Maybe it was my fault...

[angelc]

Here’s the story, my husband has decided to be a ‘mentor’ of sorts for one of my son’s friends. The boy comes from a single parent home has a lot of responsibility taking care of his little brother while his mom works. Since my son is involved in sports, my husband thought it would be a good idea to have his friend join also. The only problem was that the mom could not afford to pay the fee. We talked it over and decided that we would help out and pay the fee for his friend to join. When it came down to it we also ended up paying for the baseball shoes and baseball pants for the boy too.
I did not have a problem with this because I realize the importance of community and would rather see the boys play sports than be in the streets.

Well, the mom decided that she wanted to attend the game and she and the little brother rode with me to the field. After the game it was almost 8pm and a school night so DH decides to buy pizza. He allows all of the boys to ride with him and the mom and I head home. She needs to get ready for work the next day so I tell her that we will bring the boys home when they are finished eating.

All the kids, DH, myself are at the table and we are recapping the game’s highlights… the mom (who lives in the next complex) comes over while we’re eating. While there she grabs a slice of pizza and sits down at the table. Mind you by this time is is nearing 9pm and I also have to get things ready for the next day. I excuse myself from the table and go upstairs to throw in a load of laundry and to iron my clothes.

When I come back downstairs about 10 min later my husband and the boy’s mom are having a drink. W T Heck???

I am a bit annoyed because in my mind this has turned into something a little more than dinner.

I look at my husband like ‘what’s going on here?’ erplexed and he looks back at me clueless…

I'm thinking why in the heck is he down here drinking when he has to go back to work this evening...

Ladies, tell me, was I wrong to be angry? Maybe it was my fault for leaving the room…

I am just a bit ticked off because I feel like when you’re drinking with someone it becomes something more personal….I don’t know, maybe I’m way off base here…

 

[JustKiya]

*tilts head*

You're angry because your husband was trying to be hospitable and poured/made a drink for her?

 

[CarolinaGal]

I would feel a bit odd about that also, especially since he needs to go back to work and she does not really need to be getting too friendly with your husband. I believe woman's intuition is real. Just keep your eyes and ears open if your instincts are setting off an alarm about this woman. Maybe you can talk to your hubby about it a little bit once the initial emotions/shock of the situation have died down so as to gently hip him to the situation. Men can be clueless sometimes.

 

[Yen Oak]

Unfortunately, some women mistake another woman's kindness for weakness.

 

[Nasdaq_Diva]

*tilts head*

You're angry because your husband was trying to be hospitable and poured/made a drink for her?

Tha'ts how I'm taking it too OP. It was just a drink. I will say though that you should just let it go. He was being courteous to a guest.

I will add though that I wouldn't want her to assume that she is now 'buddy buddy' with your DH and has the option to pop over to hang out. So, if you are feeling that kind of way, I would voice my opinion.

But, i'm pretty sure this was just a one time thing. Let it go! You have a good husband, he's doing alot for this young boy!

 

[gabulldawg]

IDK, OP. I definitely see your point. IMO if it was just her and your husband sharing a drink alone then you have a right to be upset. You definitely need to let him know how you feel, though. Don't just hold it in.

 

[angelc]

*tilts head*

You're angry because your husband was trying to be hospitable and poured/made a drink for her?

I was not angry becasue he was being hospitable. In my mind the idea of having a drink is more of a relaxed, social type thing. I'm all for being nice but with the whole drinking thing, defenses are down, etc...I don't like the idea of it. We are doing something to help her kid, and I want to keep that distance...does that make sense?

 

[JustKiya]

I was not angry becasue he was being hospitable. In my mind the idea of having a drink is more of a relaxed, social type thing. I'm all for being nice but with the whole drinking thing, defenses are down, etc...I don't like the idea of it. We are doing something to help her kid, and I want to keep that distance...does that make sense?

That does make sense - he was most likely trying to make her comfy, and you want to maintain a certain 'just here for the kid, not trying to be your friend' distance from her - and the inviting herself to dinner, chilling at your table, and topping it off with a drink? She's making herself more comfy in your house than you really want her to feel.

I can totally see feeling some kinda way about that.

I don't really know how you could handle it - esp. if her child was at your house, too.

That's a delicate situation.

 

[Vanity1]

I was not angry becasue he was being hospitable. In my mind the idea of having a drink is more of a relaxed, social type thing. I'm all for being nice but with the whole drinking thing, defenses are down, etc...I don't like the idea of it. We are doing something to help her kid, and I want to keep that distance...does that make sense?

Makes sense to me, there can be a fine line with things as this, but like someone else said though, sometimes men are totally oblivious to this kind of stuff. Just let your DH know how that makes you feel, what your concerns are, and leave it at that. I have to explain somethings to my DH sometimes because he has a very big heart and is very sociable, and alot of women will take your husband's big heart for, well. You know, lol.

I don't think you are overreacting at all.

