Married Ladies Random Thoughts

starfish said:
Lord have mercy. Why do I have to tell you to do some things three, Three, THREE times??! He's pretty good at following my requests but sometimes he's not. Repeating myself when I know your behind heard me the first time is one of my pet peeves. "Don't make me say it again". I sound like his mother instead of his wife. He's a good man but sometimes he drives me crazy. I have a short fuse and am grumpy because I'm menopausal and tired from the recent hot flashes all night. I do know better ways to ask him to do things so I get what I want but I don't have the patience right now. Just freaking do it like I asked. Dammit. :mad:
Click to expand...
Welcome to a
"Tale of Two Brains"

Vid should start at
the relevant part
to your issue
or just FF to 1:17:50

 
LivingInPeace said:
I can understand why you and your husband would feel that way. However, some people think splitting bills at a dinner is tacky so maybe he's one of those people. He might think that the couples will start going out together regularly and your husband will get the bill the next time.
Click to expand...
Yeah. He’s likely betting on y’all getting the next one- not in an y’all owe me way but in a hope we hang out again way.
 
Thanks for the couple-bill experiences. I guess everyone does it differently and we can stick with what works for us. It's not a couple we'll be seeing with any of type regularity which is probably part of it along with the preference for men to split. I won't be getting into swapsy patterns going forward, beyond the next one.

My friend actually said "NO!" when he said he was paying, I think she prefers a split too :lol:.
 
Random…One interesting thing I noticed most hotep or extremely pro black males I know settled down with white women. Why is that?
 
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My husband has high blood pressure and will have to go on medications. Really high. He is officially now middle aged. I cannot help but wonder if I am to blame. Twenty years of stressing him out caught up with him? I will never admit this this to anyone IRL but I think it’s my fault. I feel like poop.

When I was really sick mentally he had to be hospitalized because he had a myocardial infarction. When they did tests they could not find anything physiologically wrong. No blocked arteries. Nothing. He was physically healthy so I know it was the stress of me being mentally ill that caused his MI. My psychiatrist and therapist told him he had to take care of himself because being with me was taking a toll on his health. Not so explicitly but that’s what they meant. Dude was having ptsd at one point because of me. Just typing that out makes me feel pain because I really love him and feel bad that he went through that because of me.

Because of how I am I realize I have already pronounced him dead and I am planning my suicide. This is mental illness for me. But I am trying to fight it with common sense and everything therapy thought me about being responsible and in putting his feelings beside mine and not being dramatic.


I am not being dramatic about this though. The first time we had an argument he was horrified at my outburst and said he did not want to live a life of constant drama. He said he was choosing to consciously be a good husband because he did not think his father was a good husband to his mother. He told me that my behaviour was making it hard for him to be with me. I remember he was having palpitations when he said this and he went for a jog to unburden himself. He said it was hard for him to say that - being Catholic and the belief that marriage was for life. No matter what. I remember that and wonder if the constant stress response is finally having a toll on him. This guy was traumatized by his parents having arguments and his dad cheating. Those were regular themes in my life which I normalized. He never did.

maybe I am being dramatic and this is what comes with him being 45?
 
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I know why 40+ women have those oooopppps babies after having had a couple. Yaw, I had a pregnant lady in her early 40's on the phone doing a nutrition consult. I heard a baby in the background. She was like oh thats my 3 day old grandbaby I'm holding right now. (SAY whaaaaaat. No way me and my child gone be childbearing age at the same time....) but for real....

Something about 40+ sex ain't even funny. (I mean.....its GOOD GOOD)....but....DH seems to really really want it more. I told him this every night stuff ain't gonna work no more. I ain't no spring chicken. Then there is a window bc I get tired and the youngest likes to crawl in bed sometimes......Leave those whips and chains and toys and flips and blips for the young folk.


Okay Bye!
 
I realize something this week with hubby having COVID. I don’t like my men being weaker than I am and that includes in sickness and in health. I remember when DH had knee surgery and I went to pick him up after. The nurse offered him dinner and I told him I wanted to go home because I was tired from work and he could have something to eat after we got home. He gave me the most pitiful puppy dog look and started taking off his hospital gown to get dressed. The black nurse (who did not know I was also a nurse) cursed me out and told me to leave him alone and let her patient eat:look:

I cared for him since the weekend. Made chicken soup and everything. Now it’s Wednesday and I am so over him being sick. I told him to get his rass out of bed and help me put some pictures up. Do something. Instead of just laying there all listless. He has been taking the medications but not eating and barely drinking so I told him I have had enough. He need to eat and drink. Otherwise he will continue to have no energy. So he ate and drank. Then had a shower and asked me for some ginger tea. He is still listless so I’m going to leave him be. For now:look:

I feel uneasy seeing him vulnerable. So maybe I am not dealing with it the best way. But also it could be due to the fact that I am salty. He is there when I am sick but is not very empathetic.

