go back to that man". You feel validated now?
 
vivEz daNs lamouR said:
Its hard, OP. And I get it, believe me I do.

But I also know, as someone who has fought against my instincts and taken back a sorry *** negro, take it from me [and countless others on here]... you will wish that you had listened to those same instincts when he disrespects or humiliates you again.

Those instincts, that female intuition that you get within you, it's there for a REASON.

If he was really the man for you, he wouldn't have done you the way that he did, and he definitely wouldn't have kicked game to your cousin post-breakup. He should've realized the gem he had in his possession when he had the opportunity to keep it.
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Thank you i really needed to hear (well read lol) that. i've had some many people tell me it wasnt a big deal and that he was desperate and wasnt in the right mind frame but I couldn't shake off the "you have just been punked" feeling. I can't see how I wasnt supposed to get mad. I mean come MY COUSIN!!!!
 
TheLaurynDoll said:
If your cousin wants your leftovers, let her get dogged. If you wanted to, you could have him leave her with a drop of a hat... she's an idiot.

He needs to leave you alone. If he and his family doesn't, you need to make it clear you want no contact. Change your number and block him from email, IMs, websites, etc. If he cannot stop at that point, threaten legal action.

You obviously have your head on straight. You DON'T want him and aren't even tempted. You're more or less venting about your experience.

Continue to look forward because he's not worth looking back for.
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Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes I allow people to make me feel stupid but at the end of the day I know the right decision was made.
 
ThickHair said:
Girl go on back to him because every time someone gives you a good bit of advice you just counter act it. Go back to the man and let him dog out out again until you have had it. Reading all your post is seems you are just waiting for one poster to say go back and you will have validation. Well here is it "Go back to that man". You feel validated now?
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I'm not looking for validation. I'm looking for a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen, and someone to tell me I'm not an *** for leaving him and thinking my cousin is shady. However, thank you for posting. Maybe I can't bring myself to admit it now but maybe I needed to hear that.
 
SwoopSui said:
Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes I allow people to make me feel stupid but at the end of the day I know the right decision was made.
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Only you know what's best for you. Your family may be telling you to take him back because "it's not that bad". Some people believe that as long a man isn't hitting/abusing you, then you should keep him. Obviously you're not that type, which is a good thing.

When I left my ex, all of my family tried to get me to get back with him because he made decent money, wasn't hitting me, and wasn't cheating. I almost started believing them after hearing it so much, but I'm glad I didn't and stuck to what I believed a real love would be like.

Let him go. And if you like him, tell him to call you when he does alot of growing up, and at that point if you're still single, then tell him you might talk to him.

Keep your standards high, the right person will eventually come along to meet them, but in the meantime he isn't it and you could be missing out on that person by dealing with this guy and all of his drama.
 
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NO!! You should not give him another chance. This sounds like major drama waiting to happen and will only get worse than what he has done to you now. Sounds like he's not serious and is only wanting you back because of his ego like you mentioned. A man that truly loves you and misses you as much as he claims will not be making advances on your cousin and asking her out. LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! Good riddance to bad rubbish!
 
SwoopSui said:
At the ambush intervention thing I did say that to her and she acted like she didnt hear and just keep screaming " he loves you!!! he loves you!!! you're making a mistake" and also kept waving her finger in my face like I'm her damn child or something. She got so heated and into that even her cheating son had to stand in front of me and try to calm her down. She is used to everyone bending at her will especially his past girlfriends. I'm the first to challenge her "power" or should I say have backbone.
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Where are these people from?
 
SwoopSui said:
He does know he lost a good girl I keep having people tell me he saying that he lost the best thing in his life over and over and to be fair the whole ambush wasnt his idea it was his mothers. At first he did try to handle it privately (for months infact) but when I wouldnt budge and he was acting weird thats when his mother got truly involved. He didnt even know his mother was blowing up my phone. He never gave her my number. I just got another call from his mother today inviting myself and my family to Easter dinner and their house and she also told me that she thinks he is going to commit suicide. His friends are telling me that he wont get out of his place. All he does is crash on his mommy's couch and watch t.v. He is turning pale, and isnt talking much. Various people keep telling me he looks out of it all the time. He doesnt groom himself and pretty much looks like ish and has for a while now. I cannot verify these statements because I refuse to have any contact with him but I am worried about him and am starting to wonder if maybe he is reformed.
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Tactics, tacticts, tacticts!! Don't believe any of this ish. You need to stop answering your phone when these people call. Obviously he has everyone eating out of his palm if they're all willing to be calling and harrassing you to give you false stories of his woe. I think that's what he and they cannot understand; why you're not so easily swayed by him. The faster you can cut these people and their drama out of your life, the better.
 
LongiLox said:
Where are these people from?
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I thought the same thing, but maybe it's just a cultural difference.
And not just his family, but hers as well.
His family invited hers over for BBQ's after the OP and he had already broken up, and her family actually went - WTH.

It was a boyfriend/girlfriend break-up, what is her family still trying to be involved with his for.

If I were the OP, I'd have a few words with his family and my own as well for doing some mess like that.
 
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