This is a difficult question to ask. Engaged and Married women....

I honestly don't think there is a correlation. I'm 27, single, no kids, raised in a 2-parent household, not only not engaged or married, but no prospects around to date either. :perplexed

It takes two individuals to get engaged/married so even if somehow growing up in a 2-parent household greater likelihood to get engaged/married, then it would also depend on HIS parents as well (and what his family structure was like).

ETA: The point about the influence of an absent father is taken as well. I grew up in a 2-parent household, my dad came home every night, we did family things together every once in awhile, but in a lot of ways our relationship is still distant and "absent" from my life. And I believe this has an effect on my relationships with men as well.

Also ETA: There are also LOTS of folks who have all sorts of daddy-related issues and relationships issues that are engaged/married as well. Codependency and commitment to being crazier than a bedbug together will also get you married. I said this to say that I don't necessarily believe there's something systematically "right" or "wrong" by virtue of folks who are engaged, married, or single. Sometimes its luck of the draw that you happened to meet said person at said time of your life and it worked out along the way.
 
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My mom was a divorced mother and although we lived with my grandparents and I saw their fairly stable loving marriage...I still had relationship problems. I basically pushed men away for the most part OR let the bad ones get to close. I didn't know what to expect or demand from a man. I saw my mom date but we didn't discuss it. I went through my any man is better than no man phase but I'm past that now and hoping for a good long term relationship in the near future.
 
My parents divorced when I was 7. It was a bitter divorce to which I was in the middle. My father, always did the best he could at maintaining a relationship with me in spite of my mother doing everything she could to talk bad about him or allow me to see him at times. I got married at the age of 23 and have been able to maintain being happy in this marriage and will be celebrating 18 years of marriage in September. Together for 20 yrs. and we have 4 children. I was determined early on that I didn't want to have make the mistakes that my parents made. I'm not saying it was easy but with the help of the Lord Jesus and much prayer it is possible.
 
If there is a correlation, and if one realizes it, then why wouldn't they wait to get married before having kids?

Not saying that there is or there isn't, but.........:look:
 
My parents were married and then divorced. Although I love my parents dearly, I never wanted that for myself. I had an aunt and uncle who were also my godparents and they were married before my parents and are still married. I always looked up to them because they seemed like a power couple in my eyes. They always seemed happy, they always had money saved, they had the nice home, and most importantly they seemed to be in love. So from there I always wanted to model myself around them, and I knew that was the type of relationship I wanted for myself.
 
Thinking (I'm single, and my parents divorced when I was 8).

Thinking about my good friends and sorors who are married........

Friend #1 (two parent household)
Friend #2 (two parent hosuehold)
Friend #3 (two parent household)
Friend#4 engaged (two parent household)
Friend #5 (two parent household)
Friend #6 (single parent houehold)
Friend #7 (two parent (mom/step day) household

To be honest, I'm not really sure if it really matters because 3/4 of the women that I know who are married are all contemplating divorce.....
 
Married 20 years and raised by my father only.

Hubby's parents divorced when he was 18.

I believe it's not about who raised you but about God, you, and the one you marry. :grin:
 
gottabme247 said:
My parents divorced when I was 7. It was a bitter divorce to which I was in the middle. My father, always did the best he could at maintaining a relationship with me in spite of my mother doing everything she could to talk bad about him or allow me to see him at times. I got married at the age of 23 and have been able to maintain being happy in this marriage and will be celebrating 18 years of marriage in September. Together for 20 yrs. and we have 4 children. I was determined early on that I didn't want to have make the mistakes that my parents made. I'm not saying it was easy but with the help of the Lord Jesus and much prayer it is possible.
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There it is.......that's what I'm talking about.
I came up knowing I wasn't going to repeat my parents mistakes. With God....it's all possible.
 
