Married Ladies & Committed Relationships: Can Alpha Men Make Good DH/SO?

[BeautifulFlower]

Did a quick search on gamma and apparently they are the best of both worlds?

Not according to may Google Search....

TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR
Adopts or duplicates female behaviors, values, or expectations
ALPHA
Not on your life if it’s even close to being obvious.
BETA
Not averse to it, if it serves him, and he doesn’t look femmy doing it.
GAMMA
Yes, he hopes to win female admiration.

TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR
Appears confident?
ALPHA
Always; very comfortable with whom he is.
BETA
Yes, when in familiar territory.
GAMMA
Not usually.

TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR
As a friend?
ALPHA
Many more claim him for friend than the reverse.
BETA
Quick to call acquaintances friends.
GAMMA
Acts like girlfriend.

TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR
As a giver/taker?
ALPHA
He expects to take more than he gives.
BETA
He’s willing to give.
GAMMA
He gives easily to win approval.
TRAIT, HABIT, BEHAVIOR
Attitude is?
ALPHA
One of stoutness, unbend-able, & seemingly inflexible.
BETA
Cooperative.
GAMMA
Submissiveness cloaked in pleasantness; overly cooperative, weak sister-like, pitiful to alphas.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Well he posted all the good qualities of Black woman and Beta males and explained it in such a way that I understood. But for me personally I would like a man to have characteristics of both alpha and beta.

Based on what he posted. Beta's tend to be shy, which I understand and like the aloofness but I am strongly attracted to the assertive male who goes after what he wants. But they tend to be extremely argumentative, which I don't like. Just broke up with a Beta, never knew where I stood with him and with a Alpha you always know.

I'll find the article will take some digging through.

YESSS IN DEED @ the bolded. They make no bones about anything they want. I love that.

 

[Prudent1]

The one I posted dealt with alpha/beta males. the ones CurlyMoo posted are about how racist the site is.

Did a quick search on gamma and apparently they are the best of both worlds?

Your right. I was thinking of Nicola's post below-
You should really read this perspective: http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2010/05/15...2%80%94part-i/

The gammas from that description are your more feminine, can't change a tire, can't fix anything, need you to kill the bug type males. I guess they could be considered the best of both world depending on what the female partner wants.

 

[Prudent1]

GIRRRLLLLL, we the same person. Especially the bolded.

I had a friend tell me I was a handful. Conversation....

HIM: "You're a handful."
ME: "But I'm fun."

I was beginning to feel bad about my Alpha-ness and thinking, "You know, PFANB, if you want to get married one day you may have to look to them Betas more seriously." I've tried it and I've tried it again. It simply does NOTHING for me. I've come to terms with my desires in a mate. I need an Alpha male and I'll wait for that one that is strong as steel on the outside and has a firm center just for me.

LOL that's me. I just accepted who I was in my late 20's. I get bored to tears w/ those other types of men. There's no point in getting married just to say you're married and have your mind and heart wandering b/c of lack of contentment.

 

[NaijaTroll]

re your more feminine, can't change a tire, can't fix anything, need you to kill the bug type males. .

Gross

I got the defintion from http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/03/gamma-man.html

The ideal is the Gamma Male. Not often talked about, but they are out there. Usually a Gamma is an Alpha Male that “grew up” and toned down the antics slightly and started being socially conscious and more of a team player. Or they started as a Beta Male that “grew a pair” and started bumping back on the rest of the world rather than just taking it lying down. Either way works as a route. Like Jean-Luc Picard, Gammas use diplomacy but when required to they will respond with adept force. Mostly they are consciously aware of both their own natures, and the needs of women. They adjust on the fly to the situation, sometimes hard, sometimes soft.

Lol so Im thinking to myself like "wtf is wrong with gamma" but your definition..yuck..lol Imma have to pass on 'em.

