Married Ladies & Committed Relationships: Can Alpha Men Make Good DH/SO?

^^^^Yum, An alpha man at his best never yells and can calm your nerves with a simple "Sweetheart, Love, Babe". His voice is deep and vibrating. He can touch you and you melt right into him. During coloring, he's strong, passionate. When he stands, sits, walks, it always with an air of calmness, confidence, and focus.

Yum...Alphas.... :lick:

:lachen: Ok I am going in
 
hopeful said:
:yep: This is my dh. He is a very strong man. He is a leader and very ambitious. And he adores me and our daughters. He would do anything for us. But I will say you have to be a very strong woman to be married to an Alpha male or they will run everything and I mean everything. But dh knows at work he can do what he do but not at home. IMO we co-lead. Sometimes he completely leads and I do see him as the head of the household, but I guide a lot and he listens. Early on I sometimes wished I had a beta guy but like others have mentioned I was never attracted to them. I notice that women married to beta guys have to handle a lot of the business in their home and when their guys lose jobs they often crumble and don't know how to take control. I suppose over time dh has developed some beta tendencies to have a happy marriage, but overall his persona is definitely alpha. And I want nothing to do with a gamma guy at all:nono:. Honeycomb made a good point. I think I may be a very feminine alpha female. I am a very strong-minded but soft-spoken, it's an interesting combination. Dh is also not a loud, boisterous person, but he has a strong presence.
Click to expand...

My mother knows when to hold'em and when to fold'em. She is an Alpha female but she has a lot of beta tendacy. She knows when she has to stand up to him, but she does it in a very gentle way. He gets nervous when she put her foot down, because he knows he is doing way too much!!:grin:

With age and a lot of work, my dad has developed a more gentle side. Overall he is a good guy, he is still rough around the edges! That's what a I look for. My current bf is Alpha male, but he has a tender spot for me. Notice I said "tender", it ain't "sweet" yet!!! lol:lachen:
 
hopeful said:
:yep: This is my dh. He is a very strong man. He is a leader and very ambitious. And he adores me and our daughters. He would do anything for us. But I will say you have to be a very strong woman to be married to an Alpha male or they will run everything and I mean everything. But dh knows at work he can do what he do but not at home. IMO we co-lead. Sometimes he completely leads and I do see him as the head of the household, but I guide a lot and he listens. Early on I sometimes wished I had a beta guy but like others have mentioned I was never attracted to them. I notice that women married to beta guys have to handle a lot of the business in their home and when their guys lose jobs they often crumble and don't know how to take control. I suppose over time dh has developed some beta tendencies to have a happy marriage, but overall his persona is definitely alpha. And I want nothing to do with a gamma guy at all:nono:. Honeycomb made a good point. I think I may be a very feminine alpha female. I am a very strong-minded but soft-spoken, it's an interesting combination. Dh is also not a loud, boisterous person, but he has a strong presence.
Click to expand...


@bolded - Yep, I agree. :yep: My DH is most definitely an alpha man. He has a hard time sharing the reigns on anything he feels he should have ownership on. And, I'm a questioner, which can be annoying to him because I guess sometimes he feels I'm questioning his abilities. Nope, that's not it. I just am a person that is comfortable with as much information as I can get about most things. Sometimes he does not get that, and that is when the power struggle ensues. Although he appreciates my independence on some things, sometimes he just wants me to say ok. I do sometimes :yep:, but I just think he concentrates on the times I don't. I can be very strong-willed because sometimes I have strong opinions about things. But, obviously he does as well. I agree Alpha men need strong women to challenge them on things because they definitely have a tendency to take over, from my experience.

Do they make good husbands? I think so, but like someone said upthread it depends on what you are looking for in a relationship.
 
CurlyMoo said:
Well he posted all the good qualities of Black woman and Beta males and explained it in such a way that I understood. But for me personally I would like a man to have characteristics of both alpha and beta.

Based on what he posted. Beta's tend to be shy, which I understand and like the aloofness but I am strongly attracted to the assertive male who goes after what he wants. But they tend to be extremely argumentative, which I don't like. Just broke up with a Beta, never knew where I stood with him and with a Alpha you always know.
Click to expand...
:yep: :yep: :yep:
Prudent1 said:
LOL:lol: that's me. I just accepted who I was in my late 20's. I get bored to tears w/ those other types of men:spinning:. There's no point in getting married just to say you're married and have your mind and heart wandering b/c of lack of contentment.
Click to expand...

