Maybe it was my fault...

[angelc]

ITA I would have never left the room or whereever without my husband. Call me crazy but.......

That's why I said maybe it was my fault...trust, It won't happen again!

 

[angelc]

Giiiiiiiiiiiirl!!!! I drop da ho off tell her we bring her chile back own tomarra. Then she just gonna roll up in MY house, eat MY pizza, then drink MY likka wit MY huzzzband!!?!?!?!

Dammit to hell I don't think so!!!

Hoe have a seat!

That made me laugh out loud!

 

[angelc]

Maybe I am paranoid.. I want to be nice and everything, but it seems that you and your husband have given this woman an inch and she is taking a mile. First you invite her son to participate in sports with your kid, then you're buying her son clothes and paying his fees, then you're taking her son out for pizza, and next she shows up and ends up eating too. After you excuse yourself to do laundry, you come back to find your husband and her having a drink?? And on a weeknight?? (Don't they have to go to work the next day?) Did they offer you one? Are you making this up??

Boundaries are being crossed. And I'm giving your DH the side eye. Is he always so generous with helping other people's kids? If this is supposed to be about helping the child, how does he and her having a drink come into play? That's personal between her and him and has nothing to do with the kid. Also when you excused yourself, why didn't the child's mom notice that it was getting late, take her kid and leave? You're LHCF sister and I love ya, but I have to wonder why you would leave your husband alone with a woman you really don't know. What's really going on here??

Somethin in the milk aint clean!

I agree with everything you've said here. Trust, discussion will take place this evening and clarity will be reached! Thank you for your input! I really appreciate it!

 

[angelc]

And where is the baby daddy? Your hubby need to mentor HIM dang it! Get him to take care of his own son and wife his baby momma so that hoe can get the hellz away from ya huzzband!



Sorry ya'll, I'm projecting cuz had it been me Ida been all "Harpo who dis woman?"

I totally agree!

 

[Mai Tai]

I'm sorry, but Kbragg, you got me cracking up over here! But you are saying what all of us are really thinking. Thanks for keeping it one-hunnid...

 

[hopeful]

Seriously OP, I would have felt the same way as you . Your husband is nice, maybe too nice? As I was reading your story I knew where it was going. Ya'll gotta find a way to be helpful without it interfering with your family. The drinking was inappropriate imo. If she was a thankful and non-greedy person she woulda come and took the boy home straight away. But now it looks like ya'll in deep--how long the season last? So just set up the boundaries now. The little boy can go home from here on out after the game and ya'll get pizza are whatever, she can feed herself and her son. Keep it all about the game and only the game. For the mom this is not about her son but her family. She think ya'll love both of them and want to help both of them. Dh and I have these conversations sometimes about poor so and so, etc. and in the end we usually end up evaluating if things could get messy ahead of time. And to answer your question: no, it was not your fault. Things like this happen to nice people all the time. Ya'll just need to straighten it out quickly, get the boundaries straight.

 

[kbragg]

Seriously OP, I would have felt the same way as you . Your husband is nice, maybe too nice? As I was reading your story I knew where it was going. Ya'll gotta find a way to be helpful without it interfering with your family. The drinking was inappropriate imo. If she was a thankful and non-greedy person she woulda come and took the boy home straight away. But now it looks like ya'll in deep--how long the season last? So just set up the boundaries now. The little boy can go home from here on out after the game and ya'll get pizza are whatever, she can feed herself and her son. Keep it all about the game and only the game. For the mom this is not about her son but her family. She think ya'll love both of them and want to help both of them. Dh and I have these conversations sometimes about poor so and so, etc. and in the end we usually end up evaluating if things could get messy ahead of time. And to answer your question: no, it was not your fault. Things like this happen to nice people all the time. Ya'll just need to straighten it out quickly, get the boundaries straight.

See I was talking to DH about this scenario and he didn't see a problem It's because men TRUST women. That's how they get "caught up." Just like Usher He think he just fell in love? Sorry ya'll Tamika (and I'm team Tamika lol) had that planned from DAY ONE!

Now the man bears responsibility of course, but at the same time, just read the book of proverbs. Women have a strange power over men and shoot just look at the "How To Help A Man Out" thread. We can make him think it was HIS idea too!

Hubby is one of those too nice guys too lol. Well then I put it in perspective for him. I said ok baby so you think the woman was all innocent and grateful and the the hubby was just being nice right? Let's flip it!

Let's say there's a girl that's friends with Kayla and her mom isn't around. She has a handsome single Father. and I take on a mentoring roll with her (DH was already getting a little antsy) Kayla is in ballet and I say it would be good for her friend too but the dad can't afford it. So we pay for her class and even end up paying for costumes and props too.

We come home from the recital. I bring the girls to the house. They're going to have a sleep over and go to school together in the morning. You drop the dad off, say good night, say we'll bring his daughter by tomorrow.

We order Pizza and are sitting down to dinner when dude shows up, and just starts eating Pizza. I have to work later that night. You go to get your uniforms ready for work tomorrow and come back and me and dude are having drinks ALONE and he's had nothing to do with his daughter since he's been there just been being friendly with me. How would you feel."