 

[barbiesocialite]

You should really read this perspective: http://wwnh.wordpress.com/2010/05/15/923-the-male-matrix-alpha-beta-gamma—part-i/

I've been in love with and subscribed to WWNH for a couple years. He is spot on with his alpha-beta-gamma analysis. My only issue with it's relevance to this thread is that the author is intensely conservative, considering the outrage over Fascinating Womanhood, I don't think a lot of BW want to do a)what it takes to get and keep an alpha male-- I don't see many willing to "grin and bear it" and b) be willing to accept the lack of emotional availability of alphas as matter-of-fact to consider most alphas good husbands in the first place

ETA: the women in my family, all who are traditionally "feminine" & married alphas, raised me to believe that if I want a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to about my woes, I need to get a shrink or a tight group of girlfriends because my husband isn't going to do it.

 

[lux10023]

ditto...

DH is an alpha in every sense of the word--i take his good alpha traits with his bad alpha traits just as he takes the good/bad of my alpha female traits.....lol..first words outta my mouth when we met was are you sure because im alot to handle!!! lolol in every sense of the word

i think they make great husbands--just gotta know how to deal with them--and if youve been dating a variety of alpha males you kinda figure it all out by the time its time to put a ring on it...

and so true there r some crazy alphas lurking for a poor naive young fawn..waiting to pounce on like prey lololol...

My dad is an Alpha male. My parents have been married for 29 years. When it comes to my mom and I, he is a softie!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

LOL that's me. I just accepted who I was in my late 20's. I get bored to tears w/ those other types of men. There's no point in getting married just to say you're married and have your mind and heart wandering b/c of lack of contentment.

Amen. I made a promise to myself that I would not marry unless it was someone that I simply couldn't live without and that does "it" for me. Nothing less. No use getting married if I think I'll divorce you, cheat on you, or simply not want to have s3x with you. No point at all!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

If you're an Alpha woman, then you'd more than like want an Alpha man, because a Beta man would bore you to tears--If you're a Beta woman, you'd want to pair up with a Beta man, because an Alpha man might become bored with you.

Thank you for this Really...

 

[RegaLady]

I would rather have a Beta with some Alpha in there. From experience I have been instantly attracted to Alphas, HOWEVER I find that I clash with them because I usually want things my way. If I were still dating, I think I would play too many games for an Alpha to put up with me. Beta men seem to be the men who allow you to have your way and thats what I like. Dh is that way, however, he steps up when he is suppose to and I like that( assertive, decisive, to the point, knows what he wants). I have to admit, I think he and I are probably half and half of Beta and Alpha.

I know alot of Alphas who although were married, they cheated because they had swarms of women running after them. I think with Alpha men, women are always interested in them.

 

[aribell]

I've been in love with and subscribed to WWNH for a couple years. He is spot on with his alpha-beta-gamma analysis. My only issue with it's relevance to this thread is that the author is intensely conservative, considering the outrage over Fascinating Womanhood, I don't think a lot of BW want to do a)what it takes to get and keep an alpha male-- I don't see many willing to "grin and bear it" and b) be willing to accept the lack of emotional availability of alphas as matter-of-fact to consider most alphas good husbands in the first place

ETA: the women in my family, all who are traditionally "feminine" & married alphas, raised me to believe that if I want a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to about my woes, I need to get a shrink or a tight group of girlfriends because my husband isn't going to do it.

I agree with your points. Particularly with the bolded, I suppose the question is what type of husband a woman wants. And that'll be reflective of who she perceives herself to be as a woman. I think that Guy @WWNH would also say that whether a particular alpha male will make a good husband or not will depend heavily on how the woman in question carries herself and the standards and expectations she has. And yes, that's the hard part--doing what it takes and being who it takes as a woman.

 

[hopeful]

My dad is an Alpha male. My parents have been married for 29 years. When it comes to my mom and I, he is a softie!

This is my dh. He is a very strong man. He is a leader and very ambitious. And he adores me and our daughters. He would do anything for us. But I will say you have to be a very strong woman to be married to an Alpha male or they will run everything and I mean everything. But dh knows at work he can do what he do but not at home. IMO we co-lead. Sometimes he completely leads and I do see him as the head of the household, but I guide a lot and he listens. Early on I sometimes wished I had a beta guy but like others have mentioned I was never attracted to them. I notice that women married to beta guys have to handle a lot of the business in their home and when their guys lose jobs they often crumble and don't know how to take control. I suppose over time dh has developed some beta tendencies to have a happy marriage, but overall his persona is definitely alpha. And I want nothing to do with a gamma guy at all. Honeycomb made a good point. I think I may be a very feminine alpha female. I am a very strong-minded but soft-spoken, it's an interesting combination. Dh is also not a loud, boisterous person, but he has a strong presence.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I agree with your points. Particularly with the bolded, I suppose the question is what type of husband a woman wants. And that'll be reflective of who she perceives herself to be as a woman. I think that Guy @WWNH would also say that whether a particular alpha male will make a good husband or not will depend heavily on how the woman in question carries herself and the standards and expectations she has. And yes, that's the hard part--doing what it takes and being who it takes as a woman.