Yeppp! Same here.. my mother and I just came back from vacation together and of course she'd like me to find the right man and settle down, so we were talking about men and compromising and I just came out and said to her "Mom, most men bore men" .... I know it sounds crazy, but I just can't take it :nono:.. I LOVE to laugh, I need someone to bounce off of, someone charasmatic, someone with wit, humor... something. I recently went out w/ a very attentive beta male, I knew from jump street he wasn't my type but figured I'd give him a chance anyway b/c he seemed like a nice guy. I was BORED to shreds w/ him on the phone and even in person. Anyway, when I told him I wouldn't go on our second date, this dude TORE me a new arsehole over text. He was such a passive aggressive b*atch about the whole situation. That's it. I'm 29 and I have much clearer picture of what I like and don't like. I can't force it.
 
prettyfaceANB said:
^^^^Yum, An alpha man at his best never yells and can calm your nerves with a simple "Sweetheart, Love, Babe". His voice is deep and vibrating. He can touch you and you melt right into him. During coloring, he's strong, passionate. When he stands, sits, walks, it always with an air of calmness, confidence, and focus.

Yum...Alphas.... :lick:

:lachen: Ok I am going in
Click to expand...

You are painting them with a very board brush.

Can someone give their take on the post I made about Alpha's PDA?
 
Wow this has been a real eye opener. My SO is an alpha male or so he says, he is argumentative at times does take charge when I let him but lately he hasn't been showing me that he can provide for me, he isn't emotionally unavailable at times he can be too emotional in a aggressive frustrate manner, I am quite closed I'm definitely not alpha I and trying to figure him out but I just don't get him half the time, when it is good it is great when it us bad it is BAD.
 
NaijaTroll said:
You are painting them with a very board brush.

Can someone give their take on the post I made about Alpha's PDA?
Click to expand...

I noticed an interesting, alpha ‘version’ of PDA. The intent is not to show affection, but to control and dominate the women. The man grasps with his right hand the upper left arm of his woman, or vice versa, with the woman walking slightly in front. The man’s arm is bent, allowing him to exert strong tension.
Any woman in this position damn well knows her place. It’s how you’d walk a docile inmate or blind man.
Click to expand...

This is fairly accurate IMO. Most alphas aren't affectionate in front of others and don't do PDA. They do exert their authority & dominance with their presence by the way they walk, hold and physically guide a woman with their person. Jay-Z and and Beyonce's body language is pretty accurate. Also if you look at Donald Trump with his wife and former wives speaks volumes. Kimora Lee with Russell Simmons and her new hubby Djimon Honsou are also fairly accurate. These men do not kiss and hug all over these women in public. They tend to grab their arms, walk in front of them (at times) and only occasionally show physical intimacy in public. I don't mean this to sound negative either, it is what it is....
 
Last edited:
NaijaTroll said:
You are painting them with a very board brush.

Can someone give their take on the post I made about Alpha's PDA?
Click to expand...

Pardon me...just reminiscing on my last Alpha. sigh...

My examples.

A1: Coloring was passionate and great but PDA wasn't existent or allowed. He would not hold my hand, hug, kiss, in public at all.

A2: He was affectionate in an assertive/sensual way. Very much into PDA (hold hands, arm n arm, grab a$$, hold around waist or from behind). He let me hang on him in public, not clingy like but in a "You the man and I'm your sexy arm candy" kind of way. Boy do I miss that. Coloring was AMAZING. I think our A/A traits made our fling neat perfect and he did those things because I possessed my own power and he was drawn to that. Sigh...missing him all over again.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
I'm also interested in the question of what exactly women consider "alpha".

Something I've noticed with the men I have class with is that it seems to be relatively "in" for them to show how modern and feminist-y they are. Maybe not a majority, but I seem to run into men who go out of their way to prove that they aren't alphas. While both of the men I'm thinking of in particular really are great in a number of respects, it kinda struck me like they were doing that because they thought that's what women wanted them to think.

It seems like more than anything, alpha males are more stubbornly independent and resist relying upon or conceding to women (which is the challenge to the women in relationships with them).
 
We are both alphas, and we clash (read: fuss) all of the time. But it's all good, because we are attracted to that in one another. Yet, we both also know when to let a little beta seep in. My ex husband was a beta, alpha wannabe. His next woman was a beta. They lasted many years together.
 
nicola.kirwan said:
Regarding the emotional unavailability of alpha males, is emotional availability really that important? I don't mean that it's okay for a man to be insensitive if you're crying or for you to be unable to express significant things to him. Of course a man needs to be supportive. But I don't feel like I really need a "girlfriend" like that. In fact, I feel that generally keeping one's own counsel is best...unless it's gradma or something. Always divulging highlights your weaknesses to the person you're confiding in, and ultimately, familiarity breeds contempt. My guess is that alpha males might tolerate someone's weaknesses, but will lose respect if the person can't or won't handle them independently. IMO, and this is speculative, women feeling the need to constantly pour out their heart to their romantic partner (or even friends) are looking for validation and outward compensation for a lack of inner security and confidence. It's better to work on that internally than always seeking it from others.
Click to expand...