 

[Keen]

I was not angry becasue he was being hospitable. In my mind the idea of having a drink is more of a relaxed, social type thing. I'm all for being nice but with the whole drinking thing, defenses are down, etc...I don't like the idea of it. We are doing something to help her kid, and I want to keep that distance...does that make sense?

Make sure your hubby knows that. Maybe she feel like she has to be friends with yall cause yall helping her out. Keep your eyes open but don't jump to conclusion.

 

[dachsies_rule!]

I would be more upset about him drinking before he has to go to work...that's a good way to lose your job.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Hm...sometimes a woman sees a man being a good provider and especially to a child that isn't theirs and helping...and she may want to move in on that territory.

NOT SAYING SHE IS. She could easily be a nice woman just grateful for the help!

But in this day and age, you now people honestly are bold with their mess. May be innocent to hubby but sometimes people need to be shown "how it looks" on the outside looking in to really get it.

 

[Mai Tai]

OP I totally feel your frustration. My advice is to:

1. Let your husband know how you feel about him sharing a drink with this woman, and him drinking before work. He may not know that this type of thing bothers you, and you really can't get fault him for not knowing. It is up to you to communicate with him. Now after you tell him your feelings, and he continues to do this...then that's a different story.

2. After you talk to your husband. Keep your eyes and ears open, and mouth closed. Continue to be there for this woman's son, but don't be blind.

Most likely this is just a matter of your husband being hospitable to this woman, however, if you ever feel that it is developing into something more, then cut off all interaction with this woman.

 

[kbragg]

OP I can understand where you are coming from. Women, especially in her situation easily catch feelings (no offense to single moms at all) I mean here she is single mom, baby daddy not around and here comes this handsome your black man (assuming he is all of these things) being a father to her son. She says how good of a husband and father he is and starts to think how nice it would be to have a man like that. I would keep my eyes open and make sure you let your DH know that their relationship is for the boy ONLY because the second ya'll have an argument she'll be bumping Mary J & Lil Kim's "I Can Love You"

I'm making a bunch of assumptions lol but I have seen this phenomenon with my own eyes and yes it was DH he made the vows etc but as Jay says the Power of the Pu....well it's powerful I might be a bit of a paranoid conspiracy theorist but I'm one of those who strongly believes in protecting one's marriage so take it for what it's worth

 

[-Kąditty-]

Yea...I would just tell DH how it made me feel. I mean, you were right there in the house so your DH more than likely was just being nice. He cant be that bold lol.

It would have been perfect if DH would have told her "Let me go and see if my wife would like to have a drink with us"...but yea, he probably didn't mean any harm.

You know your DH though, you will know his intentions better than us. Like, is he normally a really friendly and caring guy? If the guest would have been a male, the boys father, would he have been just as hospitable? Or, was his friendliness unusual? His normal everyday behavior/personality is the key factor in this.

 

[kbragg]

Hm...sometimes a woman sees a man being a good provider and especially to a child that isn't theirs and helping...and she may want to move in on that territory.

NOT SAYING SHE IS. She could easily be a nice woman just grateful for the help!

But in this day and age, you now people honestly are bold with their mess. May be innocent to hubby but sometimes people need to be shown "how it looks" on the outside looking in to really get it.

YUP! They get on that "He's a good brotha how did SHE snag him" type mess

I'm crazy though cuz I'll clothesline a **** and put her in a cross face chicken wing in a sec. I know it's all on the man blah blah blah and it's all good but dang it I've invested a lot of time and work into my marriage and like Bey say "I'll be DAMNED if I see another chick on ya arm!" Was over the inlaws last week looking at old pics of hubby and DAAANG I've done a great job Cleaned him up, got him matching and smelling good, got a good job, good provider, and got me able to stay home with me kids....and some other ho wanna try and reap the benefits of my hard work, blood, sweat and tears? HELL NO!

Sorry ya'll please continue

 

[ladysaraii]

Yeah I'd be a little bothered by that, especially when you told her you'd bring the kid back once he had eaten.

have a chat w/ your husband and keep your eyes open.

 

[ladysaraii]

YUP! They get on that "He's a good brotha how did SHE snag him" type mess

I'm crazy though cuz I'll clothesline a **** and put her in a cross face chicken wing in a sec. I know it's all on the man blah blah blah and it's all good but dang it I've invested a lot of time and work into my marriage and like Bey say "I'll be DAMNED if I see another chick on ya arm!" Was over the inlaws last week looking at old pics of hubby and DAAANG I've done a great job Cleaned him up, got him matching and smelling good, got a good job, good provider, and got me able to stay home with me kids....and some other ho wanna try and reap the benefits of my hard work, blood, sweat and tears? HELL NO!

Sorry ya'll please continue

omg!

 

[YankeeCandle]

I'm mad she rolled up in the house and helped herself to a nice big slice of pizza.