DH did not respond but just sat there looking like this:

He then said he would have never left the room and that men are different because they are always on the hunt looking for a way in especially if a woman is a good wife. No they hell they are NOT different. Single is single PERIOD and most people don't want to stay that way

So OP try that Flip the script and make the scenario about you mentoring an attractive single man's daughter and he come up in his space getting cozy with his wife and see if he don't give the

face I bet you 5 dollars he do and avoid ole girl like the plague lest he risk you mentoring a single dad's daughter to prove your point

 

[brownelovely]

You're not overreacting OP..not at all. Men are clueless that's all. I don't how many times I have to explain to future DH that women can interpret "friendly" a different way. I'm right every single time.

I'm not saying she's up to anything...yet. However, your husbands interest in her son may have her "looking" per say. Technically, there's nothing wrong with looking but if you feel uncomfortable with her being so comfortable around your husband in your house then make it known to him now.

 

[lux10023]

exactly--drinks---nahhh

if your helping the child via mentoring do so..

drinks with mom--nah buddy---wtbleep

I was not angry becasue he was being hospitable. In my mind the idea of having a drink is more of a relaxed, social type thing. I'm all for being nice but with the whole drinking thing, defenses are down, etc...I don't like the idea of it. We are doing something to help her kid, and I want to keep that distance...does that make sense?

 

[Nyssa28]

Kbragg has it ALL covered.

 

[angelc]

DH did not respond but just sat there looking like this:

OMG, I almost ruined my keyboard with my apple juice when I saw this post!

Girl, you are too much but it is sooo TRUE!!!!
Thank you!

 

[mrselle]

I can see your point and I probably would not have been angry, but DH and I would definitely have had a chat later on that evening about setting boundaries. There is nothing wrong with helping out someone in need, but that woman is in a very vulnerable position and she may even be feeling a little lonely. In pops this very nice man who offers to pay for her son to play a sport. She already knows that he is probably a good person, but now she can see that he is a good father and a good husband. It’s best to nip this in the bud before there is a misunderstanding.

 

[hopeful]

Kbragg has it ALL covered.

Yes she does! She shut it down and covered all the bases. And kept it real. OP's hubby thought this woman was soooo busy she wouldn't have time to attend games and all of the sudden she got time to go to games, eat pizza, and drank too.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

but first.... *pulls n blows out smoke*

KBRAGG!!! u stoopit lololol....

ok. now, back to da matter at hand. lemme git dis hea straight. u and ur husband decide to pay the fees for a disadvantaged chile, and get his uniforms etc. so that he can be on the team.

you all go to a game and the momma ridin shotgun witchu. you all then return home, kids at ur crib eatin pizza. then, da momma comes over, has pizza and a drink wif ur husband. meanwhile, u decide to go upstairs n do laundry.

i think ur makin a big stink outta da whole deal, cuz for one, she was invited when u opened da door. i'm sure you all offered her some pizza. i don't get her just straight walkin in n grabbin some pizza and out of a common courtesy, since "elvis has left da buildin" meaning, when u went upstairs to do laundry, u left da company behind, which to me was kinda rude.

whatcha shoulda done was to start cleanin up da area, letting her know in a subtle way that you all had to go to bed n get ready for the next day...feel me? one should neva leave da dyck unattended ..not even for a second, if u felt intimidated by her having a drink wif ur hubby.

and then too, u gotta understand, men don't see things da way we do. he prolly felt like since u left, he was just being courteous by offerin her a drink.

and don't forget, you all thought it was a good gesture to "adopt" da kid so to speak by offering to pay for fees, etc. A lot of times, u gotta be careful of whatchu do, cuz now, any lil thing dat come up (sport wise), she gonna be lookin at yall like.....

now u wanna help da kid, but keep da distance from da momma all cuz she had a drink wif ur husband? das easy. stop openin da door n lettin her in. u can still be nice, etc., but don't invite her in if u still feel intimidated. if her son is there over at ur house playin wif ur kids, send him to da door. it's simple.

just know dat we are women, and she is going to sense sumfin is wrong...das why sometimes its best to just leave well enuff alone. i understand u and hubby tryna help, but hey, can't save da world...

dis neighbor of yours must be attractive....

 

[hopeful]

^^^I am very good at sending people home. That was the only other piece I was going to add. When I get tired, I send folks home. Well it was nice seein' y'all, I gotta get the kids to bed and I'm sure you're tired too . Then open the door and see them out. Bye!

 

[kbragg]

Or you can try scaring her away Just kind break into one of these mid sentence when she is around and I bet she'll come around less often:

 

[hopeful]

^^^Kbragg stop it girl!!!

 

[ambergirl]

kbragg done put this puppy to bed

But I will add...

This woman may not have bad intentions with regards to hubby but the reality is if she's a single woman with no good man and she starts spending time around a good man who cares for her son, feelings may develop.

Best to nip it in the bud by setting boundaries (starting with hubby) about what your interaction with this woman and her kids will and won't be.