Only women that can truly handle Alpha men are true Alpha women. They are a "piece of work" but she's skilled to tame is more wild side to a calming sway.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Only women that can truly handle Alpha men are true Alpha women. They are a "piece of work" but she's skilled to tame is more wild side to a calming sway.

piece of work is right!

To be frank, all the women i know married to alphas are--excuse my language-- a bunch of b*tches. Not the loud-mouth emasculating ones, the passive aggressive, nasty-nice martyr types that get your ar$e on the low when you're not looking

 

[BeautifulFlower]

what's PUA and what's their game? or should I say how does one get hip to their game

Oh its the Pick Up Artist.

 

[NaijaTroll]

ah. Thanks.

 

[aribell]

Regarding the emotional unavailability of alpha males, is emotional availability really that important? I don't mean that it's okay for a man to be insensitive if you're crying or for you to be unable to express significant things to him. Of course a man needs to be supportive. But I don't feel like I really need a "girlfriend" like that. In fact, I feel that generally keeping one's own counsel is best...unless it's gradma or something. Always divulging highlights your weaknesses to the person you're confiding in, and ultimately, familiarity breeds contempt. My guess is that alpha males might tolerate someone's weaknesses, but will lose respect if the person can't or won't handle them independently. IMO, and this is speculative, women feeling the need to constantly pour out their heart to their romantic partner (or even friends) are looking for validation and outward compensation for a lack of inner security and confidence. It's better to work on that internally than always seeking it from others.

 

[ChasingBliss]

This is my dh. He is a very strong man. He is a leader and very ambitious. And he adores me and our daughters. He would do anything for us. But I will say you have to be a very strong woman to be married to an Alpha male or they will run everything and I mean everything. But dh knows at work he can do what he do but not at home. IMO we co-lead. Sometimes he completely leads and I do see him as the head of the household, but I guide a lot and he listens. Early on I sometimes wished I had a beta guy but like others have mentioned I was never attracted to them. I notice that women married to beta guys have to handle a lot of the business in their home and when their guys lose jobs they often crumble and don't know how to take control. I suppose over time dh has developed some beta tendencies to have a happy marriage, but overall his persona is definitely alpha. And I want nothing to do with a gamma guy at all. Honeycomb made a good point. I think I may be a very feminine alpha female. I am a very strong-minded but soft-spoken, it's an interesting combination. Dh is also not a loud, boisterous person, but he has a strong presence.

Love this post hopeful. I believe my SO carries many of these traits as well. He adores me and would do anything for me...But he is also quick to take over everything and I'm not having that. I am a part of EVERYTHING concerning us EVEN if at times I let you handle things the way you see fit. You and I seem to have similar traits as well. We've only been in a relationship a short time, but I am already learning where to take control and when to let him. I am setting the pace NOW because I dont want any problems later.

One of the best things I like about him is that when those not so cute alpha traits do turn up and I tell him how it affects me or us, he is always willing to listen and improve things for the good of our relationship. He always says "you are the best thing that ever happen to me and I dont want to do ANYTHING to lose you" I see him tweeking some of his attitude patterns and I appreciate that as we have just started out. I want those good changes to begin early and have time to become a new pattern. Oh and I have my ways too. We compromise.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

IMO, and this is speculative, women feeling the need to constantly pour out their heart to their romantic partner (or even friends) are looking for validation and outward compensation for a lack of inner security and confidence. It's better to work on that internally than always seeking it from others.

I agree with this but only to the extent that usually when you're talking to everyone about your problems are looking for validation. But sometimes, its best to seek one or two individuals (male and female) you can trust and have an objective view to your situation to provide guidance and wise counsel in your blind spots.