Interesting, the bold, because we confide in each other. We love being each other's sounding boards. However, I do think we are less tolerant of others' in the same capacity.
 
MissMasala5 said:
Interesting, the bold, because we confide in each other. We love being each other's sounding boards. However, I do think we are less tolerant of others' in the same capacity.
Click to expand...

I'm definitely interested in hearing people's various experiences in this regard. I think what I wrote is true in general--whether it works the same within a marriage I'm curious about.

I should add, though, that I wasn't talking about sharing thoughts and feelings in general--more like pouring over anxieties and insecurities on a regular basis. But that might be something that most adult women grow out of anyway and not applicable here.
 
Can I have a mix?

I thought I liked beta men, BUT I have learned otherwise. I like manly men. There is something about a man who can lead, who is good with his hands (fixing things etc.), who is confident etc. that gets me. I *heart* it. At the same time, I don't do well with emotional unavailability or men who I feel don't communicate well. While I have zero problem with a man who has a strong personality, I also need a man who respects my voice and insights.
 
I've come to the conclusion that a beta man would be a better fit for me in terms of a marriage partner. I generally attract and am attracted to alpha males.
 
Prudent1 said:
. Life doesn't work that way:nono:. Or at least not from what I've observed. I do need to say I am more of the alpha female type. It takes that kind of man to deal with me, understand me, balance me. I'm told I can be a real handful:giggle: for such a petite package:blush:. Great thread!
Click to expand...

I've been told the exact same thing... so i have a feeling i'm an alpha female...(with a little beta) and i fully get it from my mother. She takes control of EVERY situation...lol whether a man, her husband, anybody wants her to or not. lol

Makes sense why i always go for the rough and rugged types, if a man looks too soft, i always wonder, will he be able to protect me, or, will i have to drag him out of some situation.

I've done so before, and actually, that's why i broke up with my first boyfriend.. I was always getting him out of scrapes, and I told him i wear the pants in that relationship :lol::nono:
 
nicola.kirwan said:
I'm definitely interested in hearing people's various experiences in this regard. I think what I wrote is true in general--whether it works the same within a marriage I'm curious about.

I should add, though, that I wasn't talking about sharing thoughts and feelings in general--more like pouring over anxieties and insecurities on a regular basis. But that might be something that most adult women grow out of anyway and not applicable here.
Click to expand...

I think an alpha male would probably be put off of a woman's anxieties and insecurities, should she have them and constantly need him to deal with them. Ultimately, though, he will decide is she worth the aggravation and go from there. And vice versa with beta or gamma men.
 
is anyone going to admit they are married to or attracted to betas? y'all make 'em sound so lame compared to alphas. :lol:
 
Oasis said:
is anyone going to admit they are married to or attracted to betas? y'all make 'em sound so lame compared to alphas. :lol:
Click to expand...

There used to be a reality show called Househusbands. The entire cast was a group of happily and not-so-happily married alpha women with beta husbands.
 
nicola.kirwan said:
Regarding the emotional unavailability of alpha males, is emotional availability really that important? I don't mean that it's okay for a man to be insensitive if you're crying or for you to be unable to express significant things to him. Of course a man needs to be supportive. But I don't feel like I really need a "girlfriend" like that. In fact, I feel that generally keeping one's own counsel is best...unless it's gradma or something. Always divulging highlights your weaknesses to the person you're confiding in, and ultimately, familiarity breeds contempt. My guess is that alpha males might tolerate someone's weaknesses, but will lose respect if the person can't or won't handle them independently. IMO, and this is speculative, women feeling the need to constantly pour out their heart to their romantic partner (or even friends) are looking for validation and outward compensation for a lack of inner security and confidence. It's better to work on that internally than always seeking it from others.
Click to expand...

@nicola.kirwan ...I can honestly say that I have never thought about emotional availability and its degree of importance in this way. Definitely food for thought.

And I love the bolded.
 
Last edited:
I have personally found that when the A male didn't want me or respect me, he was completely emotionally unavailable (I was mostly beta/gamma at this time). But when that A male wants me, he becomes open to me (mostly alpha bit of beta at this time). I've experienced both and of course the latter is better.:yep: So I found the key is he has to have a desire for you.




Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Last edited:
Oasis said:
is anyone going to admit they are married to or attracted to betas? y'all make 'em sound so lame compared to alphas. :lol:
Click to expand...

I personally don't see anything wrong with betas...I know women married to them and they are very happy. These men had what those women wanted.

BTW...Beta/Alphas alike I dont think one is more loyal than the other personally. A man that wants to step out will regardless of his "type".
 
LoveisYou said:
Can I have a mix?

I thought I liked beta men, BUT I have learned otherwise. I like manly men. There is something about a man who can lead, who is good with his hands (fixing things etc.), who is confident etc. that gets me. I *heart* it. At the same time, I don't do well with emotional unavailability or men who I feel don't communicate well. While I have zero problem with a man who has a strong personality, I also need a man who respects my voice and insights.
Click to expand...