I truly believe (a) parent(s) RAISE husbands/wives. You can have both parents and not be marriage material. I know someone who was raised by both parents but her mom is HORRIBLE to her father. IN turn she is horrible to me. Curse them out, demean them if they dont spoil her, talk bad about them, etc. She never stays in relationships long. Her mom and dad got married because he got her pregnant and he makes a lot of money... cheaper to keep her. On the opposite hand I know this guy, he just got married, raised by a single mother but his mother molded him into husband material. He took the trash out, went with her to get her car fixed, mowed the lawn, she taught him responsibility with money, and he is the definition of respectful. I dont think having 2 parents means you'll end up being "marriage material" and that when youre raised by a single parent youre doomed to live their fate. I think its all in how youre raised. If youre raised to respect marriage and the roles of a family you will most likely have a great marriage. I also want to say that being a good father doesnt mean youre a good husband and being a good mother doesnt mean youre a good wife.
 
Thank you ladies for sharing your stories, thoughts and opinions. I've realized that things aren't so surface...what looks great, isn't always.

Keep the responses coming y'all...
 
daephae said:
I hear this alot...I guess they're alot of fathers who are "present" but nothing else. Do you find that you are attracted to emotionally unavailable men? I am and I always attributed it to my father being out of the picture.
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I do. I tend to find men who are very family oriented. My dad will look out for his family. I wasn't a daddy's little girl. I so want that for my daughter one day. I want a dad who is doting on her, my dad was a good dad. His attention was spread too thin.
 
My parents got divorced when I was younger. My mom has remarried twice and my dad only once. DH's mom has been married several times throughout his life.
 
daephae said:
do you come from a two parent household or a single-parent household? Single women may answer as well.

I recently began thinking of all the engaged and married women that I know and I found a common thread. Those who came from two parent households were more often than not in a committed relationship, engaged or married. Those who are single and still-looking are like me, from a single parent household.

Looking back at past relationships, I know that there were things that men did and tried to do, that they wouldn't have done had a father or older brother been in my life. I know that there is a correlation between absent fathers and their children having problems with dating and relationships for various reasons.

I would like to know if my observation is valid.

Disclaimer: If you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, are bitter at life in general, or are known to start e-fights then take it elsewhere.

I have already given myself one star. Taking away the power of the one-star bandit! :lachen:
Click to expand...

I love your disclaimer; don't let the haters hate! :drunk:

I'm married and, not only did I come from a from a two-parent household, my parents are in a long (30+ years) and happy (based on my observations) marriage.

Having a man like my father in my life made me realized that "good guys" (real ones, not men who CONSTANTLY tell you how great they are while doing something triflin') really do exist. That contributed to my not settling for fear that I'd never find someone with whom I was compatible.

I can't say this holds true for everyone because I know some women who've also come from two-parent households who allowed themselves to be subjected to a great deal of drama by men. All in all, I think the way someone is raised to view themselves and relationships plays a bigger factor than whether a father is in the home.
 
I come from a two party system :lachen::lachen::lachen:! I mean a two parent household. Yes, I am engaged and my parents were married for 39 years! Before my father passed away in 2004:nono:! My parents are old school and have very strong and deep views on realtionships and marriage.
 
My Mom was a single parent I am recently married.
I never saw a long term successful relationship before my own.
If you would have asked me during my dating years, I would have said that I was never getting married.
I'm sure this definatly had something to do with my environment and examples.
 
I'm married and grew up in a two-parent household. My parents will be married for 30 years this June. My DH, on the other hand, grew up with a single mom. She was married 3 times before settling with his current step-father. IDK. I think it has more to do with just wanting to be married and trying to make it work no matter what.
 
i think that simply thinking coming from a 2-parent household means you're more likely to be married or get engaged overlooks some key issues. firstly, not all marriages are healthy or show good examples to children. a girl whose parent's are married but are in an abusive relationship is hardly the best model for marriage. i don't think such people are likely to get married over those from single parent marriages.

i think the people most likely to get married are those who have good parent(s) and those who grew up in a stable living environment. as far as i'm aware, 2-parent households are more common than single parent ones, so you'll always find that most who are married are from 2-parent households. regardless, i think that how you were raised, as opposed to how many people actually raised you, is a bigger factor in if you'll get married.

i don't think simply getting married means anyone has "arrived". a person with a plethora of issues can get married but not necessarily make it last. it is much easier to find someone to get married to than it is to make that marriage work.

seeing your parents have a happy and successful marriage will give someone a better understanding of what a good marriage should be like but i don't feel those from single parent families are doomed. i think it's great to have grown up with a great example of marriage but that doesn't mean that your own marriage is going to be successful.

sunshinebeautiful said:
It takes two individuals to get engaged/married so even if somehow growing up in a 2-parent household greater likelihood to get engaged/married, then it would also depend on HIS parents as well (and what his family structure was like).

