Married Ladies what kind of advice would you give her?

[StarScream35]

I have a girlfriend who is 2 months into her marriage. Prior to marrying this guy, they called off the engagment twice and then called off the wedding three times. I told her not to get married but got the old you single and hatin speech so I backed off.

Fast forward to last night she calls me talking about she wants out of the marriage and she hates she ever married him. So I asked her why did she get married in the first place. She said she would have rather married him than be a single woman trying to date in Atlanta because of all the poor quality in Atlanta. For a slight instance I almost pitied her because I know that dating scene in Atlanta all too well but then I was like.........wait, that's no excuse. I felt like I was a bit hard on her and now I feel bad.

What advice would you ladies give her? Is she just going through a rough patch that can be resolved?

 

[blackmaven]

You stated your opinion prior to marriage and was called a hater. I would keep my opinion to myself unless the man is being abusive. If your friend is unhappy,she knows what to do.

Sometimes women will repeat what negative stuff their friends say for the sake of winning in argument against their husband. If you continue to advise your friend on what to do,you may be perceived as the enemy by the husband. Watch it!

 

[sunnieb]

What issues were they having that caused all of the canceled engagements and weddings?

Two months in and she already wants out? That's still the giggly romantic butterflies in your stomach phase.

Sent from my Comet using LHCF

 

[StarScream35]

What issues were they having that caused all of the canceled engagements and weddings?

Two months in and she already wants out? That's still the giggly romantic butterflies in your stomach phase.

Sent from my Comet using LHCF

He cheated on her twice. Also, his family hates her and didn't want him marrying her. I know her husband cancelled one of the engagements and called off the marriage once. She called it off the second time. The third time they both agreed to call it off.

 

[StarScream35]

You stated your opinion prior to marriage and was called a hater. I would keep my opinion to myself unless the man is being abusive. If your friend is unhappy,she knows what to do.

Sometimes women will repeat what negative stuff their friends say for the sake of winning in argument against their husband. If you continue to advise your friend on what to do,you may be perceived as the enemy by the husband. Watch it!

Good advice. I will try to stay neutral as much as possible. Learning things the hard way ain't fun...........

 

[NijaG]

He cheated on her twice. Also, his family hates her and didn't want him marrying her. I know her husband cancelled one of the engagements and called off the marriage once. She called it off the second time. The third time they both agreed to call it off.

I don't understand. Why did they get married?

 

[Mai Tai]

What advice should you give her you ask? NONE.

One of the best lessons you can learn as a friend is to become neutral in the relationships/marriages of your friends and unless abuse is going on, just offer a listening ear.

You saw how you tried to offer advice previouisly and you instantly became a villian for doing so.

 

[blackmaven]

Good advice. I will try to stay neutral as much as possible. Learning things the hard way ain't fun...........

You got the lesson out of the situation. Who knows they may stay married trying to due a Whitney and Bobby for the sake of proving the naysayers wrong.

 

[MD_Lady]

A hard head makes for a soft and, if she'd listened to "old, single, hatin'" you in the FIRST place, she wouldn't be in a position where she's seeking your advice NOW. That having been said:

...Fast forward to last night she calls me talking about she wants out of the marriage and she hates she ever married him. So I asked her why did she get married in the first place. She said she would have rather married him than be a single woman trying to date in Atlanta because of all the poor quality in Atlanta...

I think you made an excellent point here and I would have asked her the same question. Intially, she thought being in bad marriage was preferable to being single... does she feel that being in a bad marriage is preferable to being divorced? She had MULTIPLE red flags BEFORE they got married, but chose to move forward any way. She needs to think back to why she CHOSE to make the best of a bad situation the first time around and see if those reasons still hold water today. Only she knows if she can TRULY "forgive and forget" or if ending the marriage would be best.

 

[sunnieb]

He cheated on her twice. Also, his family hates her and didn't want him marrying her. I know her husband cancelled one of the engagements and called off the marriage once. She called it off the second time. The third time they both agreed to call it off.

Alrighty then.

Agree that you need to remain neutral. She has told you too much about her relationship already.

Support her as a friend and suggest marriage counseling. That way she can air all of their dirty laundry to a trained professional.

Other than that, don't give her any relationship advice whatsoever. Just listen if she needs an ear.

Sent from my Comet using LHCF

 

[ThickHair]

Say nothing. She is a big girl and she knows what to do.

 

[StarScream35]

Thanks ladies. Yall bring it on. I'm gone take advice and not say anything to her. I'll just listen cause hey I did tell her. Personally I wouldn't marry no man that has cheated twice but to each her own. I do wonder about women like her though.........she is fairly attractive so why settle? I mean I know being in your 30's, single dating and looking for Mr. Right ain't the best walk in the park but at the end of day, I got my mom, my family, my sanity, my girlfriends to trip out with and LHCF and I'm good.

I do wonder about women like her. It's like really............your desire to not date is so strong you'd get with a guy you aren't happy with? These are the types of women that become male haters later on and scream bloody war against all men. I just don't understand it.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I agree with the other posters. She doesn't need your advice and you don't need to give her any. Just be there to listen. She knows getting married was a mistake. She knows what she should do. Just be her friend and keep your opinions about her husband to yourself. She'll forgive him before she forgives you.

 

[chronicity]

I do wonder about women like her. It's like really............your desire to not date is so strong you'd get with a guy you aren't happy with? These are the types of women that become male haters later on and scream bloody war against all men. I just don't understand it.

Some women are more sensitive to societal programming, and some women are more resistant to it (like you are). It takes a certain amount of strength and self-love to stay single when every day you're reminded that marriage is the happy ever after ideal.

Her life couldn't be mine either, but I feel sorry for her. If you want to be a good friend to her, refrain from saying anything judgmental. It will likely cause her to be that more determined to prove you wrong.

 

[Zaynab]

You should tell her not to discuss her marriage to anyone, especially anyone single (no offense OP). Don't offer her any advice regardless of what you knew about before the marriage, it's different ground now. Also, she's venting now then in six months it will be all daisies and you'll be looking like . So it's best to just honestly do nothing. I wouldn't even listen tell her it's inappropriate to discuss her issues with you

 

[briacait]

You should tell her not to discuss her marriage to anyone, especially anyone single (no offense OP). Don't offer her any advice regardless of what you knew about before the marriage, it's different ground now. Also, she's venting now then in six months it will be all daisies and you'll be looking like . So it's best to just honestly do nothing. I wouldn't even listen tell her it's inappropriate to discuss her issues with you

I think this is great advice. I told my sister this earlier this year because she was coming to me every time something happened between she and her husband. I mean I knew way too much about what was going on in that house it was ridiculous. I had to put a stop to it. I don't think it's ever a good idea to seek marital advice from anyone other than a trained professional. You need an objective opinion.

 

[Zaynab]

I think this is great advice. I told my sister this earlier this year because she was coming to me every time something happened between she and her husband. I mean I knew way too much about what was going on in that house it was ridiculous. I had to put a stop to it. I don't think it's ever a good idea to seek marital advice from anyone other than a trained professional. You need an objective opinion.

I got married first in my group of friends, I was like 23. I had no one to vent to-I just knew it was alot of highs and lows to being married and ALOT to figure out. BUT when they all got married and started calling me up, I was like "bye ya"ll, if he's not on drugs or beating you, you'll be aight. I gotta go" If ever told my friends 10% of anything that was really going down in the early years, they would have side eyed DH forever, you can't set your spouse up like that And at the end of the day OP's friend will probably still be with him.