See this is what is ideal for me. And that is what Dh is. I don' think he is full Alpha or Beta. And I do believe there is such thing as a mix. Its just the amount of mixing that you can deal with or are attracted to. The description of a 100% alpha male and the 100% beta male turns me off :ohwell:. They both seem to have their pros and cons.

I think the descriptions you made above can interchange with both catagories. I know some beta males who are great with their hands and are confident, but they don't have to lead. And I know some alpha males who are excellent leaders but get all mushy around children and are very affectionate. I don't think one trait belongs to one catagory.

I hear this word presence, and that the man need not be loud and boisterous. But at the same time, some women would think that is the trait of a beta male. The alpha males would be the loudest one in the room and hob-nobbing with everyone in there, whether he had a presence or not. So traits depend on who you ask.
 
Readyone said:
See this is what is ideal for me. And that is what Dh is. I don' think he is full Alpha or Beta. And I do believe there is such thing as a mix. Its just the amount of mixing that you can deal with or are attracted to. The description of a 100% alpha male and the 100% beta male turns me off :ohwell:. They both seem to have their pros and cons.

I think the descriptions you made above can interchange with both catagories. I know some beta males who are great with their hands and are confident, but they don't have to lead. And I know some alpha males who are excellent leaders but get all mushy around children and are very affectionate. I don't think one trait belongs to one catagory.

I hear this word presence, and that the man need not be loud and boisterous. But at the same time, some women would think that is the trait of a beta male. The alpha males would be the loudest one in the room and hob-nobbing with everyone in there, whether he had a presence or not. So traits depend on who you ask.
Click to expand...

ITA; particularly with the bolded.

To me, high or notable levels of emotional availability contradicts what I have witnessed and been taught to understand as being indicative of alpha. Everyone has a soft spot here or there on something in our personal lives but as a rule, alphas overachieve independently and aggressively in career and every other area of their life, including marriage and family. To achieve such status requires ones to be emotionally contained, regulated and logical as a driving force of one's decisions and state of mind 9 times out of 10, in every situation or scenario. They are goal-oriented and driven, which means they can't afford to have too much vested interest in emotions, their own and those of others, wives included.

This brings me to my other observation that wives of such men are not particular sensitive, empathetic or openly emotional in general, not even with their children. Most don't require much emotional availability because they aren't big on being emotionally available themselves so this factor is not a problem. IME these types of wives are emotionally reserved, somewhat detached and a bit aloof. Rarely to almost never criers, no matter how feminine they appear. Like their husbands, most wives of alpha males are alpha females, so they are goal oriented & pragmatic in their marital, parental and personal decisions from beginning to end.

Look at long-lasting marriages of most high achieving doctors, attorneys, executives, politicians, entrepreneurs and the like, both the husbands and the wives seem to operate independently in professional and personal endeavors. They may be sincerely happy and content but they also tend not to be lovey-dovey types even at home. You rarely catch them together as a couple unless it's for an appearance, public or charity event or an annual vacation. Alpha pairings also have goals and agendas for their children too; unless you are actively overachieving as a child these are not the soft sensitive parents you can come and talk to when you have a problem.....
 
Oasis said:
is anyone going to admit they are married to or attracted to betas? y'all make 'em sound so lame compared to alphas. :lol:
Click to expand...

I like betas! It's funny since I never had a favorable view of alpha men since my stepfather is one of them.

It's funny, but most of the beta men that I know were:

-Gentle
-Fun loving
-Generous
-Kind
-Emotionally available

I feel this is one of those definitions were it depends on the person. I never saw a beta male as bad. It's not as if these guys are crying every time I talk to them.

They were still men as in they helped move my stuff around, went to the gym, were pretty athletic, tried to take care of me, but they weren't oozing macho-man.

It's funny. Many people consider alphas as leaders, but I feel that's similar to how people view extroverts as leaders. Betas can be leaders, but their style will be different.

I'm probably an alpha female, though. Maybe a 70%/30% mix? I tend to dominate and take over, but sometimes I just don't care.
 
I much prefer a beta. With me as top dog, more gets accomplished. I also don't take people for granted, so I think I'm perfect for a beta.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

M
Men who admit that they know the #s are in their favor...
Replies
15
Views
459
Ballerina_Bun
B
CurliDiva
Bold MARRIED Men
Replies
24
Views
606
Lebiya
Lebiya
socurlyqt
Will you make your DH Strap UP?
Replies
16
Views
382
Ramya
Ramya
LivingDol1
successful relationships require....?
Replies
6
Views
167
Chocolatelove2010
Chocolatelove2010
LivingDoll
This is a difficult question to ask. Engaged and Married women....
2
Replies
56
Views
1K
sylver2
S
Back
Top