I am having flashbacks of my dad having pneumonia just before he died. I know DH will be alright. But the idea of my dad being so vulnerable when I spoke to him in the hospital literally tear me up. Still. The pneumonia made his voice wheeze. I knew about his illness one day before he died and before I could fly to see him.
 
Ganjababy said:
I realize something this week with hubby having COVID. I don’t like my men being weaker than I am and that includes in sickness and in health. I remember when DH had knee surgery and I went to pick him up after. The nurse offered him dinner and I told him I wanted to go home because I was tired from work and he could have something to eat after we got home. He gave me the most pitiful puppy dog look and started taking off his hospital gown to get dressed. The black nurse (who did not know I was also a nurse) cursed me out and told me to leave him alone and let her patient eat:look:

I cared for him since the weekend. Made chicken soup and everything. Now it’s Wednesday and I am so over him being sick. I told him to get his rass out of bed and help me put some pictures up. Do something. Instead of just laying there all listless. He has been taking the medications but not eating and barely drinking so I told him I have had enough. He need to eat and drink. Otherwise he will continue to have no energy. So he ate and drank. Then had a shower and asked me for some ginger tea. He is still listless so I’m going to leave him be. For now:look:

I feel uneasy seeing him vulnerable. So maybe I am not dealing with it the best way. But also it could be due to the fact that I am salty. He is there when I am sick but is not very empathetic.

I am having flashbacks of my dad having pneumonia just before he died. I know DH will be alright. But the idea of my dad being so vulnerable when I spoke to him in the hospital literally tear me up. Still. The pneumonia made his voice wheeze. I knew about his illness one day before he died and before I could fly to see him.
Click to expand...
What's more, it
seems men become
big babies when
they are ill.

I remember DH being
ill and getting
upset that I
was carrying on
with life and
I quote: "as if
I did not care
that he was unwell".
:huh: Apparently he
thought his being
ill called for
a public holiday
and a pause
on norms so
that all focus
could be on him. :look:

They are the complete
opposite of us.
 
Ganjababy said:
I realize something this week with hubby having COVID. I don’t like my men being weaker than I am and that includes in sickness and in health. I remember when DH had knee surgery and I went to pick him up after. The nurse offered him dinner and I told him I wanted to go home because I was tired from work and he could have something to eat after we got home. He gave me the most pitiful puppy dog look and started taking off his hospital gown to get dressed. The black nurse (who did not know I was also a nurse) cursed me out and told me to leave him alone and let her patient eat:look:

I cared for him since the weekend. Made chicken soup and everything. Now it’s Wednesday and I am so over him being sick. I told him to get his rass out of bed and help me put some pictures up. Do something. Instead of just laying there all listless. He has been taking the medications but not eating and barely drinking so I told him I have had enough. He need to eat and drink. Otherwise he will continue to have no energy. So he ate and drank. Then had a shower and asked me for some ginger tea. He is still listless so I’m going to leave him be. For now:look:

I feel uneasy seeing him vulnerable. So maybe I am not dealing with it the best way. But also it could be due to the fact that I am salty. He is there when I am sick but is not very empathetic.

I am having flashbacks of my dad having pneumonia just before he died. I know DH will be alright. But the idea of my dad being so vulnerable when I spoke to him in the hospital literally tear me up. Still. The pneumonia made his voice wheeze. I knew about his illness one day before he died and before I could fly to see him.
Click to expand...
Men are the biggest babies. I go ahead and care for him--and no he is not as empathetic when I am sick either. He wasn't house trained in manners very well and its his parent's fault. He wasn't showing much empathy for his mom when she was sick until she was really sick. I cursed him out good during those days. But again, it wasn't his fault.
So God gave him daughters. OH THE IRONY.....
And I said "that's what you get!" (He cried and mowed the lawn in the dark when we found out #2 was a girl). Knowing this was the last baby we'd make on purpose. I told him there is a lesson here and he better learn it quick. He is slowly coming around, his heart is softer but the learning curve has been SUPER SLOW. He is lucky to have such a patient wife. He is a good man...but just slow.

Now he will be responsible for making sure his daughters choose a man that is less like him in the emotional department. Every few months he comes up with some "discovery" of himself being such an emotionless fool and wish he knew how to communicate better back then. I just nod my head and tell him "good for you!" and move on then roll my eyes in his face. He know he is slow but progress is good. I don't cut him too much slack about his "discoveries." But self-awareness come slow for the male species. Fortunately other aspects of his human existence balances him out. He is a great dad to our daughters. But I've told him to "get his rass" out my face more than a million times.
 
Everything Zen said:
Nice I'm getting more than 8k back in refunds filing jointly. Now I see why it’s worth it. :lol:
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We'll be filing jointly for the first time in about 10 years (married 14). We filed separately due to my student loan repayment. Now that its DONE and forgiven....filing jointly will be a winner. It was always better but it kept my loan payments super low.
 
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