Sometimes its luck of the draw that you happened to meet said person at said time of your life and it worked out along the way.
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ita.
 
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I come from a nuclear family. That has definitely affected my dating criteria. I am much pickier and my standards are much higher than they probably would be if I didn't.
 
beautifulisaunderstatment said:
I truly believe (a) parent(s) RAISE husbands/wives. You can have both parents and not be marriage material. I know someone who was raised by both parents but her mom is HORRIBLE to her father. IN turn she is horrible to me. Curse them out, demean them if they dont spoil her, talk bad about them, etc. She never stays in relationships long. Her mom and dad got married because he got her pregnant and he makes a lot of money... cheaper to keep her. On the opposite hand I know this guy, he just got married, raised by a single mother but his mother molded him into husband material. He took the trash out, went with her to get her car fixed, mowed the lawn, she taught him responsibility with money, and he is the definition of respectful. I dont think having 2 parents means you'll end up being "marriage material" and that when youre raised by a single parent youre doomed to live their fate. I think its all in how youre raised. If youre raised to respect marriage and the roles of a family you will most likely have a great marriage. I also want to say that being a good father doesnt mean youre a good husband and being a good mother doesnt mean youre a good wife.
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ITA.
While I do agree that having a nuclear family is vital it doesn't automatically mean that beeing raised in one will make you marriage material.
I know so many older couples that should have divorced a long,long time ago.
Living in a bad marriage is no example at all.:nono:

I was raised by my mother and married very young(I think I was 21 or 22) and so did a friend of mine who was raised by a single mother.
eta: We are the only ones out of our circle of friends that were raised by single mothers and the only ones that are married.
I think we might have more of a desire to re-create the nuclear family we never had,my friends are all stuck in long-term relationships or single.
 
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Both DH and I come from two parent households. My parents have been married for 24 years and his parents have been married for 30 years. We were both raised to believe that marriage is something that you only do once and that you stick it out through thick and thin, so are as a result both DH and I entered our marriage with that mentality. We were both raised to believe that the purpose of dating was to look for a potential spouse and we have both had the model of respecting your spouse.

Both of my parents were always up in my business during my dating years, so I think that had a huge effect on who I dated and my criteria for who was datable. In fact my daddy was always too involved- he used to get a copy of the driver license, do fingerprinting, address verification, and refuse to let me go out until he spoke to the boys parents. The only daddy issues I've ever had were trying to get him out of my business:lachen:. Luckily I married a man who my parents love, so my father has now respectfully butted out. :rolleyes:
 
I am in a committed relationship and do come from a healthy two parent household. Yes, there is someone who I will likely marry but even if there was not, it would not be a problem. I believe that the best approach is to wait until the Lord sends me a spouse and not rush into marriage. Because of the type of marriage my parents have and their counsel, my goal is to make sure as much as possible that I have the same. It's not about being married, but being happily married.

Some women who grew up in single-parent households have issues dating and getting married, but so do some people who grew up in 2-parent households that were/are unhealthy environments. My parents both came from a mix of the former and the latter, and have been happily married for almost 30 years now. So do believe that you OP, and others who grew up in similar situations surely can get married and be happy.

Also, my parents and church family encourage us to enjoy being single and understand that God has a special plan for both men and women while single. And in His time, we will marry. In my church, men and women in the late 20s and early 30s are getting married left and right, and some even later. Many of them do come from 2-parent households while some do not. I believe that taking the time to work on our own character while single is very important. So when that man does come around and has done the same, both people are the best they can be. All the best OP...
 
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