 

[hopeful]

nicola.kirwan
Yes, emotional availablility is very important. Over the long term he just has to be. It is very hard for alpha males but it its possible for some. Over time dh has become very available emotionally. I understand his limits. Some things you share with a girlfriend, some with a therapist. But overall he knows more about me than anyone and I trust him completely. He has learned how to comfort me. And I love him so much for it. All the money and swag in the world cannot make up for an emotionally unavailable man.

 

[NaijaTroll]

Regarding the emotional unavailability of alpha males, is emotional availability really that important?.

Seems like this has become a contest. Some women want their men to be emotionally available, some dont care about that and get that support elsewhere. Looks lke this has become alpha >>>>>>>>>>> beta..which doesnt make much sense seeing that women for the most part are different and what might be important to you might not be to me.
Personally I dont care for full alphas. That whole Im too macho for sensitive stuff is a turn on to some but a turn off to me. *shrugs*


It just seems weird to be questioning what people find to be important when it comes to their relationship

 

[aribell]

Seems like this has become a contest. Some women want their men to be emotionally available, some dont care about that and get that support elsewhere. Looks lke this has become alpha >>>>>>>>>>> beta..which doesnt make much sense seeing that women for the most part are different and what might be important to you might not be to me.
Personally I dont care for full alphas. That whole Im too macho for sensitive stuff is a turn on to some but a turn off to me. *shrugs*


It just seems weird to be questioning what people find to be important when it comes to their relationship

It wasn't a challenge, just a question based on reflection--like the title of the thread.

 

[hopeful]

Love this post hopeful. I believe my SO carries many of these traits as well. He adores me and would do anything for me...But he is also quick to take over everything and I'm not having that. I am a part of EVERYTHING concerning us EVEN if at times I let you handle things the way you see fit. You and I seem to have similar traits as well. We've only been in a relationship a short time, but I am already learning where to take control and when to let him. I am setting the pace NOW because I dont want any problems later.

One of the best things I like about him is that when those not so cute alpha traits do turn up and I tell him how it affects me or us, he is always willing to listen and improve things for the good of our relationship. He always says "you are the best thing that ever happen to me and I dont want to do ANYTHING to lose you" I see him tweeking some of his attitude patterns and I appreciate that as we have just started out. I want those good changes to begin early and have time to become a new pattern. Oh and I have my ways too. We compromise.

The bolded is my dh. From the very beginning he listened to me. That is what held us together. He never wanted to lose me. He adored me from our very first date. The fact that he always "tried" has always made all the difference to me. When an alpha male is deeply in love it is really something. My happiness is extremely important to him and he takes great pride in taking care of and providing for his family. Yes, it sounds like we have a lot in common.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Can we clarify what/who is an alpha?

for example, what's an alpha to men is not necessarily an alpha to women, there are differences among social classes, etc.....

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Can we clarify what/who is an alpha?

for example, what's an alpha to men is not necessarily an alpha to women, there are differences among social classes, etc.....

Interesting article regarding the difference of the A/A types
http://www.firstloveyou.com/alpha-female.html

 

[barbiesocialite]

Interesting article regarding the difference of the A/A types
http://www.firstloveyou.com/alpha-female.html

interesting article...

for purposes of this thread does/doesn't educational and career obtainment or personal/familial income matter in the final assessment?

Personally, I don't consider certain men/women alphas unless they have reached the highest level of their desired occupation.

As far as alpha males marrying alpha females goes, I do believe most alpha males marry alpha females but it is the extent of her beauty and femininity that establishes her alphasness to most males in my observation and my personal experience. Whereas with males it's his educational obtainment, career status, and income or familial financial pedigree that defines masculine alphaness...

 

[karebear0610]

I dated a Beta male for a 5 months. He wanted me to meet his family for our second date! I was ivited to many family gatherings suck as his nephew's graduation and Yankee games with his parents. I never went to any family events with him, because I felt he was moving too quickly. He would always get upset when I wouldn't call him and update him on what I was doing at the moment....he even cried, WTF?!?! He propsed after 3 months of dating. I said no and wanted to break up with him right then and there, but felt sorry for him. He dumped me 2 months later, lol. It was such a relief for me. I was so happy when he did it. Unfortunately, 5 years later he still wants me back and still wants to get married. No Bueno!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

interesting article...

for purposes of this thread does/doesn't educational and career obtainment or personal/familial income matter in the final assessment?