 

[angelc]

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

but first.... *pulls n blows out smoke*

KBRAGG!!! u stoopit lololol....

ok. now, back to da matter at hand. lemme git dis hea straight. u and ur husband decide to pay the fees for a disadvantaged chile, and get his uniforms etc. so that he can be on the team.

you all go to a game and the momma ridin shotgun witchu. you all then return home, kids at ur crib eatin pizza. then, da momma comes over, has pizza and a drink wif ur husband. meanwhile, u decide to go upstairs n do laundry.

1) i think ur makin a big stink outta da whole deal, cuz for one, she was invited when u opened da door. i'm sure you all offered her some pizza. i don't get her just straight walkin in n grabbin some pizza and out of a common courtesy, since "elvis has left da buildin" meaning, when u went upstairs to do laundry, u left da company behind, which to me was kinda rude.

2) whatcha shoulda done was to start cleanin up da area, letting her know in a subtle way that you all had to go to bed n get ready for the next day...feel me? one should neva leave da dyck unattended ..not even for a second, if u felt intimidated by her having a drink wif ur hubby.

and then too, u gotta understand, men don't see things da way we do. he prolly felt like since u left, he was just being courteous by offerin her a drink.

and don't forget, you all thought it was a good gesture to "adopt" da kid so to speak by offering to pay for fees, etc. 3)A lot of times, u gotta be careful of whatchu do, cuz now, any lil thing dat come up (sport wise), she gonna be lookin at yall like.....

4) now u wanna help da kid, but keep da distance from da momma all cuz she had a drink wif ur husband? das easy. stop openin da door n lettin her in. u can still be nice, etc., but don't invite her in if u still feel intimidated. if her son is there over at ur house playin wif ur kids, send him to da door. it's simple.

just know dat we are women, and she is going to sense sumfin is wrong...das why sometimes its best to just leave well enuff alone. i understand u and hubby tryna help, but hey, can't save da world...

5) dis neighbor of yours must be attractive....

@ bolded... (I've added the numbers...lol)

1)Point taken, I agree, she was invited in when the door was opened.

2)I agree, I should have started cleaning up the area and that would have sent the message that it was getting late.

3) My husband and I have talked about this and we have agreed that we won't be "sponsoring a child" to that degree again.

4) Thank you, I agree.

5) She is alright looking, I guess. I am not intimidated by her though. I just didn't like the fact that she was having a drink with my husband...

I really do appreciate your input!

 

[angelc]

kbragg done put this puppy to bed


Best to nip it in the bud by setting boundaries (starting with hubby) about what your interaction with this woman and her kids will and won't be.[/QUOTE]

Thank you! We have discussed the boundaries and I am *sure* he is clear on them now.

 

[Weezy Jefferson]

That is all I have to say about that, goodnight. Don't leave ya man with a woman ya do know.

I am never alone with any of my friends husbands nor boyfriends. I don't want them but I never want to have anything looking suspect. If my girl leaves the room, I am right behind her, "What's weezs gonna do?, We weezs goin?"

OMG!!!! I can't breathe!!

 

[Bmack]

I don't know if I would be that angry-except at the fact that she said she had to go, but then showed up at your house for a slice of pizza.

 

[MissJ]

I can't see why people don't think this is a big deal.

 

[JustKiya]

I can't see why people don't think this is a big deal.

Just differences in how folks manage their relationships. And, I suspect, differences in opinion on drinking, in general.

 

[new-life]

Giiiiiiiiiiiirl!!!! I drop da ho off tell her we bring her chile back own tomarra. Then she just gonna roll up in MY house, eat MY pizza, then drink MY likka wit MY huzzzband!!?!?!?!

Dammit to hell I don't think so!!!

Hoe have a seat!

LMAOOOO I'm dying right now

 

[LadyPaniolo]

OMG, kbragg had me gasping for breath!

Oh, and those who speculated on how this single mom looks come on now. Haven't we all seen AMPLE evidence that the other chick is almost never better looking than the wife, just younger (and not always even then)? It's all about her fawning over him, stroking his EGO and making him feel puffed up. That's just setting the trap, and men are really easy prey.

Honestly, this is trouble for days. Because even if, nay *especially if* the man in question has innocent intent, he is will be easy to snare given enough time and opportunity. A whole baseball season! That's a LONG time. Next step for the single mom is to "Oh, such and such is broken, could you please fix it (bats eyelashes)?" "oh, I just don't know what to do about XYZ situation, could you please give me advice?"

Better make sure her kid gets dropped off at the house and walks in by himself. No more pizza, no more hanging out after practice or games. There are TOO many broke and thirsty women with kids to feed who will think nothing of destroying a family to improve their own. Even married women will pull this kind of game to get a richer man than her husband! So you know some chick too broke for baseball fees has all the motivation in the world.

 

[A.Marie]

You never leave a woman downstairs sitting at the table with your man. For me, when she took that slice of pizza without permission, she overstepped her boundaries. To me that says, she feels too comfortable in your house. As for DH, he was wrong for drinking before work. You know how weak men are, so don't ever set the stage for such events to take place again.