 

[kbragg]

And where is the baby daddy? Your hubby need to mentor HIM dang it! Get him to take care of his own son and wife his baby momma so that hoe can get the hellz away from ya huzzband!



Sorry ya'll, I'm projecting cuz had it been me Ida been all "Harpo who dis woman?"

 

[ThickHair]

OP I can understand where you are coming from. Women, especially in her situation easily catch feelings (no offense to single moms at all) I mean here she is single mom, baby daddy not around and here comes this handsome your black man (assuming he is all of these things) being a father to her son. She says how good of a husband and father he is and starts to think how nice it would be to have a man like that. I would keep my eyes open and make sure you let your DH know that their relationship is for the boy ONLY because the second ya'll have an argument she'll be bumping Mary J & Lil Kim's "I Can Love You"

I'm making a bunch of assumptions lol but I have seen this phenomenon with my own eyes and yes it was DH he made the vows etc but as Jay says the Power of the Pu....well it's powerful I might be a bit of a paranoid conspiracy theorist but I'm one of those who strongly believes in protecting one's marriage so take it for what it's worth

ITA I would have never left the room or whereever without my husband. Call me crazy but.......

 

[kbragg]

I'm mad she rolled up in the house and helped herself to a nice big slice of pizza.

Giiiiiiiiiiiirl!!!! I drop da ho off tell her we bring her chile back own tomarra. Then she just gonna roll up in MY house, eat MY pizza, then drink MY likka wit MY huzzzband!!?!?!?!

Dammit to hell I don't think so!!!

Hoe have a seat!

 

[YankeeCandle]

Giiiiiiiiiiiirl!!!! I drop da ho off tell her we bring her chile back own tomarra. Then she just gonna roll up in MY house, eat MY pizza, then drink MY likka wit MY huzzzband!!?!?!?!

Dammit to hell I don't think so!!!

Hoe have a seat!

Whole post just put a huge smile on my face.

 

[donna894]

Maybe I am paranoid.. I want to be nice and everything, but it seems that you and your husband have given this woman an inch and she is taking a mile. First you invite her son to participate in sports with your kid, then you're buying her son clothes and paying his fees, then you're taking her son out for pizza, and next she shows up and ends up eating too. After you excuse yourself to do laundry, you come back to find your husband and her having a drink?? And on a weeknight?? (Don't they have to go to work the next day?) Did they offer you one? Are you making this up??

Boundaries are being crossed. And I'm giving your DH the side eye. Is he always so generous with helping other people's kids? If this is supposed to be about helping the child, how does he and her having a drink come into play? That's personal between her and him and has nothing to do with the kid. Also when you excused yourself, why didn't the child's mom notice that it was getting late, take her kid and leave? You're LHCF sister and I love ya, but I have to wonder why you would leave your husband alone with a woman you really don't know. What's really going on here??

Somethin in the milk aint clean!

 

[Strangefruittree]

I am so greedy right now all i can think about is pizza.. Mmmm pizza

 

[ThickHair]

You're LHCF sister and I love ya, but I have to wonder why you would leave your husband alone with a woman you really don't know.

That is all I have to say about that, goodnight. Don't leave ya man with a woman ya do know.

I am never alone with any of my friends husbands nor boyfriends. I don't want them but I never want to have anything looking suspect. If my girl leaves the room, I am right behind her, "What's weezs gonna do?, We weezs goin?"

 

[kbragg]

I'm mad she rolled up in the house and helped herself to a nice big slice of pizza.

That is all I have to say about that, goodnight. Don't leave ya man with a woman ya do know.

I am never alone with any of my friends husbands nor boyfriends. I don't want them but I never want to have anything looking suspect. If my girl leaves the room, I am right behind her, "What's weezs gonna do?, We weezs goin?"

"Weez gonna getz uzzz some wat -o - melin an' fried chikin"

 

[frostydoll]

kbragg has me cracking me up

 

[angelc]

Yea...I would just tell DH how it made me feel. I mean, you were right there in the house so your DH more than likely was just being nice. He cant be that bold lol.

It would have been perfect if DH would have told her "Let me go and see if my wife would like to have a drink with us"...but yea, he probably didn't mean any harm.

You know your DH though, you will know his intentions better than us. Like, is he normally a really friendly and caring guy? If the guest would have been a male, the boys father, would he have been just as hospitable? Or, was his friendliness unusual? His normal everyday behavior/personality is the key factor in this.

@ Bolded, Yes, I would have felt much better about it if I would have been included.

Also, my husband usually is friendly but in the case of another female I just didn't appreciate it.

 

[angelc]

Hm...sometimes a woman sees a man being a good provider and especially to a child that isn't theirs and helping...and she may want to move in on that territory.

NOT SAYING SHE IS. She could easily be a nice woman just grateful for the help!

But in this day and age, you now people honestly are bold with their mess. May be innocent to hubby but sometimes people need to be shown "how it looks" on the outside looking in to really get it.

I agree, thank you!