Yes I consider. I'm marrying for love and money. Nothing less.

Personally, I don't consider certain men/women alphas unless they have reached the highest level of their desired occupation.

As far as alpha males marrying alpha females goes, I do believe most alpha males marry alpha females but it is the extent of her beauty and femininity that establishes her alphasness to most males in my observation and my personal experience. Whereas with males it's his educational obtainment, career status, and income or familial financial pedigree that defines masculine alphaness...

I also consider a man's personal "swag" and its typically the man with the alluring personal "swag" that can attain such degrees of success. They know how to talk to people, they are popular, and thats sexy

For women, its about looks but its also a level of personal ambitious. You can't be all about him. Whether she's a professional or not, she has to have something about her that draws her attention away from him a little bit and makes him go running a little bit for her.

 

[Britt]

I'm in a relationship with an alpha male and we plan on getting married soon. He has all the qualities I lOVE in alpha males, but at times it's that same alpha sh*t that can get on my last nerve. The good definitely outweighs the bad. I'd love to go into detail but I have to get my thoughts together...

I have always preferred alpha males to beta. I spent many years with a beta male and he bored and annoyed me to pieces...not to mention he was extremely passive aggressive. He definitely sealed the deal for me on what type I DID NOT want.

Same here.... same here... I'd rather deal with the downsides to dating an alpha than to deal w/the down side to dating an overly beta male.... all these years, I never knew the technical names for such individuals. Anyway, this thread further shines light on the book I read last summer called "why him, why her".. to sum it up, I am biologically attracted to alpha type males (labeled Director in the book). And that's b/c in a lot of ways, I'm the opposite of a alpha male so someone like myself balances them, but I can have a temper and be very fiesty... so in that respect... we work well together. I will give them my mind when need be w/o blinking twice.

This is my dh. He is a very strong man. He is a leader and very ambitious. And he adores me and our daughters. He would do anything for us. But I will say you have to be a very strong woman to be married to an Alpha male or they will run everything and I mean everything. But dh knows at work he can do what he do but not at home. IMO we co-lead. Sometimes he completely leads and I do see him as the head of the household, but I guide a lot and he listens. Early on I sometimes wished I had a beta guy but like others have mentioned I was never attracted to them. I notice that women married to beta guys have to handle a lot of the business in their home and when their guys lose jobs they often crumble and don't know how to take control. I suppose over time dh has developed some beta tendencies to have a happy marriage, but overall his persona is definitely alpha. And I want nothing to do with a gamma guy at all. Honeycomb made a good point. I think I may be a very feminine alpha female. I am a very strong-minded but soft-spoken, it's an interesting combination. Dh is also not a loud, boisterous person, but he has a strong presence.

Yepppp... I think both types def have their good and bad. I love some of the qualities of a beta male. They are emotionally available, they can be more understanding, more comforting, but I don't see them on a romantic level. I find the ones I've met to be too clingy, too touchy feely in an overly doting way, no real backbone, and the VERY worse... totally passive agressive
I also don't think you need to be a loud boisterous person to be an alpha male. It's not someone who yells and is aggressive, it's actually your PRESENCE that speaks volumes

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Did a quick search on gamma and apparently they are the best of both worlds?

I love this thread! If that's the quoted above is the case, then my dad's a classic example of that. Otherwise he's a classic Alpha Male but he deceives people because his family is his weak spot. He loves being the best at his career but he does all this because he loves being the provider/protector for my mom, sisters and I. The thing is it's not like he's loud or boisterous, he just has this presence that lets you know he's there and you better take notice.

I'm just like my dad so naturally I've always been drawn to Alpha males because they're the only ones who can keep up with me. People probably think I'm Beta because I'm so petite and can be quiet at times, but as soon as I open up people are surprised at how Alpha-like I really am lol.I've had experience with both and while Betas are nice and sweet, I find I have to be the strong/rational one all the time. Not good. I need someone I can be vulnerable with. But Alphas aren't perfect either, they can be self-centered and arrogant.